Bruce Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 Guys... this is an off shoot of another post where a new member asked about the safety of Mindanao and meeting a woman there. I had suggested him to pay her way up to him (Cebu) and there was some concern from another member that she might not be comfortable with this.....This got me into thinking about the biggest reason to get her to come to you instead of you going to her and that is her FAMILY. Since many members have been to Phils and actually seen an entire family out up at a hotel and their entire costs are being paid by the foreigner (sucker???) who is just now meeting the girl of his dreams. If he / you were in this position... and could do it again, would you arrange your first week or so together alone? Meet and 'bond" with the family after you two get into a routine?So I am asking two things here.......1. Post your own short stories about negative family meeting and financial issues and pressures put on us foreigners.....2. Do NOT post wonderful family / I found the family I never had / her family is the best thing to happen to me stories .... Lets leave the warm fuzzy crap for another post.If you share your stories of what happened and how you would change it, maybe the first time travelers looking for a woman will be better prepared to see scams and issues before they are hit with them.I always enjoy watching a foreigner at a restaurant with 10, 20 family members there in an obvious first time meeting situation. heheheheheheI had already been told of these situations before I arrived so I made it a point to have a woman friend fly in to meet me in Cebu with NO FAMILY. It worked out well. 3 years later I have spent some money on her family... but that was my choice and after I got to know them instead of just meeting the entire family and being expected / pressured to pay and pay and pay..... 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fred & Mimi Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 (edited) Guys... this is an off shoot of another post where a new member asked about the safety of Mindanao and meeting a woman there. I had suggested him to pay her way up to him (Cebu) and there was some concern from another member that she might not be comfortable with this.....This got me into thinking about the biggest reason to get her to come to you instead of you going to her and that is her FAMILY. Since many members have been to Phils and actually seen an entire family out up at a hotel and their entire costs are being paid by the foreigner (sucker???) who is just now meeting the girl of his dreams. If he / you were in this position... and could do it again, would you arrange your first week or so together alone? Meet and 'bond" with the family after you two get into a routine?So I am asking two things here.......1. Post your own short stories about negative family meeting and financial issues and pressures put on us foreigners.....2. Do NOT post wonderful family / I found the family I never had / her family is the best thing to happen to me stories .... Lets leave the warm fuzzy crap for another post.If you share your stories of what happened and how you would change it, maybe the first time travelers looking for a woman will be better prepared to see scams and issues before they are hit with them.I always enjoy watching a foreigner at a restaurant with 10, 20 family members there in an obvious first time meeting situation. heheheheheheI had already been told of these situations before I arrived so I made it a point to have a woman friend fly in to meet me in Cebu with NO FAMILY. It worked out well. 3 years later I have spent some money on her family... but that was my choice and after I got to know them instead of just meeting the entire family and being expected / pressured to pay and pay and pay.....Hi Bruce,Yes I could well imagine the poor souls that didn't do their homework first. I'm just glad I joined this forum and I'm able to benefit from all your and other member's good advice. I'm chatting to this very girl now and it appears that the family home will be demolished after two decades or more as the girl's parents were squatting. Now its unsure what they will do as they've been re-assigned to a new area but they haven't a brass razoo to buy land. HELP ME PLEASE MR NICE FOREIGNER MAN. I feel for their plight but I'm not ready to go down that road. I can put this into the too hard basket I think. :no: Edited December 29, 2011 by wandibushman 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ekimswish Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 For me, it wasn't a family horror story, but just a neighborhood thing, but still a bit family related.My first time in the Philippines with my wife, we went to see the house her sister had bought for her with the money my wife sent from Korea. We took a tricycle through a beautiful neighborhood on top of a hill and she got so excited, until we exited out the back of the neighborhood into a squatter area on the other end of the same hill (Marikina / Antipolo). We finally arrived at a shack (of which I have pictures on this forum I believe). Her sister had used the rest of the money for her opportunity to work abroad in Palau.The month that we stayed up there was full of great moments, if sometimes uncomfortable and inconvenient. But on many occassions, we were feeding 15 or more people breakfast in the morning before even opening our eyes, or treating them all to a party and karaoke in the living room, or having them crash our party at the swimming pool, me paying 100 pesos a head. They were all associates of my father-in-law, a guy who abandoned the family 20 years earlier, only to have been reaquainted a few years prior.That same sister, home on vacation, uninvitedly crashed our beach vacation up to Subig and further north that coast with a gang of 10 people, all on my dime.The beautiful thing about being in the province is being away from her, because she's not entirely fond of visiting where we live. Not sure if she's even welcome. My brother in law and mother in law are great though, and don't ask for anything. Her dad basically leaves my money alone, except for rare occassions. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bruce Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 (edited) Speaking of buying houses...... On my last trip in October, one of the usual street kids who I help and put in school, Venus now 14, shows up as usual under pressure from her family to get money! I would only give 100p or less as I do buy the family rice every month. The father is too lazy to work, mom is a GRO back from Manila because she is preggers, Venus and 3 younger brother. While it is easy to tell the lazy dad to get his ass to work... that does not help the kids... so I buy the rice to help them. I, using the carrot approach have been telling Venus that if she graduates (6th grade now due to lost street running time) I would buy her a house.Keep in mind, a squatter house on Samar is generally less than 50,000p. Well Venus and family were living for free in an old 1/3 open block building with a torn open partial metal roof. Looks like the bombed out farm houses in the WWII movies. Anyway, a house comes up forsale in her area. Wood shack, 3 room, and a nasty toilet! Concrete floor in 1/2 the building. The owner wants the equalivant of $500 USD. I say no budget and offer a firm 15,000p take it or leave it. He takes it, Even though it is a squatter house, there is a sales contract and a meeting with the local captain to register it and I made a point of putting it in Venus's name with instructions she can not sell it until she is an adult...... I added in a bit for some fast repairs and I an done at less than $500!I am happy as I got out of the situation at a (for me) reasonable cost and no future house to buy IF she graduates. Family has a better roof and dad is busy fixing up the place. Baby is due in January and then I say 3 months later mom will be back in Manila doing what ever 35 yr old GROs do......... and sending money back home again to her family. Since I have (my choice) to deal with this family in the future, I made a choice to give some more permanent help that should last for many years.Oh yes, I have been offered the soon to be born baby (nooo, not as a sacrifice!) which is the 2nd baby I have been offered. I thought about it for 0.000000001 seconds before saying NO, but thanks anyway. See pics below which are of preggers mom, 2 of my part time helpers, house, nasty toilet and of course, Venus herself. She is totally unaware that if you fast forward 20 years she is either her mother with a lazy local husband and a GRO (the family business!) or perhaps a washer woman.... And for those naysayers who say you can't live on less than $1,000 USD in Phils.... well these pics show you can! (see toilet again, look CLOSE at the wall behind toilet) Yes, folks, you too can live like a king in Phils with a ready made family, a house WITH indoor plumbing and all the rice your check can afford...... hehehehehehe Edited December 30, 2011 by Jollygoodfellow 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Art2ro Posted December 29, 2011 Posted December 29, 2011 (edited) Bruce,That's a disgusting looking CR! Shows no pride of ownership or cleanliness! Makes me want to throw up just the sight of it, but then again it's better that just a hole in the ground with no running water or electricity! Edited December 29, 2011 by Art2ro Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bruce Posted December 29, 2011 Author Posted December 29, 2011 (edited) Bruce,That's a disgusting looking CR! Shows no pride of ownership or cleanliness! Makes me want to throw up just the sight of it, but then again it's better that just a hole in the ground with no running water or electricity! Art, welcome back from the almost dead... holiday hangover almost over until new year's eve??? Hehehehe I totally agree with you about the cleanliness aspect. There is nothing in that CR that (many) buckets af water, strong soap and a brush can't clean.... No reason to live like that. But... and see the pics below.... Venus has options! I built an add on sleeping room to the new boarding house with bunk beds and a CR with a FLUSH toilet and shower as well a a strong door, for Venus and Catherine (8) to sleep in. (both going to school on my pennies) But so far, both are content to live in their respective filthy hovels..... Strange to my western thinking.... Especially since Catherine's mother is a part time prosti (100-200p A DAY), drunk, (father in prison for 17 years for a stabbing) and Catherine is beaten up on by the older sister and brother (14 -20 yrs old) and forced to beg in the streets for money and give them the money... until I arrive and put a stop to it for the 10th time! Pics show the small sleeping room and the 'dirty kitchen' of the boarding house. Edited December 30, 2011 by Jollygoodfellow Made post look better because I can,lol 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Sibbick Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 Bruce,That's a disgusting looking CR! Shows no pride of ownership or cleanliness! Makes me want to throw up just the sight of it, but then again it's better that just a hole in the ground with no running water or electricity! I have seen many houses where the toilet was outside. And showering was done clothed in the open. It is possible this toilet was outside too but someone built a room around it.Regards: Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Sibbick Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 In regard to meeting the women at her home. I think it is an absolute must.How else are you going to know who you are marrying?If for instance, the whole family is sitting around drinking tanduay in front of a shack, it will be best to end the relationship right there.Also, if the area is so unsafe for a first visit, how will you visit home in future?My guidelines to be met before sending any money to a Filipina for any reason at all are- Meet in person- Meet all the family- See how and where the family lives- Make a long term commitment to each otherYou can't meet those guidelines if you only meet in CebuRegards: Jim 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bruce Posted December 30, 2011 Author Posted December 30, 2011 (edited) Well Jim sounds good, BUT for a 1st time meet, I would rather do it without the family. As for meeting the family, an unanounced visit is best. I do think not enough consideration is given to dating adult orphans!As for the CR in the pics, it has a cement floor. It may have been outside before but I have no idea. I think that both Art and I were shocked that people living there would not clean the back wall! No matter how poor they may be, water is free at the local pump and I am sure they can find soap somewhere... Oh! What am I saying... I know that they have at least shampoo as I have given bottles of it to Venus and if she asked for a floor cleaner type of soap, it would be given to her... so I guess that they have no issues living nasty like that..... Edited December 30, 2011 by Bruce Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldutot Posted December 30, 2011 Posted December 30, 2011 Hi Bruce, I commend you of helping a young lady of getting a education, and providing a home for her family. This is a first that I know that a kano of doing this. It's good seeing a post like this. As my thought on the lady from Mindanao traveling to Cebu, to be meeting a stranger. Most Filipinas in their right mind would not make that trip. That's IMO 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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