Newly Single, And Looking To Get Out There Again

[sjp52]

Its so nice to hear other guys having the same issues as me.You have to realize that the family is not use to someone buying for everyone so it is new to them. I have been trying to teach them maners like saying thankyou when some one does something nice for you. I tell them when they don,t say thankyou after I pay for a meal they hurt my feelings and I don.t feel like doing it again . One thing that really floored me is when they eat using their hands instead of forks. I got use to that after a while and even tried it once in front of them and they all laughed at me. I guess its ok for them to do it but not me. My wife use to leave food out way too long so I bought her a bunch of tupperware and she uses it. This place is interest for sure

[Classic Dry]

Ok, whiskey,

I would not advise you, given that we only have your account of a 2 sided relationship. But given that you have written, and

present yourself as the more reasonable one, and have described your relationship from your point of view, I'll take your

account at face value.

I can say what I would do in your situation.

First of all I have no time for drama queens. I mean that quite literally. At my age I don't have time to waste being depressed

or anxious or unhappy for any longer than a few minutes. Ok a day.

I would forget diagnoses, which would only be made on the way she has behaved in the past, and wouldn't help anyway as

there is no treatment, only management. To be honest any girlfriend of mine who required that sort of management wouldn't

last long. I couldn't be bothered.

In truth, in the situation you describe, I would have been out of there a long, long time ago.

If I loved her, as you say you do, I'd keep arguements to 5 minutes tops. After that I'd say no more.

I would never, ever discuss her behaviour at all. I mean never, ever.

I'd say a pleasant bye bye when she left and hello darling when she reappeared, and never discuss it !

Some people feed, even thrive, on endless discussions like these, to no avail.

I want a woman who makes me happy and content all, or at least most, of the time, and I, in my turn,

will do my damnedest to do the same for her !!!

My only piece of advice comes as a quote, or most likely a misquote.

" In any relationship, the one who cares the least holds the power. "

[GregZ]

Foresight? I asked my fiance once what is the Tagalog word for foresight. She said there is no such word in Tagalog. I laughed and jokingly said "I figured that!" What is it with the lack of foresight, for almost anything???

Try building a house with the NON-PLANNERS. "The masons are out of blocks, AGAIN!" This is the same in Bisaya. Also, estimating is not a talent either. ME: "How many will it take for the whole room?" A: "We don't know." Grrrrrrr

One thing that really floored me is when they eat using their hands instead of forks. I got use to that after a while and even tried it once in front of them and they all laughed at me. I guess its ok for them to do it but not me.

Probably you needed a training lesson. "How to Eat with Hands" - I got one... I was missing the finer point of putting your thumb behind the food to push it into your mouth. That way you aren't putting your fingers in your mouth. WoW, who'd of thought???

most of the girls here go to the internet cafe to chat, the only ones that dont cant speak English, so about 85% of Filipinas are on line looking

Must be a different Philippines than I live in. Maybe you are talking about Manila? My Filipina speaks gOOd English and nEvEr used an online dating site. She is computer literate though. She seldom used the internet because of the expense to go to the cafe and she was not comfortable around some of the other patrons. Her focus was on getting through college and getting a job to help her family. That is all she lived for until I tainted her life.

[whiskey]

My wife use to leave food out way too long so I bought her a bunch of tupperware and she uses it.

Yup! Last time I was in the States, I shipped back tons of that tupperare and resealables. Helps so much! Nothing is ever wasted here, so you just HAVE to have those. It has made things so much better - and sanitary.

I'd say a pleasant bye bye when she left and hello darling when she reappeared, and never discuss it !

You make it sound so easy! But, sometimes I really feel that way. When she has decided to leave, I was like don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out! But, I always begin to question if I have been to harsh with her or unreasonable. Of course, as I ponder it, I think "no!" lol.

Probably you needed a training lesson. "How to Eat with Hands" - I got one... I was missing the finer point of putting your thumb behind the food to push it into your mouth. That way you aren't putting your fingers in your mouth.

Ha ha. I ALSO learned that technique - from the fiance. Once you get the hang of it, you can do it. It works well with sticky rice, but somehow the pros can do it with ANY kind of rice and even not make a mess! My finace will eat sometimes with her hands (mostly around her family), and then she always as the cleanest plate at the end of the meal!

OK. So, here are a few other observations and I am curious what you all think.

1. The women vs the men. In the Philippines, the women seem to hold it ALL together. I am genralizing, but man I have never seen a society where the women are so drastically more responsible and have their sh#t together so much more than the men. They seem to finish school and move onto higher education FAR more than the men. They take on responsibilities with a sense of real duty. They aren't pissing (literally) all over their country! They are well-dressed. For the most part, they are very well-mannered. One theory I have seems to start at childhood. The young boys seem to be raised as real mama's boys, with a lot of coddling and pampering for probably a little too long, and laying it on a little too thick. The boys (and some men even) seem to act way too feminine. Any bad behavior seems to be quickly excused and discipline is a bit lacking. The girls, on the other hand, seem to be trained better. OK, enough on that.

2. I can't stand the GUILT! This goes along with #1, but gosh the guilt trips and meddling are unbelievable soemtimes. I do understand the culture here of caring for the family, parents, lolas, etc. That's not a bad thing. Not sticking parents into nursing homes is a noble thing. But, everyone is constantly keeping score!

3. Toddler Formula Milk, grrrrrr. My finace has been buying that crap for quite a long time. Now, she's a wel-educated and intelligent woman. I researched this garbage and asked her to do the same. We seemed to come to the same conclusion, but family pressure was on her big time! We even went to the pedia to inquire about it. Just as I thought. No need whatsoever unless the child is underweight. Even then, regular cows milk is just fine. For some crazy reason, family members seem to think if a child is not obese, he/she is not healthy. Our youngest looks great! Perfect height/weight and right on the charts too! But these people seem to think he is underweight and doesn't look as healthy as the other one. I thought this is pure insanity! We actually had begun to phase in regular cow's milk for the older one (and also the younger). For the 3 year old, we stopped bottles and went to sealable cups or straw cups. Even the younger one can use those cups. But, the pressure was too much and she insisted we keep spending twice as much for this crap milk! This stuff is actually worse for the kids than regular milk. It is loaded with lots of sugar and fillers. The whole toddler milk thing is a HUGE scam here in the Philippines. They prey on these poor "guilt-ridden" moms. They know the family dynamics of guilt and pressure. This whole toddler milk thing has cause BIG problems for us.

[Curley]

Cows milk should not be given to young children, they cannot handle some of the proteins in it and this causes phlegm....... ever wonder why so many kids have snotty noses? Formula milk? I wouldn't drink it myself let alone give it to a fragile child. Nature gave women breasts to feed their kids and the milk from a woman was DESIGNED to be perfect for human babies, cows milk was designed to feed calves..

Edited December 13, 2012 by Curley

[Thomas]

There might be a better topic for this but have any of you experienced any of these?

I suppose all have :)

I realy dislike - most of them but not all - don't THINK ahead,

BUT I understand the poor don't have got habbits BUYING ahead, because the reason is they are "lucky" if they have enough money for a day :boohoo: so they have no chance buying ahead.

[Thomas]

1. The women vs the men. In the Philippines, the women seem to hold it ALL together. I am genralizing, but man I have never seen a society where the women are so drastically more responsible and have their sh#t together so much more than the men.

Not just in the Philippines. It's so common so some "Help-to-selfhelp" aid organisation ONLY deal with women. Almost no one of the very poor women fail to pay back!

(In one place ONE had failed, because she have had very bad luck. She WANTED them to take her small house to clear the dept (but they let her keep it.)

3. Toddler Formula Milk, grrrrrr. My finace has been buying that crap for quite a long time. Now, she's a wel-educated and intelligent woman. I researched this garbage and asked her to do the same.

That's some bloody multinational companies (at least Nestle) fault, they have spend much money on FOOLING poor women to waste their money on such INSTEAD of breastfeeding, saying the crap products are better than breast milk :angry:

[i am bob]

um, guys? The youngest of the kids is now over 2 years old... Don't you think that's a little bit old to be pushing him to breast milk?

If you two do get together again, I would still try to talk her into getting tested for a chemical imbalance. It may be something as simple as a food allergy or lack of a vitamin... Either way it goes, good luck and enjoy the good times!

[nor cal mike]

Nature gave women breasts to feed their kids

And all this time I thought they were to fondle.

[Jake]

Nature gave women breasts to feed their kids

And all this time I thought they were to fondle.

It's more pun in da Philippines if you pondle instead.....he, he.