Boots On The Ground Or Electronic Surveillance?

[frosty (chris)]

I have seen several posts in several places about meeting online versus just going and meeting someone. I can see benefits to both. Meet online, have something to work for and really make you go. Just go and get your boots on the ground, so to speak, and you don't hurt anyone's feelings if things aren't as they seemed online or you meet a better match. Thoughts?

Hi El,this is my experience only, everyone's is different. I met a girl online but told her from the off I wasn't looking for a LTR, I met here the first time I came here and she is a wonderful lady, seperated 3 kids, sorry but no thanks.  She helped me no end, to find a house, furniture, internet, power,  all the things I needed to get settled here and of course I did compensate her for her time and trouble.We are still good friends but I have another lady in my life which at the time she found hard to accept, but now she has a new man in her life so was a win win.

      The g/f I met, was at the mall, she smiled, I smiled back, that's how easy it can be sometimes, don't take your self too seriously, just be polite and smile. I know when you come here you will anxious to find a nice lady, but just take your time, the country has an overload of very beautiful woman, no need to hurry, enjoy your self and just see what is available, you will be very surprised I think.They say here if you meet a nice lady and fancy her, just give her you cell number, if you don't get a 90% success rate somethings wrong.

      The one thing I will say, is just be careful with the answers you get from some of these so called single ladies, nothing could be further from the truth, maybe they are single when talking to you but beware in the back round can be a b/f or even a husband or both.

      Another problem with being here alone is you don't have network of friends close by to bounce ideas off and sometimes friends can see what is blind to you, especially where a beautiful woman is concerned, if you are lucky you will meet a wonderful woman, I wish I could help you more but only you know what makes you happy, best of luck gringo.

[sjp52]

Here is my take on it.     Boots on the ground. There are so many beautiful girls to meet here but if you are shy with girls and only have 2 or 3 weeks you could fail. Most of the time you still have to make the first move but they are very receptive. You could meet 3 or 4 girls and spend time with them and find out they are not for you and your 2 or 3 weeks is up.  If you have lots of time boots on the ground is the way to go. 

 

Online. This was my choice as my first time visiting I only had 3 weeks. I met lots of wonderful girls online and narrowed it down to 10 and told those 10 that I might come to visit them. When I got there the first one I met ( she was my favorite ) I fell for right away and there was no need to continue meeting the rest. Weve been married for 5 years now with no regrets. 

Online you can get to know the girls before you meet them and then have a head start once you get there.

 

I asked my wife to marry me on my 3rd visit. It is important to take your time as you are dealing with woman that are different than what your use to. when they tell you things in English what they say can mean something different to them than what you think. Remember English is a second language to them and they can not always express themselves that well so it takes a bit longer to get to know what their really all about.

 

Filipinas are the sweetest thing on the planet with out a doubt. Just dont take your gem for granite.

[Jake]

Filipinas are the sweetest thing on the planet without a doubt. Just don't take your gem for granite

 

Triple LIKE Scott!

[cebu rocks]

IMO its a waste of time going online the fantasy is always better than the reality

 

Online there are way to many questions like is she really single tons of married girls use the internet for a source of cash

 

Is she really a girl  I have seen a few guys fall for this scam  but the guys swear she really a girl  

 

Many hearts are broken at the airport when their unending love never shows up to meet them in fact there are girls at the airport looking for guys like that

 

The pictures they use may be very old or not them at all .

 

If you can not find a date in the Phils you are totally hopeless there is no need to go online 

 

being boots on the ground you have a way better chance of finding a real honest girl 

 

I know many girls here who have 5 or more guys online sending cash and gifts and when they show up for a few weeks the girls treat them like gods 

 

No matter what you think or hope you have no idea at all of the girls real life and intentions over the internet its all a fantasy until you are together boots on the ground even then if its only for a few weeks 

you can be played big time 

 

The advice I alway give is the same make friends with some expats find couples who are in a solid relationship and then get the wifes to check out your girl 

 

Pinas will share there darkest secrets with other pinas in short order and a good wife will shy away from any scammers

 

I can pick out a bad girl within a hour at a party she will be the one on the side of her B/F  not sitting with the girls talking , laughing, sharing food , brushing each others hair etc 

 

My wife is a scam detector she can tell in minutes  if the girl is in love or playing a guy as I am sure most good wifes have this talent

 

At parties I attend you can see it plain as day if the girl is a scammer because the good wifes stick together like glue and accept any other good girls in like family in a few minutes a bad girl will be left to the side and not included in the bonding  

[Jake]

IMO its a waste of time going online the fantasy is always better than the reality

 

Many hearts are broken at the airport when their unending love never shows up to meet them in fact there are girls at the airport looking for guys like that

 

If you can not find a date in the Phils you are totally hopeless there is no need to go online 

 

I know many girls here who have 5 or more guys online sending cash and gifts....... 

 

The advice I alway give is the same -- make friends with some expats find couples who are in a solid relationship and then get the wifes to check out your girl 

 

Pinas will share there darkest secrets with other pinas in short order and a good wife will shy away from any scammers

 

I can pick out a bad girl within a hour at a party she will be the one on the side of her B/F.........

 

My wife is a scam detector she can tell in minutes  

 

 

Hey Cebu, you really rock!  (I highlighted some of your comments that struck home)

 

Is that another Filipino ingenuity having the ladies prey on foreign men at the airport?  As soon as your heart is broken, 

they swoop down on you, offering their shoulders to cry onto.  From taking advantage of Koreans, Japanese and other

travelling Romeos, it would seem to be another lucrative business only found in PI....he, he.  Perhaps some of them are

syndicate, able to operate on airport premises.  

 

My favorite: a bad girl will be left to the side and not included in the bonding.  I'm going straight for her.....he, he.

[robert k]

I had a different experience at NAIA last year. It was 2,830 php to extend at the airport and they did accept pisos. Coming from Texas to the Philippines in September and walking out of the terminal, it was about the same, maybe slightly more humid. The first offer of a taxi was 2k piso to take me to my hotel about 10 miles but 30 minutes away. I just said no thanks and started looking for the street entrance, tired as I was from the 24 hour transit and another taxi driver immediately approached me with the offer of 1k pisos which I accepted. On another trip, I went to the left from the exit and dragged my bag on wheels 1/4 mile and got a taxi for 650 php to the same hotel. My last trip to the airport from the same hotel cost 265 piso but traffic was very light. Quite literally, your milage may vary.

 

Back to the topic, I met my former fiancee online and I thnk things would have worked out but she did not cancel her membership on the online site and I found she was still logging in after I went back to the states to make arrangements. We were in constant contact with texts and phone calls and we were planning our wedding....and she had not closed her account. I am pretty sure she was not cheating on me because I didn't pick her for looks and her job kept her busy and I think she either did not have faith that I would return or as I have heard happens often, wanted a backup plan. I have a real sneaking suspicion that her aunt told her to do it as the aunt had been through the process of not having her man return. Since she had not actually cheated on me, I could have forgiven her, what I could not forgive was that when confronted she lied about it, said a friend was using her account, but then she came clean and told me it was her when she saw I would not accept the lie. I did forgive her, but only so I would never have reason to speak to her ever again. To not forgive her would only be to hurt myself. I simply told her she was forgiven but I could not marry and raise children with a woman I could not trust and who had no faith in me. If I had already moved to the Philippines, the matter may never have come up.

 

I have still been doing some chatting online since, have met some interesting women online and I still think it's a good way to narrow the field somewhat but make no commitments. Send no money no matter how tearjerking the story. Sending money I think moves you from the category of possible boyfriend to mark to be taken in many cases. If they don't like you without the money, do you really want a relationship with them? I suggest you keep any online stuff light and wait for any commitment until you have boots on the ground. Chatting with ladies where you intend to visit is a valuable source of information and the possibility of help as soon as you get there should not be discounted. I have chatted with several women who are not prospects as a mate but who I have become friends with and some have even offered me a place to stay or to show me around. :)

[El Negrito]

Wow! What great advice and just a wealth of info! Let me address some of the comments if I  may.

 

These days you will need boots on the ground and electronic surveillance. Like Jake said, gender background.

 

Good point but I am not too worried about this as I plan to meet some guy friends I have been emailing and get to know some families they know and go from there  to get to know others including any girls.

 

A broken heart upon arrival is not a good way to start your tropical vacation.  But on the other hand, coming to PI without a serious commitment will give you more flexibility to explore to your heart's desire,

 

Another excellent point. I do plan on doing that. I am hoping to come for minimum of a month when I am ready and I would really like to spend more like 2-3 months since I work online.

 

I will jusst cut and paste the guide to arriving at T1:

 

Very valuable info that I am sure I will use in the future. From what I have seen it is least expensive to fly into there and then travel the country by either local plane or bus.

 

The g/f I met, was at the mall, she smiled, I smiled back, that's how easy it can be sometimes, don't take your self too seriously, just be polite and smile. I know when you come here you will anxious to find a nice lady, but just take your time, the country has an overload of very beautiful woman, no need to hurry, enjoy your self and just see what is available, you will be very surprised I think.They say here if you meet a nice lady and fancy her, just give her you cell number, if you don't get a 90% success rate somethings wrong.

 

That was my original idea when posting this thread but I thought it is best to make sure I am on the right track before starting to make any plans. I don't think I'll be, or at least I hope I won't be, too anxious. I  hope to come for a minimum of a month but 3 would be ideal since I can work online. I already have some guy friends, both foreigners and Pinoy, I email there so I plan to meet them and their families and just make friends with others they know and then meet nice girls along they way. I will take any recommendations they have and run anyone else I meet by them. There is even a possibility I will be living in Taiwan by then and if that is the case I plan on making frequent trips through the year as it is very close and cheap to fly from there. The main thing is to take my time and enjoy myself. If I have another relationship it will be worth the wait as I have been married twice before and hope this will be the last. (one divorce, wife cheated and the other passed away 2.5 years ago)

 

Here is my take on it.     Boots on the ground. There are so many beautiful girls to meet here but if you are shy with girls and only have 2 or 3 weeks you could fail. Most of the time you still have to make the first move but they are very receptive. You could meet 3 or 4 girls and spend time with them and find out they are not for you and your 2 or 3 weeks is up.  If you have lots of time boots on the ground is the way to go. 

Online you can get to know the girls before you meet them and then have a head start once you get there.

 

If I go I plan to take some time as I said. But I have met some online and was wondering if like you said it was good to get to know them more. From the responses here I think it is best to keep my distance and keep the online ones as friends and get my boots on the ground instead. I can always pursue more than a friendship if I get there and really like one of my online friends. That way I am not committed and can make a more informed choice from all available options. Although I am a bit shy in general I am not when I know that the culture expects the man to make the first move. Same here in Mexico.

 

IMO its a waste of time going online the fantasy is always better than the reality   Online there are way to many questions like is she really single tons of married girls use the internet for a source of cash

Many hearts are broken at the airport when their unending love never shows up to meet them in fact there are girls at the airport looking for guys like that   The pictures they use may be very old or not them at all .   If you can not find a date in the Phils you are totally hopeless there is no need to go online    being boots on the ground you have a way better chance of finding a real honest girl 

The advice I alway give is the same make friends with some expats find couples who are in a solid relationship and then get the wifes to check out your girl 

 

All excellent points and things I have thought of. Good to have confirmation from someone with experience. Thanks very much to everyone! Looking forward to more posts from you guys!

[MacBubba]

I can pick out a bad girl within a hour at a party she will be the one on the side of her B/F not sitting with the girls talking , laughing, sharing food , brushing each others hair etc

 

By this criterion, my wife would then be classified as a bad girl. 

She's not one to make female friends easily.  Although she does have female friends, they are either friends who are family friends, friend of old from school, or very trusted colleagues at work.  She thinks a lot of women are petty and emotional, and she genuinely finds men easier to understand.  Might be because she has a lot of brothers.

[MikeB]

Nothing wrong with meeting on DIA, etc, but getting into an internet "relationship" with someone on the other side of the world whom you have never met is usually a big mistake. There are avaricious women (and those pretending to be) who prey on desperately lonely guys thousands of miles away. Over time they end up supporting entire families whom they've never met. Bizarre but true. When I showed a friend an email from a young woman who was "devastated" by my departure and needed money to bury her mother (who's death had been greatly exaggerated), he remaked "there must be a school over there where they teach this stuff, they're so good". Extreme poverty is a strong motivator. Even if they don't ask for money you don't really know them or their situation. Keep the internet chat light, find out if you have similar interests, etc. Don't make financial or emotional commitments until you have ​physically spent a lot of time together.

[sjp52]

 

I can pick out a bad girl within a hour at a party she will be the one on the side of her B/F not sitting with the girls talking , laughing, sharing food , brushing each others hair etc

 

By this criterion, my wife would then be classified as a bad girl. 

She's not one to make female friends easily.  Although she does have female friends, they are either friends who are family friends, friend of old from school, or very trusted colleagues at work.  She thinks a lot of women are petty and emotional, and she genuinely finds men easier to understand.  Might be because she has a lot of brothers.

 

 

Mine is too.    Every girl is different and you have to decide which one is for you and that takes time.

 

    I have a friend that came to the Philippines and met a girl and he spent his whole vacation with her and he had the time of his life. when he got home she admitted to him that she was married already but she did not love her husband any more.  My point is that maybe if he had chatted online with this girl before he went he might have found out a little of what she was like.

 

I chatted online with my wife before I first came to the Philippines and she talked a lot about her 2 kids and that going to church was very important to her.       When I got there I took her on a small trip for the weekend and on Sunday morning she wanted to go to church    The more time you spend getting to know them ( online and in the Philippines ) the better chance you have of making the right decision.

 

 

 

Edited July 27, 2014 by sjp52