Supporting A Family

[mogo51]

Reading some of these postings is very enlightening. I am currently immune from this as we both live in Thailand. GF sends money back to son each month for education, a little goes occasionally to mother and father for medication.  I never get involved or ask..

but she does  not get any money from me, other than I supply all living costs.

The situation when we go to Phils may be different but not as far as I am concerned, she knows and accepts that (at this stage))

But I will never change my position, as far as I am concerned, it has nothing to do with me.

These are the sort of issues that confront men (certainly mature age) when they hook up with younger women (there is not a great age

gap between gf and myself 14 years (my parents had 12 year gap).  So I am hoping not to be confronted with it. 

I have an excellent partner and dont  want to change but I  would if it became an issue.

[RBM]

Reading some of these postings is very enlightening. I am currently immune from this as we both live in Thailand. GF sends money back to son each month for education, a little goes occasionally to mother and father for medication.  I never get involved or ask..

but she does  not get any money from me, other than I supply all living costs.

The situation when we go to Phils may be different but not as far as I am concerned, she knows and accepts that (at this stage))

But I will never change my position, as far as I am concerned, it has nothing to do with me.

These are the sort of issues that confront men (certainly mature age) when they hook up with younger women (there is not a great age

gap between gf and myself 14 years (my parents had 12 year gap).  So I am hoping not to be confronted with it. 

I have an excellent partner and dont  want to change but I  would if it became an issue.

 

 

Not sure how much the age gap has to do with the situation,more I think  mind set of family. Its an issue many encounter with their GF or wife.

 

I really feel for the woman as she can be like the meat in the sandwich, family on one side and partner on the other.

 

Some of my  friends have in the beginning said emergencies only....sadly these can occur frequently. No easy answer, as others have said its not in all cases, many such as myself have never experienced this asking for help. 

 

There is one situation that can, does occur, Even if we are never requested to help...a sister or mum of our partner becomes very ill!  Do we offer? If they intend to go to the money lenders for help or what ever. This is a  one on one call, each must make his own decision how ever must be remembered this can and does drag and costs could be astronomical. 

[Jack Peterson]

There is one situation that can, does occur

 

 

 Call me suicidal, mean or just a raging bull, I don't care, when the preverbial S...T hits the fan on Money and Emergencies, I go to the Big House, Mamas, and Remember all the family well apart from us and 1 other Sister out of 9 of them Live on the Big lot for Free. I get them all together and ask, OK what is your contribution to this. OH! so may excuses and Alibi's. So I say AGAIN you expect us to pay, we are  1/9 th of the family as a whole, we will pay that 1/9 th and you can all do what you like and on your own heads beit. I see new Bikes WOW a new car (Well 7 months old bought as a snatch back.) new CPU's and  another new TV in the Upstairs Sala, Guys and gals I keep saying to them, I got my priorities right years ago which is why We have cash. Don't you think it is time to look at your priorities. 

 

The answer comes back well it really has nothing to do with you, RIGHT and my Money has nothing to do with you. so 1/9 th is all you will get to the fund.

 

Harsh? yes! you have to be sometimes as it  never seems to Sink in.

 

Rant over. :rolleyes:

 

JP :tiphat:   :thumbsup:

[scott h]

Been watching the topic with interest. One thing that seems to be over looked is the financial standing of the family that the expat joins. (hind sight being 20/20). If the family is large, not well educated, from the province and the extended clan does not own a business of some sort, the family culture will me more communal and hand to mouth with only a few family members providing the bulk of the support. (our maids family is like that, 2 women members work as maids and care givers, the men just work when it comes about or stay at home with the kids) Time and time again we hear of examples of under employed family members (male mostly) just hanging around all day while women work as maids, nurses, caregivers or in the sari sari store. If a female family member happens to be married to a expat, well the others just look at it as another source of income. Be it right or wrong in our view it is just the way it is. The stories are just to numerous for this situation to be a rarity but rather a cultural norm.

[Jack Peterson]

One thing that seems to be over looked is the financial standing of the family

 

 

 Ah Scott, if only I could say on this I understand but This issue sticks in my throat with the family.They are an upper middle class family and are to me affluent. The Figures I will quote are true as My Wife is the family CPA and does all the tax returns, the Amounts are Gross as none ever admit what the net is after the loans and deductions required and the Credit on major things, So here is the Breakdown of this family. Job and Income (Gross)

 

1.  Male. Senior Civil Engineer with Noreco II  44.000 per Month

2.  Female. Dep Ed Elementary  Teacher  18.000 per month.

3. Female. Senior Research assistant. DAR.  23.000 per month

4  Male,  Police officer 2.    15.000 per month 

5. Female. Articulated Clerk (1 below a Qualified Lawyer, ( Halls of Justice.) 24.000 per month

6. Male, Registered and Employed Nurse.  SUMC  16.000 per month

7. Female. Hotel Deputy Manger.  22.000 per month.

8.  Male, Electrical Engineer, Noreco II  18.000 per month

 

There are other earing Kids but this i have no argument about, they are still learning some life.

 

 

 Can you see my Frustration on this issue. the family DO have money and all these  people live Free of Charge on Mama's Large Lot. All they Do is pay their own Water and Electric, the rest is just Gone, No Budget. 

 

 

JP :tiphat:  :1 (103):

[mogo51]

 

There is one situation that can, does occur

 

 

 Call me suicidal, mean or just a raging bull, I don't care, when the preverbial S...T hits the fan on Money and Emergencies, I go to the Big House, Mamas, and Remember all the family well apart from us and 1 other Sister out of 9 of them Live on the Big lot for Free. I get them all together and ask, OK what is your contribution to this. OH! so may excuses and Alibi's. So I say AGAIN you expect us to pay, we are  1/9 th of the family as a whole, we will pay that 1/9 th and you can all do what you like and on your own heads beit. I see new Bikes WOW a new car (Well 7 months old bought as a snatch back.) new CPU's and  another new TV in the Upstairs Sala, Guys and gals I keep saying to them, I got my priorities right years ago which is why We have cash. Don't you think it is time to look at your priorities. 

 

The answer comes back well it really has nothing to do with you, RIGHT and my Money has nothing to do with you. so 1/9 th is all you will get to the fund.

 

Harsh? yes! you have to be sometimes as it  never seems to Sink in.

 

Rant over. :rolleyes:

 

JP :tiphat:   :thumbsup:

 

 

 

No Jack, dont think it is harsh or a rant, perfectly fair as I see it.  The problem is eloquently explained in your post, very pertinent and accurate.

[mogo51]

 

Reading some of these postings is very enlightening. I am currently immune from this as we both live in Thailand. GF sends money back to son each month for education, a little goes occasionally to mother and father for medication.  I never get involved or ask..

but she does  not get any money from me, other than I supply all living costs.

The situation when we go to Phils may be different but not as far as I am concerned, she knows and accepts that (at this stage))

But I will never change my position, as far as I am concerned, it has nothing to do with me.

These are the sort of issues that confront men (certainly mature age) when they hook up with younger women (there is not a great age

gap between gf and myself 14 years (my parents had 12 year gap).  So I am hoping not to be confronted with it. 

I have an excellent partner and dont  want to change but I  would if it became an issue.

 

 

Not sure how much the age gap has to do with the situation,more I think  mind set of family. Its an issue many encounter with their GF or wife.

 

I really feel for the woman as she can be like the meat in the sandwich, family on one side and partner on the other.

 

Some of my  friends have in the beginning said emergencies only....sadly these can occur frequently. No easy answer, as others have said its not in all cases, many such as myself have never experienced this asking for help. 

 

There is one situation that can, does occur, Even if we are never requested to help...a sister or mum of our partner becomes very ill!  Do we offer? If they intend to go to the money lenders for help or what ever. This is a  one on one call, each must make his own decision how ever must be remembered this can and does drag and costs could be astronomical. 

 

 

 

I probably did not explain the 'age bracket' thing in my post.  There is a portion of Filipino families who think because their 25 year old had hooked up with a 50 plus or more westerner, there is a 'dowry' portion to the arrangement .  Not to mention that in their view all

foreigners are loaded!.

[Jack Peterson]

there is a 'dowry' portion to the arrangement . 

Where mogo There  in Thailand? cos it just don't happen here, unless you are a musley or plain Stupid.  :rolleyes:

[mogo51]

 

there is a 'dowry' portion to the arrangement .

Where mogo There  in Thailand? cos it just don't happen here, unless you are a musley or plain Stupid.  :rolleyes:

 

I am in Pattaya,  but it matters not where you are, especailly prevalent in Isaan.  I do not mean they pay a lump sum (although I know some who have) but it is extracted over the period that the relationship lasts.  Buffal sick, brother needs to go to hospital (after you have previously paid for his funeral), papa sick etc etc etc - that is what I call the involuntary 'dowry'. 

I had a guest house here when I first came to Thailand (stupidly), the amount of 70 plus western men wheeling prams down the street, with 20-30 year old women following along, was mind boggling.

[jpbago]

I got my priorities right years ago which is why We have cash. Don't you think it is time to look at your priorities.

There are other earning Kids but this i have no argument about, they are still learning some life.

 

If these two sentences would come together, sometime in the future, the Filipinos would be less dependent on outside money and be able to take care of themselves but it is lack of planning that keeps them poor generation after generation.