frosty (chris) Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 I with respect to the poster could not disagree more strongly. Why on earth would I owe my parent in laws, rich or poor because I married their daughter.. I wasn't going to comment but I think it's one of the strangest things I've read on forums. I think Poker Mike put this post in the wrong section should have been a Weird and Wacky Section Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post frosty (chris) Posted October 23, 2014 Popular Post Posted October 23, 2014 (edited) i cant get behind the way many forum members think. In some cultures to marry a young women you must give gifts to the family many of great value. Just look at your woman right now. Tell me would you have a chance in the states or the UK, Aus or Germany and think you could be with a woman that looks so good and treats you so nice. Then add in you are probably at least 25 years older than her and maybe 47 years older like me. Give me a break you owe the family a lot , its us who are the scammers we dont deserve a woman like this, without owing a lot to the family. Then my favorite fact what happens if you passed tomorrow do you have your woman set up so she can live when you die , maybe that talked about $1,000 a month to live on like i hear about. If you cant do that you do not deserve your wife. I have several freinds who live there full time and they have their wifes set up. If something happens to them and of course of natural causes they will live well. I am not going there to live a foreign life but if i was would my wife get my estate when i pass on or a portion of it ? Too many scammers are moving there and taking advantage of these young women and their families. You forgot to add that in some cultures the brides family pay a dowry to the groom, so that argument doesn't stand. If my g/f is not happy with the way she lives and the way I help her and her family, there is a thing called a front door and she can avail herself of it anytime she chooses, I will even call the taxi for her. I don't owe her family a damn thing.There is a saying," Give a man a fish, he eats for a day, Teach that man how to fish and he eats for a lifetime". All you are doing is creating another layer of dependency. If you want to hand out money hand over fist, good luck to you, but please never tell me what I should and shouldn't do, or think, that's why I came here to get away from people like you, you don't know anyone here but you making wide and sweeping statements concerning what only you think is right, it's funny to me but all those bagging the expats that live here in PI are not even living here themselves. As for the locals hating expats, you will find those expats are the ones that tell the locals how wonderful they are and how to run there own country, ring a bell. I think I will do a Jake and go to the doghouse. Adios Amigos P.S I live on a $1000 a month, just because you can't do it, say's something. Edited October 23, 2014 by frosty (chris) 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry45 Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 Lots of interesting comments in here regarding how much a foreigner would OWE a girl's parents. I guess if one BUYS their wife, then you would OWE them something in exchange. But in reality, there are many of us living here who didn't acquire their wife by monetary means and the in-laws are just happy that their daughter is happy. But if a big stack is all you have to offer, then yeah, you should probably go "all in". As for the debut party, I've never experienced that. But we HAVE afforded some large birthday parties and it's fit quite nicely into the $1000 monthly budget. Just a few less "boys nights out" that month. Of course, as I posted before, I'm not supporting the in-laws or anyone other than wife and child. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Americano Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 If they are decent people and need help, especially medical and I am able to help sure. But forums are full of ex pats being taken advantage of. I feel zero obligation to gift my hard earned savings to my in laws. Help is one thing, these ever mounting hand outs are a totally different story. I don't mean to offend but sometimes things just have to be said. Bob makes a good point about those that moan are those that just want to live a foreign life here, What I feel, is that Statements like this; Thats why i dont see how its possible to live on $1,000 a month , with the expected and deserved help to the family , i mean we did marry their child. WE OWE. Are made by people who do not live here full time 24/7 and get the both Barreled expectations of the Extended family. It is all very easy when you are here for 2/3/4/5/6 months at a Time or even just the Extended Vacation as most of us started out Doing. I have heard from many ( me included) how wonderful the family is, then it changes, they then become wanting every 5 mins, OH! some say the family have Changed, NO! we have. The longer we are here the more we see things as they really are. The family will never change. To these members wearing the Rose Coloured Glasses. I say, you may have got over the Initial culture Shock, but when you eventually Retire here Full time, get ready for the real Culture Reality Check. Love them all the death but I will not let them be the death of Me and sorry to say. If you let them it may just be that way. If they cared half as much about us as we care about them, we would all be very happy. I am A very Happily married man Who, does it his way and holds others at Bay! I Listened, to what others said. It did not take too long to realize that What longer standing foreigners here are saying, we should be listening to JP :tiphat: :morning1: Wow Jack, you really told it like it is. I agree with you 100%. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Methersgate Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 Well, I have a slightly different experience. I am still on excellent terms with my ex mother in law (my ex wife's mother) We have always got on well and the divorce changed nothing. More recently, the father of my intended did me a fairly huge favour. He didn't have to; he just liked the way I had behaved at an earlier occasion. No money involved, in either case. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Americano Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 i cant get behind the way many forum members think. In some cultures to marry a young women you must give gifts to the family many of great value. Just look at your woman right now. Tell me would you have a chance in the states or the UK, Aus or Germany and think you could be with a woman that looks so good and treats you so nice. Then add in you are probably at least 25 years older than her and maybe 47 years older like me. Give me a break you owe the family a lot , its us who are the scammers we dont deserve a woman like this, without owing a lot to the family. Then my favorite fact what happens if you passed tomorrow do you have your woman set up so she can live when you die , maybe that talked about $1,000 a month to live on like i hear about. If you cant do that you do not deserve your wife. I have several freinds who live there full time and they have their wifes set up. If something happens to them and of course of natural causes they will live well. I am not going there to live a foreign life but if i was would my wife get my estate when i pass on or a portion of it ? Too many scammers are moving there and taking advantage of these young women and their families. Poker Mike, I agree we should take good care of our wives and try to provide for her if we die first but in my opinion we don't owe her family anything. Some religions believe a man who marries their daughter owes her family a lot of money but my wife and I are Christians. Therefore we believe everyone should be willing to work for what they want. Do not depend on other people to support you. Hard work for each person is the Christian way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Americano Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 I am talking about setting up your wife, if she helps her family when you are gone that will be her choice. i think some guys move there so they dont have to do things that are just plain fair. I think we should just give the family dowery or a allowance every month based on what you can afford. If you cant afford $300 a month you should not even be there. thats my feelings. Many countries require a minimum monthly income to retire in order to have an extended stay. I would bet that soon the Philippines will follow suit and i bet it wont be $1,000 , i would bet its going to be over $2,000. So we move there and try to save $200 a month after our budget and of course we put a $100 of that in the wifes account. No wait i forgot we dont follow western standards we just keep all the money and give them the crumbs. Please we are so iucky to have met our women there, you owe the in laws and anybody who cared for her to put you in this postion, because without that you could go back home and find someone just like her because we are all so sexy and young. "I think we should just give the family dowery or a allowance every month based on what you can afford." "No wait i forgot we dont follow western standards we just keep all the money and give them the crumbs." Your country of birth indicates that you are from the USA. Do you know any man in the USA who married a woman and gives a monthly allowance to her family? This may be done in some countries but not the USA if you are a Christian. Where are you getting these ridiculous thoughts? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Methersgate Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 I think there are two approaches to the problem of "What to do with your daughter"... In some societies, an unmarried daughter is a burden on the family, and her parents will pay someone to to take her away. This is called "Dowry" In other societies, an unmarried daughter is valuable, and if someone wants her he will have to pay. This is called "Bride Price"* It stands to reason that a society that favors Bride Price will treat its women better. The Philippines is on the "Bride price" end of the spectrum and you can look it up and see what you ought to have paid for your wife in terms of carabao, hogs, cords of wood, etc. *For example, Nelson Mandela whilst President of South Africa had to pay Bride Brice to marry Graca Machel, who was the widow of the President of Mozambique, Samora Machel, 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Americano Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 Isn't Bride Price mostly a Muslim custom? My wife is from an area in Mindanao where there are many Muslims. Even went to school with them and can speak some of their language.. When a Muslim male wants to marry a female he must pay her family so much money or he can pay it with carabaos, goats, pigs, chickens, or motorbikes. Very often the young man or boy will not have enough to pay for the girl so he has to steal in order to buy her. My wife's family are Christians so I didn't have to pay them anything to marry their daughter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Methersgate Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 Not according to my girl's family - and they are Christians from Negros, although they moved to Mindanao. The same custom used to apply amongst the Tagalogs. In both cases the custom has fallen into disuse - the only relic being that the groom, not the bride's father, pays for the wedding. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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