Problems With Filipinas

[Jake]

 

Maybe I am reading the original poster's comments differently, but I really do not find his comments too extreme. 

 

No question that there are some deceitful Filipinas online, and having been bitten thrice, his stance is understandable.

 

And, as to whether Filipinas think that Filipinos are louses - my wife would disagree.  The men she has known are anything but that.  She acknowledges that there are such men, but they are free for the taking for those who would have them.

 

I think the key point, that Bob pointed out, was that the OP used wording that suggest he is condemning ALL Filipinas.  A few carefully placed words selected / added differently and we would just be having another discussion about the traits of the Filipino culture.  For example, SOME, MANY, A FEW.  "THE FILIPINAS i HAVE KNOWN", etc.

 

It is never a good idea to making sweeping generalizations about any group of people.  You are setting yourself up to to be accused of racism, sexism or whatever the particular case may be.  And, you will logically be dead wrong in the point you are arguing, because a large group of people NEVER has the exact same qualities and traits.  Anyone who thinks logically will immediately dismiss your argument. 

 

Hey OMW,

 

You are on your way to become my next lawyer whenever I get in trouble for a paternity suit.....he, he. 

Your skills at litigation is well balanced and to the point.  What do you charge anyway?  A case of San

Magoo per hour is all that I could afford.....he, he.

 

Well done sir -- Jake

[Mike S]

But I will argue that Filipinas that go online and agree to marry a foreigner after having met him once or twice on a short trip, are not truly in love with the man they are agreeing to marry and neither is the man (although both may believe that they are

 

While I can understand a lot of your frustration as I have heard it before I personally ..... I  have never had to experience it ....... but the one sentence you typed above got me to thinking .... you claim the a girl can't truly love a man after only meeting him once or twice ..... well I ask you .... who asked who to marry first .... did you love these women before you asked them to marry you ..... if not then you placed yourself in the exact spot you are accusing them of being in ...... of not really being in love with the man ..... so were YOU really in love with these girls and asked them to marry YOU after only a couple of visits ..... if the answer is yes then I believe it is also possible for them to feel the same way .... right ...... JMHO

 

Sorry not going to pick apart your posts but that sentence kind of intrigued me .....  :thumbsup: 

:cheersty:

[donottrustfilipinas]

Well, I will say that it was never my intent to sweep all Filipinas under the rug except those willing to marry so easily to someone they've met, westerner or otherwise, when it is likely there is an ulterior motive.  I made sure to couch the times that I mentioned Filipinas with the phrase (and other nationalities) so that I wasn't only pouncing on those of Filipina descent.   

 

It has been remarked that Chinese and Russians are also targeting westerners for marriage and do a good job of it online.  This is true but the number of Filipinas are significantly greater than those of other nationalities.  Why is this so?  In my humble opinion, it is simply because Filipinas can speak English better than their Chinese and Russian counterparts.  

 

It is true that you can and should never accuse an entire group of being one way as everyone is unique and has come from different backgrounds.  But my argument still stands whether those reading agree with me or not.  For the most part, Filipinas that choose to go online and marry a man that they hardly know except by email/online chats and one or two brief meetups are either desperate for marriage or have a desire strong for a better life materialistically and are willing to take the chance with a man they hardly know.   Unfortunately, for some, they marry a man that ends up treating them terribly or worse.   

 

In my case, I was the good husband, believe it or not, that attempted to keep the family together.   That attempted a second marriage with a Filipina as I found her smart, charming, and what I thought would be good for my daughter as her own mother wasn't being involved in her life as much as she needed and I thought it would be easier for her if her stepmother was also a Filipina.  She would still get to learn about her heritage.  In the long run, I realize now I was attempting to marry the second women not of love as I had thought but out of a desire to have my daughter have a mother in her life.   Naively, I thought this would work and she would be happy. Instead, when the second woman backed out at the last minute because she knew she was pregnant with another man's baby, she hurt my daughter more than I ever realized could happen.  For months my daughter kept saying that she was still going to come over here and be her stepmother.  Of course, it never happened.  But I take full responsibility that I was foolish enough to attempt to get involved with another woman, albeit Filipina, from abroad a second time.  

[Old55]

Thank you for the clarification that ALL Filipinas are looking to victimizing Foreigners. :thumbsup:

Now you bring up some valid points.

Many Filipinas as well as the majority of intelligent women of any culture look for a husband who is healthy and willing and able to support a family form a partnership of respect and love. 

For what its worth, I believe that you intended to be a good husband and that those relationships failed. I'm truly sorry you have had so difficult and painful experiences. For that you have my sympathy and understanding my wish is in time you could find someone special.

May I suggest respectfully and kindly that you speak with some type of counselor to do with the past relationships. I was married before and it ended very badly. Long story short I was used and robbed. The company I worked for had a low cost mental health counselor service that offered to "see me" I resisted but after awhile visited someone. It was amazing two visits and I was able to deal with things in a very constructive manor. Anyway best wishes to you!

[MikeB]

But my argument still stands whether those reading agree with me or not.  For the most part, Filipinas that choose to go online and marry a man that they hardly know except by email/online chats and one or two brief meetups are either desperate for marriage or have a desire strong for a better life materialistically and are willing to take the chance with a man they hardly know.   Unfortunately, for some, they marry a man that ends up treating them terribly or worse.

I agree and there are also huge cultural differences at play. If I understand the timeline you proposed to the 2nd one after spending a total of about 2 weeks physically together and an "online" courtship of almost 2 years. Whatever the woman's motivation what you did was not rational and it's too bad your daughter had to suffer for it. But the fault is primarily your's, not the woman's. Your posts are a good lesson for those in a "long distance" relationship; namely, that it often translates to some lonely guy making emotional and financial commitments to someone he doesn't know.

[Jollygoodfellow]

There is an amazing amount of teaching that has to go on with a Filipina (or other third world nationality) when they are brought over as a new wife to, in this case, the States.  I know because I went through it with my ex-wife.  It was like teaching a teenager.  She had to learn to drive.  She didn't understand about checking accounts.   She had to relearn to the American concept of work and applying for a job as her resume was the Filipino way and job interviews are different (for the record, she wanted to work and I supported in her in what she wanted to do).  I had to search the job listings for her as she had no idea if a job listing that she liked was going to be nearby or not.  I had to write the cover letters to employers so that her "Filipino English" didn't show up and ruin her chances for an interview.  The supermarket was different for her as well as the idea of using coupons.  I had to explain the whole thing about products in the supermarket having USE BY, SELL BY, BEST IF USED BY, and other markings so that she understood that milk, for example, didn't have to be thrown away by the SELL BY date as she was doing at first.  She was afraid to walk on the residential streets (it was a safe neighborhood) because it had so few people walking during the daytime -- compared to the streets in the Philippines where it would have dozens, if not more, at any time.    So if any man chooses, as I did, to meet and marry a Filipina online, and bring her to his country to live, is indeed very much a crap shoot.  Maybe she will turn out to be a good woman after finally being able to do what other adult women already in the U.S are capable or maybe she will turn out as a beautiful woman that really cares not for him but what he has given her in terms of his income and assets and a much better lifestyle than to which she was accustomed. 

 

 

WOW

You mean to tell me if you moved to the Philippines you know all there is in how to live there, the culture, what to buy, how to drive there, where to go, what is the freshest fish, how to cook rice, how to bank etc?  Seems really strange that anyone would expect to bring someone from another country, more so a third world country and expect them to be fine western citizens exactly the same as those who were born there. Hows your American tagalog? Shouldn't you be able to speak her language if you expect others to be fluent in english.

What about you foolishly hired a private plane to show off, if you had of known anything about people who live in a poor country then you should expect that the family seen dollars signs so they would want their daughter to marry you.

Lets face it, you are wasting your time as you have no concept of a relationship with someone from another country and it makes no difference how you met her. 

[softheart]

donottrustfilipinas ! reading your post with your sad experience with a filipina we can't blame you with your bad opinion but not in general, there are still good filipinas around. wish you luck. . . .

[OldUgly&Cranky]

boy would i like to chime in on this tread and say what truly happened with me and my ex i know there is just a few members knows the story , but i havent made anything too public about it , but to think all pinays are gold diggers , or scammers NO WAY , theres a old saying " it takes 2 to tango " i have learned what My own faults are TRUST me if i had a way to turn back the clock and do things different i would !! maybe someday i can post my story and what happened but im still dealing with it now on a daily basis , m trying to stay positive , analyzing myself , what i want out of life and where im heading , but do i regret getting involved with a filipina or the country as a whole not in a life time !!!

 

my 2 centavos

 

O-U-C :thumbsup:

[donottrustfilipinas]

Some are not reading my posts completely.  

 

I am NOT saying that ALL Filipinas are gold diggers or scam artists.  If you go to the Philippines, live there, and then meet a Filipina through a friend, at church, lives next door (whatever), and you date her long enough to get to KNOW her through and through, then you are marrying for the right reasons.  

 

However, I DO believe that if you meet a Filipina online,  get to know her through only emails/online chats and a short get together in the Philippines, then you stand a high degree that the Filipina doesn't really love you for who you ARE as she has NOT spent enough time with you ONE-ON-ONE to know that.   Just as you don't really know her EITHER as you both have written and said what each wanted to hear in endless emails and chats.  It is a wholly different matter when both have fights and learn how they resolve them (or not resolve them as the case may be).  When the woman I was going to marry for a second time began backing out of the marriage with only a few weeks to go, I couldn't get her on the phone/email at all.  If I had been there in the Philippines, I certainly could have seen and I would have learned a lot sooner instead of just three days before I was to fly there with my mother and daughter.  

 

So for the expats here that went to the Philippines and found a bride there and are continuing do live their retirement years there, bully for you!  Or maybe you found a bride in the States and been married so many years that you do have a sound marriage and love is assured till the end of time and the two of you have decided to spend the retirement years living well in the Philippines.  

 

But if you are a guy who has been on these Filipina dating websites and finding so many women interested in you that it seem to be a veritable candyland, don't believe it.  Don't be fooled by the fact that on the second or third time chatting with her that she is calling you  "Sweetie" or "Darling" that she has developed feelings for you.  I think many Filipinas just do this to guys whomever they are soon after meeting them.  But it gives a false sense to the westerner (it did to me but I know, I know, not to YOU as you're too damn smart for your own good) that these women have feelings for him and it's possible to develop feelings for her as well not realizing those on her part aren't really true.  

 

If you are a guy that starts emailing and chatting with one of these Filipinas day in and day out and believe that since she is spending so much time corresponding/talking to you, that she must have real honest-to-goodness feelings for you -- STOP -- get a reality check.  Remember what it is possible that you represent to her.  A way out of poverty.  A way out of the Philippines.  A way out of the boring provincial life she may be in.  A way out from family or work problems.   A way to have children that will a better chance in life.  If she has children, a way to have a husband when it's very difficult to do so if she had them out of wedlock in the Philippines.   Do you think you're the best thing sliced bread that this online Filipina has latched onto you?  Do you not realize the investment of time and effort on her part may play out to rich rewards?  

 

Let me stop here and say -- NOT ALL FILIPINAS ONLINE ARE LIKE THIS -- but differentiating between those that are and those that aren't is basically a game of Russian roulette.  In my case, I got shot three times.  But maybe your luck will be, or was, better than mine.   Thankfully, I have met a wonderful woman locally and we have a good thing going -- I will NEVER EVER trust any foreign national online that is living an impoverished life as I won't be going to any of those dating websites for Filipinas or other nationalities as they will smile and lie very convincingly to get towards the goal if their goal is anything other than true love.

[lyno 47]

There are many truely lovely Filipina ladies all over the country,just like there is in any part of the globe.There are just as many scammers,as well.I am, sorry that you got shafted.Maybe you should have chatted to a few,lined up some dates on a visit and sorted the chaff from the wheat so to speak.I wish you well with your new lady and hope she can restore your faith in woman. :cheersty:

Edited June 25, 2013 by lyno 47