What Can I Expect From Meeting The Parents ?

[OldUgly&Cranky]

My Friend and i were chatting today talking about things we can do and places to visit while im in cebu and then i got asked a question and it was how long am i going to be in cebu and whats my plan after ? i said prob 4 days just to get over the jet lag then maybe go to Bohol if she wanted ! then i asked her what does she want to do after cebu ? she said i want us to go back to Ormoc to meet her mom and dad and ask permission for her to go with me the rest of my vacation ! which leads me too a few questions about her not bad questions just something i havent had to deal with for a long long time !

 

What Can i expect in terms of questions from her parents too me ? am i going to get grilled by them ??? :)

 

Why does she want me too meet her parents so soon ???

 

She is 30 years old but is this a sign thats she cant do anything without there approval ? or is this just a sign that shes a old fashion woman with good morals and values ?? 

 

Am i wrong to assume she is interested in me and wants her parent approval of me ?

 

Is this part of Courtship ???

 

None of these things bother me as i have went threw it before with my ex but each person is different , i didnt meet my ex's mother until my second trip there to the philippines but she didnt need her mothers approval to travel with me as she lived on her own and was independent !! this new woman im meeting lives with her mom and dad still and she is the provider for them for there income so another question i have is does this mean that she isnt mature enough to make her own choices on who she gets involved with ? or could it be that she is just super excited for her parents too meet me ?

 

any input you all have would be great as how i should look at this sign from her !!!

thanks

O-U-C :thumbsup:

 

[Old55]

this new woman im meeting lives with her mom and dad still and she is the provider for them for there income so another question i have is does this mean that she isnt mature enough to make her own choices on who she gets involved with ? or could it be that she is just super excited for her parents too meet me ?

I think she sounds like a nice one.... Good for you!!!!

I have a few questions for you.

Have you and you're lady discussed any of the questions you bring up here? I think you would lean a lot from her and about her family if you did.

You stated "this new woman im meeting lives with her mom and dad still and she is the provider for them".

So you know exactly what that entails in regards to you if you court this lady?

In most cases family is all that maters to Filipinos. Family is the center of their life. She supports mom and dad and she lives with them too if you make any changes to that then what?

I think you and your girl have a lot to talk about. :1 (235):

Edited December 12, 2013 by Old55

[OldUgly&Cranky]

to answer some of your question old yes we talked about some of these things but not everything i mention on here , i have known her ( online & phone & Skype ) since march of this year but this is the real first time its been serious talk about meeting her family , she isnt a only child she is the youngest of the 4 of them and all have jobs 2 sisters are teachers there and the brother is a councilman there as well as her she is a teacher herself !!! so really she isnt the only provider for her mom and dad ,  as far bring her here she knows my plan isnt for the near future of bringing her here to canada yet because i have to deal with legal things with my ex which i dont want to get into talking about that here but she does know all about my past with my ex and what has happened too me !!and she knows of my plan to move to cebu sometime this year to take my photography course , i have been very upfront about everything with her,  right now were just good friends and she knows this but i suspect she is hoping for more thats why i bring up the question of why does she want me too meet her family so fast !!! and yes i know what that means for me if i court her that we will be providing for her family actually before the typhoon her family had a coconut plantation and her father bought and sold carabo she seems to want to make them have a working living not a hand out , so she seems to have a good head on her shoulders and is a decent woman !!!

 

as i say were just good friends now but could i be reading into why she wants me to meet her family so fast ?

[BrettGC]

as i say were just good friends now but could i be reading into why she wants me to meet her family so fast ?

 

Ok, this is one of the few things I think I can speak from knowledge of.  A bit of background information: My partner is Australian Filipina but she will not live here in Aust.  Her mother and father divorced about 15 years ago and her father still lives here in Australia and her mother went back to PI.  They moved here after he landed a job with a civil engineering and logistics company (Leightons for those that care).  SAO (Short Angry One) and her 2 brothers were born in PI but her 2 younger sisters were born here. They are a well to do family even by Australian standards until Momma moved back to PI with all the girls.  To his credit, Bobby (Roberto - the dad) paid for everything for the girls. Momma worked her arse off to pay for his engineering degree when they were younger, his family did not approve of the match.  The kids all grew up, Bobby, rightly so to my mind, stopped supporting Momma. 

 

Filipinas have an incredible sense of commitment and responsibility to family and in my experience, the more educated and well-off the young lady in question is, the stronger the sense of obligation to those that "made her what she is today" is and of course she is going to want to not pay that back as such, but give support as she sees it's warranted. 

 

Now, here's the crunch.  You've obviously found yourself a good one but she can't be expected to shed the feelings of obligation to her family i.e financial support.  Aines and I support Momma, how could it be any other way given Aines was supporting her long before she met me, it's an obligation her and her siblings have for life.  On the upside, if she wants you to meet her family it means she has long term plans for you.  Filipinas commit fast, but the good ones also commit forever.  It's down to you where you think you're at in the relationship. 

 

Mate, SAO asked me to meet Momma on my first visit there to see her, I didn't have a problem with that, even though it was very early on in our relationship.  Just make it very clear where you stand.  If she wants you to meet the parents, it can't be a bad thing with regards to how she feels about you.  But on the other side of the coin, it might not be that big a deal to her either (which I doubt).  You both together have to set the pace of the relationship and talk about that, it's not all about one or the other of you, it's about you as a couple.

[robert k]

I think Old55 nailed it. Ask her why she wants you to meet her parents so soon?

[Thomas]

Why does she want me too meet her parents so soon ???

It isn't soon, it's suppoused to be first of all  :lol:    It's similar to how it was in our homes countries 100 years ago among families, who had something to inherit, but one step harder because they are catholics.
 

What Can i expect in terms of questions from her parents too me ? am i going to get grilled by them ??? :)

I suppouse so  :hystery:

although perhaps more subtile, because well behaving of the Asians are much less confronting than we are in average.

NOTE this:

She is 30 years old

Many Filipinas count 30 as PASSED marryable age. BUT higher EDUCATED have started raising that age some years.

(One Filipina I know even counted herself as old BEFORE she became 26 :hystery:

That start the question - Hasn't she got any offers before, so she is perhaps happy to get ANY marriage offer,

or are they very picky?...    :)

right now were just good friends and she knows this but i suspect she is hoping for more

And soon you are "engaged", because meeting the parents mean that almost  :lol:    (But some less in cities than in the more in average traditional rural living.)

Am i wrong to assume she is interested in me and wants her parent approval of me ?

Sure. Because such meeting almost mean engaged, she want to marry you - if she still want you to meet her parents after you have met   :)

She is 30 years old but is this a sign thats she cant do anything without there approval ? or is this just a sign that shes a old fashion woman with good morals and values ??

Legaly she can decide herself, because she has passed 25, but because they are much family oriented, it isn't odd if she want aproval from her parents.

she said i want us to go back to Ormoc

Her family seem middle/upper class, so perhaps it's different for them, but just hours ago I talked to a poor Filipina from there (but living in Cebu herself). She said Ormoc is more or less WIPED OUT*, both (poor) houses and palm trees. "No one" have money to buy for, so both her father (car reconditioner/trader) and brother (tricycle driver) are out of work. She had bought a TENT and went there with it recently, so her family got anything to live in. They had got NO assistance from government...

 

*The American government recently recomended American citizens to NOT go to places, which are hit hard by the typhon, because of the big problem there e g hard to get clean water, making huge risk for deadly illnesses...

[Old55]

Wow, I think you found a nice lady my friend.  Well done! :tiphat:

More than likely she views you as her future husband. I still think you guys have a lot to talk about.

[Jack Peterson]

Above all, take the old boy out for a beer, it always works.

 

 

 

 

 End result.

 

 

 

 

Can I wish you the very best, We have all, been there and we are still here, to help you where we can.

 

:tiphat:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[davewe]

What Can i expect in terms of questions from her parents too me ? am i going to get grilled by them ??? :)

 

Figuratively or literally? :)

 

Why does she want me too meet her parents so soon ???

 

It's not soon in her mind. Step one is to meet the parents. Before I married my wife (met the parents the 1st trip to see her) I had another Filipina gf for about a year. I never met the parents; she always said next trip. Finally found out why - they didn't even know I existed. So the fact that she wants you to meet is a good and necessary thing - assuming you are interested in a relationship with her. If you don't want that - different story.

 

She is 30 years old but is this a sign thats she cant do anything without there approval ? or is this just a sign that shes a old fashion woman with good morals and values ?? 

 

It's a good sign, as well as a sign that at 30 she is more than ready for marriage.

 

Am i wrong to assume she is interested in me and wants her parent approval of me ?

 

Nope. you're right.

 

Is this part of Courtship ???

 

Is the Pope Catholic :)

 

I met the parents every time I visited my wife. The first time the entire clan and all the neighbors were there. I arranged a time to speak to her parents about our travel plans for the trip, which I assumed they knew (but didn't). I then asked if they had any questions. Dad asked several very good and straight questions, particularly about the cultural and financial differences between us (her being poor and me "rich"). 40 people hung on my every word. Finally I asked if anyone else had any questions. Her brother asked whether we were going to get married. Everyone laughed but it's what they all wanted to know. I asked him if he was a gambler, knowing he was. He nodded. "It's a good bet," I said, and everyone laughed.

 

Good luck to you - she sounds like she could be a good one.