The Polite Way To Say No To Filipino Family Members

[cebu rocks]

Its a on going battle for me they ask i say NO QWARTA but I will pick up any and all medical bills But the days of lend or borrow are long gone because that simply means give . Every time I give a little they think YEHEY hes giving money away and the requests for a new (Car ,motorbike,House ,etc,etc,etc) I,m dreading my birthday is coming so I will have to hold a party for 100 people who all think I,m the cheapest foreigner in the RP . I will receive exactly 0 presents or cards or anything not even help to bring a dish to the party and they will call me cheap because i don,t buy 2 lechon baboys so they can fill there pockets with extra meat on the way out the door . Some of you have great extended pamily Mine are all blood suckers lining up at the trough to get whatever they can (Damn I need to MOVE)

[i am bob]

(Damn I need to MOVE)

I believe your parting words may be your salvation...

Having read many many posts like this, I came to the realization that, if your extended family is great and don't expect much (if anything), you can live side by side. But if they expect the world from you? Enough distance to make it harder to ask is usually much appreciated. Just an IMHO....

[Call me bubba]

but I will pick up any and all medical bills

have you considered paying their Philhealth in order to reduce your 'exposure' to paying their bills?

inquire on the "red cross card" (redcross.org.ph)that would be helpful to you and to them at a low cost from 35p to 200/300p yearly,

Mine are all blood suckers lining up at the trough to get whatever they can

could you explain how "bad these blood suckers are" share w/us your experiences so that we can learn . perhaps to avoid the errors that you have encountered.

..last,, has the forum been helpful to you in this and other topics?

Edited July 13, 2012 by Call me Bubba

[nor cal mike]

Its a on going battle for me they ask i say NO QWARTA but I will pick up any and all medical bills But the days of lend or borrow are long gone because that simply means give . Every time I give a little they think YEHEY hes giving money away and the requests for a new (Car ,motorbike,House ,etc,etc,etc) I,m dreading my birthday is coming so I will have to hold a party for 100 people who all think I,m the cheapest foreigner in the RP . I will receive exactly 0 presents or cards or anything not even help to bring a dish to the party and they will call me cheap because i don,t buy 2 lechon baboys so they can fill there pockets with extra meat on the way out the door . Some of you have great extended pamily Mine are all blood suckers lining up at the trough to get whatever they can (Damn I need to MOVE)

I too think your last sentence may be your salvation. I'm sure it must be unsettling to be constantly ask for money. Just knowing that you are viewed more as a source of funds than as part of the family is uncomfortable. My wife and I have been married for twelve now and request for money have never been an issue. I feel as though I'm very lucky, not only to have such a beautiful, loving and caring wife, but also to have such a supportive inlaw family. My inlaws take care of our home there when we are in the states and some small business matters from time to time. I hope you are able to resolve this issue and truely enjoy your life in the Philippines.

[JJReyes]

The posted inquiry is, What's the polite way to say, "No." The suggested response is, "Later." or "I don't have money right now, ask me again at the end of the month." By keeping you answer vague or elusive, there is no offense. If they keep pestering you, counter by asking questions. For example, "Can you give me a copy of the medical bills?" Eventually, your relatives will tire of the game.

If there is a serious need, like a child is in the hospital, never be the first to volunteer assistance. First ask, "Who else is helping?" Limit your exposure as in, "I can contribute P300." Ignore the facial expressions by family members indicating you are a cheapskate. A refinement to this is to give the family money in a sealed envelope. They will profusely thank you for the gift. It will still be P300 in P20 bills. No one knows the amount. It is considered impolite to open the envelope in your presence. Actually, establishing a reputation with the family that you are very careful about your money is not a bad idea.

[JJReyes]

I think your first line of defense is your wife or girlfriend. Put your foot down and make her understand your financial priorities and see if she reinforce your concern. This should have been established early in any relationship. Otherwise, HER priorities are questionable.

Jake, is this your, "Ask my wife, she has my money." defense? Just make sure the wife understands the correct response, to be accompanied by an expression of total disgust is, "Aaay naku! My husband is kuriput (cheap)!"

[Will]

I'd give you the perfect answer to your question, but I have to run down to the Western Union right now! :bonk:

I'll answer IF I come back home! :)

[OnMyWay]

Thanks for the topic and the responses! There are several here I have to write down!

have you considered paying their Philhealth in order to reduce your 'exposure' to paying their bills? inquire on the "red cross card" (redcross.org.ph)that would be helpful to you and to them at a low cost from 35p to 200/300p yearly,

I had seen the Philheath option before and I think I am going to go down this road. It is a good idea with little cost.

[cebu rocks]

Ok examples I pay for schooling and they would ask for money 2 or 3 times a year i found out later the cost was far lower in fact the one brother had a full scholarship . I told the one brother I would help pay for university IF I could help him pick what course (like a IT course) of course he said later I want to be a seaman and Mama told me it was 50,000 pesos per semester and there where 6 semesters a year . Mama asked if they could borrow(Bahahha) money for a side car so Papa could work 10,000 pesos soon turned into 100,000 because he also needed a new motorcycle . They said i could build a small room on the back of the house to live priced it out at 30,000 p after giving 10,000 they had bought 200 blocks and needed more money .End of project

Tons of other small things My wife is good she knows her Mama is money crazy and tells me don,t give but I do want to help but the family does not appreciate any thing I do give its never enough if I give 1000 p they need 10,000

And they think I,m stupid like I will never check to see what the real price of stuff is . Now I pay every thing directly no money to Mama at all.. the doctor in town is a great guy and knows I will pay him for treatment directly same as the dentist .

[billten]

And they think I,m stupid like I will never check to see what the real price of stuff is . Now I pay every thing directly no money to Mama at all.

Damn you need to move bro... Seriously, i had horrible family problems, just like you when i lived in Cebu, i moved a few km's down the highway to Carcar and like magic they all disappeared.