Are We Truly Serious With The Relationship Advice We Give?

[stevewool]

We all have a past, its down to the trust you have for each other that really matters,

When people ask for advice i think they have the answer in there minds even before they ask the question, but again we only hear from one side too,

[davewe]

When I began searching online for a Filipina partner, I had a number of parameters of things I wanted and didn't want, based on my life experience, general beliefs and advise I'd gotten from a mentor or two. I followed my own advise (mostly). But here's the interesting thing. Every single issue that was a "no way" issue for me, I know guys who have done it and are successfully married. I still wouldn't change my parameters, but have to admit that, particularly in regards to the Philippines, there are no universal rules.

 

The same goes true post marriage. I know lots of guys who do in their marriages things that I would never do and yet are successfully married long-term. I still wouldn't do what they do, but can I really tell them not to do it? So now if a guy tells me he is showering his wife with cash and prizes all I would actually say is "Well I wouldn't do it but clearly it works for some. Depends on what you are comfortable with."

 

I try not to forget that the ultimate goal is happiness and if a guy is happy who am I to say he is wrong?

 

However, I do believe that having a mentor or two - that one person who's advise you trust - is a very good thing.

Edited May 22, 2015 by davewe

[Mike S]

one I didn't give advice because I didn't have all the facts

 

Perfect answer when it comes to another's personal problems or questions ..... I in the past like others have tried to inject my theories ..... ideas and experiences when it came to personal choices but not any more as we only ever get one side of the equation and never the big picture .... same is true about the  family of the other party and while I can inject how J's family is I have no idea about someone else's situation ....

 

But in response to your question Bob ..... yes I would follow mine own advise if the know facts were the same .... but that is a lot of if ..... JMHO

[chris49]

Well, here is what I think. 

If someone has a personal problem and they come here for advice that is what he/she will get. Take it with a grain of salt. No one knows the person and the problem like the one asking.

Speaking for myself. I would not ask another how to solve a problem of mine.

If asked, I would give my personal opinion not from experience but from my own judgement of the situation from the information given.

The asker has the option to weigh all responses and decide which action to take if any.

Most people are not qualified to give accurate solutions but just respond with an opinion. 

 

 

I give out advice, yet I not always followed my own advice. Human nature can be a bitch sometimes.

 

The person who posts asking for advice is buying time. Usually they know what they have to do, yet they will allow more time before pulling the trigger or letting the problem pass.

[Gratefuled]

Another point to consider. 

There are 2 sides to every story. Just like in a court of law. You cannot hear one side and not the other and make an intelligent unbiased answer.

When someone asks for advice here, we give an opinion based on what we were told. If the problem is obvious, then we offer advice. 

This is how I offer my advice, otherwise it's just my opinion without knowledge of the whole situation.

[mogo51]

Like everything, advice can be accepted or rejected. I have seen many 'run' comments and must admit often

I think it was very sound (after reading the post). Other times, probably a bit premature - but their choice.

They enter the forum seeking advice, otherwise they would not make the post!

Like always,the choice is theirs!

As far as the 'scenario' I am Bob put up, I would discuss it with my s.o. but I know it would never happen - I

am comfortable in my relationship and we have total trust of each other. And besidesme only

a former husband and I am light years ahead there.

Edited May 24, 2015 by mogo51

[Larry45]

I have a pretty decent rep for giving good advice to my real-life friends, since I tend to view things for what they really are, without bias.  And I'm serious with any counsel I might give to someone, but that doesn't mean I would follow the same advice, mainly because I don't usually end up in messy situations.  I have a very low tolerance for BS, so I typically set limits and boundaries and once they are stepped over, it's time for me to move on.  Other's might still be dealing with their Philippines relationships with Western thinking, and tolerate much more bad behavior, so that must be considered.  But yeah, as Chris said, most of those asking for advice...they already have their mind made up, and are just looking for someone to agree with them.  

[Chopper1050]

This all hypothetical . Most guys see what they want to see. Hear what they want to hear and are slow to arrive at a truth known to people watching from the outside. As an example , I have told guys about their cheating gf or wives and not been believed or treated worse than the cheater. Even so , I will tell guys , because I want the same done to me.

[Methersgate]

I would like to thank Bob for this thread.

I think there are really two sorts of advice to be offered as regards affairs of the heart in this forum: there is cultural advice and there is what I might call agony aunt advice.

In my answer on the thread that we are discussing I concentrated on the cultural side of things - the ex boyfriend's lost face. But I also offered the "agony aunt" opinion that the lady is probably OK.

We can offer cultural advice freely I think, based on our own knowledge. For instance I advise anyone meeting a lady's parents for the first time to do "Mano po", because it worked for me!

I am in a delicate situation as regards the other sort of advice because the lady in my life is not the sort of Filipina whom I would recommend to others. She is much younger than I (29 vs 62) very good looking and knows it and has led a rackety life, so she comes complete with a six year old boy who shows every sign of wanting to grow up as a bakla.

I would recommend anyone to look for an older lady with a more settled background. Most expats who are happily settled in wedlock have a partner with that sort of background.

So I am not practising what I would preach. I am pursuing a high risk strategy. If it goes pear shaped, it will be my own fault.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Edited May 28, 2015 by Methersgate

[davewe]

There's a certain amount of criticism of guys who seek advise and either don't take it or only look for views that align with their own. I don't agree with those criticisms. I like asking people for opinions but I feel under no obligation to take them. It's human nature to seek like-minded people: smart people tend to congregate with smart people; thieves are drawn to other thieves, etc.

 

So I have 3-4 guys married to Filipinas whose advise and views I tend to take seriously and perhaps 6 more guys whose views I enjoy listening to, though they don't necessarily align with my own. I think finding like-minded guys is necessary.

 

For example I know a couple guys who can tell you about every bar girl in Manila or Angeles - interesting guys to talk to but they have no knowledge of value to me about marriage. I also know a few younger guys married to younger Pinays and older guys married to older Pinays. Interesting to hear their views but since they think they did the "right" thing and older guys like me (married to a younger Pinay) are more suspect, I am apt to find our life experiences too different to seek much advise. So if I have an "age gap" question I take it to my 72 year old friend married for 11 years to his 32 year old wife.

 

Bottom line for me is that I generally enjoy hearing other guys views but I am too damn old to simply blindly take their advise.

 

Same goes with my advise. I have a blog and occasionally get asked questions. I'm happy to share my experience and opinions but expect no one to take my advise and frankly am surprised when they do.