Age Difference Hypocrisy

[Methersgate]

Umm.

 

K's family are rice farmers. I know what her parents' income is - it is around 130,000 pesos a year - two harvests from which they can reckon to sell 40-50 cavans of rice, plus twenty cavans that they keep for their own food, so they don't buy rice, and they have vegetables, mangoes, coconuts etc from the garden, and of course chickens and they raise pigs.

On that, they raised and educated to college level two sons and five daughters. 

 

They have a mortgage on the farm because the middle daughter, a  widowed schoolteacher, needed an operation. Fortunately the mortgage is from a cousin - the head of the clan. 

 

For these people, a day out at the seaside is a significant treat.

 

They are nice, decent, people.

 

It happens that their eldest and youngest daughters both took up with Englishmen.

 

I earn a modest middle class salary, which is to say that my monthly income after tax and housing is the same as their annual income.

 

Someone whose monthly income after  tax and housing is twelve times mine is either a banker doing very well or a Premier league football player or a rock star or film star...

...would I be concerned about the age difference with my (imaginary) daughter? 

No, I would not. 

[Dave Hounddriver]

would I be concerned about the age difference with my (imaginary) daughter? 

 

Interesting.

 

As a father, I wanted my daughters to marry rich, caring dudes who treated them well and were from the same race and culture.  But then, as a father, I wanted my daughters to marry the man who made them happy and I respected that the fat, lazy lump one of my daughters married was her choice.  Had either of my daughter's chosen to marry a rich (or poor *sigh* ) old dude who treated them well I would have respected their choice.

[jon1]

She kept insisting about older.

 

 

I think that you need to consider the source (a Western woman). My personal take on these "western" misgivings are the fact that an average guy is involved with a much younger woman (fall/spring relationship) and THAT threatens the average Western woman triggering their insecurities along with prejudiced opinion. Like you alluded to, that same woman wouldn't care about a celebrity with a 20 year old woman as those people live in their own world, not the Western woman's real world.

 

How many Western men have you ever experienced giving you the same types of prejudicial opinions (most are jealous or envious)? The few who do have those type of prejudicial views also tend to be against mixed marriages, etc.

 

Bottom line; You have to live with her not your friends or family. If you as an adult male cannot decide on who your partner should be without someone's advice, you probably shouldn't be married to begin with.

[El Negrito]

So, if YOU or I say it's hypocrisy, does that make it one?

 

No, hypocrisy can easily be defined by many accredited sources such as hard copy dictionaries or online ones. No one needs an opinion from you or I to define it.

 

Hypocrisy is the claim or pretense of holding beliefs, feelings, standards, qualities, opinions, behaviors, virtues, motivations, or other characteristics that one does not in actual fact hold.

 

 

Hypocrisy can also be not equally applying the same standards to everyone across the board or having a double standard. For example as I stated in my original post, it is OK for celebrities both men and women to date or marry someone 10-30 years or more younger than them but not OK for us average Joes. That kind of thinking is hypocritical.

 

Also I think we got side tracked with this discussion on right and wrong. Of course there is nothing morally or even ethically wrong with someone dating or marrying someone younger than them. It has happened all through out history and in fact in a lot of cultures including American culture was fully accepted until recently (say the last hundred years or so give or take a few decades). Either way it is not a matter of right or wrong it is simply a matter of what people have come to like or dislike.

 

So my original question is why the double standard for the average person but not for celebrities? I see no logical answer for that type of hypocritical thinking.

Edited September 19, 2014 by El Negrito

[El Negrito]

I think that you need to consider the source (a Western woman).

 

That is the funny and hypocritical part. She herself admits when she was in her 20's she dated a guy in his 40's and said it was one of the best relationships she ever had.

 

How many Western men have you ever experienced giving you the same types of prejudicial opinions (most are jealous or envious)? The few who do have those type of prejudicial views also tend to be against mixed marriages, etc.

 

My brother for one and he is not really the jealous type. In fact I wasn't in a relationship with this girl yet but when I mentioned that a girl 20 years younger was interested in me his first words were basically 'Oh no way bro'.

 

And he himself is a black man married to an Italian Canadian girl, and only second generation at that. Her parents are first generation Italians right off the boat and although they are accepting I suspect the rest of her family may not have been as accepting of the relationship, whether my brother knew it or not.

[Old55]

Golden rule.

[UnCheckedOther]

In academia and in some gov fields, major age differences are not that big a deal. My own parents were 19 years apart. As my late da liked to tease my mom, he was learning Latin at uni while my mom had just been baptized by a Latin-speaking priest :)

One of my good friends is 32 and she just married a 56-year-old man. They are both economists. One of my former classmates at uni is about 28 and she was recently engaged to a man who is 63. Both work in ed reform, so they are neither rich nor famous.

At least in academia, the focus is on being compatible intellectually and emotionally. Age is just viewed as numbers. From observation, I think that much hulabaloo from age disparity exists when the couple is believed to bring dramatically different strengths to the table (financial stability vs arm candy/trophy). When the couple is viewed to be on equal standing intellectually, financially, socially, and etc., the age thing becomes a non-issue.

[UnCheckedOther]

There's also the religion aspect, I suppose. I have Muslim acquaintances who were much younger than their husbands. In the "The Autobiography of Malcolm X," he stated that in his (then) form of Islam, the ideal age for a man's wife is half his age plus 7.

[Jake]

In academia and in some gov fields, major age differences are not that big a deal. My own parents were 19 years apart. As my late da liked to tease my mom, he was learning Latin at uni while my mom had just been baptized by a Latin-speaking priest :)

One of my good friends is 32 and she just married a 56-year-old man. They are both economists. One of my former classmates at uni is about 28 and she was recently engaged to a man who is 63. Both work in ed reform, so they are neither rich nor famous.

At least in academia, the focus is on being compatible intellectually and emotionally. Age is just viewed as numbers. From observation, I think that much hulabaloo from age disparity exists when the couple is believed to bring dramatically different strengths to the table (financial stability vs arm candy/trophy). When the couple is viewed to be on equal standing intellectually, financially, socially, and etc., the age thing becomes a non-issue.

Hello Miss Uncheck,

 

Hmmm......not bad coming from a fried fish and waffles girl.  Your observation and summation certainly gets

a nod from me.  You mentioned before that relationships should be a combination on what you can bring to

table (financial, mutual interest, stability, maturity), regardless of age differences.  

 

In regards to Big El OP, there are many more obstacles to overcome, one being the cultural differences of

the Filipino in general.  And that subject has been covered so many times and it's worth more discussions

for the newer members in order to prepare themselves.  

 

Have a great day Fried Fish!  Respectfully -- Kuya Jake

[UnCheckedOther]

Kuya Jake, I'll have you know marinated bangus tastes awesome with mango waffles. Unfortunately, my uni roomies didn't seem to think the scent of re-fried dried fish with bagoong omelet is breathtakingly yummy. Weird kanos :)

Yep, you're right; the cultural differences are much harder to contend with than age. My parents' age didn't really factor much in their marriage, except when my dad received the senior citizen discount at Denny's and my mom didn't. "How come like that? That's not fair! You give me wife of senior citizen discount!" But I digress.

"The man should be the protector, be it financially or emotionally" is one of the main cultural takeaway in the Philippines. It doesn't matter if your woman is a young, modern, driven, and successful executive or an older woman from the province; she will want that reassurance that even if she can take care of yourself, you will be there to support her and be with her. This is why some younger women choose to be witj older men. Older men tend to be rocks and are more likely to be pragmatic and say, "Okay, let'a deal with it. What should we do?" In contrast, SOME younger men are more, "Whatever. I don't have to deal witj your drama mama ways. I got mah boyz to chill with."