Can An X Bar Girl Make A Good Wife??

[Mr Lee]

Can an X bar girl make a good wife??Question from PaolFirst of all, this is not the Paul that some of you may know and he is not a member on this forum.I received and email from an email buddy who knows that I am involved with forums and who asked me to post this question. I am going to cut and paste this, and please realize this is not from me because I am happily married.Hi LeeYou have always been helpful to me when I asked you questions about the Philippines and how to get things done, so I trust your judgement and very much need to ask you a serious question and I really hope that you can help me. I have fallen head over heals in love with a lady that I have talked to on the Internet for about a year and I just came back from 3 week visit with her in Manila. She used to be a bar girl and was honest with me from the start and that attracted me to her and she said that she only did it to make enough money to get a small business started and has not done it now for many years. She is 25 and has always been totally open with me and has always answered ever question that I ask her without even one second pause or a blink of her eyes so I feel she is honest. She has also never asked me for any money and when I visited her, she insisted on paying for dinner a few times that we went out. Sort of 50/50. She says she now loves me and I know that I love her. She would not even let me sleep with her when I visited for the first week and until she knew that she knew me and loved me for real. She let me sleep on her bed while she slept on the floor.I am so confused. I read all these forums and yours and I see so many people attacking people who ask a question like this so I hoped that you could post it and ask it for me because I do not want any abuse. I am so love sick that I cannot sleep or think and want to just sell everything and go right back and marry her but I want to make sure the nay sayers are not right when they say that a bar girl can never make a good wife and will always fool around on me. I will tell you something about her, she is gorgeous person both on in and out. She says she has not dated since leaving the bars because she thought all men were pigs until she met me online. She saw my profile on XXXXXXXXXX and she said that she liked what she saw and that I seemed different then other men she had known. She is 5 feet 1 inch tall and weights 45 kilos, has jet black hair and the sexiest deep brown eyes. I know you are going to tell me that describes many of the girls in the Philippines but she is different. I wish you and your wife could meet her for me and tell me what you think. She has no children and is an orphan and had to grow up on her own and support herself since she was 14. Both her parents died in an boat accident while fishing in a small banka. I really do not know how to spell that. So I guess she had a tough life and maybe deserves a break and that is why God sent her to me. She buys and sells vegetables, phone cards, reloads and other stuff in a small outdoor market and she told me that she makes enough to live a decent life and does not need me for my money, what littel I have living on SSD.  She has even offered for me to move in with her and she said that she would support me if I could live a simple life with her there. What a girl. She sounds almost too good to be true. I could go on for hours but I hope you have an idea from what I have written here. You or your wife can call her XXXXXXXXXX and see what you think of her.Please tell me what to do.Your friend PaolDisclaimer....... First and foremost, this is not my forum, it belongs to Tom and I am just a mod on it. Also, I have no experience with bar girls so I am not qualified to answer his question and I told him just that......... I have met some when I have gone to bars with friends, but I have never dated any and I know some guys on this forum might know people who have or who have married some......... This lady sounds to be a good lady from what he has written here, and everyone deserves a break in life, and the fact that she wants him to move there, sure seems like she wants him and not his income, but I have no idea how much money he has told her that he has or gets..........Maybe he will email me with some more information once he sees this post and some replies. I am trying hard to get him on the forum and I promised that this forum does not have the kind of clowns that attack people like some other forums do, so please guys and gals, tell the truth but be nice about it and do not prove me wrong.

Edited September 5, 2010 by Mr. Lee
correct name to Paol from error name Paul

[BobNChe]

This story is quite different than most I have read on this subject. Most are trying to rehabilitate the girl out of the bar scene, which is a loosing proposition most of the time.There are very few women who actually make it out of that scene with their morals and psyche in tact, much less the intestinal fortitude and fiscal responsibility to start a start a successful business.If everything is as it seems and there is no evasion or deceit going on, I think he has a reasonable chance to make the relationship work.She realized the pitfalls of her previous profession and found a way out on her own. That is the most important part. The only way to know for certain is to spend more time with her and make sure there are no deep seeded psychological issues hiding under the surface. There is no reason to rush into marriage, just spend quality time together and make sure things are as they seem.

[Jollygoodfellow]

The way that I read Paul's story is that he wants someone to say yes,shes a nice girl.He has stayed with her so only he can be the judge,if she has a market stall then Paul should have seen it for himself then he would know if she has a real income.The question about her being an ex bargirl, in reality its up to the person who feels they are in love,what difference does it make what someone did for an income in the past,some people go to jail for murder,do their time and find a new life and love.No one should judge some one from the past as this in now,she seems to be a nice girl,does not ask for his money,and works for a living.In my opinion if he feels they are both in love then get on with it,if he is worried that she might want to work as a bargirl again or fool around then he needs to think about trust.

[Mike S]

If he met her in a bar I agree it would be almost imposable to reform her as the lure of big money and excitement can many times be to much for a young girl to over come ...... but she has many things going for her ..... her age ..... many times being 25 is considered getting up there and time to retire ....... the fact she quit voluntarily ...... she has her own means of making a living and the biggest thing .... she was honest enough to tell him ........ she could have hidden the fact and it may have been years ... if ever ...... before he found out ....... I also agree it will be entirely up to him as to how he feels and as long as she is willing live together for a while ...... no need to rush into marriage until you BOTH are sure ......

[TheMason]

I tend to agree with the previous posts. She went into the business with a goal of earning enough money to start her own business. Once she achieved that goal, she got out. That's a big plus in my view. My only concerns with the story are that prostitution damages women in ways that are not evident. They tend to be distrustful, cynical, and a bit hardened emotionally. Only Paul knows if this woman is like that or not but if he's lovesick as he says, he's going to be blinded to a large degree to the reality of the situation.The other thing that raised an eyebrow for me is the part about them not sleeping together for a week because she didn't know if she loved him for real or not, but she figured it out in a week? Despite those things, I'd give the girl a chance but I wouldn't get too deeply involved until I had spent a lot more time with her.

[Mr Lee]

OK Paul, here is my view..... I wrote this reply and saved it to let some of the other members have their say first. If you feel as strong as you say you do, and if you have verified that she does in fact have a business, then I would throw caution to the wind and go over for a 3 month vacation and live with her....... I say live with her because she has already had sex with you, so that is out of the way already...... Just be careful not to impregnate her until you decide for sure that you two are an item and that you both want children....... Leaving her with child would be a very bad thing in the Philippines, or you having to marry someone that it is just not working out with, would also be bad. Next you said that you want to sell off everything and just go........ That is not a bad idea and it might work for some, but unless you have made up your mind that the Philippines is for you and you are not just going for the lady, then I would close up your place and try it first......... No where in your email to me did you say anything about loving the Philippines, and you only said you loved her, so go slow on decisions that can end up totally life changing........ It is easy to pick up and leave, but it would be very hard to go back and resettle in, not to mention the costs......... If you cannot afford both, then make up your own mind and I hope it all works out for you........ The worst that could happen is that you find another lady, because there are so many beautiful and great ladies there that you would have to find another one before long if you were living there. I am sure some others will also answer and feel free to join the forum and ask all the questions you want, or just email me and I will be happy to ask a few more for you. Questions are better when posted first hand IMHO.Good luck and keep us informed.

Edited January 26, 2009 by Mr. Lee

[BobNChe]

The other thing that raised an eyebrow for me is the part about them not sleeping together for a week because she didn't know if she loved him for real or not, but she figured it out in a week?

In my mind this could have happened for several reasons.Many times women who used to work in the bar business gravitate back to values that are more traditional when they quit, often taking them a little past the center line.She did not want to seem too easy or show him any indications of her past that might spark negativity or doubt regarding her rehabilitation, so to speak.She had a years worth of history getting to know him online. That's a long time to get to know someone. So I can see that it might take her only a week to affirm her feelings in person.I wish them the best!

[johnrxx99]

Whilst it's all been said really I wanted to add a positive and a negative.The positive is honesty and openess. Everyone deserves a second chance.The negative is having an aim of making money through prostitution. Having been here for 2 years and previous to that 2 years in other SE Asian countries mixing with bar girls, I would be very cautious. I wont add more as clearly Paul will have thought about that a lot.I'd endorse coming over for as long a while as you can, certainly no less than 2 months and live as a couple. DO NOT sell up everything and cast your die. Marriage does not have to enter the equation until a very long way down the line, indeed if that aspect is pushed hard early on I'd run a mile.Good luck and let the big head rule.

[Old55]

I don

[brock]

I have two friends who married bar girls, one has been married for 10 years with 3 children and has a very happy life,the other has been married for 7 years with 2 children also very happy, I know both girls and they are loving wives,people should always be given a second chance, Most of these girls dont become bar girls because they like it, they do it because they do not have much option.