Foreigners.....that Filipina With You Underage? Off To Jail You Go.

[i am bob]

1 hour ago, FredMac said:

It's a very thoughtful post.  I have dated several Filipinas and while being in your 50s and having a gorgeous lithe smiley teenager on your arm is like mainlining pure dopamine, it is really hard to make one of these things work over time.  Wonderful for dates; not so great for relationships.  The thing is, many of the women there take superb care of themselves and women well into their 30s -- particularly if they have no children -- can still look absolutely stunning and there's a lot more mental context and worldliness to work with.  They're also much more likely to be self-sufficient; a 20 year old is much more likely to constantly pester you for money and loads and such.  Personally I find that immediately leads to a bad place, when you have no idea whether the girl actually likes you or is just using you.  (To be sure, in almost all of these relationships, there's an element of both.)  Anyhow, those things coupled with the fact that IME the teenagers are way, way, way, way more likely than older women to have multiple men that they're conversing with (and there's a high likelihood that they may be sending them money as well) might give you some pause if you can get your pulse rate down and think about it rationally.  In addition, bringing back a girl 1/3 your age to the USA is just not socially acceptable and I think that does have to be factored in.

Ok, since we are taking about me, something you should know...  I always intend to stay at 30 years old or above...  Yet every single woman I've dated that fits that simple requirement..?  They say I make them feel old...  Not because of my age but because I'm more active than they are, or they think they look old compared to me...  The closest i came was one who was 30 but was married to another foreigner who had deserted her almost 5 years before...  Unfortunately being very Catholic, well...  Her guilt ended that one...  Heck, even my friends when they try to set me up?  They've given up on the older ladies after they say I'm too young for them..!!!  

[Dave Hounddriver]

1 hour ago, FredMac said:

They're also much more likely to be self-sufficient; a 20 year old is much more likely to constantly pester you for money and loads and such

Come to one of our Dumaguete get-togethers and try to make that point.  You will find out that age doesn't matter.  No matter how old the wife is and no matter how much of her own money she has she will STILL pester her husband for money 

That is unless the husband gives all his money to the wife and lets her give him an allowance (I am not naming names but he will readily admit it at the gathering.)

Monthly meet-up in Dumaguete is today at 1pm  come on down.

[Dave Hounddriver]

56 minutes ago, Jollygoodfellow said:

not sure why anyone would want to care about what is acceptable to other people.

Don't you have a mother?  Mine would kill me if I brought a wife back to Canada who was only 1/3 my age but she thinks its just fine if I do it in the Philippines.  It's normal here.  The people who don't accept it are from a different culture.  It's not the norm in Canada so anyone doing it will find a much smaller social group, if that is important to them.

[Jack Peterson]

1 minute ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

That is unless the husband gives all his money to the wife and lets her give him an allowance (I am not naming names but he will readily admit it at the gathering.)

  

[OnMyWay]

1 hour ago, Jollygoodfellow said:

not sure why anyone would want to care about what is acceptable to other people.

Some people don't care what others think about anything and live their lives unencumbered by social acceptance.  However, I suspect that is a minority, especially in the U.S.

I think what the previous poster was referring to was acceptance by friends and family.  Also, some will not care what strangers think but many do.   I don't know about other countries, but in the U.S., if a 60 yo man is in a relationship with a 20 yo girl, it will certainly raise some eyebrows.

[Jack Peterson]

1 minute ago, OnMyWay said:

I think what the previous poster was referring to was acceptance by friends and family. 

 Well a timed served quote from this corner "if in doubt don't" 

[FredMac]

1 hour ago, Jollygoodfellow said:

not sure why anyone would want to care about what is acceptable to other people.

Well, in my humble opinion it does matter.  I live in a very very conservative town with many extremely kindly and extremely old-school neighbors.  And my family fits that description even more.  In my opinion I think how you're perceived isn't without importance and you're likely to be ostracized from certain groups or business opportunities -- at least subtly -- if they don't feel comfortable.  I'll put it a little more harshly: if you bring over some beautiful 5'-1" third-world teenager, rail-thin, with a strong accent and little ability to conduct a halfway witty conversation at a party, you're just going to lose a tremendous amount of respectability in some circles.  

Edited August 9, 2018 by FredMac

[FredMac]

23 minutes ago, Dave Hounddriver said:

Don't you have a mother?  Mine would kill me if I brought a wife back to Canada who was only 1/3 my age but she thinks its just fine if I do it in the Philippines.  It's normal here.  The people who don't accept it are from a different culture.  It's not the norm in Canada so anyone doing it will find a much smaller social group, if that is important to them.

Well expressed -- that's precisely my point

[FredMac]

20 minutes ago, OnMyWay said:

Some people don't care what others think about anything and live their lives unencumbered by social acceptance.  However, I suspect that is a minority, especially in the U.S.

I think what the previous poster was referring to was acceptance by friends and family.  Also, some will not care what strangers think but many do.   I don't know about other countries, but in the U.S., if a 60 yo man is in a relationship with a 20 yo girl, it will certainly raise some eyebrows.

 

This for sure.  One very very strange thing at first was meeting the parents of some girls I was dating in the Philippines.  They were often considerably younger than me yet acted like everything was 100.0% normal.  But if you bring a girl younger than your own kids, in CA at least I can practically guarantee they may feel very very uncomfortable.  (Wasn't there some TV series about exactly this?  Where the newly-imported wife became best friends with the guy's daughter?  Teeth were gnashing over that I reckon!)

Edited August 9, 2018 by FredMac

[davewe]

2 hours ago, FredMac said:

Well, in my humble opinion it does matter.  I live in a very very conservative town with many extremely kindly and extremely old-school neighbors.  And my family fits that description even more.  

I'm 65 and can state categorically that there's never been anyone I ever dated or married that was considered socially acceptable by everyone I knew. I've been married 3 times (not proud of it - just stating the truth) and my father never attended any of the weddings. I'm not sure if the women were socially unacceptable to him or if I was - probably both.

 I lived with my younger Filipina wife in the United States so can speak to this with experience. Yes, I would estimate that 10% of my friends, relatives, co-workers and neighbors were shocked and appalled. But 90% were very cool with the two of us and happy for me. Like many Americans I lived in a neighborhood for years and knew few of my neighbors - until Janet arrived - then everyone got to know us! My general base of friends increased dramatically. We became the cool couple; definitely Janet's influence; I hadn't changed.

But here's what I really wanted to say. We now live in the Philippines and I am shocked that a certain percentage of guys who live here strongly disapprove of the age gap relationships. While I expected this reaction when we lived in the US, I am surprised and sometimes humored by those Westerners who are bothered by it here.

So Fred - in general I would have to disagree with you. Others' opinions not only shouldn't matter - they can't matter. Life is awfully dull otherwise.