Feeling Isolated At Family Get Togethers

[tiger31]

don,t know how you guys feel but i dread family birthday parties etc etc as i don,t speak the language i,m sitting there like a prune listening to the family chin wagging away in their lingo ,polightly laughing when they do, not knowing if there laughing at you or not lol .it gets pretty lonely at times not knowing what everybody is talking about ,and gives me a feeling of isolation .its ok for some of you saying well learn the language its not that easy .hell i can,t even speak my own language that good lol.also your trying to pick up a few words in cebuana and tagolog it gets very frustrating so i just sort of give up ,i just can,t seem to get anything to sink into my brain which after 50 starts to go down hill lol.how do you guys cope with this problem ?

[Jack Peterson]

how do you guys cope with this problem ?

Well Tiger, I just Grin and Bear it, Like you I just don't Speak speak the Language I am fairly Lucky, in that the Majority of the in-law family can and do speak English, the saving grace for me, is that my Close In laws, will make an apology if they slide off into Visayan and usually assure me, it is important they speak in their own language for a while and tell me, it is not not about me.

So like you, I will sit in the corner but you will get used to it. Lola is good at reminding them, I am in attendance. Sometimes I head off to a table or Area that has the teens on it and they seem to Enjoy Brushing up on their English You could always give that a try. :)

:tiphat:

[JJReyes]

Let your partner know how you feel about language issue during family get togethers. Most of them speak English but are afraid to use it because theirs is less perfect than yours. If it is understood that you won't make fun of their English language abilities (or correct them), they will use it in your presence. I face a similar predicament at family gatherings. My wife has to remind relatives that I don't speak Japanese.

[tiger31]

it just starting to get at me a bit most of them can speak english but don,t make much attempt to speak english much .so I sometimes go off to my room and read a book .the g f can see i get mad sometimes but i,m not going to make a scene over it .

[Americano]

I don't speak or understand the language either but if something is said that I need to know then my wife translates it into English for me. Maybe you should ask your gf to do that for you.

[Will]

As for me, I'm not very comfortable in party situations anyway, so I kind of enjoy just listening to the chatter. Someone always apologies for only speaking in Tagaglog or Visayan but I always tell them it doesn't bother me, I usually have my mouth full of pancit or lechon anyway. If I get bored there is always karaoke to go watch (or join if I dare).

I've found that I prefer to hang close to the awsawa, so I generally hang out with "the girls" (I like to watch our anak's reactions to the party mostly) rather than join the men. Although sometimes I will go drink a beer with them, but I feel I make the guys more uncomfortable as they try to speak english only when I'm there and try to revolve the conversation around me, again, something I'm not very comfortable with.

Its not very hard for me to have a good time at the parties, I guess, because I'm more of a loner. But I can see how someone who likes to socialize could feel left out at these functions. However, I find that with more parties we go to, the more comfortable I am becoming with the others and they are becoming more so with me,too. Hang in there.

[Will]

I don't speak or understand the language either but if something is said that I need to know then my wife translates it into English for me. Maybe you should ask your gf to do that for you.

:thumbsup: Exactly! :th_thbestpost:

[Old55]

I'm like Will, it takes time to get comfortable both me and the extended family members. An uncle who lives close by always has a small group off the side that has a bottle I don't drink much never joined them. Last time there I joined them and told them I was kinda shy to sit with them and did not know them well even after all these years that broke the ice things went well they got very drunk all smiles and English for the most part.

I think the key is you will need to be the one to make the first move and keep at it Filipinos can be shy or afraid to lose face if they see you are friendly and indeed interested they will warm up to you.

[i am bob]

My ex-girlfriend was Taiwanese and, during gatherings, everybody spoke either Taiwanese or Mandarin. I would sit back and watch the conversation with a smile. Once in a while someone would jokingly ask me if I knew what they were talking about.... Well, just watching and listening for the odd English word or name they will drop once in a while will let you know the subject.... So, after telling them what they were talking about, I would get a few strange looks and (once in a while) a few red faces!

:mocking:

I am working on my Cebuano!

[SubicSteve]

Start hitting on the prettiest niece there. Your wife will exclude you from future pamily get togethers. :dance: