Developing A Relationship, The Best Way And How Long?

[robert k]

So one of the interesting things about my fiancé and her friends is that she feels once away in US or in Bohol if we settle there that the jet setting will stop and she wants to be with me all the time in her words. I do know all of the friends and they know me from Skype with her Ipad which she takes everywhere so I know whats happening. The only thing I don't have is transparency on her FB. She has privacy settings which don't allow me to post anything unless in put it in a message. So that makes me wonder and photos of me that were there temporarily are now gone. She does say that she is in a relationship but that may only be visible to me. I think it is time to ask for the transparency you suggest or maybe resort to private detective? Would I be out of line to do that? I am coming to Bohol for 4 months to be with her and really get to know her. Maybe as a first step I can open my FB completely and allow her to see everything there. I don't have much privacy now though. She is still on one of the dating sites Badoo, bu of course I cannot go there. It would be like stalking which I don't want to do. Iam trying to build trust.

I am going to spout some platitudes. Trust but verify. Get on that dating site with no picture or a stock photo of someone else. All is fair in love and war. You would be just as guilty of stalking if you hired a private investigator but it costs less to do it yourself. If you aren't cheating, you're not trying hard enough.

 

Alternative is live with them for a year or so. Someone has to be an awesome actor / actress to not slip up and show their true colors in a year, 4 months while being hard to keep your true self to yourself, is not beyond most motivated people. Please do not rush, she does not have to be cheating on you for the two of you to be incompatable and when both are on their best behavior it takes time for these things to come out. For your emotional and financial wellbeing, take your time. Not to mention, elongating the period where you are falling in love is not a bad thing and something many married couples look back on fondly, it's why "date night" was coined / created.

 

The absolute best thing about answering a post like this is knowing you are going to do what you think is right and I wish you the best whatever you decide to do. :tiphat:

[Hey Steve]

   It's rather obvious that you need that red flag regarding FB removed and the only way to get it removed is to come to black and white terms with her on doing so. Almost all-if not all Filipinas I know that are in a real serious relationship with a foreigner have very proudly proclaimed their relationship for all the world to see-total transparency and either she abides by that or answers the question of why she chooses to hide you. It's definately a deal breaker if I was in your shoes. You don't need to be laughed at behind your back.

[rfhypnos]

I too wondered about the mistress thing. She only makes 10000 pecos a month, but lives in small bedroom in Mandaluyong while socializing with the elite in Makati. They are all of a very religious variety and go to the Greenbelt chapel. She is close friends of CEO and wife of large international drug company. I have met them both and been to their condo. Nothing seemed abnormal at all. Then one day she Skyped me on her way to work near Greenbelt 1 but coming from the direction of Burgos street south to north in a rond about way from Mandaluyong. She explained that she needed to do that to avoid traffic that the straight route would have involved ???? She admits to relationships in the past to an Austrian who she met in Manila and an Italian who never came to Manila and only wanted her to immigrate and become his sex companion. 18 months ago I could see her photos on FB but it has since been closed to the public including me. While filling out a K1 application I googled her name to make sure I had the right spelling and notice she was a member of Badoo. I could not access her account even after joining under and assumed name, but she was listed as having an award as Friendly in June of 2014. When I asked her about being a member she said she had but never met anyone from the site because if she dated them she would be required to pay the website.????? Not sure how to verify that. So I plan to take this very slowly over a year but will still apply for the K1 in another month, then go to Bohol in December for 5 months. LOL my kids in US have already almost disowned me for considering marriage to someone so young. Life can be difficult.

[davewe]

   It's rather obvious that you need that red flag regarding FB removed and the only way to get it removed is to come to black and white terms with her on doing so. Almost all-if not all Filipinas I know that are in a real serious relationship with a foreigner have very proudly proclaimed their relationship for all the world to see-total transparency and either she abides by that or answers the question of why she chooses to hide you. It's definately a deal breaker if I was in your shoes. You don't need to be laughed at behind your back.

First I want to say that I am mostly positive about Filipinas. I am married to one and pretty darn happy. That being said I had a prior Filipina gf and she was good at playing the FB thing. As it turns out she had two (might be more) FB pages - one for each bf. FB makes this easy to do; lots of very good people have multiple pages. After we broke up in disastrous and humorous fashion a Filipina friend told me that it should have been a red flag that the FB page where she was "in a relationship" with me had few, if any pics of me or us together. A Filipina in a genuine relationship will shout it to the world, post messages to and about you constantly and post pics of everything you do together.

[Methersgate]

Umm. The Filipina I am in a relationship with does not have an FB page! A friend started one for her, three years ago, but she lost interest, and I started one for her, two years ago, and again she could not be bothered with it. That was when she was living in places that had a reasonable Internet connection. Two months ago she moved back to the province; at the moment she is living with her parents on their farm, in a river valley between mountain;, it's the rainy season and we are lucky if we get three minutes of cellphone conversation a couple of days a week! Very occasionally, if she gets enough signal for her "pocket wifi" to work she will Skype me a picture or two to post on my page. Her eldest sister lives in QC and is never off FB...

Edited October 16, 2014 by Methersgate

[MikeB]

She only makes 10000 pecos a month, but lives in small bedroom in Mandaluyong while socializing with the elite in Makati.

Does that sound plausible to you?

[sonjack2847]

 

She only makes 10000 pecos a month, but lives in small bedroom in Mandaluyong while socializing with the elite in Makati.

Does that sound plausible to you?

 

Myself I would walk away as it sounds iffy.

[El Negrito]

I am amazed at the advice and amount of experience here. When I make it over there, this info is giving me tons of ideas, I said it before but I am thinking of living in Taiwan and there are lots of Filipinas there from what I hear from my contacts there. Also it isn't an expensive or long trip to PI from Taiwan.

[Jack Peterson]

I am thinking of living in Taiwan and there are lots of Filipinas there from what I hear from my contacts there. Also it isn't an expensive or long trip to PI from Taiwan.

 

 

hmmmmmmmmmm Maybe  but living with a Filapina in Taiwan, is going to be one heck of a difference to living with  a Filipina in the PI Remember you would be living within some really Strange Rules.  for me, keep you feet on the ground big EL, We have heard strange stories about Taiwan. 

JMHO & 

 

JP :tiphat:  :cheers:  Whoops soon be beer time,  :cheers:

[El Negrito]

living with a Filapina in Taiwan, is going to be one heck of a difference to living with  a Filipina in the PI

 

Didn't say I would live in Taiwan once I found the right person. Taiwan is just more convenient for me as far as searching.