Establishing The Family Tax Plan

[bows00]

All you expat guys out there with plans to marry a Filipina... Listen up!  This thread is for you...  Before you fall in love and pull the trigger, make sure you ask her one of the most important question for your futures sake...

 

"What is your expectation for us to support your parents through their retirement?"

 

It is inevitable.  The majority of the Filipino families are still based on the 18th century culture where the parents relied on making enough kids to support them through their golden years.  And sadly to say, most of them would be in dismay without the help of their siblings.

 

So this is a situation that cannot be escaped by expats - especially if they decide to live in the vicinity of in-laws.  You love your Filipina... and it is imbedded in her skin to take care of her parents... so what are your options? 

 

I have a few ideas.. but I would like to hear some of your comments before I give my advices... 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[robert k]

Bows00, it's been done already, recommendations from a flat 5k, 6k, 7k  piso a month  (plus emergencies) to match the most any other of the elderly parents children give. If you think you have a new twist, I would like to hear it? But I think it's probably been covered somewhere or is a variation on a theme. :)

Edited April 29, 2014 by robert k

[MikeB]

You love your Filipina... and it is imbedded in her skin to take care of her parents... so what are your options?    I have a few ideas.. but I would like to hear some of your comments before I give my advices... 

That's an easy one. She has the option of working and "supporting the parents through their retirement". She can also support the siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, 1st 2nd 3rd cousins and everyone else who needs help. I have my own responsibilities.  

[scott h]

Like a plan when the first shot is fired. Any plan developed will crumble at the sight of big brown eyes welling up in tears, and lower lip starts a trembling.....OR the bedroom door is slammed in your face, then we will see how long a plan lasts. :bash: .

[Mike S]

If the parents have no other means of support and you have extra money or can make a budget with them in mind fine and dandy ..... but don't let them play the guilt card on you .... ask yourself how would they survive if you weren't in the picture ..... I'll bet they all wouldn't sit around and starve with out your help ....

 

If you do decide to help out make sure that other family members aren't also contributing because a funny thing happens .... suddenly when you start contributing they stop .... it has happened more times than not .... and I'm not talking just about foreigners here .... plenty of families being supported by OFW's run into the same problem ..... once they start sending money home family members will stop working and rely on these cash cows to keep sending their entitlements  .....

 

Now after 6+ years I speak from experience (not involving us personally) after seeing how my brother-in-law is treated by his wife and her family .... it is truly disgraceful ..... I could write a book about how they have scammed him ..... from selling land out from under him to using his kids to extract funds from him for stuff like needing 2 refs ...... new cell phones .... 2 TV's (big screen) .... motorcycles which disappeared .... bogus business that needed funding .... etc ..... like I said I could write a book ....

 

Now in regards to my asawa's mother (father has passed) we help out when needed ... we also send a small monthly allotment to her (we only live about 70 miles away from her) .... she lives with one of my asawa's sisters a school teacher who has 4 children who live there with them .... 1 just graduated from college .... 1 is going to college and 2 in grammar school (their mother is funding all their schooling) .... we also buy a sack of rice about every other month and give them stuff that we find it that they might NEED .... I will add here that they have NEVER ASKED FOR ANYTHING .... and don't expect anything .... I am in the process of wiring the entire house next month ..... materials will cost me less than p7000 plus my labor ........ her son in Canada sent her the money to re-due and extend the kitchen and dining area ..... so I figured we could help out a little

 

So as you can see there are lots of ways to help the parents if you want to other than giving them a monthly allowance which can easily find it's way to siblings and relatives or for booze ... cigarettes ...... gambling or other foolishness ..... and still leave the parents destitute ..... 

 

I have said over and over I'm very lucky to find the woman I married and the kind of family she has .... :thumbsup: ..... by all means be creative .... but if you are going to allow our other half to dominate your way of thinking or to pitch a fit every time she doesn't get her way whether it is supporting the family or anything else maybe you need to take a long hard look at your relationship ..... JMHO

:cheersty:

[sjp52]

Every one is different when it comes to their new family. Our family all pitch in when they can ( well most of them ). My wife said to me one day that she would love to take care of my mom when we go to Canada and she meant it. You help when you can and don,t when you can't. We all know when real help is really needed. Think with your brain or feel with your heart. Its up to you as my wife always says. The last time pops was in the hospital it only cost me 8000 pesos ( thanks Phil Health ). One of the nieces ( 14 years old ) was at the hospital every day all day being a watcher. Some of the other kids didn,t even show up. After he was out when every one was together I gave her 200 pesos in front of all the kids and said see loyalty pays off

[Thomas]

Some miss thinking of the Philippine LAW DEMAND supporting to close relatives, if the needing one is retired or have done their best to solve their own problems.

If you do decide to help out make sure that other family members aren't also contributing because a funny thing happens .... suddenly when you start contributing they stop .... it has happened more times than not .... and I'm not talking just about foreigners here .... plenty of families being supported by OFW's run into the same problem ..... once they start sending money home family members will stop working and rely on these cash cows to keep sending their entitlements .....

Yes, that's a common problem.

Now in regards to my asawa's mother (father has passed) we help out when needed ... we also send a small monthly allotment to her (we only live about 70 miles away from her) .... she lives with one of my asawa's sisters a school teacher who has 4 children who live there with them ....

It DON'T seem to be in your case, but it can be a problem, when REAL needing live together with lay family members. More or less impossible to support the needing without the lazy use some of it  :1 (103):    But I'm prepared to pay some to sibbling of wife to have my parents-in-law living there  :)  because I don't want to have anyone at all living with me besides wife and kids.

[bows00]

^{First off, I am totally against supporting other relatives, brothers, sisters, cousins etc.  My plan is purely for her parents.  In fact, I am expecting other family members to also help the parents.} 

^{The plan I am leaning towards is providing a monthly allowance to my filipina and have her manage the money and decide how and when to provide assitance to her parents.  And of course, I would not recommend giving the money directly, because I am all too aware of how this can get in the hands of lame relatives.  Instead, she could help by paying for food, rent, or electricity....}

[Jake]

^{First off, I am totally against supporting other relatives, brothers, sisters, cousins etc.  My plan is purely for her parents.  In fact, I am expecting other family members to also help the parents.} 

^{The plan I am leaning towards is providing a monthly allowance to my filipina and have her manage the money and decide how and when to provide assitance to her parents.  And of course, I would not recommend giving the money directly, because I am all too aware of how this can get in the hands of lame relatives.  Instead, she could help by paying for food, rent, or electricity....}

Hey Bows,

 

That's all well and good provided you teach her how to put her foot down against crying crocodiles.

The monthly limit or allowance must be planned out throughout the whole month.  Otherwise, it will

dry up on the first week.  

 

Good topic Bows -- Jake 

[BrettGC]

The majority of the Filipino families are still based on the 18th century culture where the parents relied on making enough kids to support them through their golden years.

 

Well it's not only the Philippines mate; it's really only we, in the English speaking world and some parts of Western Europe that don't do this as a matter of course anymore.  Many Mediterranean countries, Eastern Europe, the Sub-Continent, Arabic states, Asia, both near and East still see this as the norm.  In fact, the Chinese cited it as one of the many reasons that recently eased their one child only policy.  Maybe it's something we've lost in our cultures and not for the better. 

 

I'm talking parents only here, not the attempted routine sponges from even the most distant relatives in our case.  SAO knows my thoughts on it all, and she handles the requests accordingly but she's always pretty hard-nosed about it in any case. The requests have steadily dwindled over time, particularly after one of her cousins asked for a "loan" (you never expect it back in PI, pleasantly surprised when it happens) for a new Trike (second hand) that never appeared.  Next request from the same person was refused.  Lesson learnt by all, ourselves included. 

 

The thought of not supporting Momma, after all she's done for Aines and her sisters, particularly since Momma's divorce, is inconceivable to the three girls and much the same for me.  Having said that if there's some loophole, such as the Australian "daughter/house-keeper" tax break to assist, I'd love to hear it :thumbsup: