Separation In Marriage

[palu]

One of the things I've noticed about members of this forum is that there a balanced view of things.....not seeing everything as a scam. In that light, how would you view a relationship separation of 6 months or more due to distance, work, etc and one partner suggests visiting the other but was argued out of it by the other partner? At the time I considered this a very bad sign and was quit taken back that she was not happy at the prospect of being together and instead she argued that it would be spending money needlessly. 

Any thoughts?

[frosty (chris)]

One of the things I've noticed about members of this forum is that there a balanced view of things.....not seeing everything as a scam. In that light, how would you view a relationship separation of 6 months or more due to distance, work, etc and one partner suggests visiting the other but was argued out of it by the other partner? At the time I considered this a very bad sign and was quit taken back that she was not happy at the prospect of being together and instead she argued that it would be spending money needlessly. 

Any thoughts?

Well I think your feelings were correct when you say (" I considered this a very bad sign"), would have been a red flag to most guys I would think, sounds like she had something to hide but sometimes you have to give them the benefit of the doubt. I was away for 10 days on family business to my home country, my girl just kept asking how long before I came back to PI.

Edited August 8, 2014 by frosty (chris)

[robert k]

If they actually understand the cost of the tickets I could see one saying wait so you could stay an extra month next time. Go with what your gut tells you.

[Tukaram (Tim)]

Mine would not buy a wedding dress because it was a waste of money.  I could see her not wanting to spend money on airfare.  But after a long separation - I would think both parties would want to.  From an American point of view anyway...   :tiphat:

[Methersgate]

Big red flag.

It happened to me, once - "Let's save money for the visa - don't visit me for a year".

 

Sure enough the girl I was sweet on was seeing somebody else - "having a sideline guy" as they put it. 

Remember that for a Filipino or a Filipina from the "masa" - the masses -  "abroad" is just a vague concept, and they have very little ability to plan ahead. They will try to keep their private ATM - the foreign boyfriend - operating and sending money but that is as far as it goes.

Edited August 8, 2014 by Methersgate

[palu]

Big red flag.

It happened to me - "Let's save money for the visa - don't visit me for a year".

 

Sure enough the girl I was sweet on was seeing somebody else - "having a sideline guy" as they put it. 

Remember that for a Filipino or a Filipina from the "masa" - the masses -  "abroad" is just a vague concept, and they have very little ability to plan ahead. They will try to keep their private ATM - the foreign boyfriend - operating and sending money but that is as far as it goes.

maybe none of my business, but how did you find out about the guy on the sde? 

[Methersgate]

A photograph.

Of course, I didn't look, until other signs made me think twice.

 

Edited August 8, 2014 by Methersgate

[robert k]

Now if she told me not to come for a whole year, to save money, that's a different story and I would save alot of money because I would not be sending her any more of it. I meant don't pay through the nose for a ticket to stay a week or two if you are going to be having a longer stay in a couple of months anyway.

 

I guess it depends on the person telling you not to visit. If they have been an OFW before where they might not see home for 3 years, they probably know the value of money and personal life sometimes suffers in the making of money.

 

If you want to visit, why don't you just do it? It might be a pleasant surprise. Then again it might be an unpleasant surprise but at least you would know. If it turns out to not be a pleasant surprise, have a vacation anyway and chat up some girls at the wet market. Life is too short

 

I have to ask and I'm almost afraid of the answer. Is this woman someone you have never met in person and to whom you are sending support? If you had never met in person and they are telling you not to visit there should be bright strobing lights and klaxons going off and robbie the robot saying danger Will Robinson because if they really want to land you as their catch, they have to get you to visit to set the hook. If you have never met in person and she is really interested, she should be champing at the bit to get you there.

[frosty (chris)]

Now if she told me not to come for a whole year, to save money, that's a different story and I would save alot of money because I would not be sending her any more of it. I meant don't pay through the nose for a ticket to stay a week or two if you are going to be having a longer stay in a couple of months anyway.

 

I guess it depends on the person telling you not to visit. If they have been an OFW before where they might not see home for 3 years, they probably know the value of money and personal life sometimes suffers in the making of money.

 

If you want to visit, why don't you just do it? It might be a pleasant surprise. Then again it might be an unpleasant surprise but at least you would know. If it turns out to not be a pleasant surprise, have a vacation anyway and chat up some girls at the wet market. Life is too short

 

I have to ask and I'm almost afraid of the answer. Is this woman someone you have never met in person and to whom you are sending support? If you had never met in person and they are telling you not to visit there should be bright strobing lights and klaxons going off and robbie the robot saying danger Will Robinson because if they really want to land you as their catch, they have to get you to visit to set the hook. If you have never met in person and she is really interested, she should be champing at the bit to get you there.

Great post

[sjp52]

One of the things I've noticed about members of this forum is that there a balanced view of things.....not seeing everything as a scam. In that light, how would you view a relationship separation of 6 months or more due to distance, work, etc and one partner suggests visiting the other but was argued out of it by the other partner? At the time I considered this a very bad sign and was quit taken back that she was not happy at the prospect of being together and instead she argued that it would be spending money needlessly. 

Any thoughts?

There are so many details to look at before you can decide if she is scamming you. Do you send her lots of money each month.