Newly Single, And Looking To Get Out There Again

[whiskey]

Hi, I'm new on this forum. I met my ex GF about 20 months ago. I was 44, and she was 30. We met online, but not on a dating site. She was a freelancer working on a project. We began talking outside of the project and started a friendship, which then lead to a serious bond. I decided I wanted to go visit the Philippines to meet her and her family. Of course, I also wanted to see how much we would like each other in person.

I planned to stay for the summer (US Mid June through early Aug). So, I planned a full 2 months. Her family prepared a room for me, although I did help fund that as it was going to save me from having to stay in a hotel. Our initial meeting was great and the 4 months we spent online just meshed right into a full-blown relationship. I work as a freelance programmer, so I am able to work from anywhere. So, I worked on my projects and most of my clients had no idea I was even gone. I just shcedule calls late at night here.

Fast forward a bit, and we have our own place (a rented house). My fiance has two children, but very young. When we met, one was only 5 months old, and the other is 18 months. The father was promised to another woman and just wasn't interested in carrying on. I never knew all that much about him, but now I wonder just what he went through as well. I now live in the Philippines pretty much F/T and make visits to the US.

I'll come right out and say that I am now convinced (nearly 100%) that she suffers from BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). It has been hell at times. She has left and run home several times. It has been a push/pull rollercoaster relationship. I won't go into all the details about my discovery about the BPD. Let's just say I researched extensively and I am almost certain of it now.

Almost 3 weeks ago, she decided she was going to leave again and started gathering up all her things. She left and again moved back to the parent's house. The issue she was angry about seemed so petty and insignificant, and I just let her leave. I figured I have just had enough myself. I don't stay angry for long though and we did begin to talk again after a week or so. I started to come by the house and see her again, and it seemed like maybe we were going to be able to heal the relationship. By this time, I think I have realised the problem she has - that is, what has caused us so much grief. But, I don't dare bring this up, lest she goes into a rage and just projects the whole thing onto me. Needlesstosay, our talks began to send he back into fits of anger and rage again, I concluded that there is just now way this can work. Many people I know (including friends here) told me that she is not behaving like a typical Filipina. I feel just terrible things went this way. I love this woman very much, as well as those two kids.

So, here I am now. I live in a pretty nice house here in Bulacan. I do have friends, so I go out sometimes. Christmas is almost here, and I feel pretty lonely. Overall, I feel okay and I think this breakup was probably for the best. But now I just don't really know how to get back in the game, so to speak. When I was with my ex, I would get lots of advances, and I still do. But, I want to be careful. I'm here alone, and I know there are people who may be out to take advanatge or even worse. But, I would like to meet someone new. I do still believe that the women here are amazing. In general, I have found Filipinos to be very nice people. Even though I thought my ex's family had a tendancy to meddle, they're still really nice poeple.

I'm not all that shy, so I am usually able to meet people and make friends easily. But, I don't want to come off as some creppy guy either. Believe me, I have seen that here!!! I don't want to be that guy! Advise on how to get back into dating? Who should I trust, and not trust? Thanks so much!!

[MacBubba]

When I was with my ex, I would get lots of advances, and I still do.

Sorry to hear about your woes. The only advice I can give is to be very selective where these "advances" are concerned. Most well brought-up Filipinas would not make "advances". With all the talk in this forum about problems with Filipino families, upbringing is key.

"Good" families will still be meddlesome, but they are not likely to take advantage of you.

[whiskey]

Thanks. I should clarify the "advances". Flirtation is a better word. I know what you mean about a Filipina who might be aggressive. Actually, I have not seen that except when I was up in Clark/Angeles getting my passport stamped. Up there it happens, and it is obvious they are prostitutues.

[GregZ]

Hey Wiskey,

Vodka here. :shooter: You sound like you pretty much have your life in order and are fairly comfortable with what you currently have. That is a good start... Best wishes in finding the right someone to make it better. I'd agree with MacBubba about the advances (that you just changed to flirty as I type this), but some of those may just be curiosity and not really advances or flirts. I get a lot of interest to ask questions about the USA and hear native US English spoken. The way I met my Filipina was through my buddies wife, her aunt. Otherwise I would have never found her. Relatives of known sane and stable people should have a good sanity rate. You have any of those around???

My girl's "good" family does not meddle nor try to take advantage. I am speaking of the family proper in my case; brothers, parents and grandparents. They graciously accept any contribution but never ever ask or try to influence. Then you have the aunts, uncles and cousins. There is a mixed lot in the 1000 relatives.

A lot of folks use those dating sites, but personally I would not be here if it were up to one of those sites. I believe the best Filipinas are living their life here and not online looking for a mate. I had trouble talking with my girl at first because she only had the Internet Cafe and she didn't feel comfortable going in there with people looking over her shoulder, being nosy, talking about her and doing who knows what online.

I suggest that you make sure that your close friends know you are interested in meeting someone. Introductions through a mutual friend are probably the best way. Otherwise, just get out in new areas, with your friends but around new people if possible (you know how to network), and NOT at bars, but at the types of places that the woman of your dreams might frequent; festival or church sponsored events for beginners.

KEEP SMILIN' :tiphat: That makes people want to be around you (and wonder what you did last night). :mocking:

Greg

[Jake]

Hello Whiskey,

You being a freelance programmer, I believe most of your life is based on logic. For example, using a basic

logic flow diagram showing an AND GATE, you need two positive inputs in order to get anything out. In your

case unfortunately, her input to your relationship has been negative. Time to move on, my friend.

Please don't forget about retribution that may bite you in the a$$. Scorned Filipinas, especially when her

mental stability is in question could have deadly consequences. Are you safe in your current location?

Best of luck on your new adventure of flirtation -- wow, the land of brown sugar again....he, he.

Respectfully -- Jake

[brock]

I have met lots of nice girls in bars :dance:

[Okieboy]

most of the girls here go to the internet cafe to chat, the only ones that dont cant speak English, so about 85% of Filipinas are on line looking

[samatm]

Whatever the temptation is dangled. be it loneliness at Christmas time or sweet lil kiddies feet pitter pattering around the house Resist Resist. Do not get back with the ex. No you know why the papa bailed out. Life is too short . You are on the right track.

[joeatmanila]

Reading your story leaves me no doubts she will be back to you. Pack up and go to Thailand, or wherever else, as long as you are in philippines you will brake out of emotions and one way or another you will let her know where you are so she comes back to you, if you do not go back to her.

Now it is Christmas, you owe a good gift to your self, your freedom.

Women as her can become dangerous, we read it in the news every once and then, do not become another headline!!!!

[Call me bubba]

Women as her can become dangerous, we read it in the news every once and then, do not become another headline!!!!

Yes JOEATMANILA. we must have been reading the same headlines in the past,

if you do have any feelings left for this woman,TRY to seek some type/kind of mental health treatment. you said she has given birth in the past 12 months that could be a "mental health "issue

2, make sure you dont have any Arguements in Public,, why? someone may not understand the situation and being "loud" argumentative w/a female you could be "hurt".

Depending on what part of Bulacan you can find someone to see.

healthway at SM fairview has or had a Doctor

in a previous post/topic there is a listing to find mental health professionals(under health & hospitals- manilamarc?)