The Cultural Warrior

[retired]

One of the things i have always had a hard time grasping in regards to Philippine culture is the idea that the female members of the family are expected to basically do pretty much everything while the male members pretty much do next to nothing . :-) Granted , there are exceptions and i come from a western culture where women are seen as being on more of an equal status and granted i am speaking in generalities , but , it is what it is .Step - daughter has been home now for a week or so prior to her embarkation to Boracay for her H & R training ( though i have have another term for it ) . She does more around the house in one day than her older brother has in a week . Ok , so it's expected and accepted in this culture but i still have a problem with it . Is it just me or do other expats have some issues with this particular mindset ?So , what generally happens is i feel guilty or sorry for her even though she never complains ( to me at least ) . I then find myself helping her out and in the end realise that , hell , i am doing more than her older male siblings . :-) Now , don't get me wrong as i don't mind doing things around the house and i " am " more orderly oriented than other members of my family . I won't get into the left brain versus right brain common sense concept as that would take a thesis within itself but is it just me ?On the one hand i don't want my step - daughter growing up to believe that she is somehow inferior to her male siblings and on the other hand don't want the male siblings thinking that a female will always be there to do everything for them which i personally believe is a big problem in this culture that leads to many males being spoiled . Have no hard data to back it up but experience and common sense tells me that in addition to all the household duties the female is the primary earner within a large segment of Philippine culture . Seems grossly out of whack to me .Am i on a row boat here out in the Pacific all by myself or on an ocean liner with multiple expat shipmates ? :-)

[Curley]

In my very limited experience you are absolutely correct, it is the norm. If it were me I would make a big show of thanks to the step daughter in front of the lads and make sure she was rewarded with some cash or other goods.

[Steve & Myrlita]

In my very limited experience you are absolutely correct, it is the norm. If it were me I would make a big show of thanks to the step daughter in front of the lads and make sure she was rewarded with some cash or other goods.

Just make sure the cash is given to her in private. Otherwise, the brothers will either guilt her or beat her into giving the cash to them. Remember in this backwards culture, the men have more tights than the women. Sucks out loud but we as foreigners can never change it.

[Curley]

In my very limited experience you are absolutely correct, it is the norm. If it were me I would make a big show of thanks to the step daughter in front of the lads and make sure she was rewarded with some cash or other goods.

Just make sure the cash is given to her in private. Otherwise, the brothers will either guilt her or beat her into giving the cash to them. Remember in this backwards culture, the men have more tights than the women. Sucks out loud but we as foreigners can never change it.

I never thought of that.... ah well some new clothes for her would be the answer. Er,....... hold on......... of what "persuasion" are her "brothers"?Needs more thought :hystery:

[Curley]

In my very limited experience you are absolutely correct, it is the norm. If it were me I would make a big show of thanks to the step daughter in front of the lads and make sure she was rewarded with some cash or other goods.

Just make sure the cash is given to her in private. Otherwise, the brothers will either guilt her or beat her into giving the cash to them. Remember in this backwards culture, the men have more tights than the women. Sucks out loud but we as foreigners can never change it.

men have more tights than the women. Truly? :hystery:

[jode]

One of the things i have always had a hard time grasping in regards to Philippine culture is the idea that the female members of the family are expected to basically do pretty much everything while the male members pretty much do next to nothing . :-) Granted , there are exceptions and i come from a western culture where women are seen as being on more of an equal status and granted i am speaking in generalities , but , it is what it is .Step - daughter has been home now for a week or so prior to her embarkation to Boracay for her H & R training ( though i have have another term for it ) . She does more around the house in one day than her older brother has in a week . Ok , so it's expected and accepted in this culture but i still have a problem with it . Is it just me or do other expats have some issues with this particular mindset ?So , what generally happens is i feel guilty or sorry for her even though she never complains ( to me at least ) . I then find myself helping her out and in the end realise that , hell , i am doing more than her older male siblings . :-) Now , don't get me wrong as i don't mind doing things around the house and i " am " more orderly oriented than other members of my family . I won't get into the left brain versus right brain common sense concept as that would take a thesis within itself but is it just me ?On the one hand i don't want my step - daughter growing up to believe that she is somehow inferior to her male siblings and on the other hand don't want the male siblings thinking that a female will always be there to do everything for them which i personally believe is a big problem in this culture that leads to many males being spoiled . Have no hard data to back it up but experience and common sense tells me that in addition to all the household duties the female is the primary earner within a large segment of Philippine culture . Seems grossly out of whack to me .Am i on a row boat here out in the Pacific all by myself or on an ocean liner with multiple expat shipmates ? :-)

I have observed the same thing you have about Philippine culture. So many of the males are jack-asses that seem to take so long to grow up. In our culture a male becomes of age and is expected to do something, but here there seems to be no such requirenment. Hope maybe, but no expectation that they will do anything but sit around giggling with their buddies for years. in our culture your parents will often give you the boot out the door when you come of age and seem to lack motivation. Here i think that is never done and they can sit around for years doing nothing and seem to be proud of it. With seemingly no need to feel they are contributing.Girls if they are from poor famly and especially if they are pretty are under great pressure to pay back their parents (for what is debatable in many cases it seems to me) and bring the family money. While that is helpful to those expats of us that like pretty young girls. it is certainly a bad thing, very unfair and I feel very sorry for them. The fact that we do is one reason many like foreigners.

[Ashanti]

Im a filipina and I really don’t know how to answer this question as I am definitely guilty of observing this practice.My guess is, most filipinas are earthly and homemakers. So it is just easy for parents to go the least resistance than having all the trouble in shaping up the sons.I could still remember my daughter moaning when told off to tidy her room, “why brother doesn’t have to do it but I have to do it???????”For me, as the mum, it was because, my daughter will be a mum one day and I wanted her to know/learn how to keep house and passed what she learn to her children one day just as my mum has done with me. Whereas with my son, im not always on his back on his untidiness but I get upset if he is not serious with his studies or his future. I guess, unknowingly, I am following the filipino defining of the sexes ……………..

[Mike S]

I think Ashanti has the winning answer ..... it is all about how the child is raised ..... in the western world the boys were raised to WORK and the girls were raised to HOUSEKEEP ..... you'll noticed I said WERE .... all that is changing now and kids are raised to GET ALL YOU CAN FOR FREE ...... well a good portion of them are (keeping with the politically correct theory) I'll just lump them all together ...... god knows we MUST be politically correct ...... anyway ..... as kids growing up observe their parents they soon begin to imitate them ..... as in the old saying "your just like your father" or mother as the case maybe ..... it is extremely unfair to make on child to do something and the other not ..... by this I mean both boys and girls should be made to pick up after themselves .... no exceptions .... rooms should be cleaned and beds made daily ..... do I do that now .... no .... I lay on my fat butt and let my asawa do it ..... :hystery: .... but did I do it as a child .. YES ... (but then remember I'm ol' school) :) ... and when I lived alone I did .... it is just good training to make the child be responsible for something .... you never know when you will have to take care of yourself ..... plus it develops self-confidence something that I see lacking in the Philipino culture .... but a few bottles of Red Horse brings out more self-confidence than you care to deal with or shake a stick at ..... :lol: :89: ....... IMHO

[Jake]

One of the things i have always had a hard time grasping in regards to Philippine culture is the idea that the female members of the family are expected to basically do pretty much everything while the male members pretty much do next to nothing . :-) Granted , there are exceptions and i come from a western culture where women are seen as being on more of an equal status and granted i am speaking in generalities , but , it is what it is .Step - daughter has been home now for a week or so prior to her embarkation to Boracay for her H & R training ( though i have have another term for it ) . She does more around the house in one day than her older brother has in a week . Ok , so it's expected and accepted in this culture but i still have a problem with it . Is it just me or do other expats have some issues with this particular mindset ?So , what generally happens is i feel guilty or sorry for her even though she never complains ( to me at least ) . I then find myself helping her out and in the end realise that , hell , i am doing more than her older male siblings . :-) Now , don't get me wrong as i don't mind doing things around the house and i " am " more orderly oriented than other members of my family . I won't get into the left brain versus right brain common sense concept as that would take a thesis within itself but is it just me ?On the one hand i don't want my step - daughter growing up to believe that she is somehow inferior to her male siblings and on the other hand don't want the male siblings thinking that a female will always be there to do everything for them which i personally believe is a big problem in this culture that leads to many males being spoiled . Have no hard data to back it up but experience and common sense tells me that in addition to all the household duties the female is the primary earner within a large segment of Philippine culture . Seems grossly out of whack to me .Am i on a row boat here out in the Pacific all by myself or on an ocean liner with multiple expat shipmates ? :-)

Hello Retired,I think your above remarks depicting the typical Filipino is becoming a stark reality of most households.He's becoming a habitual dead beat dad, where the the practice of slam bam -- thank you ma'am is avirtue to inspire fellow pinoys (males) to brag how many mistresses they can impregnate.Whereas, the typical Filipina is subjected to force labor, mental and physical abuse, especially in theflesh market. But there is hope, according to this article: http://globalnation....pine_workforce_. Thelast paragraph summarizes the overall workforce:In 2006, women also dominated men in various occupations: professionals (7.7 percent versus 2.2 percent), technicians and associate professional (3.6 percent versus 2.2 percent), clerks (7.7 percent versus 2.7 percent), service workers and shop and markets sales workers (12.5 percent versus 7.6 percent), and laborers and unskilled workers (36.1 percent versus 28.8 percent).I'm on the same row boat as you are, but we have our Filipina wifes on board, cracking the whip to keep us rowing to the nearest island.....he, he.

[Ashanti]

What expats doesn’t seem to know, that in the PI culture, generally girls are raised to be domestic goddess and it is seen as an ideal of a filipino womanhood. Not only that, but also kind of first lieutenant to the KING!And no guessing who is KING of the household in filipino culture.oh well, its up to you …………… :hystery: