An Estranged Foreign Husband.

[alanmaler]

Hi mike, I'm sorry you seem to have 'given up on me as a lost cause ' I really really appreciate all the advice I'm getting, and of course I'm trying to compute it all. It's a real dilemma for me, but I'm sure somehow it will sort itself out.

But thanks again mike.

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[brock]

Alan, Just because she is married to an Italian doesn't mean she will be able to visit Italy easy, Unless her husband is involved in getting her over there, The best thing you can do is get her to a country where you can sort out divorce proceedings from there,,,,,,It doesn't seem much of a problem to me, But remember what Thomas told you, You can go to prison for adultery if you are found to be living with another mans wife.

[Jollygoodfellow]

OK, have I got this correct and a few questions to better understand the situation.

The lady married an Italian in the Philippines?

Did they live together?

Has she been to Italy before?

Have you seen proof of marriage? 

You say you're no fool and been around the block but please tell us how much knowledge you have of the Philippines and the people?

Is this your first internet love?

Have you studied the law of Italy regarding divorce or the Philippines law of annulment if married there?

[alanmaler]

She married the guy from Italy in the Philippines in 2007, they moved to Italy and were there until only 2008 as he lived with his parents and lost his job. Not being able to properly provide for his wife. And relying on handouts from his parents.

I have not seen proof of marriage, and I'm sure half this place will now shout in chorus what an idiot I am. But everything that has happened between us has happened naturally, so of course I believe her. I have been involved in scams before mainly with Eastern block women, and I think I know what to look for. Maybe not, who knows. But in my mind, this is worth the risk of maybe losing a few hundred dollars or looking like a chump. If I only thought suspicious and negative thoughts, I'd never get anywhere. I'll trust her until the opposite is proven.

No this is not my first internet love, but it's most definitely the most serious one. I have met some eastern block women, Moscow, Kazakhstan, Kiev and I've not been duped yet. The reason they didn't work out was that Russian women have super high expectations to life in the west, and I don't want a craving snobby wife that thinks life is about material wealth.

I don't know that much about Philippines or the culture or the people, but it's a learning curve here that's for sure. I also hear about some strange things from Diane as she is called.

I have not 'studied' the divorce or annulment laws of either Italy or Philippines, but it doesn't take long to understand that neither make it very easy. But then this is the reason that I'm here, who knows, maybe someone here has been in a similar or same situation who knows just exactly what to do. Under any circumstances I'm getting wiser by the day.

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[alanmaler]

I just want to say, perhaps repeating myself, that I'm super happy about finding this place. I really feel that there is some kind of brotherhood here. I imagined that there would be a lot of 'what a bloody idiot you are' and generally negative comments. But so far I think everybody has been super understanding and as helpful as possible.

So once again guys, thanks

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[cebu rocks]

I hate to say it Alan but the local sport is scamming foreign guys on the internet . And they are excellent at it  slow down take it easy come meet her in person

 

I,m not saying shes bad as many members here have done the same thing you are but be careful keep your eyes wide open once your here .

 

Its rare that a woman of that age does not have children and has been married to a local boy or is still .

 

Many local never registrar there marriage papers   because it costs money but in the eyes of the community they are married

 

I wish you the best and hope she is honest but I have seen so many guys get taken for a ride and they don,t see it until after .

 

The only other advice I can give you is once your in country hook up with other members that have solid wifes and let them check out you girl

 

Pinas are very honest to each other and will share personal secrets after just meeting for a hour or two.

 

Watch carefully the way other girls treat her and react to her . If she a good hearted woman most wife will make great friends fast

 

Eg:  lots of touching , holding hands , things sisters would do like going to the market and  bonding really fast . If you see a group of girls all talking and having fun and one girl is kind of off to the side or hanging out with her B/f and not being included there is a reason ..

 

When I met my fiance I took her to the guys I knew and their wifes checked her out for me and all of them told me with in a hour she was a good girl

 

not  fool proof  but a good start . My Fiance always tells me right away if the new girl she meets is up to no good But I can tell long before she says it by the way she acts. 

[Lou49]

Run Forrest run !

[Jeff R]

Alan, I have to agree with you. You are completely lost on this one. Don't even think about confronting the idiot husband in Italy. You may not make it back. No, I haven't been watching too many mob movies. It's a cultural thing. 

 

You don't want to be thought of as being naive, yet you are refusing to take the very best advice that you can find on this situation that you have put yourself in.

 

You claim to have "been around the block" Mr 49yr old? Life entails so much more than a block. I'm a college educated, very successful self-employed businessman who has been around many blocks and the whole world. My biggest heartache, which almost had me seriously thinking about ending it all, occurred at the very wise age of 48. (being sarcastic to make my point) You still have much to learn.

 

Alan, you are not the only one that this has happened to. Most of us have been where you're at right now, and more than once. Most of us, who you appreciate so much, have had relationships exactly like yours. We do understand what's been going on with the two of you. This special "thing" that's been going on is not unique to just you and her. 

 

Alan, I don't think you are "a bloody idiot". No one here is being negative. That is your perception because you are under a pinay's spell. We are giving you sound, experienced advice. The best thing you can do in this unfortunate situation is to stop rationalizing. I wish I had this forum and took the advice that was given to me at the time. It would've prevented a very emotional devastation.

 

Don't be so insecure and/or desperate for love. So many beautiful and sexy Filipina's who are truly single and would absolutely love to find a guy like you.

 

Good luck Brother!

[robert k]

I was going to stay away from this thread but I really like this Alan guy. I think he is taking the criticism constructively, I just don't think he is ready to follow it. I hope he's right, that this will not be a train wreck and that he stays on the forum because I believe that it will take time to get his lady a passport if hers is not current. How long are Phillipine passports good for? Could Alan's lady with a valid passport just hop on a plane and visit some other, presumably Asian but any other country where it isn't difficult to get a visa, where she could get a divorce?

 

I understand that if the foreigner initiated divorce proceedings abroad she could submit her divorce decree to a court and gain the capacity to marry again, but is there any reason she could not initiate the divorce proceedings abroad and upon return to the Philippines submit her divorce decree to a court? Wouldnt it be the same thing or does it have to be the foreigner who initiates it? Does anybody know? I would like this to not be a train wreck. It's almost Valentines day here. :tiphat:

 

Alan, just proceed slowly, probing gingerly for the landmines.

[Jeff R]

I agree with you, Robert. Alan seems like a straight-up guy. I just don't want anyone to go through what I experienced. I was trying to get him to think about some of his rationalizations. What these Filipina's do to us is unbelievable. Especially us older farts. 

 

When I first started on a dating site, I was getting all hung up with a very attractive 38yr old. She was sending pics and saying all the right things. Fortunately, I took a step back like we are advising Alan and after asking some questions I found out she was separated. Experience of being around several blocks has taught me that separated is a big red flag for me. I don't care what the circumstances are. Her definition of separated meant her husband was overseas working and she was unhappy. My heart was heavy but I ran like a hot coal fell into my jockstrap.

 

I hope things work out for Alan