Finding The Place You Think Is Right

[stevewool]

i have only been to the phils twice., been to the nice places , borocay and to me the best place yet bohol, yes lots of other places too which are very nice but i would not live there and i am sure there are hundreds of places that could be better then bohol too,anyway my wife would love to be near her father who lives in marikina, but i would not, she understands this but she would love to convert his place into doors, a income plus somewher for her dad to live, the trouble is her brother still lives at her dads place and he dont work or it seems does not contribute anything, i am no mug so no money is going anywhere near her bro, but its hard to see how much she loves her dad and her bro too, am i being to hard do you think, i have asked her could the house be signed over to her that way i think i could then think yes ok lets help,i also know that one day i may need there help too, so its a balancing act i am trying to ferform

[bows00]

Ahh, yes the dreaded in-laws.... I strongly recommend keeping your distance. You will not find peace and it will be a torn in your marriage. Now the equation changes if your father in-law needs your help because of old age...then I would recommend moving the father in with you (without the leaching brother). The brother has to stop being a boy, be a man and get a job like everyone else. Believe me, you are doing him a favor too.

[stevewool]

i understand everything you are saying, but i am afraid if dad comes then bro comes too, we are even trying to bring her dad to england for a holiday but he will not leave his son in the house alone, truth be told he may not have a house left when he returns, thats what i am seeing,

[Jake]

i understand everything you are saying, but i am afraid if dad comes then bro comes too, we are even trying to bring her dad to england for a holiday but he will not leave his son in the house alone, truth be told he may not have a house left when he returns, thats what i am seeing,

Hello Steve,

I believe all of us have been involved with issues dealing with the extended family. There are many posts

here and most of them strongly recommend to put your foot down. Unfortunately, you have to deal with

your GF or wife if she does not see your priorities.

Please sit down with your wife and try to seek a compromise. Obviously, her father deserves her love,

respect and financial assistance. It's also obvious that her brother is a low life and must be made aware

that there is no free lunch or money to support his lifestyle. If the brother is given an inch, believe me he

will take a mile, including some of his low life buddies that may visit your home.

Your wife is your first line of defense and in many cases, should also be your first line of offense. Have

a very serious discussion with her. Determine NOW her priorities so that there are no surprises later down

the road. Sometimes it takes an ultimatum -- her brother or her marriage to you.

Respectfully -- Jake

Edited December 21, 2012 by Jake

[stevewool]

emma is my wife, she is very understanding about my thoughts, but also she is a loving daughter who wants to help all her family, but i have said that we must come first, funny thing is her dad has never ever asked for anything all he wants if for her to be happy, at this moment bohol is the place where i want to put roots, thats a plane ride away from the family and she is willing to do that for me,

[tiger31]

you will ok in bohol steve and your right about your brother n law ive got the same problem with mine hes got 4 kids ive helped him out many times but it does,nt work so ive cut him loose told him to get on with it if you keep giving its never ending .But you do have a bit of a problem with bro n law living with the paw but i,m sure your wife will try and comprimise to keep the peace .

[Old55]

I agree with Tiger, you seem to have a wonderful wife that is the key to family dealings in Philippines.

[brock]

Steve, My advice would be to keep your distance, By all means help the Father, Bugger the Brother.

As far as getting your Father inlaw over to England for a holiday, I think you have 0% chance of that happening with our Government

[stevewool]

may be you are right about getting Ems dad over for a visit, but we are going to try, whats a few quide and if you get it brill, if you dont , i told you so

[brock]

may be you are right about getting Ems dad over for a visit, but we are going to try, whats a few quide and if you get it brill, if you dont , i told you so

Some people cant even get their wives over Steve,,,So much BS.

And a few Quid as you put it, I think its about 800 Quid just to apply for the visa,not gauranteed..and no refund.. Whats that ?, about 55,000 peso, I bet your Father inlaw would sooner have that money in his pocket for sure.