Helping Dad

[stevewool]

Its a on going thing this is, to help my wifes dad in his future old age, i dont have a problem in this but how much do i send and remember i am getting old too and i am planning to support my old age by saving now for that time.

Like i have said i dont mind helping , paying my share , but the rest of the family dont seem to have any funds to help there dad, there are 5 sisters and brothers and 4 work, good jobs and are working overseas too, there families live with them and all seem to be doing well , own houses and cars  and kids too,

This is where we are different , because we dont have any kids, we have no resposibilities so my wife says, and it seems the rest of the family tell her that too, so she feels its down to her to help her dad , improve the house and so on,

There has to be a limit to what we can send but they dont seem to tell us what that is, just we cant afford to help just yet because of the children going to private school, the loans we have for the cars, the private singing lessons and so on, plus they all will have there own houses when they return back to the phils, except the one who lives with there dad but pays nothing and does not work,

So here lies the problem , the house that they want us to pay to improve will never be ours but the brothers house but its my money and i cannot get my head around that, at all, i am prepared to help if others do,

Its hard for my wife i know but it seems the so called loving family and the way of life they all seem to have is a burden my wife is carrying, hay ho 

[jon1]

I would step out of that. As you said they have 4 OFWs in the family. Let them get involved. I would not get hamstrung nor commit to anything or amount that you were not comfortable with. Your wife's sense of obligation should be tempered by her working siblings. Sacrifices were made by the family so that the siblings could get abroad and earn. It's their duty, not yours to take care of the family that afforded them the opportunity. Who is going to take care of you? Her family? Doubt it. 

[Tukaram (Tim)]

4 OFW's?  I would not send any more than they send.  Sounds like they just see a rich foreigner.  It is their father - if they don't care, why should you?

[Steve GCC]

As you said they have 4 OFWs in the family. Let them get involved.

 

Sacrifices were made by the family so that the siblings could get abroad and earn. It's their duty, not yours to take care of the family that afforded them the opportunity.

 

I totally agree with Jon1 !!! He has hit the nail on the head and exactly how the family support sysyem would work without a rich "Joe"

[jon1]

Also, typically one sibling is left behind to take care of the parents. That sibling will be also taken care of by the supporting OFWs too (if they can't get a job). 

 

A good friend of mine is in that position. He has even put off getting married because of it.

[Jake]

So here lies the problem , the house that they want us to pay to improve will never be ours but the brothers house but its my money and i cannot get my head around that, at all, i am prepared to help if others do,

Its hard for my wife i know but it seems the so called loving family and the way of life they all seem to have is a burden my wife is carrying, hay ho 

Hello Steve,

 

You're an old school English gentleman and a loving husband.  Your position is not unique regarding extended

Filipino families.  Their reasoning, beliefs, customs and culture simply cannot be changed because you're in the

picture now.  And it's a tough call how to balance keeping your wife happy and the need to take care of yourself.

Your argument is sound about the others not pitching in......you just have to convince yourself that you need to

put your foot down, otherwise you will feel obligated each and every month.  

 

I believe your wife's struggle is really heavy on her shoulders.  Whatever the reasons (love, devotion, sometimes

being coerced or made to feel guilty), may I suggest you spend some quiet time together and do a reality check.

Both of you need to make some adjustments....finding that balance is the tricky part because emotions can cloud

the mind and the reasoning.  Being realistic and reasonable should be shared equally between wife and husband.

 

Your wife is the primary communicator and your first line of defense (or offense) whenever she gets that monthly

request.  Go ahead and contribute, as long as you are NOT the only Santa Claus every month.  

 

Best of luck to you sir -- Jake 

[SubicSteve]

Tell your wife that you love her dad as much as her siblings do so whatever amount they put it you will match it.

 

 

NUFF SAID!!!

[jpbago]

Who is going to take care of you? Her family? Doubt it. 

 

An American and his filipina wife used to live nearby with her adult son. She passed away suddenly. The son scammed the money from the American's bank account somehow thru a friend that worked there. NOBODY helped him in any way. His wife had many relatives living nearby but they wouldn't even buy him a coffee. I bought him many meals and snacks until he got help from the American Embassy to go back to USA. Without his wife, his visa status had to go back to tourist and he could not pay for the extensions.

The moral of the story is to get a young wife and hope that she outlives you as you are out in the cold without her.

[Jack Peterson]

  Your wife is the primary communicator and your first line of defense (or offense) whenever she gets that monthly request.  Go ahead and contribute, as long as you are NOT the only Santa Claus every month.  

 

 

 

:rolleyes:  I do believe, that this is worth 5 likes :lol:

[MikeB]

The moral of the story is to get a young wife and hope that she outlives you as you are out in the cold without her.

Sounds like they had a joint acct and the wife had an ATM card and p/w that got passed down to the son.