So You Have Married A Complete Stranger....... What Now?

[Old55]

Internet dating comes to a good ending and now you are married to a lovely Filipina who by the way is for the most part a complete stranger.

So what were you thinking? What have you done? Why would anyone in their right mind do that? (Enter your best Jake-ism here)

Historically in the US this was not at all uncommon. In some instances arranged marriages or between strangers due to location were normal.

 

We know people who "date" online and fly to Philippines to become married or do the Fiancee visa. Many of those marriages work out fairly well. Why is that? 

Edited December 5, 2013 by Old55

[BrettGC]

I reckon it has to do with the fact that Filipinas, if you find a good one, are all about family and security and as such everything they can to make a marriage work.  Pretty simple really.  Hey, don't get me wrong, there will be disagreements (SAO and I have had a few) but after things cool down you can normally work it out.  I think the key is not being a typical arrogant, self-entitled Kano with a superiority complex (don't think I've run into any on here :D ) and approach everything on a level playing field. They're the relationships that have worked amongst my friends.

Edited December 5, 2013 by BrettGC

[Jake]

Internet dating comes to a good ending and now you are married to a lovely Filipina who by the way is for the most part a complete stranger.

So what were you thinking? What have you done? Why would anyone in their right mind do that? (Enter your best Jake-ism here)

Historically in the US this was not at all uncommon. In some instances arranged marriages or between strangers due to location were normal.

 

We know people who "date" online and fly to Philippines to become married or do the Fiancee visa. Many of those marriages work out fairly well. Why is that? 

Hmm......bery interesting questions Dan.  I believe for those who are able to travel abroad for fiance visa

are experiencing cultural shock anyway and have no allies (other Filipinas) to corrupt them initially.  But

when they get comfortable with their new surroundings and new friends, the honeymoon may be over.  

It's really up to you guys to keep the flame going and treat your new wife with utmost care and patience.  

A common kill joy for the new relationship is being overbearing, overprotective and overly jealous.  Many

times they will get severely homesick or realize that you're a real butt hole and will beg for a trip back,

with or without you.

 

Regarding the new expat arriving wet with anticipation of finally seeing your potential soul mate, I believe

it falls under another set of rules or no rules at all.  You are fresh meat waiting to be ambushed in a world

of different language and social grace, or lack thereof.  Possibly you're suffering from severe lackofnooky

for the last few years and really don't care how she looks or even how she smells...he, he.  And then you

fall madly in love-lust anyway, just to be thrown under the bus later.  Don't be surprise finding your buddies

there, crying over their beer of love gain and then love lost.  

 

What to do -- yeah, go ahead and cry over your beer but snap out of it.  I mentioned before there are many,

many possibilities to find another soul mate.  After all, you have 7000 islands to find the right one, provided

you still have enough funds to recover or go back to home country and start again with lessons learned.

 

It's not the end of the world, you know......

[Classic Dry]

Gosh Jake, you're so knowledgeable, so realistic, so articulate, so insightful, so worldly, so succinct, So absolutely spot on !!!

 

Hmm......bery interesting questions Dan. I believe for those who are able to travel abroad for fiance visa are experiencing cultural shock anyway and have no allies (other Filipinas) to corrupt them initially. But when they get comfortable with their new surroundings and new friends, the honeymoon may be over. It's really up to you guys to keep the flame going and treat your new wife with utmost care and patience. A common kill joy for the new relationship is being overbearing, overprotective and overly jealous. Many times they will get severely homesick or realize that you're a real butt hole and will beg for a trip back, with or without you. Regarding the new expat arriving wet with anticipation of finally seeing your potential soul mate, I believe it falls under another set of rules or no rules at all. You are fresh meat waiting to be ambushed in a world of different language and social grace, or lack thereof. Possibly you're suffering from severe lackofnooky for the last few years and really don't care how she looks or even how she smells...he, he. And then you fall madly in love-lust anyway, just to be thrown under the bus later. Don't be surprise finding your buddies there, crying over their beer of love gain and then love lost. What to do -- yeah, go ahead and cry over your beer but snap out of it. I mentioned before there are many, many possibilities to find another soul mate. After all, you have 7000 islands to find the right one, provided you still have enough funds to recover or go back to home country and start again with lessons learned. It's not the end of the world, you know......

[Call me bubba]

After all, you have 7000 islands to find the right one, provided you still have enough funds to recover or go back to home country

and start again with lessons learned. It's not the end of the world, you know......

 

jake can i/we ask how many islands have you conquered?

 

 

seems that this expat DID marry a complete stranger.(or did he marry?)

here is his story

( had wanted to post in another topic but thought this was the place to post)

 

I'm foreigner and married a Filipina last year in 2012,

shortly after the marriage (11days) she run away. I reported her missing and was very worried of why this was happening. 10 days after she run away I had to meet her in the local police station

and there she told me and many of the police officers that she was forced to marry me by her mother.

The police officers and even the mayor herself told me my marriage will be seen as invalid because of these circumstances.

Shortly after that I went to the priest, told him what happened and he (and also the municipality)

gave me back all 4 marriage certificates and everybody told me my marriage is invalid. Of the marriage certificates, 3 got destroyed and  I still have the last one.

I did not hear anything from my 'wife' since we had last seen in police station almost 1 year ago. And her family has broken communication with me shortly after I started to realize they had something to do with this situation.

 

So what is it now, valid or invalid?

 

http://www.pinoylawyer.org/t21638-priest-and-mayor-say-my-marriage-is-invalid-is-it

 

perhaps he didn't pay his "dowry"?

[Old55]

My strategy was to impregnate my wife as quickly as possible keep her too busy to become homesick. :559:

[Jake]

My strategy was to impregnate my wife as quickly as possible keep her too busy to become homesick. :559:

Slam bam, thank you ma'am......I like that!

[Jake]

 

Gosh Jake, you're so knowledgeable, so realistic, so articulate, so insightful, so worldly, so succinct, So absolutely spot on !!!

 

Hmm......bery interesting questions Dan. 

 

I'm sorry for being out in left field but I had to look up that word succinct.  I thought it was something dirty.....he, he.

You're such a teaser -- but I still lub you, no chit.

Edited December 5, 2013 by Jake
spil chek

[Tukaram (Tim)]

I have no issues with arranged marriages.  I actually tried one. My guru introduced me to a girl he said we would be perfect for each other.  I had a number of friends in town that knew her and also said it was a good match.  We talked online and on the phone for a while and I flew to London to meet her.  Just so happens she was Filipino BTW.  We seemed to hit it off well and got married.  I got home and started the visa crap... oh boy what a load of crap...  and she started acting odd.  I hounded her enough that she finally admitted she only married me because everyone said we should - she had a boyfriend she did not bother to mention to anyone.  And she had no desire to come to the US.   So she filed for an annulment in London and the marriage never happened.  Bureaucratic magic. She later married some other guy, had a couple kids, and has been with him over 10 years.  So good for her.

 

 

I think it all depends on attitude.  Most people today get married for lust love, and when the shiny newness wears off and the selfishness comes in we continue with our over 50% divorce rate. 

 

If you get a good Filipino - not just scamming for money - you should be alright.  Love grows over time. They have a more traditional view of marriage and family roles.  So as long you don't go screwing around all the time, and she is not just trying to get money for her family, it has a good chance to work out.

 

But I want no more children and I think kids help solidify the relationship (especially with Filipinos). So we shall see how this goes.    :tiphat:

 

 

A completely unrelated story...

During my short (27 year) Hindu phase I did take initiation from a guru.  Right after the arranged marriage fiasco...  so it is sort of related...  The name he gave me was Tukaram.  Named after a 17th century Indian saint and poet.  His wife was never satisfied, and when he was dying, a chariot came to take him to heaven and everyone told her to come see, and go with him.  She did not believe it and missed her ride to heaven (no I do not believe these myths).  Anyway -  during the naming ceremony he said he named me Tukaram, and hopefully I would soon find a wife to ride with me.  I had never heard of Tuka and had to look all this up.  But when she heard about it in London she was pissed!  I found it all very funny.

[Mike S]

I think the key is not being a typical arrogant, self-entitled Kano with a superiority complex

 

A common kill joy for the new relationship is being overbearing, overprotective and overly jealous.

suffering from severe lackofnooky for the last few years and really don't care how she looks or even how she smells...he, he. And then you fall madly in love-lust anyway,

 

Gentlemen (and that includes you too Jake ... :mocking: ) you have just about summed it up in it's entirety ..... o much thinking with the little head instead of the big head ..... or in Old55's case just a good old fashion wham .... bam .... thank'ya ma'am works also .... :thumbsup:  :hystery: :hystery:

:cheersty: