Are Filipinas Hardhearted

[palu]

 

They think it must be like an annulment, which is just down to paying enough money.

 

Isn't an annulment done by the Church?  And they need money to do it?  How much?  And WHY?

And if the Annulment is the big issue - make sure you don't marry a Catholic (hard in the Philippines I know).

 

Not only the church. Many state divorce laws have provisions for annulments.  

[Jack Peterson]

God knows the alimony when my wife starts crying and acting out..  

 

 

This is no 2 on the list of good At's. Whenever they are put in a corner, "Waterworks" seemed to work here but I have gotten over this now,

 

Even with my daughter (and it comes from my wife also) we say, Go to Lola's for your Cry, Lola don't listen anymore. Wise old Girl! 

 

Azon now knows that the "Waterworks" don't work with me anymore.

 

JP :tiphat:

 

Morning All :morning1:

[Tukaram (Tim)]

I think because of the whole money=survival that yes, many Filipinos are hard hearted.  They are some of the friendliest, yet least compassionate, people I have ever met.  But so am I so I get along well with them. 

 

Your situation sounds like it will straighten out after you get your divorce finalized.  No sense in her putting too much effort into a situation when a wife is still involved.  Seems kind of a harsh way of saying it but probably true.

 

It is kind of like when chatting online with them.  They say you are the only one - but everyone knows they are chatting with a few guys if they can.  A lot of the guys are all talk and not really coming over here.  So they keep a couple extras hoping one will eventually show up.        :tiphat:

[palu]

I am surprised that the divorce is such a big deal considering how many Filipinos have started  multiple families without worry about an annulment, Maybe the double standard at play. Still, she is gone. I wish her well. I did love her madly. I sincerely doubt I will ever get her reasons for ending our relationship. I hope I do but doubt it..

[Thomas]

Well. There are hard hearted - and not - people in all countries.

Not odd IF a biger percentage of the Filipinas are hard hearted, because of they can need to act TO SURVIVE

BUT  

1/  there is an unproportional BIG percentage hard hearted in our HOME "kano countries", although they DON'T need to be to survive... =they are "gold diggers".        (I find it OK if they act some to survive, but not OK if they are gold diggers =act to get much more than needed to survive.)

2/  MANY* Filipins DON'T bother much about money as long as they have enough to survive.  Most of us know of many, who PREFER TO RELAX as soon as they have earned enough to survive a few days ahead, E g one "rule" is "don't pay builders at Wednesday if you want them to work until Friday"    :mocking:      

* But many others are determend and manage to get higher education somehow, although they are very poor!    

In the case of my partner, soft hearted and hard headed, just like me. In fact, in the words of John Wayne in "The Shootist". "She reminds me of me!" 

 

Now, I'd like to make a general observation. This applies to Filipinas from pretty much all walks of life except the daughters of the very comfortably off, whom you probably won't be meeting in large numbers:

This is a brutally poor country, massively over populated, in which the struggle for existence is just that - a struggle. The ONLY "safety net" is the family. People are much more interested in money, because money = survival. To some extent, we expect this amongst the poor, but we are shocked when we find the same tight fisted and grasping attitude amongst the middle classes. This we don't expect - we are shocked to see how badly they treat their servants, and so on. We need to remember thet they have not been in the middle class for long and they are terrified of falling back into poverty again, however unlikely that may seem.

 

Hope this helps. 

Yes, and by people in our home countries   :)   More common among city people,

I'm just like you I don't know what happened to the second one but chances are she found someone with more money than you. My first Filipina wife wanted a divorce so she could marry a rich man who she already knew so I let her go.  Here's a general statement about Filipinos which I believe is true.  To most Filipinos money and the things a lot of money can buy are more important than love.  Many Filipinas will leave someone to go after more money.  Why do you need love when you have money is their way of thinking.

Yes, the BAD ones   =gold diggers.

The GOOD ones stop searching, when they get enough to live ok  (=Don't need to worry about having food and other basics. Get higher education for the kids (and/or own small business so the kids will get work.)  If they get a house too they are HAPPY...

 

 

The baffling thing was she would not take money from me. This I would understand 

 

Its not always about the money.  The number of filipinas who have a boyfriend on the side may astound you.  I find they are exceptionally good at it, so good that most of us never know about the other guy.  The other guy is not always richer and not always a foreigner.  In fact it is quite often a filipino.  Its possible this happened in your case, or perhaps something totally different.  Listen to what the other filipinos say about her and somewhere in the gossip will be the truth.

 

But that's spilt milk now.  Whatever reason caused her to leave you need to decide what to do next.  I still suggest staying single as long as you can and enjoying what the ladies have to offer.

Yes, it's a cultural thing.  It's kind of "expected" among the Filipinos, who can afford to, to have a "second wife".

So not odd if some Filipinas do similar, biger risk the biger age difference with the husband, I suppouse...  :unsure:

(Perhaps I will add a paragraph in the "prenup"  , if my wife cheat, she will get nothing/much less if we split, and cheating is a split reason...   E g she lose the land)

[Thomas]

Is the allowed amount of smileys reduced to very few???!!!   I had to cut my post into two to get it aproved, although it's just few smileys for the length of my answer...

 

 

 

I admit I am somewhat late to the game with filipinas. Maybe I need to take a break from them and reassess after a time out. 

How well did you know the ladies and their family's before you got serious?

 

I certainly did not know the family of either of the two Filipinas whom I have been involved with before getting serious. Indeed unless one lives in the country and knows her family socially I don't really see how one can do otherwise.

In both cases I get on well with the families. (I am still in contact with my ex wife's family).

 

But that's NOT being serious in Filipin traditional point of view   :)    and many families, specialy rural ones, are still very traditional.

 

 

She has stated to me that she does not want to be my "mistress" and that she could lose here job by living with a married man.I explained the situation to her and said she would never be the other woman. She stated the stigma of being an unmarried mother was bad enough.Who knows what is in her mind? It has been driving me to insanity trying to figure it out. 

Well.  For me it seem rather obvious. Most of us are old enough to know how it was before the "Flower power" period in our home countries. It was a big shame to be a single mother (except if being widdow.)  

If you think as if it was pre WW II in our home countries, then I believe you can understand easier how it's common Filipinas think concerning relations.

=I suppouse she want to be SURE you will marry.  

But some complicated by if she has feelings left for an ex.

 

(I have some hesitation concerning chosing wife, because it's much harder to be compared to a dead husband, than to a cheating boyfriend who has left her, specialy if left with child/children. I prefer to be compared to a cheater, than to a perhaps gloryfied dead husband...  :)

Edited October 29, 2014 by Thomas

[Methersgate]

I am surprised that the divorce is such a big deal considering how many Filipinos have started  multiple families without worry about an annulment, Maybe the double standard at play. Still, she is gone. I wish her well. I did love her madly. I sincerely doubt I will ever get her reasons for ending our relationship. I hope I do but doubt it..

 

It is a big deal because the endless "telenovelas" anmd "telesryes" playing on TV feature evil seducers, foreigners of course, who promise to get a divorce but who never do so (and have no intention of doing so) and because you are asking her to trust you, a foreigner and as such an alien being to her.   

[Dave Hounddriver]

biger risk the biger age difference with the husband, I suppouse

 

Well thats a shocker. What are you basing that on?  No one ever cheated on you when there was no age gap?  I guess I was just unlucky in the past then as I had partners of all ages cheat at some point.  

[Thomas]

Your situation sounds like it will straighten out after you get your divorce finalized. No sense in her putting too much effort into a situation when a wife is still involved. Seems kind of a harsh way of saying it but probably true. It is kind of like when chatting online with them. They say you are the only one - but everyone knows they are chatting with a few guys if they can. A lot of the guys are all talk and not really coming over here. So they keep a couple extras hoping one will eventually show up. :tiphat:

Yes.  I'm FRIEND with several Filipinas, who look for a SERIOUS relation at datingsites. Many of them are FRUSTRATED by many men

/FOOLING the Filipinas they are serious, although they only want a sex affair during vacation

/or many don't even plan to ever meet, just in first webcam contact ask them to show their boobs as if they were bar girls!!!   Some of them say they ONLY have been contacted by such men.

 

So not odd if such Filipinas have "backups"  until they know if someone will become serious with meeting...

[palu]

To correct any thoughts that her boyfriend cheated, nope. According to her, she did something which he could not forgive. I never dared to ask but I am guessing infidelity. According to her again, she spent 7 years trying to get him back without success. I know from first hand how high her sex drive is :) and knowing he is an overseas worker adds up. My biggest concern was always how would I react to her cheating on me. Well, now I don't have to worry about that. Noticed last night that she has her profile back up on the dating website from which I met her. I guess that is that