The Polite Way To Say No To Filipino Family Members

[i am bob]

I am so happy that my Special Someone has a very small family and seem to all be doing reasonably well for themselves! :541:

[Jack Peterson]

:) Same here Bob BUT beware! of a skeleton, Hiding in a cupboard somewhere, There always is, at least one, I am sorry to say, even in a well to do Middle class family. :unsure:

[i am bob]

:) Same here Bob BUT beware! of a skeleton, Hiding in a cupboard somewhere, There always is, at least one, I am sorry to say, even in a well to do Middle class family. :unsure:

As long as it's not my own!

:mocking:

[Old55]

I am so happy that my Special Someone has a very small family and seem to all be doing reasonably well for themselves! :541:

You chose well my friend. :)

[Call me bubba]

I'd give you the perfect answer to your question, but I have to run down to the Western Union right now! :bonk:

I'll answer IF I come back home! :)

Will? have you returned back from Western union?back home yet?

I am eagerly awaiting a answer... :th_interesting:

[7kmilesaway]

What is the customary way to diplomatically say no to Filipino family members who think you are the cash cow? without being looked down on by the family or hurt their feelings and have them hold a grudge against you for not giving in to their demands or request?

Just say NO, surely they will understand that you have your needs as well and that its you alone who's supporting yourself financially in order to survive. Or better yet let your gf/wife handle the situation. The family will understand, just explain them your side :santa_smiley:

[davewe]

I am so happy that my Special Someone has a very small family and seem to all be doing reasonably well for themselves! :541:

Unfortunately for me, my fiance's family is very large and of course quite poor.

 

I'm not quite in the same boat as others. Yes I want to say no but I also want to occassionally say yes. My good friend has a Pinay wife and she sends her mother an allowance of $200/month and that is all they send. So I was considering something similar. My reasoning is I would rather give the family something once a month, rather than get calls and contacts from every person all the time. Is it reasonable to say "I give to mom and dad and it's up to them how they budget and distribute it?"

 

Also I have told my wife to be that when she gets a job in the US, the allowance will come from her salary.

 

Of course I have told her we can also help with medical emergencies but I'd want to see the hospital bill and pay the hospital directly.

[bootleultras]

I told the wife from day one I was marrying her, not her family and they shouldnt expect us to look after them............ It didnt work! but ever the years, the small amounts we have gave them hasnt really done any damage and ever since their desire has strengthened for us to have children and my reply was "how can I afford any more kids, when I already have you lot?" Seemed to do the trick, now I just gotta produce the kids to keep them off my back!!!

Some of the earlier posters are absoloutely correct though, my wife has always been the 'bread' winner in the family and then I came along so the pressure on her was intense and at times the way she was treated by them was appaling if she refused to give them money for what they needed, over the years it has got alot better though but I still remember the early years and was always angry at the way she was treated.

[Txpinoy7850]

Unless you hook up with an Aquino..........You will be poked for money all the time. Sadly, most folks there think that in America, you just pick up money as you walk down the sidewalk. It can be very problematic if not handled with a touch of diplomacy. I applaud one posters theme..that your asawa is the best vehicle to say "no", as well as explaining to her that money that migrates out of our household.................migrates out of her pocket as well.!!!!!!!!!!! Small amounts of charity, spread often, seems to work for me. I can then say....I already give to the church,sponsor the disco at fiestas,etc etc, and I dont have much left.

[Renee]

I had a situation which was nowhere near as serious as others have described, but made me take notice and reassess how I handle money.

My family in Leyte see me as their "Australian niece" and treated me as a daughter when I came to visit, so much so that not only was asking me for money out of the question, they attempted to GIVE me money to help with my transition to Cebu City. They still stay in contact frequently, asking if I need anything. They are not an issue at all.

Then my cousin introduced me to his Cebu friend, whom he had asked to help me find accommodation. This friend made a very good impression on me at first - good English, charismatic, friendly, and very knowledgeable about living costs. I was very grateful that he was taking the time to help me and meet up with me, and quietly thought to myself I'd pick up taxi fares or lunches just to say thank you.

But the choice was taken away from me: this friend clearly expected me to pay the cost of his "help" from the get-go, which while I didn't mind, it seemed strange for him to assume straight-away. Every time the taxi fare was announced, or when we ordered food, or paid the jeepney fare, he would just turn to me expectantly with his palm up. I just told myself it was fair enough and I was being unreasonable, especially as he actually was helping me scout places to live.

The day came when I found my current place, and as usual he offered to meet me and accompany me in a cab to my new abode. I could feel him watching as I discussed terms with the current landlady and pulled a wad of cash out of a little purse to pay my first month's rent. Then as I settled in my room, profusely thanked him for his help and he was about to go, he asked for a "favour" which sent my guard racing up. He said he needed 700php for his "cab fare" and that he would pay me back Monday.

I don't know what the hell kind of cab would cost 700php, and I knew there would be no reason for us to meet up on Monday (unless he was true to his word, OR actually is interested in being friends - it's possible I am misjudging him). So I opened my little handbag that had about 100php in for daily costs, while the bulk of my money and credit cards were hidden elsewhere. I apologised over and over, saying this was all I had but he could take it (he did), I was very sorry I could not give him more. I feel bad but I trust my instincts. In my circumstances, 700php is a lot to give away with a possibility of no return. Haven't heard from him since, but I don't want to jump to any conclusions...

I am now worried that perhaps this guy may have hit my cousin up for money as well (as part of the "favour" of helping me), but I suppose there's nothing I can do about that. I don't like the idea of someone taking money from my family for my sake, though. Sorry, I realise this is a bit off topic, just had to tell this story! The only people I would lend money to are the people I trust with my life. With anyone else I would consider it as good as gone until proven otherwise.