Mooching Or Sharing?

[Thomas]

I am well versed on the subject. just stand your ground. Tuka. I had a laugh to myself many years ago when my wife arrived in the states. She thought money grew on trees and the streets were paved with gold.

 

How did that go when reality set in and your wife realized that it costs money where ever you live? Its very hard to explain to a Filipino/a that just because we may have a higher salary that does not mean we have a heap left over once all is paid. I have tried to explain it to a few and basically gave up.

I have told rice price. And when I tell what only heating of my house costs, then they get shock.

And I say I have no cash, before I have sold my house. Not fully true, but have made several scamers lose interest   :mocking:  

[oldutot]

I am well versed on the subject. just stand your ground. Tuka. I had a laugh to myself many years ago when my wife arrived in the states. She thought money grew on trees and the streets were paved with gold.

 

How did that go when reality set in and your wife realized that it costs money where ever you live? Its very hard to explain to a Filipino/a that just because we may have a higher salary that does not mean we have a heap left over once all is paid. I have tried to explain it to a few and basically gave up.

it's called a joint bank account

[Bil Brock]

This is partially cultural. The expectation is the richest person in the group pays. There is no "Dutch Treat" or everyone chipping in money to pay the restaurant bill, so the person with the thickest wallet pays. The exception are students and it extends to a time when everyone is married with various degrees of prosperity. Everyone contributes, except if there is someone in the group who is not well off. Nothing is said, but that person is exempt from contributing.

 

The secret to survival in the Philippines is YOU have to make the rules by pretending to be ignorant about what is customary. In the example on your blog, never hand over money to pay the gas (P3,000 or $75). That amount sounds more than a full tank. What you may want to do is offer to pay for gas at the station. Tell the attendant you want P500. That's more or less the amount to be consumed on a round trip. For picnic food, go along to the market and pay for the fish, vegetables rice, etc. needed. Again, never hand over cash since you still don't know how much is needed.

In many Asian & other countries, the food markets give you the same prices as the locals. That is about the only place that does though.

 

It's okay to pay the entrance fee as a one time treat. If a family member suggests another picnic, ask the question, "Who is going to pay the entrance fee?" That will result in a change of subject. The response is a culturally acceptable way to answer. Saying, "Hey, I am not going to pay the entrance fee again." may cause offense. Adding embellishments like, "You think I am a sucker to pay again?" is taboo.  Sometimes a declarative sentence works like, "I have spent all my entire entertainment budget for the next three months." works. Become blissfully ignorant that they need for you to buy beer for the next get together. It okay to say, "I am out of money."

 

With regards to children taking candies from your room without permission, the only solution is lock your valuables including candy supplies. Otherwise, it's fair game. They won't break the lock no matter how filmsy because the mere fact the candies are under lock & key signals that they are not allowed to take.

 

This sounds very much like my family...

 

My Dad is usually the one who tries to pay for everybody - though now we have learned to lift his wallet before we go out.  So now we all chip in and pay - except for those who we know can't afford it or are students.  And candies anywhere in the house and not locked up?  Fair game!

 

I will take exception to one part of your post...  Going to the market to pay?  NOT!  Unless the prices are marked, some of the markets can smell a Kano within 50 metres and bring out the Kano prices...  "Is that price in Pesos?  Sorry Sir - US Dollars!"  hehe!  Ok, so maybe I exaggerate but I still think the prices will probably be better if we aren't present in the market too.

[Jake]

Good morning guys (California time),

 

Back in the mid 80's when Judy arrived to California on a fiancee visa, I had many attempts to teach

her how the dollar quickly vanishes on any given day.  I further explain to her that our salary or wages

are earned in US dollars but at the beginning of each month, our debts must be paid off in dollars as

well.  And besides that, I believe that many Filipinos have little concept of maintaining a budget, even

more so about repaying your debts faithfully.   

 

Tuka Ram -- you're not alone in this matter.  I have my own horror stories about extended family issues.

Please take my advice.....your wife or GF is your first line of defense.  If she cannot or will not try to

understand your limited budget and priorities (immediate family first), then I think it's time to move on.

She must be made aware of budgeting both time and money and most importantly, be your guard dog

against intruders of your private and financial life.   

 

Good luck TR -- Jake

[robert k]

I'm not there yet but I have had a talk with my girl and reminded her that I have a soft heart but not a soft head. I was offered free lodging in the family home, which I was told needed (probably extensive) renovation. I offered to pay rent that I would otherwise pay elsewhere and physically assist in the renovation to benefit all. I'd have no problem buying someone a relatively cheap cellphone one that does just talk and text as a gift, possibly used, if you are someone I will ever want to hear from but $75, no. I think if I suggest an outing, I'm paying. If invited to an outing I would pay for my girls nuclear family and probably contribute more than our share for refreshments and other expenses but sorry the adult seventh cousin twice removed (probably for good reason) who I had never met before is not getting a free ride from me unless I or my girl invited them.