Advice From Someone On The Ground In The Philippines

[paul]

Now I am not the type of person to throw stones at anyone Paul, but I have to ask how a man who has not been in a long term relationship that has worked out feels that he is qualified to tell others how to find a good woman.......... Paul, to those of us that know you, we also know that you have bounced around a bit, to say it mildly. ........Now we know that you have been in the Philippines many years and as far as I know you have not found the right woman to settle you down yet, or to just remain in a relationship with, be it by choice or by chance, and then you think others can easily find a good woman on the ground........Now, while I do not think you are wrong about it being easy to find women in many parts of the Philippines, I do think it might be difficult to find the right woman, no matter where in the world we may seek one, and that is why I again say to use the Internet to look and to rule out the ones who do not fit your needs........Now again Paul is correct when he says it has been a long time since I found my wife and I am the first one to admit that the ladies have changed dramatically since then.........When I met my wife, IMO most ladies were good girls and a few were wild, compared to today when I think the pendulum has swung the other way and more girls may be wild and fewer are good girls........So it is going to be all about what you seek.......As I walk around the malls nowadays and look in some of the Internet cafes, I see more and more bar girls walking around the malls and chatting online, and just plain old blending in as everyday girls.......So if what a person seeks is a bar girl or a wild lady, then those would be very easy to find both in the bars at night, or Internet cafes and in the malls in the daytime, but if that is not what they seek, then it might be a good idea for them to do their homework and try to rule out some of the ladies via the Internet who may be scammers or bar girls looking for their fish, and then come and see if they are the same in person as online..........From what I have seen and heard from men who met their ladies online, it is about 1 out of 10 that are keepers and the other 9 need to be tossed back for someone else to play with........Again JMHOAnd again Paul is correct, think with the correct head because no matter if you find your lady in person or on the Internet, it is really going to be about you seeing the clues and a person needs a clear head to do that.I would also like to say that not all girls walking around the malls are bad or good, like everywhere else, there will be a mix of both.One other tip, it might be better to seek women online during the night time here because a bar girl would be working in the bars and not online at that time.

Well, I was gonna agree to disagree and wait to settle this over beer. But, Lee can't wait, so I am happy to oblige. :)Actually, Lee, I am the perfect guy to offer this advice. Why? 1. Because I live on the ground here. I'm not a short time visitor. I'm not a 21 dayer. I'm not someone who spends part time here and part time in another country. I'm on the ground here, day in and day out, 24/7. 2. I'm single, not married. If someone has been married for several years, or in your case a number of years, then it's difficult for you to know what types of girls are "available" out there. However, with me dating around and having the opportunities to meet these girls, many of them, I do know, Lee.3. Because I did find the perfect girl, and I found her from the province, Baril. Vivian, whom you know, is the girl for me, and I am the guy for her. We both know this in our hearts. There has been no other woman in my life, no matter what, that makes me feel the completion, the wholeness, the love and the passion in my life that Vivian does. There never has been. While we have had our problems in the past, we have always come back to each other, and in fact are together now. Lee, if you truly know me, then I hope you will believe me now when I say this. I do want to marry again. I want to be only with one woman. I want to love her and be faithful to her and her alone. If I can work things out between Viv and myself, we will eventually marry. We just have to iron out some rough spots in our relationship first.Now, back to the actual topic here, which wasn't me:After all of these posts, after everything you have said in disagreement with me, and everything has been said and done here, Lee, it appears as though you agree with me after all. I quote:

From what I have seen and heard from men who met their ladies online, it is about 1 out of 10 that are keepers and the other 9 need to be tossed back for someone else to play with........Again

Hey, those were your words, not mine. Wasn't that what i was saying all along? :th_goodidea:

[retired]

Now I am not the type of person to throw stones at anyone Paul, but I have to ask how a man who has not been in a long term relationship that has worked out feels that he is qualified to tell others how to find a good woman.......... Paul, to those of us that know you, we also know that you have bounced around a bit, to say it mildly. ........Now we know that you have been in the Philippines many years and as far as I know you have not found the right woman to settle you down yet, or to just remain in a relationship with, be it by choice or by chance, and then you think others can easily find a good woman on the ground........Now, while I do not think you are wrong about it being easy to find women in many parts of the Philippines, I do think it might be difficult to find the right woman, no matter where in the world we may seek one, and that is why I again say to use the Internet to look and to rule out the ones who do not fit your needs........Now again Paul is correct when he says it has been a long time since I found my wife and I am the first one to admit that the ladies have changed dramatically since then.........When I met my wife, IMO most ladies were good girls and a few were wild, compared to today when I think the pendulum has swung the other way and more girls may be wild and fewer are good girls........So it is going to be all about what you seek.......As I walk around the malls nowadays and look in some of the Internet cafes, I see more and more bar girls walking around the malls and chatting online, and just plain old blending in as everyday girls.......So if what a person seeks is a bar girl or a wild lady, then those would be very easy to find both in the bars at night, or Internet cafes and in the malls in the daytime, but if that is not what they seek, then it might be a good idea for them to do their homework and try to rule out some of the ladies via the Internet who may be scammers or bar girls looking for their fish, and then come and see if they are the same in person as online..........From what I have seen and heard from men who met their ladies online, it is about 1 out of 10 that are keepers and the other 9 need to be tossed back for someone else to play with........Again JMHOAnd again Paul is correct, think with the correct head because no matter if you find your lady in person or on the Internet, it is really going to be about you seeing the clues and a person needs a clear head to do that.I would also like to say that not all girls walking around the malls are bad or good, like everywhere else, there will be a mix of both.One other tip, it might be better to seek women online during the night time here because a bar girl would be working in the bars and not online at that time.

Well, I was gonna agree to disagree and wait to settle this over beer. But, Lee can't wait, so I am happy to oblige. :th_goodidea: Actually, Lee, I am the perfect guy to offer this advice. Why? 1. Because I live on the ground here. I'm not a short time visitor. I'm not a 21 dayer. I'm not someone who spends part time here and part time in another country. I'm on the ground here, day in and day out, 24/7. 2. I'm single, not married. If someone has been married for several years, or in your case a number of years, then it's difficult for you to know what types of girls are "available" out there. However, with me dating around and having the opportunities to meet these girls, many of them, I do know, Lee.3. Because I did find the perfect girl, and I found her from the province, Baril. Vivian, whom you know, is the girl for me, and I am the guy for her. We both know this in our hearts. There has been no other woman in my life, no matter what, that makes me feel the completion, the wholeness, the love and the passion in my life that Vivian does. There never has been. While we have had our problems in the past, we have always come back to each other, and in fact are together now. Lee, if you truly know me, then I hope you will believe me now when I say this. I do want to marry again. I want to be only with one woman. I want to love her and be faithful to her and her alone. If I can work things out between Viv and myself, we will eventually marry. We just have to iron out some rough spots in our relationship first.Now, back to the actual topic here, which wasn't me:After all of these posts, after everything you have said in disagreement with me, and everything has been said and done here, Lee, it appears as though you agree with me after all. I quote:

From what I have seen and heard from men who met their ladies online, it is about 1 out of 10 that are keepers and the other 9 need to be tossed back for someone else to play with........Again

Hey, those were your words, not mine. Wasn't that what i was saying all along? :thumbsup:

Well , when the day comes if it does just make damn sure you invite Daisy and i to the wedding . Hey . that could be cause for national celebration .

[Mr Lee]

Now I am not the type of person to throw stones at anyone Paul, but I have to ask how a man who has not been in a long term relationship that has worked out feels that he is qualified to tell others how to find a good woman.......... Paul, to those of us that know you, we also know that you have bounced around a bit, to say it mildly. ........Now we know that you have been in the Philippines many years and as far as I know you have not found the right woman to settle you down yet, or to just remain in a relationship with, be it by choice or by chance, and then you think others can easily find a good woman on the ground........Now, while I do not think you are wrong about it being easy to find women in many parts of the Philippines, I do think it might be difficult to find the right woman, no matter where in the world we may seek one, and that is why I again say to use the Internet to look and to rule out the ones who do not fit your needs........Now again Paul is correct when he says it has been a long time since I found my wife and I am the first one to admit that the ladies have changed dramatically since then.........When I met my wife, IMO most ladies were good girls and a few were wild, compared to today when I think the pendulum has swung the other way and more girls may be wild and fewer are good girls........So it is going to be all about what you seek.......As I walk around the malls nowadays and look in some of the Internet cafes, I see more and more bar girls walking around the malls and chatting online, and just plain old blending in as everyday girls.......So if what a person seeks is a bar girl or a wild lady, then those would be very easy to find both in the bars at night, or Internet cafes and in the malls in the daytime, but if that is not what they seek, then it might be a good idea for them to do their homework and try to rule out some of the ladies via the Internet who may be scammers or bar girls looking for their fish, and then come and see if they are the same in person as online..........From what I have seen and heard from men who met their ladies online, it is about 1 out of 10 that are keepers and the other 9 need to be tossed back for someone else to play with........Again JMHOAnd again Paul is correct, think with the correct head because no matter if you find your lady in person or on the Internet, it is really going to be about you seeing the clues and a person needs a clear head to do that.I would also like to say that not all girls walking around the malls are bad or good, like everywhere else, there will be a mix of both.One other tip, it might be better to seek women online during the night time here because a bar girl would be working in the bars and not online at that time.

Well, I was gonna agree to disagree and wait to settle this over beer. But, Lee can't wait, so I am happy to oblige. :)Actually, Lee, I am the perfect guy to offer this advice. Why? 1. Because I live on the ground here. I'm not a short time visitor. I'm not a 21 dayer. I'm not someone who spends part time here and part time in another country. I'm on the ground here, day in and day out, 24/7. 2. I'm single, not married. If someone has been married for several years, or in your case a number of years, then it's difficult for you to know what types of girls are "available" out there. However, with me dating around and having the opportunities to meet these girls, many of them, I do know, Lee.3. Because I did find the perfect girl, and I found her from the province, Baril. Vivian, whom you know, is the girl for me, and I am the guy for her. We both know this in our hearts. There has been no other woman in my life, no matter what, that makes me feel the completion, the wholeness, the love and the passion in my life that Vivian does. There never has been. While we have had our problems in the past, we have always come back to each other, and in fact are together now. Lee, if you truly know me, then I hope you will believe me now when I say this. I do want to marry again. I want to be only with one woman. I want to love her and be faithful to her and her alone. If I can work things out between Viv and myself, we will eventually marry. We just have to iron out some rough spots in our relationship first.Now, back to the actual topic here, which wasn't me:After all of these posts, after everything you have said in disagreement with me, and everything has been said and done here, Lee, it appears as though you agree with me after all. I quote:

From what I have seen and heard from men who met their ladies online, it is about 1 out of 10 that are keepers and the other 9 need to be tossed back for someone else to play with........Again

Hey, those were your words, not mine. Wasn't that what i was saying all along? :th_goodidea:

Paul I do agree with you on some items and it might be hard for someone to meet the 1 out of 10 but I also think that the girls people meet on the street would also be 1 out of 10, so it really does not matter and building a real relationship takes time. You have all the time to do that and look how long it took you to find Vivian. By the way, the best to you both, I like Vivian and I think she is a nice lady, so I really hope things work out between you both.My point is basically that I do not want readers to come to the Philippines for a week to 3 weeks and think that they are going to find true love that way. I am not saying that it cannot happen but from what I have seen and heard, it is not as likely as meeting someone on the Internet and going through the 10 until you get the one. Many a guy has done that. Remember my friend Bruce, he tried on the ground for almost 3 weeks and then met the perfect lady by putting an ad in FH under my advice and telling it like it is and he got a reply and is now happily married to a lovely lady. There are many others such as Mike S but I think it is best for them to tell their own stories.Anyway, I will meet you and have a beer with you and we can talk it over but there are many different ways to meet a lady and all avenues should be taken IMHO and the Internet is but one tool and meeting the ladies in person is another and I think having someone introduce a person is one of the best ways, but that can also fail because we do not always know the person unless we live with them.And most of all, let me close by saying, I also believe ladies from the province can be less spoiled and make great wives but others may disagree with me and you on that.

[Mike S]

While we have had our problems in the past, we have always come back to each other, and in fact are together now. Sorry but I'm confused here ...... I thought you just said that you were living with your new girlfriend Rosa Marie ....... or did I miss something here ...... oh well doesn't really matter but it doesn't say much for coming here to meet that special someone in person as the only way to find a girlfriend or wife as apposed to chatting to one on the Web ...... but then maybe others will see it differently .....

[Jollygoodfellow]

Paul, the guy from the UK is just one guy who may or may not have gotten to know the lady for any length of time........ We all have different points of view or opinions and you have been living in the Philippines for a while so yours may be different than mine, but not everyone has the time to spend months in the Phils trying to get to know someone.................... I could rattle off many names who met on the Internet and are very happy with their ladies, so it can go either way.............. My point is that if a person spends enough time getting to know a lady on the Internet and a web cam, then they at least have some idea who they are and what they are about and IMO, those people have a leg up on people who just meet in person........... I think your idea may be better suited for people who are moving to the Phils or those who will be staying for months and not weeks. JMHO

I think it's more than that, Lee. In the thread I posted on about the Brit today, I feel as though it has a lot to do with each guy's ability to judge good character. In having lived here for so long now, and having learned much of the language and how to "read" Filipinas more, of course I have honed skills that a new guy may not have. But, I think that most of these guys, like that 61 year-old Brit, for example, was using the wrong head when he made that decision. (Please read my recent post on LinC, regarding that.) But, no matter where they live with the girl, or for how long, is irrelevant. Either way, perhaps we should agree to disagree, as my mentor, G. Gordon Liddy would say.

As I walk around the malls nowadays and look in some of the Internet cafes, I see more and more bar girls walking around the malls and chatting online, and just plain old blending in as everyday girls.......So if what a person seeks is a bar girl or a wild lady, then those would be very easy to find both in the bars at night, or Internet cafes and in the malls in the daytimeOne other tip, it might be better to seek women online during the night time here because a bar girl would be working in the bars and not online at that time.

Sorry to get slightly off topic here but I can not understand how you know the girls in the mall or Internet cafe are bar girls. All the bargirls that I have seen as they turn up for work or when they are going home are dressed just the same as any young woman of that age,usually jeans and T shirt or just casual clothing. Is it something else other than the way they dress that tell you they work in a bar. :th_goodidea:

[Jollygoodfellow]

While we have had our problems in the past, we have always come back to each other, and in fact are together now.Sorry but I'm confused here ...... I thought you just said that you were living with your new girlfriend Rosa Marie ....... or did I miss something here ...... oh well doesn't really matter but it doesn't say much for coming here to meet that special someone in person as the only way to find a girlfriend or wife as apposed to chatting to one on the Web ...... but then maybe others will see it differently .....

Things change fast lol,

[Mr Lee]

OK, since Mike said it already, Paul, I know you deleted you post in the bar girls section, but I read it and it said "I believe she's a keeper, for sure. Her name is Rosa Marie. In fact, today is the first day we are "living in" together. "And now you are saying that Vivian is the one for you. Do you really think that you should be giving people advice on relationships?Paul, I have to admit that you know an awful lot about the Philippines and I am sure way more than I know and quite possibly more than I will ever know, but when it comes to relationships or how to find women, you may know how to find a certain type of girl, and I am not saying bar girls only, but you did post that in the bar girl section, so I and I think a reasonable person might conclude that maybe Rosa Marie is also a bar girl, but if a person wants a wholesome wife or gf type as I did, I think you would be the wrong person to give information......... Sorry that is not a personal attack on you, but an observation based on our time spent together and from what I have seen and heard.So in closing, if a person wants that type of lady, please follow Paul's advice but if they want a wholesome lady, maybe try to sort through the many girls on the Internet or post an ad of your own and try to find the 1 out of 10 that would make a great wife as many others I know have done.

[paul]

The only bar girl I ever had an on-going relationship with was Iyah, which some of you have met.Rose was not a bar girl, but a virgin. We were going to live together. I fetched her at her home and took her around town with me that day.I took her back to fetch her things and heard her talking to her aunt. She (Rose) had told me previously that she wasn't a virgin. I found out by listening to their conversation that she was, in fact a virgin. (It was a somewhat heated discussion between her and her aunt.) She told her aunt not to tell me - like it would be a secret for long? Either way, I split up with her for lying to me about that.Vivian and I, I believe, one day later, began talking again. She text me and asked if I was with anyone. I let her know I had just split with a girl who was going to live in with me. She and I continued talking, and decided to give it a try again. She came here yesterday. For the record, I have been with a total of 2 girls, sexually, since Viv and I split up a while back, like 2 months ago maybe? Days and weeks run together for me, so it is difficult to keep track.Either way, I stand by what I said:1. I am very qualified to offer advice about this topic to new guys.2. Do not meet girls on line, but rather meet them here, in person. (The chances are simply better when meeting them on the ground here. Period.)3. Lee and I do agree on this topic, as he posted previously.Also, for the record, I have never once stated you can find "the perfect" girl in your first trip, certainly not necessarily during a 21 day trip to the Philippines.So, any of you who wish, feel free to judge me as you wish. I'm a big boy and I can take it. :)EDIT: By the way, Vivian has never worked in a bar, just for the sake of argument here.EDIT2: Forgot some text.

Edited April 17, 2009 by Paul

[Mr Lee]

The only bar girl I ever had an on-going relationship with was Iyah, which some of you have met.Rose was not a bar girl, but a virgin. We were going to live together. I fetched her at her home and took her around town with me that day.I took her back to fetch her things and heard her talking to her aunt. She (Rose) had told me previously that she wasn't a virgin. I found out by listening to their conversation that she was, in fact a virgin. (It was a somewhat heated discussion between her and her aunt.) She told her aunt not to tell me - like it would be a secret for long? Either way, I split up with her for lying to me about that.Vivian and I, I believe, one day later, began talking again. She text me and asked if I was with anyone. I let her know I had just split with a girl who was going to live in with me. She and I continued talking, and decided to give it a try again. She came here yesterday. For the record, I have been with a total of 2 girls, sexually, since Viv and I split up a while back, like 2 months ago maybe? Days and weeks run together for me, so it is difficult to keep track.Either way, I stand by what I said:1. I am very qualified to offer advice about this topic to new guys.2. Do not meet girls on line, but rather meet them here, in person. (The chances are simply better when meeting them on the ground here. Period.)3. Lee and I do agree on this topic, as he posted previously.Also, for the record, I have never once stated you can find "the perfect" girl in your first trip, certainly not necessarily during a 21 day trip to the Philippines.So, any of you who wish, feel free to judge me as you wish. I'm a big boy and I can take it. :)EDIT: By the way, Vivian has never worked in a bar, just for the sake of argument here.EDIT2: Forgot some text.

Thank you for clearing all that up Paul and we wish you and Vivian the best of luck and all the good things that life has to offer. .......I personally would not have broken up with a girl that was a virgin and gave you her virginity and then lied to say she was not, but if a girl claimed to be a virgin and lied, that would be a real lie IMO.......If Rose knew you wanted a non virgin and cared enough to lie to you to try to get you, I would be complimented if I were you...... We all tell white lies from time to time and a white lie like that shows to me that she cared for you very much and wanted to please you by saying she was not. JMHO But who am I, I do not know anything about women, dating or finding women, or the Philippines since I am only here 3 to 4 months a year, every year and have been coming back and forth to the Philippines for over 15 years now....... I think I will now crown you King Paul, king of the expats here in the Philippines because you know all and no one knows more than you do, or should dare to disagree with you, because you have to be correct in your opinion.

[TheMason]

Now, on any forum or group, you have to take the advice for what it's worth. In this case it's my advice - meeting Filipinas.Where should you meet Filipinas? Should you meet them on the Internet? I mean, after all, you may not get another chance to hook up with a girl after you have arrived in the Philippines. (This may be true, but not for the reasons you believe.)Guys, don't go wasting your time meeting girls on line. Trust me. You can get off the plane, enter the terminal, and before leaving there meet a girl, if that is what you want. However, if you want to relax before heading out to meet a girl, then just don't get any numbers before you are checked into your hotel and have had time to have a shower and a sleep. The reason I tell you this is, quite often, you may meet girls who really, honestly, aren't worth your time once you come to the Philippines. You will... and I mean will meet other girls after arriving here. But, once you have hooked up with them, they may keep the strings so tight on you while you are here, that you will not have the time to meet another girl anywhere. Believe me when I say, they know why not to let you out of their site when you are with them. They are scared that another Filipina will snatch you up. And, in a heartbeat, they may very well do just that! A member of my forums, who had hooked up with "the" perfect Filipina, later found out that she wasn't exactly the perfect one for him. He was fortunate enough to find this out before he swapped "I do's" with her. I have been living here since 2002, January. I have been coming here since 1992, January. I am definitely not new to the Philippines, certainly not to Cebu and the Visayas. So, I may know a little bit about this topic. Of course, the choice is yours. Paul

The problem is not how you meet women. The things that lead to bad relationships are the same whether you meet online or offline.Many of the guys that come here get blown away by the devotion and affection that is showered on them by Filipinas. They just aren't used to that level of love and affection. The attention level often makes them believe the woman is someone she is not. They don't realize that Filipinas in general are all that way, so they mistake the behavior for true love instead of seeing it for what it really is, a cultural difference. And of course, there are also the guys that are too busy f#@k#!g every girl in sight to notice the locals sharpening their knives and aiming their guns.Poverty on the scale of the Philippines twists people in ways most Westerners don't understand. If you don't understand what grinding poverty is like, you aren't prepared for the depths people will go to escape it. This lack of understanding can be very dnagerous when coupled with the issues I mentioned above.It doesn't matter how you meet a woman. If you don't keep your eyes open and your wits about you, you will get taken advantage of. That's true no matter the country or culture of the people involved.