Supporting Filipino Family Financially....... An Expectation Or Obligation? What To Do To Avoid Problems.

[Thomas]

 

 

That may or may not be the law, but as we will not be married as she is previously married and no annulment.

It's the law.  I have read it. It's some unclear concerning up to which living standard the support have to be.

 

The red market make you better know of an OTHER law. In Phils it's a crime to have a relation with a married woman even if she is long timed separated. But mostly the justice system don't bother about that law, otherwize they would need to change one of the BIG islands to a prison to get space for all :mocking:      BUT it make you vulnerable for anyone telling the police, if someone want to get rid of you  :bash:

I am aware of the law in that regard, but also aware that there would not be enough prisons to keep us all in.

It is a long bow you draw to try and defend the supporting of families, it is above the point in my view.

It still does not alter the fact that my position is clear and will not change. If you want to give freely,

feel free to do s.

I'm NOT defending these laws, I'm telling what the laws SAY.

 

Normaly I like to "break"  (=find solutions around") stupid laws, BUT I don't want to do such in Phils, because I don't like the jails there   :)   and  don't forget they have an EXTRA punishment possibility against us foreigners =Deportation.    (See the other topic about the German, who after had much problem himself has dedicated his life to assist foreigners who get - in many cases - redicolous handling by the Filipino "juridical" system, sometimes after an ANONYMOUS person has told the officials something, which don't even need to be true!!!  :bash:    e g by jelousy. 

[Daydreamer]

If dad shows up asking for money I would tell him to ?????? off... and so would my wife :tiphat:

WOW! Sounds like everyone in her family just about abandoned her and her mom! :th_unfair:

Edited May 5, 2015 by Daydreamer

[Jack Peterson]

:unsure:  Well Laws or no laws we have stopped Giving Financial help to all But an Aged Mama. They can Borrow  but it  must be Repaid before they borrow again, if not Repaid, they get no more.

We have now started to re -Furnish the House. Nice say some of the family. So those that Deserve get the Old Furniture and we enjoy the new. We share our Bananas, Mangoes, and pay handsomely for the Cuts of meat we buy from the families slaughtered Pigs (better prices than they get locally or from the mean Butcher (meat Shop.) We help out in many many ways. Cash is not dished out Willy Nilly to anyone anymore but we would never see them Hungry. We buy Mama a 50 kilo bag of good Rice each month and they can Go and buy it at the Price Mama sets. This is here Little Bonus for being a great MIL.(my Extended Immediate family all live on mama's Large Lot in their own Houses ( about 25 in all) and can if they need Help sort themselves out. To me this is a Better way to help rather than let them become parasites. We have stopped giving financial help for technology (Phones,TV,IT, and Such  Except for the Younger children) the Elder kids can do some spare time work like we had to. We have donated our old TV, Computer and at least 5 phones to the Big house, they must sort out the priorities themselves.

 

Harsh you Think? NO! is my answer to that, No one made our Lives Easy by any chalk. Help yes, as long as it it put to Good use, Food, Electric, Water (Although they have 3 hand pumps on the lot) and Medicines. Motor Bikes, Cars and such Never again.

 

I personally worked 50 years of my Life to be comfortable, Work is there if they want to go find it. But I am not paying for any one to sit on their backside at my expense.

I will add, we hold 6 parties a year 4 for birthdays in Any Quarter 1 for Xmas Day and again for New Year

To me I think this Branch of the family do as much as anyone would Expect for the family as a whole.

 

 

little rant over.

 

JP :tiphat:

[Tukaram (Tim)]

 

If dad shows up asking for money I would tell him to ?????? off... and so would my wife :tiphat:

WOW! Sounds like everyone in her family just about abandoned her and her mom! :th_unfair:

 

 

No.  Just her dad.  He does stroll through every now and again - but the family will not accept his new girlfriend and kid.  So he does not stay long.

[kalibojerry]

This is a very interesting topic I agree with helping the family when needed but will not support them I have said no and I have helped when I thought it was needed, My sweetheart has been out cast by some of the family and is very closed with her only sister and her father who has re married , I saw how her father lived no lights no running water in the one room bamboo house he has 2 daughters 13 an 7 which I felt for them walk 1 hr to school, so I bought them a 2 bedroom house close to the sister and the girls school  has lights needs work which I will have done so they can live a more normal live ,  I was happy to do this and my sweetheart really looks like a hero with the family now and the ones who out cast her wants to be friends now with her and she told them were to go ,which blew me away she tells me her father and her sister are the only ones who she will help if needed I have seen her tell both her father and sister to sell a pig if they needed money which blew me away she tells me that she will not be used because she has me now 

[Ynot]

I believe in that old saying charity begins at home.

 

You need to make sure you are able to look after yourself first (your own family first) before you start looking after everyone else in the extended family. You need to make that any charitiable assistance is not at the expense to yourself, to your own detriment within reason.

 

Once you are able to look after your own needs, then I am all for assisting the extended family if you are able.   Not everyone is in a position to help others, but I would like to think that those of us who are able to help would help where we can.  For instance my gf's elder sister lives in North Catmon (about 2 hours outside of Cebu City), she lives with 4 young children from about 6 years old to 12 years old, the husband has abondoned them he has a new family now, anyway there house they rent was destroyed in that typhoon a few years ago (Yolanda???) anyway they were living in the ruins, I'd seen the house before it was blown over and saw it after the typhoon had hit, anyway government assistance was very slow to non existent, so mid last year I gave my gf some money and they built a two room shelter - very basic, brick and ply walls with tin roof, it even has electricy connected all for under $1000.   When I saw them last Christmas, they were very happy and thanked me for my assistance.  

 

And when I met her parents in Dipolog, her parents thanked me, (the dad wrote me a letter his words but one of his daughters writing) for assisting his eldest daughter.  I felt good about it and could see the good I had done with my own eyes, unlike here in Aus when you give to charity and generally someone is taking a cut and by time the money flows through its very small by time it reaches the place it is collected for.

 

So I will help my extended family when I can and I am comfortable with that, it does not mean I will support someone to sit around and do nothing though!!

[davewe]

I am always interested in these topics, which abound on all the forums. Virtually every couple I know does something different. One thing I find interesting is the large amount of guys who say they give nothing, but there is always a caveat. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the caveats and nothing against a bit of giving, yet here's what I have observed:

 

1. I refuse to give anything, but my wife sends from her paycheck/allowance.

2. I refuse to give anything, but if it were an emergency...

3. I refuse to give anything, but I provide an occasional loan.

4. I refuse to give anything, but a sack or two of rice now and again seems reasonable.

 

Well you get the idea. We all do something at some time. At the risk of incurring the derision of the group, I'll be specific about what we are currently doing.

 

Once my wife starting working about a year ago it was clear that she wanted to do something. We discussed many possibilities: monthly allowance (which I didn't like); saving an emergency fund so we would be prepared, etc. Finally I determined what she was most concerned about. Her family does not own their lot and her fear was that as her parents aged they might end up with no place to live. We researched how much a small, inexpensive lot might cost - not much to be honest. I asked my wife how much she would like to save from her check and told her I would match savings up to a certain amount monthly - but only match.

 

A year ago we visited her family and told her parents of our plan to start saving. They were appreciative but I have a feeling skeptical. Her father was practical enough to ask me what might happen if there were ever an emergency. I said that if there were an emergency that we decided to help with that amount would come out of the savings which might delay meeting our goal.

 

My wife saved diligently every month and I matched. By last month when we returned to her family in the Philippines we had met our goal and told her parents so. They were more excited and we actually got to look at a lot they were aware of in a farming area. We looked at it and it seemed nice but my wife told her mother it was too expensive and to either counter offer at our budget or to keep looking. We will see.

 

In the meantime, my wife's sister is entering her senior year in college, studying teaching. Her crappy job has supported her for the first three years of school in Cebu City. At the end of the junior year she reluctantly left the job because of a safety issue; I agreed that she was not safe and should leave.

 

My wife wanted to help with tuition for the senior year. She met with me and her sister and said that while she was willing to help with tuition she (we) would not help with living expenses and that her sister would have to get a job; surely McDonalds must be hiring! There was a lot of arguing and finger pointing (mostly my tough wife). Finally her mother said that we should defer helping with the lot, since the education was more important. I told her mother we would try to do both. I asked the sister how much her tuition and additional fees were. When she told me I could barely suppress laughing and whispered to Janet, "I spend more at Starbucks monthly."

 

Finally I took over the conversation. I told my SIL that she would provide us with exact amounts on tuition and fees, that we would pay them, that she would figure out how to pay her living expenses (which she has), that she would work her ass off and graduate, and that she would get a teaching job and help the next child with education. She agreed.

 

BTW, in 3 years no one has ever asked me for a dime. These two issues were the two my wife and I wanted to help with. In the final analysis her parents will someday have a small house (my wife will own the lot) and her sister will have a degree. I will end up shelling out chump change, my wife will pay most of it, and I have ended up being a hero. I don't mind a few bucks if it genuinely helps people I care about - and I do care about the family!