Screwy Feminist Convo Between My Wife And Oldest "friend"

[davewe]

So yesterday I had a minor medical procedure with anesthesia. Required a driver to take me home. My wife has her learners permit but no license. So I called up my oldest friend who is retired and I figured had the time. Known her for over 40 years.

 

We go to the hospital. It's a beautiful day and I encouraged them to take a walk while I got knocked out. Afterwards I took them out to dinner. Much of the conversation was my friend telling me how much she disliked my ex-wife "because of how she treated you."

 

Went home and my wife told me what they talked about on their walk. Started innocently with my friend encouraging the wife to get her drivers license and become more independent. Then it became you must get a car and have your own money (my wife works and assured her that she has her own money and own bank account). Then the conversation became about how she must be like an American - independent - because the men will try to control you. Friend was appalled because my wife said she liked going places with me and not alone. My friend actually told my wife that when she gets older she will have regrets in life because she didn't become independent enough. 

 

I have not been one of those anti-feminist guys who thinks American women will ruin their Filipina wives but this conversation by one of my oldest and best friends pissed me off. My wife blew it off and told me not to take it so personally. But at the same time my wife has no American friends and seems to want no American friends, recognizing their attitudes for what they are. Fortunately I will be retiring and we will be relocating to PI in two years and get away from such influences.

 

But I have to say that here I was unconscious and getting thrown under the bus by my oldest friend.

 

 

 

 

[Ynot]

you are probably being too harsh on your oldest friend, she is  trying to help has your best interests at heart.  But we are talking of two cultures coming together with different outlooks on life and never the twain shall meet, because if they do, then why go to the Philippines.   Your wife is smart enough to know that your oldest and best friend has a different outlook on life than hers due to her background and upbringing, and that is one of the reasons why she wants to associate with people with similar outlooks to herself to avoid any potential conflict and misunderstandings. We all tend to drift towards people with similar values and understandings, as it makes life easier and more enjoyable

[El Negrito]

I don't know. I sort of agree with the OP. Why does any grown adult feel the need to tell another grown adult how to live and what they should do in life? What makes this old friend feel the need to tell the OP's wife that she needs to change in anyway?

[Dave Hounddriver]

you are probably being too harsh on your oldest friend

 

That is a strong possibility.  The op is hearing what his wife thinks she heard.  This may not be exactly what the oldest friend said or meant.  Secondly, is there any possibility that the wife is trying to drive a wedge between hubby and best friend?  Some ladies are very jealous and it comes out in subtle ways.

[davewe]

Any of the above are certainly possible - I wasn't there after all. But my wife told me in detail what was said and I think she understood it well enough. It didn't bother her at all; I think she found it a bit curious.

 

No, I don't think my friend was trying to damage my marriage. I think she saw a young woman who she felt needed some "training" in the correct way to live and be married in the US.

 

I am well aware that when you are married to a Filipina, particularly with the associated age gap, that even some very good people make intuitive judgments; the girl's interested in money; the guy's interested in a slave, etc.

 

My friend was particularly appalled when Janet told her what she did with her free time; she likes to cook, bake and clean the house. Of course she also likes to see friends (Filipinas) and shop at the mall, but my friend focussed on the domestic pursuits. A wife in the Philippines who likes to cook, bake, and take care of her family is considered admirable; perhaps a bit less so here.

 

I suppose I am overreacting a bit but it is easy to see how someone who hears such attitudes repeatedly can either get influenced or assume all Americans are nuts. Janet seems to have chosen the latter.

[Jake]

Any of the above are certainly possible - I wasn't there after all. But my wife told me in detail what was said and I think she understood it well enough. It didn't bother her at all; I think she found it a bit curious.

 

No, I don't think my friend was trying to damage my marriage. I think she saw a young woman who she felt needed some "training" in the correct way to live and be married in the US.

 

I am well aware that when you are married to a Filipina, particularly with the associated age gap, that even some very good people make intuitive judgments; the girl's interested in money; the guy's interested in a slave, etc.

 

My friend was particularly appalled when Janet told her what she did with her free time; she likes to cook, bake and clean the house. Of course she also likes to see friends (Filipinas) and shop at the mall, but my friend focussed on the domestic pursuits. A wife in the Philippines who likes to cook, bake, and take care of her family is considered admirable; perhaps a bit less so here.

 

I suppose I am overreacting a bit but it is easy to see how someone who hears such attitudes repeatedly can either get influenced or assume all Americans are nuts. Janet seems to have chosen the latter.

Why does any grown adult feel the need to tell another grown adult how to live and what they should do in life? What makes this old friend feel the need to tell the OP's wife that she needs to change in anyway?  (El Negrito)

 

Secondly, is there any possibility that the wife is trying to drive a wedge between hubby and best friend?  Some ladies are very jealous and it comes out in subtle ways.  (Davehounddriver)

 

Very good points indeed!  Would it be possible Dave if your wife Janet can give her opinion, after reading our comments?  But I do agree with you, that most Americans are a little crazy.  I'm Filipino with an American attitude -- that means I'm a total nut job......he, he.

[Thomas]

My friend was particularly appalled when Janet told her what she did with her free time; she likes to cook, bake and clean the house. Of course she also likes to see friends (Filipinas) and shop at the mall, but my friend focussed on the domestic pursuits. A wife in the Philippines who likes to cook, bake, and take care of her family is considered admirable; perhaps a bit less so here.

Much less here  :)  in our home countries.

Several of my Filipina friends are very worried concerning my surviving, because NO WOMAN take care of me in Sweden. Because I'm a MAN, they have very hard to understand I can take care of myself  :hystery:

(Actualy I can cook BETTER than most western women, but that's EASY because many of them just heat up ready made bought food  :mocking:   while I cook from scratch almost allways myself.)

[MacBubba]

Friend was appalled because my wife said she liked going places with me and not alone.

 

That's the way my wife is too.  When she has to go to a function where men are not allowed, say a bridal/baby shower, she grumbles.  She might understand a bridal shower being exclusive of men, but a baby shower?

 

My friend was particularly appalled when Janet told her what she did with her free time; she likes to cook, bake and clean the house. Of course she also likes to see friends (Filipinas) and shop at the mall, but my friend focussed on the domestic pursuits. A wife in the Philippines who likes to cook, bake, and take care of her family is considered admirable; perhaps a bit less so here.

 

My wife and I make sure that everything in the house is in reasonable order, and that we eat well, but while we don't hate doing chores, they are just that.  I can't see her saying she's looking forward to cooking, baking and cleaning.  Outside of work, she doesn't really have female friends, Filipina or otherwise.  The Filipinos we mingle with are family.  I might say that if my wife were to be influenced by any of them, I would not have cause for concern. 

 

She would not be easy to influence though.

[Gratefuled]

Mac Bubba, I like the way you think

 

 

 

Friend was appalled because my wife said she liked going places with me and not alone.

 

That's the way my wife is too.  When she has to go to a function where men are not allowed, say a bridal/baby shower, she grumbles.  She might understand a bridal shower being exclusive of men, but a baby shower?

 

 

 

My friend was particularly appalled when Janet told her what she did with her free time; she likes to cook, bake and clean the house. Of course she also likes to see friends (Filipinas) and shop at the mall, but my friend focussed on the domestic pursuits. A wife in the Philippines who likes to cook, bake, and take care of her family is considered admirable; perhaps a bit less so here.

 

My wife and I make sure that everything in the house is in reasonable order, and that we eat well, but while we don't hate doing chores, they are just that.  I can't see her saying she's looking forward to cooking, baking and cleaning.  Outside of work, she doesn't really have female friends, Filipina or otherwise.  The Filipinos we mingle with are family.  I might say that if my wife were to be influenced by any of them, I would not have cause for concern. 

 

She would not be easy to influence though.

 

Mac Bubba, I like the way you think. GMTA

We all have our responsibilities when it comes to household chores. I make my own food, I do my own laundry, she cooks for herself and her son, she cleans house, her son takes care of all of his clothes, his room and anything I ask him to do. This is how I raised my 3 sons.

We go places together unless she is invited somewhere by her friends. Then, she will ask me if I want to go. Usually no, or HELL NO.

I prefer to be around people who speak and understand English. She has her friends and I have mine.

My wife is very independent. She does not need me financially. We met and married out of love for each other and no other reason.

[El Negrito]

 

you are probably being too harsh on your oldest friend

 

That is a strong possibility.  The op is hearing what his wife thinks she heard.  This may not be exactly what the oldest friend said or meant.  Secondly, is there any possibility that the wife is trying to drive a wedge between hubby and best friend?  Some ladies are very jealous and it comes out in subtle ways.

 

 Never thought of that. Good observation DHD