At What Point In Time Do Hand Over Control. Financial?

[chris49]

I'm 65, been in control all the way since age 17.

 

As is now well known, I had an accident 3 weeks ago. I'm a lefty and pretty much lost the use of my left arm. Although it's coming back now, Gina has been giving me my full shower daily. Assisting me with various tasks, general support, plus her normal house hold duties. Today we had our first big trip out, banking, shopping, motorbike maintenance, lunch out. And because of the logistics I had a few things to attend to, we spent about an hour apart, and I went home by bus while she used the bike. Inside the bank I could only sign my name poorly, so had the Asst Manager approve my transaction. We are well known in there so no problem. But that's the level I'm at right now.

 

Also mentally quite sharp, but not as sharp as I was 5-10 years ago. Gina did well in HS, but overall lacks the experience, especially in medium to long range planning. Imo, she doesn't yet get the "big picture" she's good on the day to day planning, but not weeks ahead.

 

We had a few trials earlier and she messed up a few items, but then, I was more or less still in control, even if she didn't realize.

 

Three weeks ago I became 75% disabled, but it's now down to 20% disabilty, 80% ADL, can do. I had no choice, from the moment I hit the ER, I had to hand over 100% control to Ging Ging, everything, even the amount I used to reserve for my daily pocket money, I gave to her, so she would manage our monthly budget, 45,000, but we take about 10k/week, save the rest, and save the child allowance, about 17k.

 

She did good, not great, but here going into the 4th week, she's picked it up, Still looks at me as the CEO, Comptroller I guess and that's the way Iexplained it to her, if I'm CEO, she's the household manager, which actually extends out a bit. Her mum and dad, our kids and a few siblings here mostly but off and on.

 

I'm tired right now, still taking pain pills and all. I'm setting 1 July to be back on the bike, I mean on the highway and beyond. Will start short rides in Jun. Hopefully swimming also 1 Jun.

 

So that's it, I'm giving her the full control now. I will get my pocket money out later when I start riding again. But from now she's got it, even paying bills, full Monty, all items under financial management,

 

What do others do? What would you do in this situation?

Edited May 4, 2015 by chris49

[chris49]

CAVEATS, added separately.

 

1. Control of major items like, land, car, and large bank deposits is not given. She actually owns this land so that one doesn't apply.

 

2. Deals and arrangements like loans are not included, Small loans eg 200-300 is in her control not mine

 

3. There must be some savings, and the money saved will remain in my account, She may save in the kids accounts, that's hers to manage

 

4. She must provide my needs like medical, medications, even my 2 beers in the late afternoon. If ever she can't do that the deal is off. I'm not drinking right now but will probably get back to it.

 

5. She takes care of the kids needs and must plan it.

 

6. I have a few trips coming up, one may be extended, She has no choice, she must manage during this time.

 

7. She has farm projects, pigs, goats, chickens, she must manage that. She also keeps the profit with no questions asked.

 

8. Major investments like extending the house, I'm the head contractor, she's the co ordinator, I hold the money when it's 100,000k and up,

 

9.If I ride the bike or race again, which I will, give me the budget from our monthly 45k

 

 

[MacBubba]

I handed over financial control not long after we married.  Not that it was ever mine to hand over.  During the first couple of months we both realized that she was clearly the superior controller and planner.  She is a long range planner and a contingency planner.  Short range is taken care of as a matter of course. 

 

Even among Canadian couples that we know, it is not uncommon to hear grumblings about spousal budgeting shortcomings.  I have absolutely no cause to complain.

[i am bob]

To be honest, some people know how to budget and some people don't...  But those who don't can easily be taught!

 

Sit down with your significant other and work out a budget together...  Start off with your monthly needs and list them...  Subtract from what you have for income for the month...  Add in what you have for extraneous expenses (loans, trips, furniture, etc) in a separate list...   Subtract again...  Figure out what you need for intermittent expenses - such as Visa extensions...  Subtract again...  What do you want to have to put into savings?  Again subtract...  What's left?  This is your extra for the month...  Now, why did I list them all like this since you know how to do this?   Have you shown her how to break things down?  Priorities?  Do this for several months at a time...  Each month go back and review or do it over again if you want...  You will be surprised how fast she not only picks this up but surpasses you at saving money!!!

 

I did this with several girlfriends in the past and this has proven to be the best way to teach someone how to care for their money...  Now if only I can follow it!!!

 

:mocking:  :rolleyes:  :hystery:

[scott h]

22 years ago, just made life more peaceful.

 

But then when we were first married, I had very little to hand over. As our assets grew, so did my wife financial acumen.

Edited May 4, 2015 by scott h

[mogo51]

To be honest, some people know how to budget and some people don't...  But those who don't can easily be taught!

 

Sit down with your significant other and work out a budget together...  Start off with your monthly needs and list them...  Subtract from what you have for income for the month...  Add in what you have for extraneous expenses (loans, trips, furniture, etc) in a separate list...   Subtract again...  Figure out what you need for intermittent expenses - such as Visa extensions...  Subtract again...  What do you want to have to put into savings?  Again subtract...  What's left?  This is your extra for the month...  Now, why did I list them all like this since you know how to do this?   Have you shown her how to break things down?  Priorities?  Do this for several months at a time...  Each month go back and review or do it over again if you want...  You will be surprised how fast she not only picks this up but surpasses you at saving money!!!

 

I did this with several girlfriends in the past and this has proven to be the best way to teach someone how to care for their money...  Now if only I can follow it!!!

 

:mocking:  :rolleyes:  :hystery:

[/q

All my married life, I have been in control of the finances and I have had 3 goes at the caper.

I am still in control in my current relationship and will continue to be so. In answwer to your question -

the time for me to shift control will be just before I take my last breath!!!

[jon1]

I think that you both handled it quite well. I would give her feedback on the not so goods and give her atta boys for the good stuff. Also communicate that you expect to have your money in June. This way it doesn't come as a surprise. Communication is the key. If you do not you will have problems.

[Jack Peterson]

My wife is a CPA and can handle, Juggle, accounts like the Best of them she handles all the Household accounts and has done from day one with utter trust from me. However, like the majority of Filapinas sometimes, priorities can get put in the Wrong order. This is the only time I get involved, Sitting here down and saying Sweetheart, maybe we should have done this First and that next. I find that Parties and such sometimes take presidece before a project is Finished. like now, We have still to have the Kitchen Completed and the new Cooker range to be installed Yet she is now organizing the daughters Birthday party for the End of the Month. You just have to give them their head but keep an eye on Finishing Something before they start another. To me that is where the money can be lost.

 

JMHO of course.

 

JP :tiphat:  ( back in line with a better connection Today  :morning1: Morning all.

[Tukaram (Tim)]

I give her the monthly money and she is charge of paying the bills... but she is not in charge of our money.  I keep our money in the US and only send over enough for 1 month at a time...  I made her some labels for each bill and she paperclips all the money into labelled bundles. (I had to stop her from stapling the labels to the money...)   It makes her realize how little disposable income we have  :tiphat:

[chris49]

To be honest, some people know how to budget and some people don't...  But those who don't can easily be taught!

 

Sit down with your significant other and work out a budget together...  Start off with your monthly needs and list them...  Subtract from what you have for income for the month...  Add in what you have for extraneous expenses (loans, trips, furniture, etc) in a separate list...   Subtract again...  Figure out what you need for intermittent expenses - such as Visa extensions...  Subtract again...  What do you want to have to put into savings?  Again subtract...  What's left?  This is your extra for the month...  Now, why did I list them all like this since you know how to do this?   Have you shown her how to break things down?  Priorities?  Do this for several months at a time...  Each month go back and review or do it over again if you want...  You will be surprised how fast she not only picks this up but surpasses you at saving money!!!

 

I did this with several girlfriends in the past and this has proven to be the best way to teach someone how to care for their money...  Now if only I can follow it!!!

 

:mocking:  :rolleyes:  :hystery:

 

That read well and I did put a like.

 

The part about gf's is overall not a good idea, You know, once bitten, twice shy.