The Polite Way To Say No To Filipino Family Members

[wayneseymour]

What is the customary way to diplomatically say no to Filipino family members who think you are the cash cow? without being looked down on by the family or hurt their feelings and have them hold a grudge against you for not giving in to their demands or request?

[Call me bubba]

simple.. JUST SAY NO and be firm VERY firm with it, HOW did these people live or support themselves before YOU (cash cow,sugar daddy, Joe the ATM) came into their lives.. its a personal choice of how you want to help. some members have good success in helping.

OTHERS,,,well I let them speak. that is if they still have any money left.

dont feel that YOU MUST give them $$,

My suggestion is,,,, IS instead of direct cash,,, get them food,grocery, Take them to the dentist, get them their shots(tetanus etc ..) improve their life w/out the cash..

listed below is a GREAT TOPIC that could help you in your decision..

http://www.philippin...ing-the-family/

altho this topic is closed . It still has good info

bubba has spoken and now i retreat back into the

kingdom

Edited July 11, 2012 by Call me Bubba

[SubicSteve]

It's easy.....

Just lend(ha ha) money to the first pamily member that asks. Then when the second person asks for money you say "Sure walang problema, as soon as uncle blue boy pays me back the pamily loan money, I can loan it to you."

Poor poor Uncle blue boy will now catch all the pamily members wrath to pay up. Win Win(except for Uncle Blue boy).

Your welcome.

Edited July 11, 2012 by SubicSteve

[Jake]

What is the customary way to diplomatically say no to Filipino family members who think you are the cash cow? without being looked down on by the family or hurt their feelings and have them hold a grudge against you for not giving in to their demands or request?

In many cases, you could be the most diplomatically polite person they have ever met in turning down

their request. It only takes just one family member to be disgruntled because his booze, drug, gambling

and womanizing money will no longer be supplemented by a foreigner. Upset.....he/she will spread the

word that you are such a douche bag.

I think your first line of defense is your wife or girlfriend. Put your foot down and make her understand

your financial priorities and see if she reinforce your concern. This should have been established early

in any relationship. Otherwise, HER priorities are questionable.

Plenty of Fish -- Jake

Edited July 11, 2012 by Jake
spill chek

[sonjack2847]

I would tell them straight to f o. My wife was worried about moving to Dalaguete and after much persuasion I got her to tell me why. Some of her family live nearby distant relatives( her parents and sibs never ask) and she told me that she has lent them money before and they never paid it back even though she had to borrow it from her future salary. I said to her who pays the rent on the apartment and who pays for the food she said you do.( I feel the money I have is both of ours but to explain to her relatives it is mine.) I told her that well it is Kano money so they can piss off. It was then she told me about her lending money before. So I have told her to say what has been said above, tell them you can lend them money when so and so pays it back.

[billten]

If the pamily are a decent bunch, gently explaining that thigs are really tight right now, etc. etc. sometimes helps a lot. Often its the westerner's preference not to discuss money problems (a feeling not shared by most Pinay) that makes family think that you are flush. Tell them exactly what your situation is and let them know you are not a money pit.

[Jack Peterson]

What is the customary way to diplomatically say no to Filipino family members who think you are the cash cow? without being looked down on by the family or hurt their feelings and have them hold a grudge against you for not giving in to their demands or request?

Good Morning Wayne, we lent my Sister-in -law 65.000 peso 4 years ago, 2 years ago she retired. severance 1.25 million peso. loan repaid, nah! now she has fled the Pi and is in the US. on the ticket I bought. So now, after a lot of family unrest, I just don't lend, OH I will help but hard cash No and I use the story to back up my answer. When a family member says Jack, can i talk to you? I just say, the answer is NO! Now, what is the Question?

you have to be cruel to be kind.

There is no easy answer to your question, making some sort of joke usually works. can I lend 5000p yes if you can afford the interest rate. 60%!

all jokeing apart wayne. a lot of it depends on the family and how strong the bond is between you and your Wife /GF I usually let my Wife deal with the family

She can say NO! a lot louder than me. She has learned the difference between NEED and WANT,

I am sure you will get an array of answere to this one, Best of luck my friend.

jack P. :tiphat:

[Mike S]

First off our immediate family is fantastic so no problems there ...... the rest we ignore ..... my asawa tells them we are on a budget ..... now as to immediate family .... in an emergency (like when her father was sick) we help out with no expectation of being paid back .... as far as loaning them money it works like this we tell them if they want to borrow p2000 we will loan it the first time as they pay it back they can borrow the amount paid back .... ex. borrowed p2000 and have paid back p1000 ..... p1000 is available again for re-loan ....... kinda like a bank account ..... you can borrow what is in your bank account ..... if you put nothing back in there is nothing to loan ...... we never loan over p5000 mostly it has been p1000 to p2000 .... and it all gets paid back .... may take a while but I'm patient ...... :hystery: :hystery:

[shiredevon]

There is no polite way, they will ask to borrow, they will not pay it back so lend them what you feel comfortable with then shut up shop as they say,

They are incredibly thick skinned and will ask again even though they didn't repay you, this thick skin also means they are not that disappointed when you turn them down.

[Ashanti]

making some sort of joke usually works. can I lend 5000p yes if you can afford the interest rate. 60%!

Actually that is the best answer on how to handle family members wanting a loan ............

dont get stroppy, sarky or put them down ................... joke about it but making sure you mean business. do not forget that most filipinos are adept in tugging at the heart strings and can command the tear ducts ...............

if you go for the loan line with hefty interest, be sure about it as they could also easily agree to the terms but when the paying times comes they could easily disappear. better go for the pawning line if stuck. at least, you will be left with something.