When You Are Gone

[WordsandMusic]

I bought a small safe that I filled with letters of instruction in simple terms. SS, pension, insurance…..etc. Then I contact three friends I could trust and that my wife knows as well. I filled my friends in on all the letters and instructions. I placed their names and numbers in the safe as contacts for her. I put the SS numbers in and the Insurance contact numbers in as well, separate from the policies themselves.  I sat her down and went over all the information with her, I've done this 4 times. She has a much better understanding of it all now, but was overwhelmed the first couple of times with all the information.  I asked her, If I die in a year, where would you live? She stated The Philippines. In fact she has three sisters here and they all want to move home someday. With that in mind, I made the decision to move to the Philippines for a number of reasons, but if she wants to live here anyway with my son, why not help make that life as comfortable as possible. If I'm here I can help her set up a business, build a home, find good schools and so on. Never discount our life experiences when they are used to better someones life. The trick is not being a bull in the china shop. I can't thrash around here in the Philippines doing all this my way, but she has to be the initiator and go through the thought process, otherwise she will still be just as lost without me. The idea is pure independence from me, she makes good descions on her own with me as a sounding board. This forum is my sounding board and has helped me understand many of the things I need to understand in moving to the Philippines. 

[WordsandMusic]

As far as her having family and suiters, we have had this conversation a few times. She is way ahead of the curve when it comes to these aspects. My wife puts our son first and foremost and that is a comfort. As far as new love in her new life, I tell her to go for it. I explained the benefits she will loose if she gets remarried. But that doesn't mean she can't have romance if she doesn't want to give up those benefits. She knows there will be many wolves in sheep's clothing knocking at her door, It's up to her to be weary and smart about who she opens it up to. I feel I can look back and say I did my best on her behalf and that of my son. We all have to live the life we want or the one we are given, it's up to them to pick through it all. 

[earthdome]

But anyways...as others have said, it might be wiser to leave behind a steady monthly source of income if possible, rather than a large pot of money. This might help protect her from herself, and others. 

 

This is the course of action I am looking into. No large lump sums of money. Better a monthly stream of money.

 

Even though someone may be very able to budget and handle a modest income sometimes things go crazy when there is a large sum of money.

 

Look at how often the life and family of large lottery winners are ruined when they were fine managing day to day with a modest income.

[chris49]

I bought a small safe that I filled with letters of instruction in simple terms. SS, pension, insurance…..etc. Then I contact three friends I could trust and that my wife knows as well. I filled my friends in on all the letters and instructions. I placed their names and numbers in the safe as contacts for her. I put the SS numbers in and the Insurance contact numbers in as well, separate from the policies themselves.  I sat her down and went over all the information with her, I've done this 4 times. She has a much better understanding of it all now, but was overwhelmed the first couple of times with all the information.  I asked her, If I die in a year, where would you live? She stated The Philippines. In fact she has three sisters here and they all want to move home someday. With that in mind, I made the decision to move to the Philippines for a number of reasons, but if she wants to live here anyway with my son, why not help make that life as comfortable as possible. If I'm here I can help her set up a business, build a home, find good schools and so on. Never discount our life experiences when they are used to better someones life. The trick is not being a bull in the china shop. I can't thrash around here in the Philippines doing all this my way, but she has to be the initiator and go through the thought process, otherwise she will still be just as lost without me. The idea is pure independence from me, she makes good descions on her own with me as a sounding board. This forum is my sounding board and has helped me understand many of the things I need to understand in moving to the Philippines. 

 

As for the topic "When You Are Gone", I was meaning to post something.

 

The short version is that you are absolutely morally obligated to do something. And because terms and conditions back home are different for Aussie, American, Canadian, Brit, German etc. And kids must be considered.

 

The neighbor here was a Phil Am retiree who lived to be 99. By the time he passed away, his wife who was around 50 (not sure when they married), but by the time he died he had so many unspent pension checks, problem solved.

 

 

Will put up the long version.

[Tukaram (Tim)]

I am not retired yet. If I die before I retire my kids have been instructed to send her some of the money (they are beneficiaries on my retirement accounts).  When I retire I am hoping to set it up for her to get a reduced monthly amount after I die (still trying to find out of they can do that as she has no Social Security number)

 

I do not want to give her a large lump sum of money because I know her family would swoop in with "emergencies" and screw her out of her money.  A monthly allotment is the only way to go. 

 

But we are planning on building a house so she will at least have a nice place to live.   (getting bids now)   :tiphat:

 

 

~Edit~

I have sent a pdf file to both my kids with all the retirement/insurance/will info in it.  I have a time delay email that will go to my wife after I die, with all the info.  ...or if I forget to change the date for 2 weeks it will mail and scare her ha ha.

Edited May 12, 2015 by Tukaram (Tim)

[Jack Peterson]

:rolleyes:  We were only discussing this issue last week at a monthly Chinwag in Dumaguete, if you are Retired then you can sort more out as your pensions are Allocated. Now many here have 2. or more years to go from what I can see, some even mention 10 to 15 with some numbers in between, well this is good to think about our loved ones but they keep changing the rules on all pensions.What applies to me in particular will not apply from April next year 2016 for others ( talking UK here Guys & Gals) and this we all have to take into account. Of course we are to Blame mostly because we are Refusing to lie down and Die  :unsure:

 

I guess we old Codgers that are already Retired and getting our Pensions are for once the Lucky Ones, we can at least make provisions as of Now but it is this ever changing Rule change that would worry me if I had some more time left to do.

 

Hate to sound Negative but we all have to face the Reality of longer Life and a certain amount of instability of our Own Countries.

As things Stand now, My family are catered for but who knows what the next 5 years will bring. My Advice is do what you can Now

 

Later only will not do    :rolleyes:

 

JP :tiphat:

 

Morning all  :morning1:

 

[sonjack2847]

Best to sort things whilst you are able because when you are not able it may be too late. This could cause your family a lot of hardship.

[Thomas]

I guess we old Codgers that are already Retired and getting our Pensions are for once the Lucky Ones, we can at least make provisions as of Now but it is this ever changing Rule change that would worry me if I had some more time left to do. Hate to sound Negative but we all have to face the Reality of longer Life and a certain amount of instability of our Own Countries. As things Stand now, My family are catered for but who knows what the next 5 years will bring. My Advice is do what you can Now

Yes. 

In Sweden they have decided to raise our retirement age, although it's comparingly high allready  (65).  But I'm lucky to be the last birth year with the old rules soncerning when RETIREMENT AGE START.  

But I asume they will go on REDUCING THE VALUE :unsure: 

Plus they are evil against retired living outside European Union, reducing the retirement and benefit pay MUCH, although we use the much subsidiced health care and caretaking LESS  :1 (103):

But in several OTHER cases the Tax department FORCE emmigrants to be counted AS living in Sweden even if not visit at all in a year!!!   So I plan to MAKE so I fullfil any of the conditions* so they will "force" me to be counted as living in Sweden   :lol:

 

*The tax deportment force, when having "to much connection" to Sweden. Such can be e g having under aged kids living in Sweden, orr having a company in Sweden.  So I will KEEP my Swedish company "for ever"  :)   although the only thing it will do is financing some of the business in PHILS. (I need to check more what's best, but perhaps by leasing out the equipment.)

[chris49]

My reply is to the OP, Ynot, but I dId not quote the entire post.

 

My point being although you probably dont like the idea of dying, departing this earth, you should where possible put in place a plan to safeguard your loved one.

 

Aussies,Yanks, Canadians, Brits, Germans, Kiwis will all be a bit different, My bennies more on the American side so that's where I will answer.

 

Germany has one of the most favorable deals as far as benefits to the wife, after the mandatory residency period. I'm not sure what it is but it's less than other countries and the benefits are good.

 

One sticky proviso of marrying a much younger woman, is that survivor's benefits are paid at 60 (in USA), and that is only if the wife fulfills the 4 year residency requirement.

 

Assuming an age of 62 and above, with wife and younger kids.

 

1. MONTHLY PENSION: This cuts off when you died or can be paid to the kids until age 18.

 

2. CHILD ALLOWANCE: Paid automatically until age 18 or 19 if still a student, kids can't collect from the pension if you die if they already get child allowance. The average SS child payment might be around $800-$1000, but will be split between the number of kids. 2 kids=$500 each and this is paid to the mother as trustee..

 

3. HOUSE AND LOT, LAND, CONDO, RESIDENTIAL PROPERTY, FAMILY LAND: Any of which will go to the wife and I would expect an ex pat living here long term to leave at least one of the above. I do have a townhouse. We also had a simple house on family land which we are expanding. We might buy the remaining portion of her mother's land or maybe just her share, either way there will be a free place to live in the province with minimal expenses.

 

4. SMALL BUSINESS OR FARMING: This has been discussed in another forum and I am not saying good or bad idea. You and her decide. Getting a profit in a small business in the Philippines when you are still around is like extracting hen's teeth really.

 

5. KIDS CONTRIBUTIONS BACK TO THE MOTHER: You must process their citizenship in your home country otherwise it's a fault on you. These kids deserve an education, preferably private and preferably college level. I expect to find a way to send them to the origin country and I expect them to work. Remittance to mother is customary in the Philippines so let them work that out.

 

Print now, add more later.

Edited May 13, 2015 by chris49

[Ynot]

I am not retired yet. If I die before I retire my kids have been instructed to send her some of the money (they are beneficiaries on my retirement accounts).  When I retire I am hoping to set it up for her to get a reduced monthly amount after I die (still trying to find out of they can do that as she has no Social Security number)

 

I do not want to give her a large lump sum of money because I know her family would swoop in with "emergencies" and screw her out of her money.  A monthly allotment is the only way to go. 

 

But we are planning on building a house so she will at least have a nice place to live.   (getting bids now)   :tiphat:

 

 

~Edit~

I have sent a pdf file to both my kids with all the retirement/insurance/will info in it.  I have a time delay email that will go to my wife after I die, with all the info.  ...or if I forget to change the date for 2 weeks it will mail and scare her ha ha.

Its good that you have told your sons to give her money should you die before you retire, but money does strange things to people, as I mentioned in my post I know someone at work whose wife is going through hell because her brother wants to control the inheritance, even a will drawn up by lawyers didn't stop the brother from contesting the will, perhaps you need to do something more than an instruction but a will or something else to show your wishes.