Age Difference Hypocrisy

[Alby]

Face it and deal with facts and not illusions.

Facts, not opinions or illusions. I was informed all my life that the 'appropriate' age to date was 1/2 my age plus 7.

Does that make it a fact? I suggest it is just an illusion formed by the opinions of many people. The same kind of people who had the opinion the world was flat many years back.

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[Alby]

My stats came out of thin air so, dip in then let us know We, humans mostly, try to justify what makes us feel comfortable. Coz otherwise, we'll feel scared, lonely, losers or whatever. Face it and deal with facts and not illusions

What the heck? So basing your stats on thin air is dealing with facts? I would quote a famous proverb but I am afraid that it would only heat this debate and I don't want that. Suffice to say your arguments lack logic, reason and your facts are fabricated. None of those is ever a good thing to base decisions or opinions on.

Stats were given as an example but I must be an idiot so don't listen to me.

Go love your last one ... breakup ... Then live another one and still feel inlove to justify your comfort.

Just don't tell anybody :)

Face it and deal with facts and not illusions.

Facts, not opinions or illusions. I was informed all my life that the 'appropriate' age to date was 1/2 my age plus 7.

Does that make it a fact? I suggest it is just an illusion formed by the opinions of many people. The same kind of people who had the opinion the world was flat many years back.

Listening to people will not take you anywhere. You will have to find out for yourself.

If she suddenly goes away for whatever reason would you still love again? I bet you will say, life continues, love again and still call it love !

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[Dave Hounddriver]

If she suddenly goes away for whatever reason would you still love again? I bet you will say, life continues, love again and still call it love !

 

Yes I would.   Its what I have done in the past and will do in the future.  But I fail to see what that has to do with Age Difference.  Are we still on that topic here?

[El Negrito]

Go love your last one ... breakup ... Then live another one and still feel inlove to justify your comfort.

 

If she suddenly goes away for whatever reason would you still love again? I bet you will say, life continues, love again and still call it love !

 

According to the above 2 quotes we all may as well just jump from the womb straight to the grave. Live isn't worth living because nothing lasts and it's all pointless. If something something might go away then don't even try. For example money, it eventually goes away or could go away so why even try to earn anything?

 

 

  Yes I would.   Its what I have done in the past and will do in the future.  But I fail to see what that has to do with Age Difference.  Are we still on that topic here?

 

Totally agree.   :444:

[komments]

Not sure if this fits the hypocrisy part of this post so spank me if I am :444:  but here goes.

 

I am 58 and will be celebrating my 38th anniversary with my wife in Lapu-Lapu Dec 30th.  Many folks here have married girls much younger than they are.  Personally I see nothing wrong with that.  I fully understand the physical attraction but PokerMike's recent post about his 5 marriages, it got me wondering about the mental aspect of the relationship between someone in their 60's and a girl in their 20's. It seems to me (and I could be very wrong here which is why I am asking) where do you find commonality for conversation?  I mean a person in their 60's grew up with the Turtles, Zombies and Steppenwolf (assuming they were rockers and not C&W fans).  She grew up with Katie Perry, Lady Gaga and Hip Hop.  Even if she loves sports, she likely has no idea who Dick Butkus or Bart Starr are. 

 

Further, using myself as an example, I had three kids back-to-back-to-back then got snipped.  I personally would never want to deny a young lady the opportunity to be a mother.  If someone in my situation with similar feelings would be relegated to dating only women with children, knowing that they might be committing to raising those kids as his own and with the risk of the father suddenly reappearing.  Or of denying the woman (if she has no children) a chance at motherhood.  How does one get past that?

 

But I have read with great interest many of the autumn/spring stories in these pages.  So I am wondering what the highest joys and lowest pains are in these relationships are.  And I am not talking about externals like family and friends (on both sides) but just personal obstacles and triumphs.  And I would love to hear from both sides.

Edited October 31, 2014 by komments

[Methersgate]

I am 62. For the past four years I have been seeing someone who is now 28. I did not intend this to happen. The mother of my two children left me five years ago, and I assumed that was that - I would be a divorced parent, and love and indeed sex was now a thing of the past for me. That all changed in four hours after a chance meeting. We just "clicked".  I was just a little reluctant, at first - not very reluctant, because she is very good looking, but a bit hesitant - "What will people think?"   She has a child, now six, and she tells me that she does not want any more. We don't seem to have a problem finding things to talk about, but who knows what may come to pass in the future? 

At the moment I am still pretty fit and I have most of the brain cells that I was issued with. I don't want to be a burden on her and I tell myself (it's easy at this stage!) that if I start to become a nuisance I shall know what to do about it. I am probably fooling myself. My main "qualification"? - "good stepfather". For what it's worth, her parents seem to like me quite a lot (yes, they are older than I am!).

I actually cannot think of a problem that we have had - and we have  had a few - that was age related. But it is incumbent on me to keep fit and active and alert, and to know what she is talking about.

 

I have thought a bit more since I wrote the passage above.

 

What is absolutely clear to me is that I am in love. Not in lust, although that's a factor, but really deeply in love. I did not expect to fall in love again at my age, but I did. And that means that I am having a big adventure. How it will end, I cannot say. What I can say is that I found a woman whom I really care about, and enjoy caring for, and enjoy doing things with, even if it's just the washing up, and whom I enjoy talking to, even if it's just about the shopping.  "She reminds me of me" - we are very similar. Politically and in everyday life she is, like me, an open minded liberal, we both like the outdoors and the countryside and anything to do with water, be it swimming or sailing. i don't inflict the Beatles on her and she does not inflict modern crooners on me (well, apart from Kelly Clarkson).

Of course she can wrap me round her pretty little finger - but she also knows where the lines are drawn.

A day at a time. Travelling hopefully.

So I will enjoy this adventure day by day as long as it lasts.

Edited October 31, 2014 by Methersgate

[Thomas]

Chatting with a friend the other day and they constantly kept saying they would like me to avoid anyone in their 20's and stick to 30's or 40's. I said I don't care how old she is as long as she loves me, treats me well and is mentally and emotionally mature and st

 

 

She kept insisting about older. I told her that most of my interest comes from younger women and I can't control that. No matter how hard I have tried to pursue older women they are either taken, have kids (don't want kids), or one of us isn't attracted to the other.

Well. According to science, most brains aren't mature enough to handle relations good before reaching 25.

 

But if they don't have kids yet, most women will want to GET kids, so better if you date a grandmother where her kids have moved out  :lol:

 

(To other than I.)

Can I say whatever YOU and I think is right, will necessarily make it right?

Of course if it's I, who say it.

Just joking. I have only right ALMOST allways   :lol:

K's family are rice farmers. I know what her parents' income is - it is around 130,000 pesos a year - two harvests from which they can reckon to sell 40-50 cavans of rice, plus twenty cavans that they keep for their own food

  130 000 for 40-50 cavans rice??     I know rice prices has went up since I checked 1.5 years ago, but back then farmers got only 700 - 1000 p/ sack and then it was 50 kg sacks.  (cavan =40 kg if I remember corect.) when farmers sold, and around 1300 - 1400p/sack when retailers bought milled rice.,

[Methersgate]

Methersgate, on 19 Sept 2014 - 2:14 PM, said: K's family are rice farmers. I know what her parents' income is - it is around 130,000 pesos a year - two harvests from which they can reckon to sell 40-50 cavans of rice, plus twenty cavans that they keep for their own food 130 000 for 40-50 cavans rice?? I know rice prices has went up since I checked 1.5 years ago, but back then farmers got only 700 - 1000 p/ sack and then it was 50 kg sacks. (cavan =40 kg if I remember corect.) when farmers sold, and around 1300 - 1400p/sack when retailers bought milled rice.,

 

 

TWO harvests from which they can reckon to sell 40-50 cavans....

 

In other words 80-100 cavans sold per year.

[davewe]

 

if you are a realistic person you'd finally come to the conclusion that there is no such as love.

 

Wow, I kinda thought the glass was half full but you are saying its empty.  Better take off my rose colored sunglasses.

 

Still, a girl who stays by my side through a near fatal hospital stay, takes care of me and takes care of my money (which she needs full access to while I am in the hospital, tells everyone she loves me, does not have time away from me to visit friends or 'other lovers', and is constantly at my side wanting to touch me and kiss me . . . .  she may not love me (as you say) but whatever that is . .  I'll take it.

 

I would agree that's it's pretty extreme to say that there is no such thing as love. But perhaps it is true that our modern concept of romantic love is unrealistic. Love is based on commitment, how you take care of each other, stick by each other, etc. No one ends up married 30-50 years out of a feeling of romantic love.

[Thomas]

"Would you accept her be with some one else if that is what she will make her happy and not you?"

No. I did not. I fought back - with what I hope was skill and cunning, and with patience and kindness and decisiveness and with kindness and with charm - the best that I could muster, because for me this was a fight to the finish - and with the help - to my surprise - of her whole family, bar one. Her family were not motivated by money. But I did not think that he could really make her happy. Her parents and her sisters and one brother agreed with me. Up to that point, I had not even thought that her father liked me. I know better now.

(First part is to Alby)

Yes, some concerning OTHER things than she do adultary.,

because I wouldn't like that and if she do it anyway, then I find  her not worth loving, because then she don't think enough of my feelings...

 

..

Actualy the part I made bold is NOT so suprising, because it's FILIPIIN TRADITION having kind of marriage agreements between FAMILIES, and it's lose face for them if their daughter cheat and by that break the deal...   (Asuming the husband has acted ok in their point of view.)