Mooching Or Sharing?

[Tukaram (Tim)]

Just a short post on my blog.  Not an in depth exploration just some observations from my short time as an ATM machine.  :tiphat:

 

http://expatinphilippines.wordpress.com/2013/03/30/mooching-or-sharing/

[Call me bubba]

Great post.

are you now glad that you became a member of the BEST forum

to know the wonders or pitfalls of being part of an "extended" family..

 Hope that you have learned MUCH from the Forum and hands on experiences ..

(seems that you have)

[earthdome]

I ran into a situation less than 3 weeks after I arrived where I was expected to pay for bus tickets, not just for me and the gf (expected), but for 2 other family members going on the same trip (1600 pesos round trip for 2). I was not told in advance but went ahead and paid because I didn't want to make a scene in public at the bus station.

 

The next day in private I brought it up with the gf. Told her that she put me in a bad position because in America I would not be expected to pay for the other 2 family members and I what if I did not have enough cash to pay? I told her that in the future I would like to know in advance if I am expected to pay (share) when doing something with her family or friends. Then I can make the choice ahead of time of how much I will choose to share and she will know so that plans are not made which in the end can not be paid for in full.

 

She got pretty upset but then the next day was very contrite and apologized.

 

Since then she either asks before hand or I ask her when she tells me about some outing.

 

I also will propose sharing every once in a while. Like inviting her parents to go to dinner with us on Valentines Day. Or taking her brother to dinner to celebrate him getting his first job after graduating from college.

[JJReyes]

This is partially cultural. The expectation is the richest person in the group pays. There is no "Dutch Treat" or everyone chipping in money to pay the restaurant bill, so the person with the thickest wallet pays. The exception are students and it extends to a time when everyone is married with various degrees of prosperity. Everyone contributes, except if there is someone in the group who is not well off. Nothing is said, but that person is exempt from contributing.

 

The secret to survival in the Philippines is YOU have to make the rules by pretending to be ignorant about what is customary. In the example on your blog, never hand over money to pay the gas (P3,000 or $75). That amount sounds more than a full tank. What you may want to do is offer to pay for gas at the station. Tell the attendant you want P500. That's more or less the amount to be consumed on a round trip. For picnic food, go along to the market and pay for the fish, vegetables rice, etc. needed. Again, never hand over cash since you still don't know how much is needed.

 

It's okay to pay the entrance fee as a one time treat. If a family member suggests another picnic, ask the question, "Who is going to pay the entrance fee?" That will result in a change of subject. The response is a culturally acceptable way to answer. Saying, "Hey, I am not going to pay the entrance fee again." may cause offense. Adding embellishments like, "You think I am a sucker to pay again?" is taboo.  Sometimes a declarative sentence works like, "I have spent all my entire entertainment budget for the next three months." works. Become blissfully ignorant that they need for you to buy beer for the next get together. It okay to say, "I am out of money."

 

With regards to children taking candies from your room without permission, the only solution is lock your valuables including candy supplies. Otherwise, it's fair game. They won't break the lock no matter how filmsy because the mere fact the candies are under lock & key signals that they are not allowed to take.

[brock]

The ex governor of Cebu once took my ex and myself out for a meal, And she paid the bill....Mind you she was trying to con me out of one and a half million at the time.

[i am bob]

This is partially cultural. The expectation is the richest person in the group pays. There is no "Dutch Treat" or everyone chipping in money to pay the restaurant bill, so the person with the thickest wallet pays. The exception are students and it extends to a time when everyone is married with various degrees of prosperity. Everyone contributes, except if there is someone in the group who is not well off. Nothing is said, but that person is exempt from contributing.

 

The secret to survival in the Philippines is YOU have to make the rules by pretending to be ignorant about what is customary. In the example on your blog, never hand over money to pay the gas (P3,000 or $75). That amount sounds more than a full tank. What you may want to do is offer to pay for gas at the station. Tell the attendant you want P500. That's more or less the amount to be consumed on a round trip. For picnic food, go along to the market and pay for the fish, vegetables rice, etc. needed. Again, never hand over cash since you still don't know how much is needed.

 

It's okay to pay the entrance fee as a one time treat. If a family member suggests another picnic, ask the question, "Who is going to pay the entrance fee?" That will result in a change of subject. The response is a culturally acceptable way to answer. Saying, "Hey, I am not going to pay the entrance fee again." may cause offense. Adding embellishments like, "You think I am a sucker to pay again?" is taboo.  Sometimes a declarative sentence works like, "I have spent all my entire entertainment budget for the next three months." works. Become blissfully ignorant that they need for you to buy beer for the next get together. It okay to say, "I am out of money."

 

With regards to children taking candies from your room without permission, the only solution is lock your valuables including candy supplies. Otherwise, it's fair game. They won't break the lock no matter how filmsy because the mere fact the candies are under lock & key signals that they are not allowed to take.

 

This sounds very much like my family...

 

My Dad is usually the one who tries to pay for everybody - though now we have learned to lift his wallet before we go out.  So now we all chip in and pay - except for those who we know can't afford it or are students.  And candies anywhere in the house and not locked up?  Fair game!

 

I will take exception to one part of your post...  Going to the market to pay?  NOT!  Unless the prices are marked, some of the markets can smell a Kano within 50 metres and bring out the Kano prices...  "Is that price in Pesos?  Sorry Sir - US Dollars!"  hehe!  Ok, so maybe I exaggerate but I still think the prices will probably be better if we aren't present in the market too.

[Tukaram (Tim)]

We have one brother that has asked for money a couple times.  Once for a phone - which I turned down.  Then a few days later for an "emergency"... his daughter was asthmatic.  I wired him the p3,500 but when I later questioned someone about Ella's health they had no idea she had been sick.  Seems odd since they live in the same house.  So the other day when he asked for p2,000 to renew his drivers license I told my girlfriend I would give it to him as soon as he paid back the 3,500.  Matter of fact no one in the family can borrow anything until it gets paid back. That is the revolving account for the family, and it is currently being used.  ha ha  

 

I'm a bastard sometimes :tiphat:

[Call me bubba]

Matter of fact no one in the family can borrow anything until it gets paid back. That is the revolving account for the family, and it is currently being used. ha ha

 

GREAT,very great start of "limiting" the request for the walking"TUKA RAM"atm.

somewhere else in this FORUM, another member had the same principle,

when JUAN 1 paid back his XXXX , then JUAN 2 can borrow X,

if JUAN 1 didnt pay back , then NO ONE got anything, til it was paid/

 about "medical emergency" have you thought of asking for PROOF before hand? or receipts?

or if they have cell w/camera have a photo taken when at the doctor,.

[Thomas]

Matter of fact no one in the family can borrow anything until it gets paid back. That is the revolving account for the family, and it is currently being used. ha ha

 

GREAT,very great start of "limiting" the request for the walking"TUKA RAM"atm.

somewhere else in this FORUM, another member had the same principle,

when JUAN 1 paid back his XXXX , then JUAN 2 can borrow X,

if JUAN 1 didnt pay back , then NO ONE got anything, til it was paid/

 about "medical emergency" have you thought of asking for PROOF before hand? or receipts?

or if they have cell w/camera have a photo taken when at the doctor,.

 

Yes, I remember too an other told about such solution, but I don't remember who told, but I remember in that case it was an uncle. So it can be GOOD to have a BAD behaving member in the family-in-law...   :) 

[JJReyes]

I will take exception to one part of your post... Going to the market to pay? NOT! Unless the prices are marked, some of the markets can smell a Kano within 50 metres and bring out the Kano prices... "Is that price in Pesos? Sorry Sir - US Dollars!" hehe! Ok, so maybe I exaggerate but I still think the prices will probably be better if we aren't present in the market too.

 

Maybe the fresh market is not a good example. Possibly you can go to a supermarket where it is "fixed price."

 

We have one brother that has asked for money a couple times. Once for a phone - which I turned down. Then a few days later for an "emergency"... his daughter was asthmatic. I wired him the p3,500 but when I later questioned someone about Ella's health they had no idea she had been sick.

 

This is a good example of the emergency loan request. Rather then send the money to Ella's father, it could have been wired to another relative to accompany Ella to the doctor and pay the bill.