Age Doesn't Matter... Really???

[bows00]

All over the internet, there are numerous sites with Expats boasting how they are treated like movie stars in the Philippines – even to the point one famous U-Tube expat stating that it was like being given “super powers” when it comes to getting dates in the Philippines. These expats in their 50’s are getting dates with 19 year old Filipinas, and are advertising that “age” does not matter there.

That is not the experience I have during my Philippine visits. Maybe it is because I am not a white American (I am Japanese American), but there are no Filipina’s jumping out at me, or giving me any special treatment either. At 53, I can still fit in my high school jeans and I don’t I look too bad either, but it is my opinion that age DOES matter to Filipinas. Sure, it is more common to see large age gap couples, but in general, I believe the Filipino culture still frowns on it. It is not as normal as most expats believe.

So in lieu of what the expats are saying, I would like to hear it from the Filipinas out there – how do you feel about a 19 year old dating a 50+ expat? Am I wrong with my observations?

[Kuya John]

Age is something you have to feel comfortable with.

Sure it's frown upon by a lot of Filipina Mothers whose daughter look for security with older Expats.

But if the family are comfortable with it, they wont try to interfer.

However, there are also some Expats, who would not wish to have such a young GF/wife.

This subject crops up now and again, and has been discussed quite often.

At the end of the day, let your conscience be your guide is my thoughts on "Age" and that really matters....JB

[BrettGC]

I've been given the cold shoulder by younger filipinas, but I've also been given phone numbers without asking. Like anywhere, it's an individual thing.  I'm 46 but I've been told I look like I'm in my 30's. 

[davewe]

This is a very sensitive subject and on other forums has broken down to utter name calling. I hope and believe we are different here.

 

That being said, there is a middle ground between Western attitudes where men over a certain age are considered sexless zombies who can only become real men under the influence of Viagra, and rock stars hit on by every attractive Pinay. You can and will get women interested in you in the Philippines and it is true that some (though not all) women don't worry much about age. But it's not a scene from A Hard Days Night, for those old farts old enough to remember the film or remember The Beatles themselves. You're unlikely to be chased, attacked, have your clothes ripped off, etc. But it is possible to get a smile, a bit of conversation, even a flirt. If you are traveling with another woman, you will be pointedly asked if she is your wife. If your wife is not with you, you will get asked "where's your wife." This has happened several times to me - apparently the girls in question were hopeful that we'd broken up :)

 

It is a different culture and the attitudes are different. I could tell many stories - but my wife is skilled with a bolo :)

[davewe]

I've been given the cold shoulder by younger filipinas, but I've also been given phone numbers without asking. Like anywhere, it's an individual thing.  I'm 46 but I've been told I look like I'm in my 30's. 

I am 62 and have been told that I look like I'm in my 30s x 2. Actually in the Philippines I usually am told that I don't look 62 but when I respond, "You mean I look 61," they just giggle - but don't disagree.

[Old55]

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

From my wife.

Edited May 15, 2015 by Old55

[MacBubba]

That is not the experience I have during my Philippine visits. Maybe it is because I am not a white American (I am Japanese American), but there are no Filipina’s jumping out at me, or giving me any special treatment either. At 53, I can still fit in my high school jeans and I don’t I look too bad either, but it is my opinion that age DOES matter to Filipinas. Sure, it is more common to see large age gap couples, but in general, I believe the Filipino culture still frowns on it. It is not as normal as most expats believe.

 

I believe you're right, on both counts.  The "kano" look would stand out more - the white skin and long nose are like a beacon.  And, yes, traditional Filipinos still think that huge age disparities are not desirable.  Even amongst Filipinos, when a very young woman is with someone considerably older, their relationship is seen as one of convenience.

 

Where the Filipino family has no financial issues, they would strongly prefer their daughters to marry someone closer in age and in background.

 

Consider yourself lucky not to have to fend off hordes of women - you'll find someone attracted to you for all the right reasons!

[Gratefuled]

Maybe I'm different but I do not like a big age gap. If it's really love, I want her to be close to my age. We will have a lot more in common like conversation about sports, current events, music, movies, clothes. My wife is close to my age and very mature. She has a 14 year old son and we both agree on how he should be raised, educated, disciplined,and rewarded.

I would not want a young KPOP fanatic.  One dressed like a floozy and acting like one. One who is immature about everything. I don't want people to stare at our age difference. I'm lucky to have a wife very compatible both intellectually and mature.

When we eventually go to live in the states I know she will be accepted without question with my family and friends.

 

I want a mature wife not a "trophy wife".

[Tukaram (Tim)]

Honestly I think if you were more kano looking you would see it differently.  I am 50, fat, and gray haired.  I get hit on a LOT.  But because I am an old, fat, American, they assume I have money ha ha.  I know it ain't my looks. (I know the 4 M's)     :) 

 

I have been out, with my wife on my arm, and still been hit on.   More when visiting Cebu than here at home in Iloilo.  But it happens here too.  My wife laughs about it.

 

I am 51, she is 26.  Younger... but not too much younger  :tiphat:

[Dave Hounddriver]

That is not the experience I have during my Philippine visits

it is more common to see large age gap couples, but in general, I believe the Filipino culture still frowns on it. It is not as normal as most expats believe.

Our beliefs and value systems are based on our own experiences and observations.  If I was commenting on this subject 8 years ago I would have said it is too good to be true and thus there must be more to this "age doesn't matter" mantra.

 

After 8 years, quite a few casual situations and 2 solid relationships I have come to the conclusion that age does not matter any more than all the other factors in a relationship.  For example:  Do you fit her physical comfort level?  Do you fit her 'means of support' comfort level?  Does she think you will make babies with her that she will be proud of? Does she think you will screw around?  I could go on and on and each of these matter, but none more than the other.

 

So age matters, race matters, sterility matters, money matters, and yet none of them seem to matter more than any other criteria.  Thus an old guy who rates high in the other criteria can get a beautiful young lady to love him OR an old guy who does not see the big picture can find a beautiful young lady to scam him.  You see it works the same in reverse.  Age and beauty of the young filipina do not matter any more than all the other criteria of a good relationship.  So wait for it, be the best man you can be, and don't jump for the wrong girl (or if you do then recognize it quickly and move on.)

 

PS:  Some would say that 2 solid relationships in 8 years is not a good track record.  I can tell you that age did not matter there.  It is not them its me.  Sometimes we have to look inward to find out why we can't find that life long, 40 year commitment.