What To Do When She Doesn't Talk

[davewe]

Like many Filipinas (I am told) when my wife gets angry about something she doesn't talk. I don't know if this is the full blown tampo I hear about. She certainly doesn't throw a hissy fit, nor does she blame me for everything wrong in life, unlike my ex-wife.

 

She will either say nothing, tell me "nothing is wrong," or at her worst, leave the room. I am a communicative type person, so this drives me batty. I confront her and say I want to talk. I ask her what the matter is or why she is angry. Of course, sometimes I know why; maybe I said or did something dumb or painful. But in most cases she refuses to tell me what is going on.

 

I have friends married to Pinays much longer than me. One tells me, "I just let her not talk, then a couple days later she comes to me and apologizes." I am not sure that I can just let it go for days at a time.

 

What really makes it bad is that in my head when someone doesn't talk I go to the worst place: she no longer loves me; she's gonna ask for a divorce. It's crazy I know, but in the absence of the truth I make something up. Also when she eventually tells me what was bothering her, I am not sure whether I am getting the whole story, or a watered down version of what was bothering her, or just some made up crap to shut me up.

 

Plus, as a guy already divorced, with a poor record with relationships, part of me is worried about being left. So I tend to project those fears.

 

OK, this is sounding like a therapy session, so I will stop. Any suggestions?

 

 

[dukkey80]

just Leave her alone 

[robert k]

I believe that communication is key. I shocked my fiancee the first time we had an argument and she walked away before we had worked it out, I said "Just keep walking".

 

When I got the silent treatment, I told her my marriage is going to be based on love and communication so if that continued we would not be getting married no matter how much I loved her, which is alot, more than I can describe.

 

Women and men do not use the same logic sometimes but if you told her that she is intentionally using the silent treatment to hurt you and ask her if she intentionally hurts people she loves and if that really is love? I think this is something to be worked out before marriage but it may not be too late.

[jon1]

I agree with Dukkey and robert. When mine gets in her "moods" I just give her space. Besides it gives me a reason to get out on the bike alone. If you keep the lines of communication it's not a big deal. Everyone needs their space from time to time. If it is the silent treatment then you will need to work on it. I think that several days would be excessive for me too. Mine usually gets over it by the end of the day. It took me a couple of years to get her to be completely open and now she rarely has these moments. 

[Dave Hounddriver]

When you are finished having sex, wipe it on the curtains.  She'll talk!!

[nigelmac]

Time to go hunting till she cools off either way head for the hills  :bash:

[BrettGC]

When you are finished having sex, wipe it on the curtains.  She'll talk!!

 

:hystery:

 

As others have said mate, give her space, some people need time to process.  Short Angry One and I have a rule though:  Never go to bed angry with each other. 

[robert k]

Only partially related, check your own communication habits. When I reveiwed my own communication habits, I learned they could use a little work also.

 

My fiancee's brother was getting married a month after I left this time and I had got to meet and even lived under the same roof with him for a month. He is a great guy and helped me whenever I needed it without even being asked. I had always intended to give him some cash as a wedding gift but I never said so. My finacee took off work for 6 weeks to be with me (I'm amazed she still had a job to go back to) and I never mentioned that I was going to give her money for her support because she was not going to be paid for at least a month and short wages the second month. I left it to the last 24 hours before I left because I did not know exactly how much I wanted to leave the brother as a wedding gift and I didn't want to carry that, 6 weeks of my fiancee's wage and my own pocket/spending money all at the same time. I should have told her my intentions to ease her mind. Had she asked I would have told her but I think I should have told her on my own. I realise [now] that she didn't want to ask for money. I did apologize, took her to an ATM and gave her 10,000 piso as a wedding gift for her brother and another 15,000 piso for her support and pocket money, some of which I know went to pay for her brothers wedding rings. I know better now. :thumbsup:

 

If your filipina insists that you make all the financial decisions, that does not mean she does not want to know what you are thinking but she may not want to ask.

[dukkey80]

Add More to the thread when my wife gets mad she does give me the silent treatment it does not happen often 

 But when she cools off It;s like nothing  ever happened. I asked her at one point why she will not talk she says she does not want to say the wrong thing that she can't take back. That would really hurt us .

sometimes i feel like i would rather get hit with a shoe than the silent treatment . But you get used to it after a while

[Mike S]

When you are finished having sex, wipe it on the curtains.  She'll talk!!

 

Dave ... Dave .... Dave ....... .... :hystery: :hystery:

 

 

But seriously folks I can't add anything because in over 6 years I have never had that problem ..... lucky me .... :hystery: :hystery:

:cheersty: