Are Filipinas Hardhearted

[palu]

 

I admit I am somewhat late to the game with filipinas. Maybe I need to take a break from them and reassess after a time out. 

How well did you know the ladies and their family's before you got serious?

 

The last woman was an orphan so the family did not come into play. She was everything I ever wanted in a woman, college graduate, attractive (in my eyes), hard working and self supporting . She would never take any financial help from me. I thought I had won the lottery. Now, she wants to be "friends".She still carries feelings for the father of her son even though the relationship has been over for 7 years and is (according to her) trying to move on as she realizes he will never return to her. I believe this. And while she says she does care for me, she said she can not go forward without looking back (ex boyfriend) and has stated that she does not want to be "lovers" only "friends". I am getting the pity pot from her and that really pisses me off. I would play the friend with her (seriously) and wait for her for a year or two if necessary. She is that special to me.But who really knows why she ended the relationship? And does she really know? And why break off the relationship and not just take it more slowly? Crazy making for me.

I have been single for many years and maybe I should just stay that way, or at least take a long break. Right now if I went on I would be comparing everyone to her and that would be unfair to everyone.   

[Methersgate]

Ah.  Yes. I can relate to that. 

 

This is more common than some people perhaps think.

 

Two or three thoughts to chuck into the pot, based on my own and friends' experiences:

 

- how important is her career to her? And if the answer is "very" - do you in some sense get in the way of it?

 

- how important is her independence? (this relates to the first question, but is not the same) - the answer may be "very"

 

- does she have any reason to mistrust you (remember, you may not see this for yourself - take time to consider it)

 

- do you tend to tell her what to do? (its frightfully easily done!)  

 

- and of course the obvious one - is there another fellow? Remember to look for someone younger and poorer whom she can "mother" as well as someone in your own sort of category - Filipinas are like that. 

[palu]

Ah.  Yes. I can relate to that. 

 

This is more common than some people perhaps think.

 

Two or three thoughts to chuck into the pot, based on my own and friends' experiences:

 

- how important is her career to her? And if the answer is "very" - do you in some sense get in the way of it?

 

- how important is her independence? (this relates to the first question, but is not the same) - the answer may be "very"

 

- does she have any reason to mistrust you (remember, you may not see this for yourself - take time to consider it)

 

- do you tend to tell her what to do? (its frightfully easily done!)  

 

- and of course the obvious one - is there another fellow? Remember to look for someone younger and poorer whom she can "mother" as well as someone in your own sort of category - Filipinas are like that. 

Mthersgate, answer to first question she is a bank clerk working 8 til 5 weekdays. While this is important to her, her bread and butter, she is not really 100% happy with it but wished to continue after marriage (another + for her). And yes, she wants to get married and we talked about it. Does she have any reason to mistrust me? Maybe but maybe only using that as an excuse. I have not successfully completed my divorce from my previous Filipina wife. She knows I have no feelings there (other than contempt) do not know where she is living and have tried to divorce here several months ago with it being thrown out of court due to my wife's actions. I have to wait a year to file again. But as I explained it to her, I would not be able to move to the Philippines for 2 years and that I would be unencumbered by that time. She has emotional things to work out, her unreturned .feelings for the father of her child. She has taken real steps in that direction by moving away from his family a year and a half ago. He is an overseas worker and yes, considerably younger than her. She said they broke up because of something she did (I do not know what ) and he moved on with his life 7 years ago. I believe this. She has stated to me that she does not want to be my "mistress" and that she could lose here job by living with a married man.I explained the situation to her and said she would never be the other woman. She stated the stigma of being an unmarried mother was bad enough.Who knows what is in her mind? It has been driving me to insanity trying to figure it out. I do love her that much 

[Americano]

Just guessing but maybe its the other Filipina and the fact that you are still married to her.  Your other Filipina could always be on her mind and she can't forget about her still being in the picture even if not physically present.  You need to get divorced before another woman can feel like you are all hers.  Most women do not like sharing their man.

 

In what country did you apply for the divorce?

[palu]

Just guessing but maybe its the other Filipina and the fact that you are still married to her.  Your other Filipina could always be on her mind and she can't forget about her still being in the picture even if not physically present.  You need to get divorced before another woman can feel like you are all hers.  Most women do not like sharing their man.

 

In what country did you apply for the divorc

South Carolina, USA. After one month of her in the country (less actually), I saw she had no desire for marriage to me either than my wallet, so I filed for an annulment based on non consummation of the marriage. I was led to believe it was a sure thing by my attorney. Well, in court before a female judge, both me and my wife stated that we wanted the divorce but she stated to cry and act out about the alimony I offered (of course). The judge then dismissed my petition but granted her no alimony In the court's decree, I have to wait another year. God knows the alimony when my wife starts crying and acting out..  

[palu]

I looked at every alternative that I could think of, even Guam but the residency requirements are way too long for a contested divorce.Boy, don't I fell screwed

[Kuya John]

Palu,

For what its worth,I feel what you have now told us about your situation. You already know why this lady has ended your relationship.

She has managed to keep her head above water and provide for her child as a single mother. She sure dont need more problems of a absent wife you are still married to. Staying friends is an option, but if that would be to painful for you, cut loose and set her free!

You really need space to sort your own position out first, and it sounds like she is confused too.

[Hey Steve]

If patience is a virtue and you and her are willing to wait the full year for the "official" divorce papers (this being the presumed sole reason for her deciding to downgrade your releationship), then once the year passes the question will be..."Are we back on track?"

You might want to ask her this question with open and honest discussion so you know how to plot your course instead of waiting (painfully) for what "possibly" lies ahead.

 

If it works out, then great! If not, I would not categorize Filipinas as all being hard hearted. Many times if you really get to know one through whatever means you approach a new relationship and what they arereally about you can find, in time, true happiness from another.

Edited October 28, 2014 by Hey Steve

[Methersgate]

I agree with Americano, John and Steve - it's most likely to be the incomplete divorce.

 

Do remember that, since there is no divorce in the Philippines, Filipinos and Filipinas are unfamiliar with it. They think it must be like an annulment, which is just down to paying enough money. The idea of fixed time periods for divorce is unknown to them. I know this having found it out the hard way myself. 

[komments]

They think it must be like an annulment, which is just down to paying enough money.

 

Isn't an annulment done by the Church?  And they need money to do it?  How much?  And WHY?

And if the Annulment is the big issue - make sure you don't marry a Catholic (hard in the Philippines I know).