Ok So It Did Not Work Out....now What?

[Mike S]

they are raised to care for their family and to honor their commitments.

CORRECT!

when i was little i grow up with the diet that loosely translated - marriage is a commitment not to be taken lightly, its not like food that if you dont like it you spit it out. if there is problem in the marriage, you work it out - as marriage is for LIFE!

Ashanti ..... you are correct but this can be a curse as well as a blessing for Filipinas ..... as I'm sure you well know boys and girls are definitely raised differently here in the Phils ..... and their attitude for the most part reflects this ...... girls are raised like you said to honor marriage ...... commitment and work while for their counterparts it is just the opposite ..... and this is the reason you see so many husbands with mistresses and illegitimate children .... for males they are taught or observe what their roll-models are doing that is anything goes because their loving wives will work .... raise their kids and supply their tuba .... gambling habits and cigarettes ..... now of course this is not true in ALL cases and is certainty prevalent in other cultures ........

Before I met my asawa and was chatting on line with other Philipinas I had one young lady just flat out ask me if I did these things ..... it kinda floored me at first till she explained that her ex-Filipino boyfriend not only had a child by someone else but brought it home for HER to take care of ...... my response was .... but why would he do that ..... her answer was very simple .... she said the Filipino men KNOW that Filipinas are taught to love and take care of their partners and family and so they take advantage of the situation ...... she also asked me if I hit women because he apparently did ..... now this girl was not a child but rather in her late 20's ...... I corresponded with her for a little while but felt she had to much mental baggage for me to get serious with her ...... but I will say .... at least she was honest ..... I'll give her that much .... I hope she is happy now and has found someone to fulfill her dreams .....

[nor cal mike]

Ashanti ..... you are correct but this can be a curse as well as a blessing for Filipinas

You are so right about this Mike, however, from a strictly selfish viewpoint, it makes it all the better for those of us who choose to create a loving and caring enviroment with our partner.

[Mike S]

You are so right about this Mike, however, from a strictly selfish viewpoint, it makes it all the better for those of us who choose to create a loving and caring enviroment with our partner.

You are 150% correct sir ..... we are among the lucky ones .....

[Ashanti]

Ashanti ..... you are correct but this can be a curse as well as a blessing for Filipinas ..... as I'm sure you well know boys and girls are definitely raised differently here in the Phils ..... and their attitude for the most part reflects this ...... girls are raised like you said to honor marriage ...... commitment and work while for their counterparts it is just the opposite ..... and this is the reason you see so many husbands with mistresses and illegitimate children .... for males they are taught or observe what their roll-models are doing that is anything goes because their loving wives will work .... raise their kids and supply their tuba .... gambling habits and cigarettes ..... now of course this is not true in ALL cases and is certainty prevalent in other cultures ........

Mike ………….. I wont dispute that this things are rampant in PI but I certainly dispute the misconception of foreigners that boys and girls are raised differently in PI. It is more like unequal treatment of “crimes”. PI is a conservative country and has a strong behind the scene matriarchal society (the power behind the throne).

It is up to the individual girls to put up or make herself heard. Unfortunately, because most girls are raised to be subservient and to look up to the males as the dominant force, the girls tend to put up with things. In PI, the saying, there are no masters if there are no slaves, is live and kicking …………. So the boys conduct is more a product from an amalgam of subservient, pride, laxity in accountability and irresponsibility. There is also a strong belief in boys are boys and girls are girls – kind of segregation of the sexes and what are expected of them. It is a fallacy that filipino boys are expected to have mistresses and they are no more bad as their foreign counterparts who sowed their wild oats.

As to what happened to your lady friend, there are also an equal amount of girls who are mistresses with their eyes wide open. These girls were not rape but voluntarily went into the relationship knowing the man was married, perhaps even with children- - they are predators. and the filipino male is just too puny to withstand with the female predators :rolleyes: If the girls got pregnant – they were not forced so the culpability is for both. The boys are equally warned with the girls and raised supposedly to be upstanding person. Just are there many Filipinos males who have their bit on the side there are also an equal number of filipino males who are henpeck by their wives.

When we were growing up, we have strict curfew not us just girls but also the boys. My father and brothers certainly tell me off when I started flexing the power of my sexuality as all growing up girls do. Make up, miniskirts and flirting with the boys is a NO NO (not that I listen :) ). All lights inside and outside of the house are on as if there was a funeral until im home from my evening class. The only time I went to the cinema alone when I was young, guess who was waiting for me outside the door when the film was finished - just my bloody parents! I tell you it was so embarrassing with the ticket ladies smiling and my fathers face like thunder and my mother just smirk at me.

Would my parents do the same with my brother???????? Certainly not! But then as my brother being a boy he is supposed to be able to look after himself compared to fragile moi :mocking: . My brothers will also just get a telling off when late for home compared to us girls who you would think had done a dastardly crime for breaking the curfew. The parents will warn equally their children of what is expected of them. That is for the both the girls and the boys to equally behave and be responsible.

I remember my brother attended a party to our neighbour (a blocked away), who has a daughter that was coming strongly to my brother. My mother was furious to learn that my brother went to the party for fear of him being forced into a relationship. To my brother’s embarrassment, my mother phoned the girls house and ordered him home. At the ensuing fracas – my mother told my brother off for being irresponsible and for taking advantage of the girl’s affection. She furiously told my brother, that what he would have done to this girl could easily be done to us his sisters – how would he feel about that. Also if my brother gets this girl pregnant, whether my brother likes her or not, it is his responsibility – full stop. The child is his blood and her grandchild. So if he is man enough to get a girl pregnant – he better be man enough to take on the responsibility. To which my brother just said angrily – “for godsake, I only danced with the girl and you already had her pregnant”!

:hystery:

Edited July 19, 2012 by Ashanti

[brock]

I am sorry, But I think Filipina`s are no better than any other woman, People keep saying Filipina`s are Honest, True, Honor marriage etc,etc. If they are so good where do all the illigitimate Children come from, The Mistresses, The Liars, Cheats, thieves, scam artists etc .

Lets be Honest here, The main attraction of the Filipina is that they will accept a much older man as their partner, Now I know that some guys are married to women who are maybe the same age, And thats ok,,, But for me personally, I want a woman whose Boobs stay were they are supposed to be and not hiding her appendix scar.

[nor cal mike]

I am sorry, But I think Filipina`s are no better than any other woman, People keep saying Filipina`s are Honest, True, Honor marriage etc,etc. If they are so good where do all the illigitimate Children come from, The Mistresses, The Liars, Cheats, thieves, scam artists etc .

Lets be Honest here, The main attraction of the Filipina is that they will accept a much older man as their partner, Now I know that some guys are married to women who are maybe the same age, And thats ok,,, But for me personally, I want a woman whose Boobs stay were they are supposed to be and not hiding her appendix scar.

Speak for yourself Brock. I think you are way off base. While a lot of men are married to younger Filipinas, I seriously doubt the main reason is boobs. Who would want to be in an unhappy relationship just for boobs? Seems to be somewhat shallow. I think the reasons for most men I know who have married Filipinas have to do with loyalty, family and honoring their vows and commitment. I have never heard boobs mentioned before today. No offense intended, just keeping it real.

[brock]

Boobs is not what I am talking about, You didnt see my point, Its all this high praise for the Filipina, When the truth is they are the same as the rest of the world. Good and Bad.......And lets be real here, Most foreigners would not have a much younger wife in their own country,Just my opinion.

[Dave Hounddriver]

But I think Filipina`s are no better than any other woman,

Perhaps not better, but different, in a way that I find good. A small part of it is

most girls are raised to be subservient and to look up to the males

I do not believe in the Western Ideal of men and women being equal. One will usually dominate the other. I prefer to be a White Knight than a grey doormat. The part about men wanting to be with younger women? I agree with NOrCal Mike that it is not deeply thought out. If you look around you will see age has a lot less meaning here than in the politically correct West. You will see men married to women who are younger, older, or the same age. Unfortunately, those with a Western upbringing tend to focus on the May/December relationships.

[Jack Peterson]

:unsure: Whilst this Topic has been good reading, a little eye opener from my fellow members about preferences and interaction with the Felmale Filipino population, I wonder where it is going. I am not sure if our Joe & Suzie have sorted them selves out yet, after reading all that has been written I think she may have been frightened off even marrying a foreigner, given what is written about how some view them.( pinays)

:) Fact is life is what we make of it. The OP asked a question, I think he has had more answers than he bargained for. if he is still in confusion, My grandads view of a bachelor could stand him in Good Stead. " Why buy a Book when you can join a library".Some may argue Playing the field is wrong. I don't think so, certainly before marriage I had plenty of Fun in between marriages.

:) Life experience is where we learn the value of life and the responsibilities that come with it. we are from the West we should know the score. it is 2012, no need for unwanted Children. I am not into this religious thing about contraception. If girls want to be holier than thou about it, they should not even be having sexual activity before marriage. Who are we to Judge. I am certainly no Angel when it comes to my past. This is only my second marriage, I Read we are the Lucky ones, maybe Lucky we found true love and Worked on it. What I am saying here I think is Please, don't let us start and throw mud about. If marriage is in your Mind Joe, get it right. Don't go into because it is this weeks thing to do.

:thumbsup: Time spent getting to know the Girl/Lady and her Family it will yield a far better insight about if it will work, rather than the size or shape of her Boobs. While Sex is all to important, it is not every thing, if it is to Joe, Best he joins a Library and leave Suzy to pursue a man that will love her for whats on the inside and not just what is on the outside. I spent a lot of time in Spain and Italy and believe me, you want to know how it will be in 20 years time. look at the mother hear the mother, all too many times this is what you will end up with. So Joe, if you cant handle this, Don't get married. just play the field.

:unsure: Sorry if this is a 25c post but it is the way I see and feel about this. never mind the legal side of the Topic. I am a father, I would be sitting our Joe down and having a very big heart to heart. The more of us (Foreigners) that have a stable and child bearing marriage.The more chance the Joe's of this world are going to come up against us when our daughters announces "Dad," I have met a foreigner. :unsure:

Take it for what it is worth but this is my view, these girls are someones children

JP :tiphat:

Edited July 20, 2012 by Jack Peterson

[Mike S]

I agree Jack ..... there is no harm in playing the field as long as both parties understand the rules .... and don't promise marriage or anything else that you don't intend on honoring ..... I too have been around the block more than once and before I left the US I was single for more than 18 years ..... I had plenty of girlfriends and a few live-ins (not at the same time .. :hystery: ) and never once did I have to promise anyone that I would marry them or was it expected that I would do so (at least they never told me) in fact just the reverse ..... I told them right up front that I was not interested in getting married ..... when I moved here to Cebu my asawa and myself did not marry for 10 months and I didn't promise her I would marry her and she didn't ask me to .... being the delightful ... dashing and debonaire kinda fellow I am I just said one day "what do you think about getting married" ...... :mocking: ...... but if you lead someone on with promises and pretense than IMHO .... that is wrong .... but as I said IMHO ..... :tiphat: