Pinoy Family Horror Stories.........

[Bruce]

Hi Bruce, I commend you of helping a young lady of getting a education, and providing a home for her family. This is a first that I know that a kano of doing this. It's good seeing a post like this. As my thought on the lady from Mindanao traveling to Cebu, to be meeting a stranger. Most Filipinas in their right mind would not make that trip. That's IMO

I understand about the Filipina mind set.... as well as a Kano can understand it. However, the reality is that the competition for a foreigner is growing as the Philippines population grows, job options are limited, and families need to be supported.The original member who made this post about travel is not looking for a wife at this time, just a woman friend (or few). He is already aware that the line to get into to be his woman friend is 20 km long. He is definately in the driver's seat. It truly is a BUYERS MARKET.Having said all that.... as much as 'she', whomever she is, thinks she is something special and wonderful and no other Pinay will love him like 'she' will....... well that is delusional thinking. And she will end up with a Pinoy husband and growing old in a half build block house.Assuming you are a Kano and over 50....... Do you remember Ellie May Clampett? Jed's daughter? Well she is now 75 years old and STILL wears a blonde wig styled in her 1962 style. She has 1 credit on Twilight Zone, 6+ years on The Beverly Hillbillies and (1) movie credit with Elvis Presley. And she was rated a 'beautiful woman' back in the early / mid 1960's. Well her 'wonderful' movie career never took off and never did anything on TV after the Hillbillies..... she just faded away, 2 failed marriages and writes childrens books that don't sell well and shows up at at TV show conventions where no one under 40 knows who she is! .... All because she played that (damn) virgin routine well past the public's interest in that role model. Other women were easier to work with and the roles went to them.The point is while you and others say that a (good???) Pinay will not travel to meet 'him' (whomever he may be), there is no shortage of other Pinays that WILL travel.Remember your parents saying The early bird gets the worm? Nothing ventured, nothing gained? Well..... that un named woman in Mindanao has a 'shot' at a future with a foreigner and if she refuses to travel, that shot dims substancially. That forum member we were talking about STILL goes to Cebu, STILL meets other Pinays and STILL has a good vacation (holiday for the Queen's posessions).So to be blunt... she can rot on Mindanao waiting for a chance to meet another foreigner willing to travel to Muslimville, or she take a chance to travel and see what this guy has to offer.... if anything. Her choice. Her future.As a side note.... I do think it is interesting that no one on this forum save for Fred even knows who this woman is and here we are talking about her future and her options like some game where the players plan out their strategies! Fred... if she chooses not to travel and as you move onto other options, how about cut and paste these entries related to her and send to her so she can better understand foreigner thinking and how the onus is on her, not the foreigner to be flexible and willing to bend a bit? Edited December 30, 2011 by Bruce

[Jollygoodfellow]

Bruce you always think in western rich man ways.You have no idea of the financial problems and or culture or the fear a province girl might have of that big jumbo jet,just because your life was handed to you on a platter and things come naturally to you like riding in a car or sitting first class in a plane does not mean its an easy option to someone who has never been to an airport in her life let alone traveled much further than past the damn check point.Wake up to your self,yes a city girl who is more versed in modern living might be more comfortable in just doing this and that but who knows, most Filipina are shy and to meet an unknown foreigner might just be a deadly and stupid idea, what say you ? :)

[Mr Lee]

I cannot speak for others but my wife would have never met me alone without chaperons, no less alone in a strange city. Nila had a few friends from work with her as well as a driver the boss sent when they picked me up at the airport, and then her boss insisted on meeting me in person and read me the riot act informing me that he knew almost everyone in the city, so would have eyes on me almost anywhere we went, and that was all before she would be allowed to roam the city with me alone, as he was acting as sort of a father/parent figure since her father had already passed on months before I showed up and she was 26 at the time.

[Bruce]

Bruce you always think in western rich man ways.You have no idea of the financial problems and or culture or the fear a province girl might have of that big jumbo jet,just because your life was handed to you on a platter and things come naturally to you like riding in a car or sitting first class in a plane does not mean its an easy option to someone who has never been to an airport in her life let alone traveled much further than past the damn check point.Wake up to your self,yes a city girl who is more versed in modern living might be more comfortable in just doing this and that but who knows, most Filipina are shy and to meet an unknown foreigner might just be a deadly and stupid idea, what say you ? :)

Well...... I can say a few things.... Like I fly steerage class with the rest of the poor folk. Nothing was handed to me... I left home at 16, went into the army at 17, and worked to support myself since then. I do not smoke or drink or do drugs... so I have that 'extra money' and choose to spend in in Phils.... I have won no lottery nor have I inherited any money.There are ferry boats and busses that uses these ferry boats for those who are afraid to fly. If Fred is footing the travel bills, then her financial situation is not really relevant. Even if she has a job and 'can' get time off, chances are she makes less than $10 a day and Fred might, if made aware, make up the salary as to not take that money away from her family.You seem to think like a post WWII 1950's Philippines still exists, where as computers and TV are here and this un named woman met the forum member on a DATING SITE... so I do not think she is as shy or backwards as some members may think. If asked, she may be able to come up with an actual number of the times men have asked to see her twotoys whilst in the chat arena.Your comments about safety are very valid. It is an assessment she must make. My fall back position is 'nothing ventured, nothing gained'.I have worked for years in OBGYN area with women. You and others CAN'T have it both ways.... Is it... women are weak wall flowers and need to be protected and decisions made for them... or... Al La Helen Reddy... I am woman hear me roar? Women want equality and want big jobs, big money and want the right to do things with out their father's approval..... So I am giving it to them. Put up and do the job honey ko, or step aside and let another woman have her shot.She is a 'big girl now' and it is her future and for all I care, she can really rot on Mindanao OR take those first steps and be counted and at least try to steer her future. She has ONE shot at Fred before another Pinay steps up and tries her ONE shot. Fred has already said he has several women friends... seems like he is not waiting around anyway.And.... on a personal note....... if our mutual friend was posting... hehehehe I am sure he would mention that this chat room woman Fred is fond of is maybe a GRO and playing Fred with her shy routine! How many members can post about the SHY routine just to find out after the fact that his wonderful bride actually spent 4 years in AC (as a cashier only you know wink wink)... Yeah, that "I am SHY crap wears thin real quick'.Speaking of SHY again.... Out on Samar while working with the squatter population.... I AM SHY has not been an issue with me (A MAN!!!!) needing to examine and treat the local women for various personal nasties..... It has been my experience that 'shy' is a routine around other women and as soon as the other women are not around.... that shy crap is gone.Lastly.... while 'I am shy' might have been cute and played well to the guys after WWII.... today it is a self defeating practice that stands in the way of personal progress. Edited December 30, 2011 by Bruce

[Bruce]

I cannot speak for others but my wife would have never met me alone without chaperons, no less alone in a strange city. Nila had a few friends from work with her as well as a driver the boss sent when they picked me up at the airport, and then her boss insisted on meeting me in person and read me the riot act informing me that he knew almost everyone in the city, so would have eyes on me almost anywhere we went, and that was all before she would be allowed to roam the city with me alone, as he was acting as sort of a father/parent figure since her father had already passed on months before I showed up and she was 26 at the time.

The Mindanao of the early 1990's is not the Mindanao of today... And, you WERE looking for a wife not a GF or friend. With the internet dating sites and social blogs, the competition for Mr. Right is many thousands of times greater. Also, with the world wide economy.... and job lossess and cut backs... I am of the opinion that there are FAR MORE dreamers and arm chair travelers to Phils than actual men looking to travel or marry a Pinay due to their own financial situations... which also limits foreigners numbers and thereby further increases competion for them.Bottom line is that "nothing ventured.... nothing gained'. This woman and others like her may (MAY!!!) only get ONE shot at actually meeting a foreigner for romantic reasons and if she does not venture out... that shot will pass by before she even realizes it. Edited December 30, 2011 by Bruce

[sjp52]

I tend to disagree. I think most women would travel to meet you if you are paying. A Filipina having a foreigner come to meet them is like winning the lottery. Who knows when the next one will come along. My first time coming here I set up visits with a lot of women before hand and they all agreed to meet me. Now I didn,t follow through with them as I met and fell in love with my wife right away and had to call them and cancel but they were willing. Filipinas are shy but their not stupid. Most poor women have never flown any where and would jump at a chance for a free trip and a chance to wed a well off kind and caring Foreigner with the beautiful noses and money to burn

[Bruce]

I tend to disagree. I think most women would travel to meet you if you are paying. A Filipina having a foreigner come to meet them is like winning the lottery. Who knows when the next one will come along. My first time coming here I set up visits with a lot of women before hand and they all agreed to meet me. Now I didn,t follow through with them as I met and fell in love with my wife right away and had to call them and cancel but they were willing. Filipinas are shy but their not stupid. Most poor women have never flown any where and would jump at a chance for a free trip and a chance to wed a well off kind and caring Foreigner with the beautiful noses and money to burn

Great post... and to me the most important thing is that once you had made a decision, you called and cancled the meeting with the other woman. You had a plan, put the plan into play, made a decision along the game time, stopped the game when it was benificial to you and then respectfully contacted the prospective women friends to let them to know your decision. No one left hanging or wondering why....Too bad all of us foreigners can think as straight or be as respectful to the other women. It would help to raise our collective image as foreigners.And as for the beautiful noses comment... I get that a lot too. I don't see it myself... but there seems to be an attraction for a 'narrow nose'. Edited December 30, 2011 by Bruce

[Garpo]

I have avoided posting anything in this tread due to Bruce had requested that he only wanted negative experiences posted and the ones that I had were far from negative.I would think that it is a call that Fred needs to make. If you are truly interested in the girl but do not feel comfortable traveling to the area where she lives then it would not be uncommon here in the Philippines for her to request that a friend or family member travel with her to another location to meet him. That is pretty much the tradition and mind set of the women in the Philippines. At least the ones that I have met and got to know.Asking for Fred to pay for the entire family is not something that is normal or expected but the girl is also more than likely being pressured by family members in some of her requests. The gal could very well be a special person or she could just as well be a gold digger. The only way you are really going to know is to meet her. Fred has to decide if the cost of meeting her is worth it or not. As is clear by this tread some feel that maybe he should, while others have the idea that as a foreigner that you can have any girl that you want which is not the case either. Most foreigners are not going to have any problems meeting nice girls here in the Philippines but does that mean that the one that you might be the most happy with should be written off because of a travel problem? Fred is the only person here that knows anything about this girl and for any of the rest of us telling him that she is or is not worth the price is just ignorant in my opinion. If he is really interested in the girl and wants to meet her then I think he along with some decent advice from others can find a solution in which he could make it work without have to pay for the entire family to travel to him since he has elected not to travel to them.No matter who or how many girls he meets in the Philippines and if he becomes interested in them then he is going to have meet and deal with her family. Family is everything here in the Philippines since most do not have much else. Don't make the mistake of thinking that because a girl asks for assistance with her family that she is only interested in your money. Right or wrong, it is the feeling here in the Philippines that if you have more then you should share with those that do not.

[Art2ro]

In Fred's case, there are no sure ways of doing it other than what he wishes to do personally and that's his call if that's the way he wants to do it! All he can do is take all of our comments and or suggestions under advisement and decide for himself! Bruce is partially correct, but so are many others who commented here! The ball is in Fred's court! Let us all just wait and see of the outcome to his way of doing things in the Philippines! P.S.And the condition of that nasty CR! Bruce, please make them clean it up as a condition for them living there!

Edited December 31, 2011 by Art2ro

[Art2ro]

Bruce,That's a disgusting looking CR! Shows no pride of ownership or cleanliness! Makes me want to throw up just the sight of it, but then again it's better that just a hole in the ground with no running water or electricity!

Art, welcome back from the almost dead... holiday hangover almost over until new year's eve??? Hehehehe I totally agree with you about the cleanliness aspect. There is nothing in that CR that (many) buckets af water, strong soap and a brush can't clean.... No reason to live like that. But... and see the pics below.... Venus has options! I built an add on sleeping room to the new boarding house with bunk beds and a CR with a FLUSH toilet and shower as well a a strong door, for Venus and Catherine (8) to sleep in. (both going to school on my pennies) But so far, both are content to live in their respective filthy hovels..... Strange to my western thinking.... Especially since Catherine's mother is a part time prosti (100-200p A DAY), drunk, (father in prison for 17 years for a stabbing) and Catherine is beaten up on by the older sister and brother (14 -20 yrs old) and forced to beg in the streets for money and give them the money... until I arrive and put a stop to it for the 10th time! Pics show the small sleeping room and the 'dirty kitchen' of the boarding house.

Dang Bruce, That new bathroom looks better than any average Filipino home, but you didn't show the toilet and shower in the picture!