Maybe 'yaya' To You- But Not To Me!

[relcarve25]

   I hope you'll forgive me if I ramble a bit (honest- it's not senility creeping up.) I grew up in a comfortable middle class environment in Belfast, in the 1940's. At that time it was common for those who could afford it to employ a househelp/Nanny from the South of Ireland, and I remember two such ladies who assisted my mother They both 'lived-in' and as far as I know were paid the going rate for the job. My parents were good people and treated their worker's well- they even saved one Nanny's life when she contracted TB- almost a death sentence in those days- by paying for private treatment for her.

   I have also, in my time as a teacher, worked in several British Colonies where the 'Colonial Mentality' was rampant, and British people were expected to have servants. Naturally I have read of the all too many cases of 'servant abuse' which have, and still are, taking place around the world. Rich Arab and Chinese employers seem to be some of the worst.

   To get to the main point- and this is where the 'YaYa' comes in- I would like to ask people what they think about the 'Domestic Worker' situation in the Philippines. I suspect that this will be a somewhat 'polarising' topic as there will be many who support, and many who decry the concept.

   YaYa's first really came to my attention when our son started going to a private school in Cebu. Every day dozens of YaYa's, and drivers, spent almost the whole of the school day sitting around gossiping and I was told that they were there in case the child in their charge needed anything. At first I thought that this was 'money for nothing' but as time went on I saw another side to it. There were many rich Filipino parents and many of their children were fat and incredibly lazy. When they came out from school they would throw their heavy bags at their YaYa and shout at them. The usually diminutive servant had to try to carry the bag. They were also expected to wipe the sweat from the childrens faces, shade then from the sun- even act as a footstool if a small child had to climb into a huge four wheel drive. I saw many being hit and kicked. My wife soon learned from talking to some of the YaYas that they had to help even 15 year old boys go to the toilet and wipe their bottoms etc etc. They were in fact the child's personal ' slave.' I use this word advisedly as the definition of slavery is a controversial one. I was told so many. to me, horrifying examples of the indignities and cruel treatment that these women were subjected to that I'm sure that the word 'SLAVE' is correct for many. Of course they were also 'dogsbodies' who often had to cook, wash clothes and clean the houses as well. Often they were on duty 24 hours a day and had only one afternoon off a month. Their wages were a pittance, justified by the fact that they lived in and got free food.

   I hope I'm not stupid or ignorant of the general employment situation for most workers here in the Philippines, and many will say that 'any job' is better than none at all- and that they should be grateful to have work.

   Is it just me trying to unfairly compare working conditions between a Developed and a Third World country or is 'SLAVERY' alive and well in the Philippines??  I would love to hear the opinions of others!

[Thomas]

 Is it just me trying to unfairly compare working conditions between a Developed and a Third World country or is 'SLAVERY' alive and well in the Philippines??  I would love to hear the opinions of others!

I GUESS it has more to do with if there are social security or jobs enough  = In e g the Philippines many people HAVE TO stand brats and bad employers to SURVIVE. Otherwice I suppose the "slaves" wouldn't allow it. 

 

Many abroad working Filipins have it very bad. I know e g:

/one employer to a domestic worker (=food included in the deal) had banting died self, so the domestic worker got only an apple as lunch!

/one is nanny to two small kids, and after they go to sleep, she has to do dishes and such making her work days being 17-18 hours plus sometimes having to go up at nights when needed for the kids. But she is allowed to eat as much as she want, which suit her extra good, because one of her main hobbies is eating   :hystery:    (But she is mini size anyway.)

 

I suppose strength of labour unions is a factor too when they are to weak.

[earthdome]

IMHO, as long as the relationship between the employer and employee is voluntary, there is no physical abuse and the employee is free to leave at anytime; then I don't think it is any of my business. That doesn't mean that I approve of treating employees badly. If I observed employees being treated as you related above I would have a poor opinion of the employer and would not associate with them.

 

Just a thought, I don't know if I would do this or not, would be to find a better employer for the badly treated employee. As long as you could stay low profile and not come to the attention of the employer and perhaps put yourself at risk of retribution.

[Bruce]

Some of what you said has been published in the Daily Mail about UK teachers complaining that they have students entering school for the 1st time and have never wiped their own butts. 5 yr olds in 'nappies' and lacking basic personal skills that all kids learned by age 2 in prior generations.

 

As for the term slave... in today's legal climate, that term is used to describe people that are caged or not paid or are abused by employeers. While not legally correct as slavery is outlawed and no actual rights of ownership exist, the term is used as it is widely understood.

 

However, as with all things bad.... current research in the US shows that while slaves per se, most were not mistreaded and many were valued members of the family. Further, that after the civil war ended in 1865, many thousands of slaves refused to leave and instead continued to work and it took a few generations to end that relationship. But because such research does not paint slavery in a horrible light, but instead as a tolerated situation by the slave themselves, such research is hidden away.

 

In modern times it envolves issues of self worth. You ( Orangeman, are ye? No idea what that means but did over hear a couple of Irish men accuse each other of being an Orangeman...) see the world via your own eyes and if 'ordered' to wipe the butt of some kid or to take verbal abuse from someone, you would not tolerate it. (I hope) But for many with self worth issues, is is a daily theme and they explain it away is 'it's OK, they really do not mean it' type of logic.

 

Also, such conduct against an employee does not start on day 1. It is a gradual build up and a wearing down of the situation on the employee.

 

Remember that if you apply for a toilet cleaners job, chances are that is all you think you are worth and you will not be promoted to a more lofty job. Many of these employees are working in a job that they are comfortable with and while you can not understand it, they are used to it and willinggly tolerate such abuses. Child care is a menial low level job no matter how many Merry Olde English schools of Nanny Professional Training open up and try to raise the level of the employee. I understand they take 'butlering' very seriously in the UK.

 

In the US, there have been several cases of servant abuse in the court syctem. Most all employers are from Africa or India and simply acting like they would 'back home' and are really unable to understand such conduct is not legal in the UK or US or Australia. 

 

The kids abusing the servants are an extention of what they see their parents doing. They simply may lack the ability to curtail their abuse as others may be watching, while their parents, older and wiser, understand that others watching may be an issue and wait until they are home and alone with the servant for the abuse to be carried out.

[i am bob]

There is nothing wrong with employing someone as a Ya Ya.  There is something wrong with treating them like dirt.  These should be the ones who are charged and locked away within the court system.   Yeah, I know...  They'll just buy their way out.

[brock]

I have known foreigners employ a yaya, The wife doesn't go out to work, So why do they need a yaya, Just idleness in my opinion.

[Old55]

In my experience and from what I have been told the conditions detailed in your question are not common in Philippines. Sadly I have seen some very arrogant and demeaning behavior in wealthy Filipinos and some Foreigners who think themselves better than others. 

[StayAtHomeDad]

I think I may have quite a bit - albeit different type - of perspective on this topic. I am a single dad, and as such, need yayas. At present, I have three - although they do more than just care for my daughter. I choose to use the term "ya-ya" rather than house maids or helper because they are all aware that their primary jobs are to look after my daughter. That being said, I can see how some kids can grow to be abusive of their yayas. I think that if this happens, it is a direct reflection on the parents' attitudes toward their domestic helpers. If the parents permit it, they are in fact condoning it. I do not allow this in any shape, form or fashion. While only 5 years old, my daughter is fully aware she must respect her yayas and comply with their instructions. Any blatant disrespect from her toward her yayas is dealt with immediately.

I have been raising my daughter since she was just a baby, and in that time, I have learned many things about being a successful employer of yayas. I will share some not-so-secret tips on how to keep the good ones around for a while:

1.) Pay them a decent wage. I know many Filipinos and foreigners that brag about HOW LITTLE they pay their yayas, and how much of an accomplishment they believe that is. I mean, for me, it comes down to how important your child is to you. I will assume that for most parents, their children are by far the most precious and important gifts they've ever received. If that is the case, why would anyone pay less to have someone care for them than they would their Internet service or a night out dining and drinking? I am not saying that one needs to pay a lot for a good yaya, but a bit more thought than "what's the cheapest going rate?" or "how much will she accept?" when deciding how much to pay them. I always try to remember that the girls working for me have familial obligations and responsibilities too. I start yayas off with a modest salary, but make it clear to them that increases are forthcoming should they take their duties seriously and stay and work longer. This approach has worked well for me. With my present crew, 1 has been with me 4 years, another 2 years, and the third is a newbie at 8 months. I had a fourth, but she left to pursue educational goals after 3 years. I typically offer the first increase after about 90 days, and then annually or semi-annually afterwards. Your goal should be to provide them with a reasonable salary that makes working for their better-off cousin or just staying in the house simply not an option for them. Still, teach them that salary increases are earned and not a right.

2.) Offer some sort of savings plan. I started this a couple of years ago, and it is a great incentive for yayas. After a yaya works 1 year for me, I allow them to begin a very simple savings plan. The way it works is very simple. They decide on an amount they would like held from their monthly salary for savings, and then I match it. For instance, if the yaya wants to save 500 from her salary every month, I hold the 500 and then match it with the same amount. It teaches them how to save a little, and gives them the additional peace of mind and security that they have a little something in the event of an emergency. Since I started this, I have never had a yaya that passed up on the chance to participate. It does add significantly to the cost of employing them, but I find the day-to-day benefits from doing this FAR outweigh the extra pay.

3.) Always pay salaries on time. This is a big one. Your yayas will seldom complain about receiving their pay a day or two late, but their family or others waiting for their share will. This puts a lot of undue pressure on these girls working so hard just to be able to send 500 or 1000 pesos home every month. It also gives them a great sense of pride when they compare notes with other maids or yayas in the area to be able to say "my boss so good about that he never pay late." If you dont think your maids or yayas gossip or talk about you and the things that go on in your household, you are in for a rude awakening.

4.) Feed them decent food Another really big one. No, you dont need to let them eat steak and lobster, but forced diets of noodles and sardines wont work either. Let them participate in the grocery shopping and purchase vegetables and modest amounts of meat from the market or supermarket. You might think that if you let them basically eat what they want, they will abuse the process and opt for more expensive food types. I think the reality will surprise you. From my experience, they will choose a decent rice variant but besides that, they will choose foods they are comfortable with and to which they are accustomed to eating. Allowing them a considerable amount of choice in what they will eat bodes a lot better than dictating a ridiculously cheap diet. I have had several yayas tell me that their friends (other maids and yayas) are shocked when they tell them they can eat fried chicken or adobo. My yayas dont eat the same food I do simply because I cook for myself most of the time. But they do eat the same food as my daughter. I make them responsible for providing my daughter with a balanced diet, and allow them to eat the same foods if they choose to do so. Otherwise, they can basically cook what they want within reason. This approach has worked very well for me. YMMV.

5.) Learn to shut up and pick your battles wisely. If you complain or nit-pick about every mistake or problem, your yayas wont be there long. You have to remember that these girls are often among the most uneducated and socially inexperienced people in the Philippines. I have multiple yayas so this is not such a huge issue for me, as the older girls always do a pretty good job at teaching the newer ones. If you only have one yaya or helper, though, be prepared for some mistakes or things that just dont make any sense to you. Finding reliable and trustworthy yayas is really hard so dont make a mistake and run off a good one without giving her ample chance to learn and blossom.

6.) Treat them with respect. I know this should go without saying - still. Whenever you ask them to bring you something or do something, never forget to say "please" or "thank you. I also ensure that my daughter always says "please" and "thank you" to her yayas whenever she asks for something or wants something. In fact, my yayas, are instructed never to give her something unless she first says "please." They are also told to ensure that she says "thank you" every time they give her something.

7.) Teach kids that yayas are part of the family. If you treat your yayas merely as domestic help, your kids will do so also. Therefore, speak softly and kindly to your yayas whenever possible. Also, remind your children that their yayas are family and need to be treated with kindness and respect. My daughter is very much aware that she cannot shout at or be demanding with her yayas. She knows if she does so that daddy will not be happy. I don't have much of a problem with this type of thing, but still I nip it in the bud immediately should the issue arise. The flip side to this is that you should monitor the activities and interactions of your yaya with your child frequently. You can do this very discreetly and quickly determine if the yaya will in fact be able to be part of your family. Generally speaking, many Filipino girls are naturally loving and attentive to young children. Nevertheless, if it appears that the yaya does not have a natural attraction to your child or show a natural want to be close to them, you may want to consider replacing her - after giving her a reasonable amount of time to adjust to your child that is.

8.) Give them time off. I know a lot of people that never give their helpers time off – or if they do, it's only one day a month. Constantly looking after a child and cleaning house is a lot of work. I know it would make me tired, but I don't know about you. I give my yayas one day a week to go out, go home or do whatever they want to do. I also give them the option of not taking the day off. If you give them the option to work or not, you will see that sometimes in fact they do want to go out and take care of personal errands, and that some days they want to stay home and work. If they choose to work on their day off, I simply add an extra day's pay to their salary. Their off time runs for 24 hours. Therefore, if they leave or start their off time, at 8 AM, it ends at 8 AM on the next day.

Now, there are many other factors that will determine how successful you are in finding and keeping a good yaya. Many will depend on if you have only one yaya or several, But the basics are still the same. For me, my yayas take care of the most precious and important part of my life, and my attitude and actions toward them should reflect as much. Being a single dad, and not having a wife or significant other in the house, can make things interesting sometimes with rumors and rumors of rumors, But that's another story. Obviously, I have to draw fairly defined and strict boundaries between myself and my yayas is to keep the rumors or unpure thoughts at bay - but that still does not mean i cannot be kind or respectful to them. Luckily, after a while, this becomes less and less of an issue. I also try to make it a priority to include the yayas when my daughter and I go out for dinner or play time (another big bragging topic for your yayas). I guess it can appear a little strange to see my daughter and I walking with her small army of the yayas at the mall or restaurant. And sometimes, people do ask if one of them is my wife. When asked this, they usually just laugh and say no he's my boss. Even if you don't understand what they're saying, you'll be able to tell if they are speaking about you with a sense of pride or if they are talking about you with contempt or disdain.

Of course, the above are just different things I do, and they may not be for everyone. Still, I think much of the information contained herein may help some new to the Philippines or those looking to hire yayas for the first time. I hope my rambling helps someone.

Edited March 15, 2013 by JeSsDaDdY

[JJReyes]

A children's birthday party among the wealthy families in the Philippines requires the preparation of two different meals. One for the children. The other for the accompanying yaya's, maids, drivers and bodyguards. You can observe the children opening their mouths and being spoonfed by whomever was attending to their needs. The relationship could extend through their teen years and sometimes, the yaya would accompany a girl to her new home after marriage. The yaya is acting as a surrogate mother who instead of weaning the child to become independent continues to foster dependency. The reason is to assure themselves of lifetime employment surrounded by luxury compared to the hard life they left behind in rural Philippines.

 

A former high school classmate, who was from an extremely wealthy family, asked if his son could come over and play with our son, who was three years old at the time. The boy arrived in two cars, one with a driver and bodyguard plus two yayas. The second car with more bodyguards. The boy was all excited about meeting our son and he tried walking to him, but fell. One of the yayas immediately picked him up. The two children played, but the visitor was very wobbly standing and walking. I asked one of the yayas if he had a physical problem and the answer was, "No." It puzzled my wife, but through observation she realized what was going on. The two yayas were continually carrying him, so the child never learned to walk! If he became too independent, they might be dismissed. By early afternoon, my wife and I held his hands and he clearly was enjoying walking and running for the first time, with a little bit of assistance. I told my former classmate what was going on and he corrected the problem. The boy eventually grew up normal.  

Edited March 15, 2013 by JJReyes

[Thomas]

I think I may have quite a bit - albeit different type - of perspective on this topic. I am a single dad, and as such, need yayas. At present, I have three - although they do more than just care for my daughter.

Good post totaly,

but why THREE Ya-Yas for ONE child???

 

In most countries ONE wife take care of house and SEVERAL children...  :)