30,40,50,60 Year Age Difference

[Mr Lee]

30,40,50,60 year age differenceWhile it is not for me to judge what is right or what is wrong with relationships like those, I did want to put down some of my thoughts on them.First, my wife and I are 20 years apart, and our marriage seems to be working great, but she is an exceptional woman IMO, and one who seems to be able to adjust and adapt to the age differences. If you guys can also find yourself such a woman, then you too will be OK IMO.As I get older, I am soon going to be 61, I realize the age difference now, a lot more than I did earlier on in our relationship. I am no longer able to do as much running around or chasing her around the house, luckily she lets me catch her some of the time because I am sure she could out run me all the time, if she really wanted to. I guess what I am saying here is, guys should be going into these relationships with their eyes wide open and not thinking how sexy, gwapo and wonderful that they may think they are, and maybe look at how the age difference might matter later on in life. For instance, if you were to have children and you are 60's and she is 20's, well that means that you will be well into your 70's when your child or children are of their best playing years and I sure know that I would never be able to run around and give them all they would deserve, no less give my wife all that I feel that she might also deserve for putting up with me all these years. :SugarwareZ-034: Now you may all ask what brought this all up in my mind, and I will tell you, yesterday while at SM with some friends, we noticed some guys in those age groups with some girls that seemed barely 18, if that, and a few of us started to comment on what the heck these guys were thinking, or if those were their children or toys. Sorry, just the ramblings of a guy who is looking back and now thinking forward. :th_need_vac:

Edited May 8, 2009 by Mr. Lee

[Bruce]

Lee, You aren't thinking of a 'trade in' are you? HeheheheThere is an interesting aspect that most people are not aware of or ignore in the age aspect of male / female relationships.There is 'man's law' and then there is nature's law. While man's laws change with the political / social climate, nature's laws remain constant. Nature's laws are most often biological imprints on all of us. If you look at say a dog, there is no his / mine property rights. He who is stronger simply takes what he wants. Nature's law. An animal is unable to grasp much else. But man is supposed to understand and respect property rights. Man's law. But now from a biological standpoint, lets look at animals.... They start having sex as soon as the needed hormones are produced. Same for mankind. Nature's law. It is man's laws that try to legislate and define 'moralities'. Now, look back at your great great grandparents. Very likely married at 14-15 years, working 12+ hours a day and having real responsibilities. Again, natures law. With a life expetency of 40-50 years, which was a great improvement over just a few hundred years ago when it was closer to 30 years.Try to keep up here. We 'humans' have basic behavior patterns in our genes. One of which is to breed. By natual selection, males look to younger (read fertile) women to breed with. Again natures law. But then comes in man's law which has two heads. The actual legal one (age of consent, varies with locality) and the social law aspect, which is what Lee is commenting on. There is a 'wiring' difference / error between this behavior and a true (prepubescent) child molester, which Lee is not commenting on. So, even though I, as an individual am attracted to the 40+ female crowd, I can understand the biological drives and attractions that other individuals exhibit. It is actually normal from a biological standpoint. However, modern man is supposed to suppress this behavior due to both social and legal laws. Most do very well. Others do not. From the female biological standpoint (the money driven Pinay / Kano relationship is a different discussion and not a part of this) females have a biological imprint to look for strong males to provide and protect them (apologies to Gloria Steinum et al). Strength comes in different forms and age / social position and income all are forms of strength. So, if EWE, the observer, can ignore your learned feelings (man's laws) and look at it from a biological standpoint, then what you are seeing is actually normal. Oh, yes Lee, did you happen to see any 33-35 kilo women? Get any numbers? You know, just asking..... Wondering......

[chris how]

hi leei have only been in cebu 16 days im looking for a lasting relationship and a place to live. im seeing a nice girl she works at S M in a shop. i meet her on line, and i have been seeing her for two weeks. on her day of and for lunch in her work break. we have not kissed she dont ask for money i like her and she say she likes me. but im 48 and she is only 23. so what do you think? like to hear what you think.chris how

[Mr Lee]

hi leei have only been in cebu 16 days im looking for a lasting relationship and a place to live. im seeing a nice girl she works at S M in a shop. i meet her on line, and i have been seeing her for two weeks. on her day of and for lunch in her work break. we have not kissed she dont ask for money i like her and she say she likes me. but im 48 and she is only 23. so what do you think? like to hear what you think.chris how

Chris, as I said before I am 20 years older than my wife and it works out fine for us. I guess it is up to how accepting she is of the age difference and to tell you the truth, you are young compared to many of the guys seeking even younger ladies than the one you seem to be interested in. If it is working then go for it but just take your time and get to know her well and then it will be time to meet her parents and family and see how they live. I am quite sure that her family will accept you with no problem and just observe all with open eyes, everything about her and who she hangs out with and you will be able to tell a lot about her character. I say go for it but try to stay in shape for your future and that is basically what my above rambling was about since I am now 61 and heading for 62 and the wife is still a young 41 but at least she does let me catch her once in a while.

[TheMason]

There's nothing wrong with big age differences so long as you are both prepared for what you'll hear from other people. Its one thing to say you have a thick skin and can it, its quite another to actually do it when someone calls your wife/gf a whore for being with you. My wife is only 7 years younger than me and I've heard comments like that while out and about town. The only advice I would give is to please provide for you wife financially once you are gone. She'll have a long time to go after you are gone and will not likely have any marketable job skills to provide for herself. Others say make sure you're worth nothing dead to dissuade your partner from whacking you, but I think that's a pretty cynical view of things. I think older husbands owe it to their wives to provide for them after they are gone. If you aren't going to leave her money, teach her how to provide for herself after you're gone.

[Mr Lee]

There's nothing wrong with big age differences so long as you are both prepared for what you'll hear from other people. Its one thing to say you have a thick skin and can it, its quite another to actually do it when someone calls your wife/gf a whore for being with you. My wife is only 7 years younger than me and I've heard comments like that while out and about town. The only advice I would give is to please provide for you wife financially once you are gone. She'll have a long time to go after you are gone and will not likely have any marketable job skills to provide for herself. Others say make sure you're worth nothing dead to dissuade your partner from whacking you, but I think that's a pretty cynical view of things. I think older husbands owe it to their wives to provide for them after they are gone. If you aren't going to leave her money, teach her how to provide for herself after you're gone.

Some excellent points here. I guess there are a lot of issues we need to think about when we marry a younger woman and that was the reason I made the first post because I was reflecting on how many things actually come about as I get older that my wife now has to deal with. While my wife is full of life, I often feel bad for her when I want to sit home and relax on the computer or take a nap and she gets bored with our new retired lifestyle and always wants to go do something. Running around to doctors for health issues being a big part of my aging and as I get older the age difference becomes much more apparent to me than it did when I was 46 when we got married since I never thought about getting older back then and how it might affect our relationship.So as long as a man thinks into the future and does so with open eyes and does his best to stay in shape, then the marriages can work out well but as TheMason brought up there will be the issue of making sure to take care of your wife's future and especially if you are going to live in the Philippines because an older woman will have a very hard time getting a job there. I covered this issue in another thread so I will not rehash it here but it will be very important to find a way to make sure she has funds without also putting a target on your back. TheMason brought up an issue that I feel is very real in the Philippines and while your future wife may not wish to harm you, others in her family might get dollar signs in their eyes and know that their relative would stand to inherit a bunch of money if you are gone and get bright ideas how they can get there share. Money can be a strong driver for some people and while we hate to think about that, I have been told that it only cost about $100 to have a person killed in the Philippines so what might a person do for a 5 million peso house or a large life insurance policy, so those things really need to be kept between just the husband and wife and NO ONE in the family should be aware of what the wife would get should one of us die.Then there are issues of children and how old we will be when they get to the age they are full of life and would we be able to deal with it since it seems we have less patience as we get older and become more irritable. Lots of things to think about and while I love my wife and would not trade her for a billion dollars, I often think I should have married someone closer to my own age so that when I am gone she would not have to wait for so long to get my social security, if there is even a social security to get by then and hopefully I will live at least another 19 years until she would be eligible as a US citizen.One major issue I would like to bring up is that Filipinos do not like to talk about death or the future preparation and that can end up being a real issue to make sure that their future is taken care of when they just do not want to hear anything about plans you are making for them.So Chris, as long as you think about these things then as I said before, go for it but if things should not work out with that lady then my advice might be to seek out a lady say in her 30's because there are plenty of those ladies who are also single and would make wonderful wives IMO.

[daisy]

At this point in my life, I have nothing but admiration for both parties when I see a couple more than half the age of the other. It really will take a lot of courage for the girl and lot of patience for the man for them to make this decision. I used to be judgmental about it and would just conclude it is just for the comfort and visa. However when I have the privileged to know an expat guy of 62 married to a 30 year old Filipina, it changes my views! They are one of the happiest family I've had the pleasure in knowing with their two beautiful children! (When you will be in CDO Lee, I will gladly introduce them to you and Nila, God willing.) Although they are exceptional, I just allow myself to have a positive mindset on this fact about life rather than dwelling on my previous negative outlook. Surely if things will not work for them, they will be the one to suffer for their own decisions. All we could do is to hope for the best, afterall, life is so short!!!

[Guardian]

I always felt that men were dirty old men when I saw them with much younger ladies, now I am one also :welcome: and I really do not care what people think. I am just hoping that I will be young enough to enjoy our children and be around to see them grow up, that is if Angel will end up my wife someday which is where I am hoping it goes because she is one in a million or is that a billion or maybe trillion. :yes: Man on man is she special, so am I good enough for her. I sure hope so.