Wealthy Filipino Family Members

[Gratefuled]

_{I'm still "Grateful" for everything but you can call me "Ed".}

_{I've been called worse.}
 

[riburn3]

My wife is from a solid middle class family from Cebu with mixed spanish/american/filipino ancestry (my wife was born a Fil-Am).  She has something like 14 aunts and uncles on her mothers side so they all run the spectrum of very wealthy to deadbeats depending on other family members.  Almost all of them are educated and I kind of view them like the Royal Tenenbaums.  They have prominence and money, but mismanage their finances and have fallen from their peak a couple of decades ago.  Only her grandmother has it really together, and I dread the fight that's going to happen when she passes in the next few years.  On top of all that, my wife has a couple of close cousins that are contract celebrities with ABS-CBN doing very well for themselves.  They're a blast to be out with.

 

When we are there the majority of them still treat my wife and I like cash cows and expect us to pay for most everything.  We are fairly well to do by Western standards, so when some of her family comes and visits us here in the States, they make sure everyone back home knows how well we live.  Her only family members that treat us and take care of us when we are there are her Father's siblings who are dual US/Filipino citizens, and are American trained physicians working in the Philippines. They live in Beverly Hills, Cebu in extreme wealth by all standards.         

 

Overall, I think unless your significant others family has traveled outside the country to other Western places and is earning a western level of income, their perception is going to be that you have money even if you're hanging out on a pension.  A middle class Filipino is still likely living below the poverty line in the West.

[scott h]

When we are there the majority of them still treat my wife and I like cash cows and expect us to pay for most everything.

 

Ri...............I think your going to find that curious cultural trait in all Filipino families here regardless of financial status. Could be a hang over from the clan mentality or from colonial times or who knows. Every time we visited over the years, we brought Pasalubong (gifts) for all. (back in the day it was American toilet paper lololol) and it was a given that we would pay for all outings. When relatives visited us in the States, they tried to whip out their wallets and pay. It might have been a symbolic gesture but at least it was made.

 

Now that we live here, when my wife's overseas friends drop in to visit us, they bring us stuff and try to pay for the merienda that the maid runs out and gets.

[MacBubba]

Family and friends travel at will.  When we're in the Philippines, we are guests and are treated as such.  We get invited out or to homes, and other than the token pasalubong, we are not expected to bring anything else.  When they're in town for a visit, we reciprocate.

[riburn3]

 

 

 

Ri...............I think your going to find that curious cultural trait in all Filipino families here regardless of financial status. Could be a hang over from the clan mentality or from colonial times or who knows. Every time we visited over the years, we brought Pasalubong (gifts) for all. (back in the day it was American toilet paper lololol) and it was a given that we would pay for all outings. When relatives visited us in the States, they tried to whip out their wallets and pay. It might have been a symbolic gesture but at least it was made.

 

Now that we live here, when my wife's overseas friends drop in to visit us, they bring us stuff and try to pay for the merienda that the maid runs out and gets.

 

 

When her family visits us, we still pick up the tab.  I think for lots of people in the Philippines, they expect the rich Westerners to pay no matter what the situation entails.  My Fil-AM friends get treated the same way by their Filipino families whenever they visit as well or visa versa.  Like I mentioned, the only family she has that doesn't have us pay for anything is her mixed Fil-Am relatives that have spent significant time in the US.  Our culture is you take care of your guests and make sure they stay comfortable, and they extend that mentality to us when we visit them.  It's actually quite refreshing to visit them.  I'm all about Pasalubong because that's even part of Western culture to a small extent that you get your loved ones something when you go on a trip. But the fleecing that occurs can get obnoxious.

 

Sometimes I tell my wife she is like Sonic the Hedgehog because anytime someone touches her when we are there, coins fly out.  When we last visited the province, her family tried making her reimburse them for the extra cost it took to feed us and a couple of our friends, but the amount they were asking for was also supposed to cover the entire family as well.  I wouldn't care so much if they were poor barely getting by, but they're not.  I quickly put a stop to that by ensuring we took all our meals on our own or bought our own supplies.  Magically the costs went down tenfold.  

 

One thing I have learned in dealing with Filipinos here in the US and with her family over there, is that will try to take advantage of each other financially, even if they are close friends or relatives.  When my wife first got here, she bought her first car from a Filipino car salesman that was supposed to be a family friend and would take good care of her.  He ended up adding on so many unneeded extras just because she was new and naive, and it wasn't until we started dating that I took a look at the contract that she realized she had been hosed.  Likewise, the Filipino family she was staying with here in Texas is close friends to her family, and they were trying to charge her $900 to rent a shared bedroom in their house because they assumed that since she was living in California before, the cost was less than what she was used to so would appear to be a deal.  They even lied to her telling her she would never be able to get an apartment for that much on her own, when at the time quality single bedrooms in our area were being rented out for $650 a month.  The most recent episode involved one of her best friends that runs a daycare trying to get us to leave our baby with them.  The price they quoted was almost double the local rate, only because they know we are well off and assumed we could afford it.  They presume we wouldn't do our research.  To be blunt it's ridiculous how they can be with each other when it comes to finances.  It's so cutthroat.  

[Dave Hounddriver]

try to take advantage of each other financially, even if they are close friends or relatives.

 

I would remove the 'even if'.

 

Filipinos try to take advantage of their close friends or relatives because they seem to think they are 'owed' a better deal from them.  Don't do business with friends and family.  We have all discovered that the hard way.

 

Even when you start doing business 'at arms length' you will see the other person trying very hard to become 'your friend'.  Same reason, they think you will pay more if you are friends.

 

EDIT:  After reading Bob's post below I want to clarify that not ALL Filipino friends try to take advantage, just the 'plastic' ones.

Edited August 22, 2015 by Dave Hounddriver

[i am bob]

Wow! You can't do much about the family other than saying no... But the friends? Time to find some new ones!!!

My best friend here in Davao if a Filipino... He and his wife don't invite me to eat with them, they just set a plate of food in front of me and get mad if I try to say no! What do they ask in return? Nothing! The whole family is like this... His parents, his wife's parents, brother's, sister's, their spouses, the dogs, Rover the goat...

:D

[Dave Hounddriver]

My best friend here in Davao if a Filipino... He and his wife don't invite me to eat with them, they just set a plate of food in front of me and get mad if I try to say no! What do they ask in return? Nothing!

 

Wow. You have discovered the ultimate 'free lunch'  :hystery:

[SNIXX]

My experience is financial literacy is mostly bad here. First thing is people define wealth differently. I met an Aunt and her son recently- dressed much better then me. I don't think they define wealth as I do. I was in old clothes and looked poorly dressed compared to them. Come to find out she and her husband work part time on Saturday, half day for P125 each to supliment her income as sole wage earner. They also could not afford rent at P2K because they had to cancel moving in to a house they wanted to rent due to finances. Wealthy relatives that are truly wealthy would be a rare find for the average expat. Wealthy seems to be defined as anybody not desperate on a daily basis and who has the highest potential to say yes to a loan. Also, if you have P10k and spend P10k on a party you are wealthy. If you have P1M and spend P1k (10x less) on a party you are cheap. Delayed gratification, by choice, is unthinkable here. All my opinion on how rare an expat it is that has a truly rich Filipino family. A few doing may be doing well out of dozens, if you call that rich.

[Dave Hounddriver]

Wealthy relatives that are truly wealthy would be a rare find for the average expat.

Not my experience at all.  Not in the slightest.

 

The only way I can relate to that is expat friends who have pulled a girl out of a squatters area where any 'rich' relatives would have disowned that branch of the family long ago.

 

Just goes to show that each expat's mileage will vary.

 

I don't think they define wealth as I do

 

This part I can totally agree with.  My experience is that any family member who owns a car is considered wealthy.  While I might agree that those who have a new SUV fully paid for are wealthier than I am, I cannot imagine people with a 20 year old Toyota as wealthy.