Adult Women And The Parents

[i am bob]

I am usually the one who says to meet and see... What you wrote about not meeting her parents as well as "previously married" would make me a little nervous. IMHO I would meet but if she still won't let you meet her parents, I think I would start to walk away quickly! Good luck and I hope it all works out well for you!

[Thomas]

Any update coming from TS?

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Rural or "moderniced" city people?

As I have understood it, it's a COMMON situation.

"Reason for separation". Many Filipinos have just left their wife and kids,not even sending any money at all, FORCING them to move back to her parents. Not odd if parents decides in THEIR home...

It's common the olders decide otherwice too :boohoo: :) The oldest siblings too deciding over the younger...

Visiting family early is asumed, because it's a sign of you are serious concerning your interest of the woman.

The separation is a problem, but someone told he had solved it with 60 000 pesos in 6 months. (I believe it was a common separation, but not sure.) If the rest is good, it can be worth it.

But I would NEVER want to live with parents-in-law myself even if they were perfect :mocking: (I mean permanent or very long "visits". A few weeks can be OK.)

[Julia]

Make sure you have plenty of time when you visit and not be in rush. Meet other ladies in their natural settings at work etc.. and not online

this is what i had been trying to say to those %*&%*(&%&*$&^ guys who seemed to offer marriage online without meeting each other first

i do not know if this is wrong or what - but really I easily got turned off with men who offered marriage without meeting me in person yet - get to know each other first, go dating, meet my friends, meet my family --- and if after that, we will like each other more than when we chat online, then go on with the next bigger step... in marriage, there is no turning back as it is a vow you two made "for better or for worse, till death do us part" --- as marriage is a very sacred thing, just MHO though...

i will stick with that process whether it would mean staying single for the rest of my entire life... heaven forbids!!!!

[lyno 47]

you stick to your veiws julia,if a genuine man is interested he will come to meet you,your family and your friends.to me it makes no sence to offer marriage to a lady you have never met in person.we can all hide behind our p/c screens and make up all the lies we want to impress a lady when in actual fact we are nothing like what we said we are this applies to both men and woman.i have seen this first hand a number of times.if a person is honest respectfull takes the time to go and meet face to face, to me that shows a genuine interest in the person you have been chatting with on line and leads to a better understanding of each other

[Julia]

to me that shows a genuine interest in the person you have been chatting with on line and leads to a better understanding of each other

:th_thbestpost:

[Julia]

I have developed an interest in a Filipina lady who is 45 years old over a internet dating site.She is separated from a previous husband for 11 years now and has two teenage kids.She lives with, and helps support her parents.The parents are described as "strict"....and she says she "obey's" them.According to this lady, she would not or can not, stay with me on an "overnighter" unless we were married.And she further

I had already my comment weeks ago in this topic and I realized now that I was off topic with my comment then :mocking:

Just want to say that in a traditional and conservative Filipino family, an "overnight" stay with someone who is not your husband (especially in her case that she is living with her parents) is definitely a big NO. Whether she is already separated from her husband or even if she is already a widow) . Regardless of age so even if she is already 45 years old, she CANNOT tell her parents that she will be spending the night with her chatmate/textmate/other mates.Most traditional Filipinas is afraid of losing face or be labeled a "loose woman". Fooling around, one-night affair or whatever you call it is not in the dictionary of a tradional Filipina. And in a conservative Filipino society, this does not mean that this woman is too childish or too immature to decide for herself, instead, this is what the society is called as an ideal good daughter. You may laugh with this thought, but this is how it works in a tradional Filipino culture.

I don't know her real story, but If I were in here shoes I might have done the same thing if I live with my parents. Not because I cannot decide for myself. It is just that we simply respect our parents. Period. No If's and no but's. We respect our elders. Consider yourself lucky if yo can find a woman like that because that means that even if she is not in your sight, she can be trusted and she is not just like any other woman.

If you really and seriously want to spend the rest of your life with this woman, and if you truly find her amazing, isn't she worth giving the benefit of your doubt?

The secret of getting the Filipina's heart is first, win the approval of her parents ( but this does not mean that you will have to live with them when you get married though). Even with the Filipino couples, living with the in-laws is not a good thing for reasons we already are aware of.

But with a modernized Filipina woman ---- that is already another topic :36_1_50[1]: (still sleepy, need a cup of hot coffee!!!)

Edited December 29, 2012 by Julia

[MacBubba]

I don't know her real story, but If I were in here shoes I might have done the same thing if I live with my parents. Not because I cannot decide for myself. It is just that we simply respect our parents. Period. No If's and no but's. We respect our elders. Consider yourself lucky if yo can find a woman like that because that means that even if she is not in your sight, she can be trusted and she is not just like any other woman.

I haven't read the entire thread, so my comment will be general and may not necessarily apply.

The stance of the woman referred to in the quoted text is admirable. Although she might secretly fear the possibility of losing her boyfriend (I am not sure of the relationship) to someone else who would be willing to spend the night with him, she is willing to risk it to follow the old-fashioned values instilled in her. This is also a reflection of the family. Such a family would probably be very principled and trustworthy.

[Thomas]

The secret of getting the Filipina's heart is first, win the approval of her parents

Yes, I have told this to several kanos (or more correct - puti) who don't understand why they have failed. I suppose they haven't studied European history, because it has been similar here just a few generations ago :mocking:

(=Ask parents for permission to court their daughter. It isn't engaging yet, but the (family of) the man believe that, and want to get to know the woman more before deciding if marry. I don't know how it was in other European countries, but AFTER engaged to be married it was allowed to sleep over.)

In traditional familes in the Philippinres is the reputation of the woman very important, and in the province villages visit from a (man/)foreigner (almost) mean the village even count him as fiance already and it's bad for the reputation of the woman if the relation don't go on to a marriage...

Have I understood corect, Julia? :)

[Julia]

The secret of getting the Filipina's heart is first, win the approval of her parents

Yes, I have told this to several kanos (or more correct - puti) who don't understand why they have failed. I suppose they haven't studied European history, because it has been similar here just a few generations ago :mocking:

(=Ask parents for permission to court their daughter. It isn't engaging yet, but the (family of) the man believe that, and want to get to know the woman more before deciding if marry. I don't know how it was in other European countries, but AFTER engaged to be married it was allowed to sleep over.)

In traditional familes in the Philippinres is the reputation of the woman very important, and in the province villages visit from a (man/)foreigner (almost) mean the village even count him as fiance already and it's bad for the reputation of the woman if the relation don't go on to a marriage...

Have I understood corect, Julia? :)

well said, Thomas! you got it right... :thumbsup:

[DavidandBless]

Bear in mind that if you want to marry a Filipina, you are not just marrying her but you are marrying her whole family. Now, ask yourself if you can handle that-long term.

Her situation of being an obedient daughter is a common Filipino thing.