Xmas Gifts To The Family

[davewe]

My Filipina wife has been in the US a whole 3 months; 2 months married, BTW. After about a month I suggested we send a balikbayan box in time for Xmas. We stocked it full mostly of used clothes and off it went. I certainly felt good about it and the cost was minimal.

 

The family is provincial (Alcoy, Cebu), huge and of course poor. I felt like doing something a bit more. I suggested to Janet that I send a small amount of money (like $100) to brighten Xmas. They can do what they want with it. In addition, one of her sisters (10 kids in the family) is in college in Cebu City and is a friend of mine. I suggested I send her a small gift of maybe $20.

 

So far there have been no family money requests. I would really like to help in some little way, but I don't want the requests to start flowing in. In short I really would like to give these small gifts. I just don't want the other stuff that guys complain about to begin.

 

It feels lousy that I have to worry about giving a gift, especially when the family has requested nothing. But having heard so many horror stories, I want to be cautious.

 

Any thoughts?

[Tukaram (Tim)]

I am kind of in the same situation.  I live over here but on the other side of the island from my girls family.  We have stopped them from asking for money (for now) by saying no to all requests.   But with the holidays coming up I would like to give them something... but don't want to remind them that I am a "rich foreigner".  I have not figured out what to do yet.    :tiphat:

[Fred & Mimi]

I give my partner a budget and let her go wild in the night markets that open up in Colon Street Cebu City just before Xmas, Full of stuff for 50p so lots of gifts to be had especially for the kids that really Xmas is for. The older ones can enjoy a good family meal which I participate financially in and only the older family members that really help us get a gift. They know we are in the process of building a house so the money is tight but then as far as I care, my budget will always be tight unless our farm starts to produce a profit. That's what I will tell them anyhow and it sounds good to me

[Jake]

My Filipina wife has been in the US a whole 3 months; 2 months married, BTW. After about a month I suggested we send a balikbayan box in time for Xmas. We stocked it full mostly of used clothes and off it went. I certainly felt good about it and the cost was minimal.

 

The family is provincial (Alcoy, Cebu), huge and of course poor. I felt like doing something a bit more. I suggested to Janet that I send a small amount of money (like $100) to brighten Xmas. They can do what they want with it. In addition, one of her sisters (10 kids in the family) is in college in Cebu City and is a friend of mine. I suggested I send her a small gift of maybe $20.

 

So far there have been no family money requests. I would really like to help in some little way, but I don't want the requests to start flowing in. In short I really would like to give these small gifts. I just don't want the other stuff that guys complain about to begin.

 

It feels lousy that I have to worry about giving a gift, especially when the family has requested nothing. But having heard so many horror stories, I want to be cautious.

 

Any thoughts?

Hello Dave,

 

I should be the last person to give you any advice about the extended family because I had similar concerns

about my wife's family.  And we're both Filipinos!

 

However, after 28 years of marriage (most of which have been happy), please allow me to give you my 2 cents

worth.  Each relationships have their own unique chemistry, especially during the honeymoon phase.  You've

only been married a couple months, so I don't think you want to rock the boat at this time.

 

Perhaps down the road, you can discuss your thoughts and concern to your new wife.  It is she that controls

the gate to your wallet.  It should be her to dictate your financial decisions to her family.  She should be the

front line of defense and offense whenever there is a request to access your funds.  At the same token, you

should communicate and put her at ease, whenever something bothers her (phone calls from PI).

 

Honeymoons are designed to get to know each other, mostly physical of course.  Please find a nice quiet

moment and establish your communications skills as soon as possible.  You don't want to be left out in the

dark, years from now.  

 

Stay as lovers but more importantly, remain as true friends throughout your relationship.  

 

Congratulations young man!  Respectfully -- Jake

[SubicSteve]

Give one person in the pamily  1 centavo more than another and you will start a war.

[Call me bubba]

But with the holidays coming up I would like to give them something..

 

 

So far there have been no family money requests. I would really like to help in some little way, but I don't want the requests to start flowing in. In short I really would like to give these small gifts. I just don't want the other stuff that guys complain about to begin.

 

why not pay on their PHILHEALTH? pay on their SSS ?

get them a RED CROSS membership card?                                             http://www.redcross.org.ph/membershiptypes

 

take them to the DENTIST?doctor?

pay in advance the electric?

 

be proactive to help them. give a GIFT that will last a long time than something thats gone in 5min

[davewe]

 

My Filipina wife has been in the US a whole 3 months; 2 months married, BTW. After about a month I suggested we send a balikbayan box in time for Xmas. We stocked it full mostly of used clothes and off it went. I certainly felt good about it and the cost was minimal.

 

The family is provincial (Alcoy, Cebu), huge and of course poor. I felt like doing something a bit more. I suggested to Janet that I send a small amount of money (like $100) to brighten Xmas. They can do what they want with it. In addition, one of her sisters (10 kids in the family) is in college in Cebu City and is a friend of mine. I suggested I send her a small gift of maybe $20.

 

So far there have been no family money requests. I would really like to help in some little way, but I don't want the requests to start flowing in. In short I really would like to give these small gifts. I just don't want the other stuff that guys complain about to begin.

 

It feels lousy that I have to worry about giving a gift, especially when the family has requested nothing. But having heard so many horror stories, I want to be cautious.

 

Any thoughts?

Hello Dave,

 

I should be the last person to give you any advice about the extended family because I had similar concerns

about my wife's family.  And we're both Filipinos!

 

However, after 28 years of marriage (most of which have been happy), please allow me to give you my 2 cents

worth.  Each relationships have their own unique chemistry, especially during the honeymoon phase.  You've

only been married a couple months, so I don't think you want to rock the boat at this time.

 

Perhaps down the road, you can discuss your thoughts and concern to your new wife.  It is she that controls

the gate to your wallet.  It should be her to dictate your financial decisions to her family.  She should be the

front line of defense and offense whenever there is a request to access your funds.  At the same token, you

should communicate and put her at ease, whenever something bothers her (phone calls from PI).

 

Honeymoons are designed to get to know each other, mostly physical of course.  Please find a nice quiet

moment and establish your communications skills as soon as possible.  You don't want to be left out in the

dark, years from now.  

 

Stay as lovers but more importantly, remain as true friends throughout your relationship.  

 

Congratulations young man!  Respectfully -- Jake

 

Thanks for the wisdom and kind words, Jake. Especially the "young man" remark :)

[Old55]

Give one person in the pamily  1 centavo more than another and you will start a war.

 

For some families this is an absolute fact.

[jpbago]

 

Give one person in the pamily  1 centavo more than another and you will start a war.

 

For some families this is an absolute fact.

 

I am not sure if you mean immediate family or extended family. For Xmas eve, I put on a party with roast pig and the works. I give my wife 20k and she gives 1k to her siblings and 500p to her 1st cousins. She puts on a big show in the way she does it and everyone is busting a gut laughing and all is happy. They eat all they can and bring home the rest. No survivors.

[Tukaram (Tim)]

We were at the mall yesterday and my girlfriend & I agreed we are giving gifts to the kids only.  Grown ups are on their own - which is exactly what my family did in the US!  :tiphat: