Problems With Filipinas

[i am bob]

There seems to be those that think I'm simply trolling and trying to make Filipinas look bad.  If you are going to have a forum in a democratic society, then viewpoints that are not your own will sometimes be expressed.  Your experience and thoughts may differ but you should have the opinion that they should at least be expressed.   But the moderator(s) of this forum are the ones in control and I defer to them and whatever they choose to do in regards to mine or anyone else's posts.  

 

Obviously your posts have been allowed to stand.  But I must say that your attitude towards the people of the Philippines is beyond the borders of racism.  You really are a sad sad man without a clue if you truly believe all that you have written.

[sjp52]

Hello all,

 

There seems to be those that think I'm simply trolling and trying to make Filipinas look bad.  If you are going to have a forum in a democratic society, then viewpoints that are not your own will sometimes be expressed.  Your experience and thoughts may differ but you should have the opinion that they should at least be expressed.   But the moderator(s) of this forum are the ones in control and I defer to them and whatever they choose to do in regards to mine or anyone else's posts.  

 

Yes, some Filipinas can be wonderful wives -- I am not denying that.  I only argue that meeting them (as well as other third world nationalities) as the worst possible way to get to know them.  Some of you moved to the Philippines first and then met your future wife there.  You had time to get to know their true character, their families, friends, and so on just as you would have had you met and married someone in the States (or whatever first world nation you are from).   There lies the best road for a successful long-term relationship.  

 

I have admitted to stupidly being involved with Filipinas that I met online and stupidly trusted as I thought each was different and that a bad apple couldn't be picked from the tree yet again.  I  was wrong.  What makes Filipino men so terrible that Filipinas must, in droves, search for a man elsewhere?  Are these men womanizers, cheaters, heartless and cruel to their Filipina girlfriends and wives - driving them to seek out the gentle and loving western man?  That seems to be the case if you get to talking to these Filipinas online! 

 

I think it's ludicrous to actually believe that.  There are thousands of Filipino men that would make good husbands but many of them can't provide the lifestyle that Filipinas see on TV, in movies, and from the girl friend that married the "rich" westerner and is settled in a townhouse in the outskirts of Chicago and emailing about how nice it is with all the trees and that she loves driving the car her hubby bought for her and the driving lessons she's taking now.

 

There is an amazing amount of teaching that has to go on with a Filipina (or other third world nationality) when they are brought over as a new wife to, in this case, the States.  I know because I went through it with my ex-wife.  It was like teaching a teenager.  She had to learn to drive.  She didn't understand about checking accounts.   She had to relearn to the American concept of work and applying for a job as her resume was the Filipino way and job interviews are different (for the record, she wanted to work and I supported in her in what she wanted to do).  I had to search the job listings for her as she had no idea if a job listing that she liked was going to be nearby or not.  I had to write the cover letters to employers so that her "Filipino English" didn't show up and ruin her chances for an interview.  The supermarket was different for her as well as the idea of using coupons.  I had to explain the whole thing about products in the supermarket having USE BY, SELL BY, BEST IF USED BY, and other markings so that she understood that milk, for example, didn't have to be thrown away by the SELL BY date as she was doing at first.  She was afraid to walk on the residential streets (it was a safe neighborhood) because it had so few people walking during the daytime -- compared to the streets in the Philippines where it would have dozens, if not more, at any time. 

 

So if any man chooses, as I did, to meet and marry a Filipina online, and bring her to his country to live, is indeed very much a crap shoot.  Maybe she will turn out to be a good woman after finally being able to do what other adult women already in the U.S are capable or maybe she will turn out as a beautiful woman that really cares not for him but what he has given her in terms of his income and assets and a much better lifestyle than to which she was accustomed. 

I feel for your frustration and pain of not one, not two, but three failed relationships. I,m glad to see a post of yours that is a little less harsh. When I came to the Philippines, My wife had to teach me all the different ways and customs that are different then what I know. She never once complained and I am not the best student at my age ( 56 going on 50 )). These are the things we do for each other. I agree there are bad Filipino men but there are also a lot of good ones, Just like every other country.

 

If I was to go to the states to find a bride in 3 or 4 weeks time it would also be a crap shoot. We are not condeming what has happened to you only that you are trying to say this can only happen in the Philippines and with a Filipina and thats not true

 

All I can tell you is once you find a good Filipina she will make you forget all those bad ones.

 

I hope your anger towards Filipino women subsides as the only person it is hurting is you.  I hope you will find what your looking for.

[Jake]

Hey Scott,

 

Where's my triple like button?  You certainly have more patience in trying to explain to the OP

that we all make mistakes (foreigners, Filipinos and Filipinas) but it's not the end of the world.

Well done, my friend!

 

Respectfully -- Jake

[Jake]

Hello all,

 

There seems to be those that think I'm simply trolling and trying to make Filipinas look bad.  If you are going to have a forum in a democratic society, then viewpoints that are not your own will sometimes be expressed.  Your experience and thoughts may differ but you should have the opinion that they should at least be expressed.   But the moderator(s) of this forum are the ones in control and I defer to them and whatever they choose to do in regards to mine or anyone else's posts.  

 

Yes, some Filipinas can be wonderful wives -- I am not denying that.  I only argue that meeting them (as well a I only argue that meeting them (as well as other third world nationalities) as the worst possible way to get to know them.s other third world nationalities) as the worst possible way to get to know them.  Some of you moved to the Philippines first and then met your future wife there.  You had time to get to know their true character, their families, friends, and so on just as you would have had you met and married someone in the States (or whatever first world nation you are from).   There lies the best road for a successful long-term relationship.  

 

I have admitted to stupidly being involved with Filipinas that I met online and stupidly trusted as I thought each was different and that a bad apple couldn't be picked from the tree yet again.  I  was wrong.  What makes Filipino men so terrible that Filipinas must, in droves, search for a man elsewhere?  Are these men womanizers, cheaters, heartless and cruel to their Filipina girlfriends and wives - driving them to seek out the gentle and loving western man?  That seems to be the case if you get to talking to these Filipinas online! 

 

I think it's ludicrous to actually believe that.  There are thousands of Filipino men that would make good husbands but many of them can't provide the lifestyle that Filipinas see on TV, in movies, and from the girl friend that married the "rich" westerner and is settled in a townhouse in the outskirts of Chicago and emailing about how nice it is with all the trees and that she loves driving the car her hubby bought for her and the driving lessons she's taking now.

 

There is an amazing amount of teaching that has to go on with a Filipina (or other third world nationality) when they are brought over as a new wife to, in this case, the States.  I know because I went through it with my ex-wife.  It was like teaching a teenager.  She had to learn to drive.  She didn't understand about checking accounts.   She had to relearn to the American concept of work and applying for a job as her resume was the Filipino way and job interviews are different (for the record, she wanted to work and I supported in her in what she wanted to do).  I had to search the job listings for her as she had no idea if a job listing that she liked was going to be nearby or not.  I had to write the cover letters to employers so that her "Filipino English" didn't show up and ruin her chances for an interview.  The supermarket was different for her as well as the idea of using coupons.  I had to explain the whole thing about products in the supermarket having USE BY, SELL BY, BEST IF USED BY, and other markings so that she understood that milk, for example, didn't have to be thrown away by the SELL BY date as she was doing at first.  She was afraid to walk on the residential streets (it was a safe neighborhood) because it had so few people walking during the daytime -- compared to the streets in the Philippines where it would have dozens, if not more, at any time. 

 

So if any man chooses, as I did, to meet and marry a Filipina online, and bring her to his country to live, is indeed very much a crap shoot.  Maybe she will turn out to be a good woman after finally being able to do what other adult women already in the U.S are capable or maybe she will turn out as a beautiful woman that really cares not for him but what he has given her in terms of his income and assets and a much better lifestyle than to which she was accustomed. 

Hello DoNotTrustFilipinas,

 

I must apologize for dissecting your comments above.  It's my way of trying to analyze your thought process.

I'm a Filipino-American with English as my second language when I first immigrated to the States a long time

ago.  So please correct me if I'm out in left field, OK?  So, here's goes......

 

If you are going to have a forum in a democratic society, then viewpoints that are not your own will sometimes be expressed.  

Your experience and thoughts may differ but you should have the opinion that they should at least be expressed.   

Huh?  Please identify which one of us are expressing our viewpoints that are not our own?  

 

 I only argue that meeting them (as well as other third world nationalities) as the worst possible way to get to know them......  

 Some of you moved to the Philippines first and then met your future wife there.  You had time to get to know their true character,

their families, friends, and so on just as you would have had you met and married someone in the States.   There lies the best

road for a successful long-term relationship.  

Double huh??  A dichotomy of terms within the same paragraph?  

 

What makes Filipino men so terrible that Filipinas must, in droves, search for a man elsewhere?

There you go again -- generalization makes it a fact??

 

There is an amazing amount of teaching that has to go on with a Filipina (or other third world nationality) when they are brought

over as a new wife to, in this case, the States.  I know because I went through it with my ex-wife.  It was like teaching a teenager.

WTF?  In order to be a good teacher, you must have patience and understanding.  Perhaps, you as a visiting

tourist, failed as a student in learning-accepting different cultures?

 

So if any man chooses, as I did, to meet and marry a Filipina online, and bring her to his country to live, is indeed very much a

crap shoot.

Double WTF??  Indeed, another generalization about Filipinas.

 

I can see your bitterness in your failed marriage to a Filipina.....and repeated relationships-s-s that fed your

your frustrations.  This wonderful forum is primarily for new expats having the desire to learn different cultures

and we (moderators, veteran expats) have a responsibility to express our success stories, as well as our failures. 

We all try to learn from our mistakes and we continue to have an open mind, without prejudice.

 

DoNotTrustBlondandBlueeyes -- Jake

 

PS -- we're still waiting for your success stories about the western women that are more appealing to you.

[Bruce]

I must apologize for dissecting your comments above. It's my way of trying to analyze your thought process. I'm a Filipino-American with English as my second language when I first immigrated to the States a long time ago. So please correct me if I'm out in left field, OK? So, here's goes......

 

Jake! I am amazed. Your writings are well thought out and to the point. Very well done....... But we all know your grand kids are helping you with the spelling and sentence structure..... :dance:

[donottrustfilipinas]

Hello all yet again,

 

Viewpoints not your own -- meant that you are reading viewpoints that are not your own and written by someone else.  It would be unrealistic to continue the fallacy that Filipinas ALWAYS make great loving wives for EVERYONE and all men should run out and get one, post haste.  

 

I meant that meeting them online is the worst way of meeting a woman from abroad and that is far better if they end up living in the same area for an extended period of time so that her true character (as well as that of the man) become evident and, in my case for example, don't get side-swiped by a Filipina having sex while engaged and getting pregnant with some Filipino guy who, thankfully, is smart enough not to marry her but the child is the one that will suffer the most as he or she will not have an active father in his or her life.  

 

A generalization can be made when it becomes apparent above that of other cultures worldwide.  Go to any of the dating websites that have profiles of those currently in third world nations and you will see that the majority of them are Filipina. So yes, Filipinas are, in droves, attempting to find foreign husbands much more so than those of other third world nations.  Another sad commentary is that the majority of the women on asian sex cam sites are also Filipinas.

 

Actually, when it comes to understanding different cultures, I have experience beyond that of just Japan and the Philippines.  I have done a lot of world travel for the government and it has taken me to a lot of places I'd never thought I would go.  Thankful that I've been able to see the wonderful people of Haiti, whom despite their poverty, live life upbeat and they don't seem to be searching for foreign husbands.

 

Successful relationships?  Yes, I have had some but I'm in no way someone who will lie and say I've had relationships all my adult life. I'm currently seeing someone and will we see where that goes.  She's local, Chinese-American (grew up here), and she is thoughtful and kind. 

 

I am being accused of racism by good old Bob here.  Do I hate Filipinos? No.  There are many good Filipinos out there and they have contributed greatly to society and to the world. A great many Filipinos study medicine and dentistry here in the States and then return to the Philippines to make only one-tenth of what their counterparts in America make.  But I will argue that Filipinas that go online and agree to marry a foreigner after having met him once or twice on a short trip, are not truly in love with the man they are agreeing to marry and neither is the man (although both may believe that they are -- I deluded myself into believing I was in love with my ex-wife and that of the second to whom I was engaged).  In that small way, some may consider me racist against Philippine women as I do not trust what they will say to men online and when the man visits them for a short period of time.   It is not unlike the hostess girls of bars where they will say anything to the man to keep him happy as long as he continues to buy beers for himself and them.   There is an ulterior motive in many (but not all) instances.  For the record, I never got  to any of these bars with hostess girls as I was always with the Filipina (my ex or second to whom I was engaged) and I'm not one for cheap, meaningless sex (believe it or not). 

[MacBubba]

Maybe I am reading the original poster's comments differently, but I really do not find his comments too extreme. 

 

No question that there are some deceitful Filipinas online, and having been bitten thrice, his stance is understandable.

 

And, as to whether Filipinas think that Filipinos are louses - my wife would disagree.  The men she has known are anything but that.  She acknowledges that there are such men, but they are free for the taking for those who would have them.

[i am bob]

Yes, I did accuse you of a racist act.  You came onto a forum for people who are interested in and/or live in the Philippines and attacked ALL the women of Filipino decent.  If that is not racist, then what is? Yes, many Filipinas are on the dating sites we can all find online - but not all Filipinas are looking for a foreign husband.  These sites are for everybody - Filipino males as well. You further go on at this point and again try to paint all Filipinas as being there just to scam the foreign male.  I'm sorry but you obviously missed out on visiting several other countries that are even more intense on scamming foreign males.  Try the Russian dating sites.  The new Chinese sites from the PROC - do you really think all these women have access to the internet outside China in order to find a husband?  Heck - even the terrorist are getting into the act by setting up their own dating sites with women hired on to solicit money from the lonely Foreign Male. Yes, you have told us how you met up with some women who willingly scammed you.  No matter where in the world you are, this can hjappen to you - regardless of the race or nationality of the woman involved.  So please - do not come onto a site where many of the members have a great relationship with a Filipino partner and start insulting them en mass!

 

Really - this is the only subject you post on.  You have even named yourself after your target.  Is this all you are here for?  I'd love to know the answer to this but I doubt we will get one - not a truthful one at least.

[Old55]

Yes, I did accuse you of a racist act.  You came onto a forum for people who are interested in and/or live in the Philippines and attacked ALL the women of Filipino decent.  If that is not racist, then what is? Yes, many Filipinas are on the dating sites we can all find online - but not all Filipinas are looking for a foreign husband.  These sites are for everybody - Filipino males as well. You further go on at this point and again try to paint all Filipinas as being there just to scam the foreign male.  I'm sorry but you obviously missed out on visiting several other countries that are even more intense on scamming foreign males.  Try the Russian dating sites.  The new Chinese sites from the PROC - do you really think all these women have access to the internet outside China in order to find a husband?  Heck - even the terrorist are getting into the act by setting up their own dating sites with women hired on to solicit money from the lonely Foreign Male. Yes, you have told us how you met up with some women who willingly scammed you.  No matter where in the world you are, this can hjappen to you - regardless of the race or nationality of the woman involved.  So please - do not come onto a site where many of the members have a great relationship with a Filipino partner and start insulting them en mass!

 

Really - this is the only subject you post on.  You have even named yourself after your target.  Is this all you are here for?  I'd love to know the answer to this but I doubt we will get one - not a truthful one at least.

I agree with Bob. You are untitled to an opinion and free to express it here as long as you follow forum rules. You are not the first Foreigner to post negative experiences with Filipinas here there have been several over the years that share your thoughts. However you include ALL Filipinas in a negative light and that simply is not a fact but only one mans opinion.

[OnMyWay]

Maybe I am reading the original poster's comments differently, but I really do not find his comments too extreme. 

 

No question that there are some deceitful Filipinas online, and having been bitten thrice, his stance is understandable.

 

And, as to whether Filipinas think that Filipinos are louses - my wife would disagree.  The men she has known are anything but that.  She acknowledges that there are such men, but they are free for the taking for those who would have them.

 

I think the key point, that Bob pointed out, was that the OP used wording that suggest he is condemning ALL Filipinas.  A few carefully placed words selected / added differently and we would just be having another discussion about the traits of the Filipino culture.  For example, SOME, MANY, A FEW.  "THE FILIPINAS i HAVE KNOWN", etc.

 

It is never a good idea to making sweeping generalizations about any group of people.  You are setting yourself up to to be accused of racism, sexism or whatever the particular case may be.  And, you will logically be dead wrong in the point you are arguing, because a large group of people NEVER has the exact same qualities and traits.  Anyone who thinks logically will immediately dismiss your argument.