So You Have Married A Complete Stranger....... What Now?

[jon1]

I agree with the level playing field. To get respect you must give it. 

 

For me, I can't understand why someone would marry a lady from the PI and bring her to the Western world. Part of the charm for me IS their values and sense of obligation. They WANT to marry for life and for the most part are not MATERIALISTIC. 

 

For me, I am willing to live my life out in the the Philippines for the primary purpose of maintaining that charm in our relationship. If we were to move to the States I am sure that within a year she would be assimilated into the ways of the women there and then I would be back to square one (an Americanized wife which I do not want)...

[BrettGC]

 

I think the key is not being a typical arrogant, self-entitled Kano with a superiority complex

 

 

 

A common kill joy for the new relationship is being overbearing, overprotective and overly jealous.

 

suffering from severe lackofnooky for the last few years and really don't care how she looks or even how she smells...he, he. And then you fall madly in love-lust anyway,

 

Gentlemen (and that includes you too Jake ... :mocking: ) you have just about summed it up in it's entirety ..... o much thinking with the little head instead of the big head ..... or in Old55's case just a good old fashion wham .... bam .... thank'ya ma'am works also .... :thumbsup:  :hystery: :hystery:

:cheersty:

 

 

 

I just never understood the western complex... I always found it weird that us westerners always look down at different cultures.  Just cause it's different dun mean it's wrong is the way I look at it.  It may not be right for you, doesn't mean it's bad and hell, you're in their country, it's not that hard :D

[Tukaram (Tim)]

 

 

I just never understood the western complex... I always found it weird that us westerners always look down at different cultures.  Just cause it's different dun mean it's wrong is the way I look at it.  It may not be right for you, doesn't mean it's bad and hell, you're in their country, it's not that hard :D

 

 

I think it has always been that way.  You were either Jew or Gentile, Roman or barbarian.  The Us & Them issue has always been around.

[Thomas]

We know people who "date" online and fly to Philippines to become married or do the Fiancee visa. Many of those marriages work out fairly well. Why is that?

/Some by luck, if chose spouse by random, then will 1 of 1000 or so function good anyway  (depending of how big catch and how picky you are  :)   

/Some by the poor lower her other wishes concerning other factors, finding the husband OK by he take her out of powerty, because economic safety is one of the factors too.

/And some sacrifies themselves for their family/children.

/BUT I believe a common reason is she LIKE the husband even if she don't love him, so she find her marriage good enough to be happy when she compare to what she had before, and by being happy herself she can make her husband too. If one of the partners is unhappy, the other can't be fully satisfied with the marriage in the long run (with a few exceptions, which isn't flattering reasons.)

you have 7000 islands to find the right one

Well. Not that many, if you want to marry a human, because on some are no people  :)  

I have no issues with arranged marriages. I actually tried one. My guru introduced me to a girl he said we would be perfect for each other.

I think it all depends on attitude. Most people today get married for lust love, and when the shiny newness wears off and the selfishness comes in we continue with our over 50% divorce rate.

Must of us Europeans and North Americans find it odd with arranged mattiages, but it's just a few generations since it was rather common here too, when it was between families with some economic status. (As e g two neighbour farmers arranged so their children married, because their FARMLAND suited each other...

 

Well. I say it would be best with a COMBINATION of

checking suitability

and attraction.

A friend of mine have looked for wife in SouthEast Asia for over 20 years, but have problem finding any he want to marry, and the few times he has done it, he had messed it up by bad relations skills. It isn't odd it's that few he find interesting for marriage of all them he have met, because almost all of them he chose to meet have NO CHANCE to suit him. E g some years ago he looked at a datingsite for women to meet, so I could check them roughly too without meeting them, so as the guru I am  :mocking:   I could see he choosed extreemly wrong ones for him to meet, but of course I can't know who he is attracted to of the possible ones, so I told him who to search among. He didn't believe me, but after I had nagged him a while he finaly agreed to check among them too. Among them I had told, he found around 10 he liked, but when he went to meet women next trip he only met one of them I had suggested and 8 or so of same no chance to suit him as usual. Afterwards he said the one I had suggested was the only wifematerial of them. First she was interested too, but then he messed up somehow, I guess by speeding up the physical contact to fast  :)   so she didn't want to meet him any more. But now he has forgot he told himself them I told suit him much better, so he is still searching among them who can't suit him... :mocking: 

I recomend:

1. FIRST make a rough check if it's possible your personalities can suit to each other. (Very different personalities can be charming for a while, specialy if it's a skill you would want to have yourself sometimes but isn't your personality, but in the long run that difference would probably drive each other crazy if marry each other.)

2. SECOND check who you are attracted enough to to be worth checking more.

Because IF doing it in opposite order, then it's a big risk you "think" with wrong head  :mocking:

 

3. Then it's time to make a more proper check of how the chance to suit personalities have developed and being influenced by upbringing and culture. And try to check to what SHE think and feel about you, if that's good enough to build a marriage on...

4. And FINALY let your heart decide, but ONLY concerning them, who step 1-3 let through    :)

 

In common life it's some complicated to do step one, if you don't have "built in radar" concerning seing basic personalities,

but in some datingsites some hints are written in the profile form.  (I did a research of datingsites some years ago, when I wrote a book about who can suit.) Otherwice it can be good to ask a "guru"    :)     but DON'T ask family members IF they are much interested in who have most money...

 

E g one such important personality making factor is position among sibblings when growing up have science found out.

E g oldest or only child don't suit to marry oldest or only child, because both are used to be leader in their generation and it's space for only one in a marriage. (Them born in other sibbling positions try to get what they want by something ELSE than being the OFFICIAL leader (="general manager") middle children by e g cleverness or rebelling, while the youngest normaly get what they want by charm  :) There are other factors too, which can make sibbling effects less obvious, but the basic influence from sibbling position is still there.

A complication is that sibbling position isn't obvious no more    :)   because it ISN'T BIOLOGICAL sibbling position making the effect, it's the position among them who they grow up with living AS sibblings. So it can be e g "plactic sibblings" when parents with children remarry others with children, and in countries as RP it's extra complicated by there it's rather common parents leave to go to work elsewhere to raise money, while grandparents or aunts/uncles stay and take care of the children so e g cousins can grow up as sibblings, and sometimes aunts/uncles are younger than the nephew/nevue so they grow up as sibblings  :)

[Tukaram (Tim)]

 

 

you have 7000 islands to find the right one

Well. Not that many, if you want to marry a human, because on some are no people  :)  

 

 

Human?  Consider the source!  You know Jake....     :tiphat:

[FlyAway]

You guys put to much logical thinking into this. Some times you just have to say "What the.....!"

 

Scene from the movie Risky Business. Do not view if you do not like the F word.....

 

By the way, been married 8 years. Knew her as a pen pal 5 years before that. Not exactly complete stranger but basically married her within a few weeks of meeting face to face.

[Thomas]

You guys put to much logical thinking into this. Some times you just have to say "What the.....!"

Well. If not doing logical thinking before marriage, then it's much biger risk it end up with "What the...!"    :lol:

[i am bob]

I gotta wonder if some of you guys have it wrong or not... In the immortal words of Bob... Just a sec guys! Yes dear?

Seriously I think most of us on here have figured out that one important thing in making a relationship work... It's simply that... A relationship! Or perhaps if I used the word Partnership?

[Old55]

I think you may have answered my question Bob. If you find the right Filipina she will truly partner with you through thick or thin. For the first time in my life I'm having a health problem, I shattered my patella and am off my feet big time. My wife is all over me could not ask for a more caring nurse.

[Old55]

Hey Jake........ Bob got me thinking (keep in mind I'm on drugs now) What I need is a uniform to honor my dear wife's dedication caring for me. She just giggled, is that a yes or no? I take it an "Its up to you"

What ya think?