Asking For Cash/help

[stevewool]

Here we go again , and a big NO came from me this morning too,

Ems sister in law is sending her Messages asking for cash, the message was something like this,

 

Hi Ems i have no one else to ask but could you see your way in sending £xxxxx , i have been poorly and have no income coming in from my work, if you could see you way in helping out , also my children are sick too, with asthma, and they may have to visit the hospital, i have no funds for that , AND ON IT WENT,

 

This is the person who goes around Ems family asking the same thing but does not bother her own, maybe they have nothing or have heard it too many times before,

It seems that Ems family have had enough too,

I have known this to happen to Ems 4 times before this, the first time was after about a month of being here in England asking for money, the 2nd time she did send some cash but not what she was asking , also Ems did say dont ask again, the next time Ems just ignored her, then  the next time i got involved ,

 

On our holiday over in the Phils, Ems was bombarded with messages asking for money, i said ignore it but after a week Ems was torn, the same thing no work and the kids was poorly,

The sister inlaw promised to pay it back with in weeks so i borrowed her the money on her conditions, to pay back in a few weeks and the money would be given to Ems dad,

It was not much to give but she did not keep to her promise which i knew she would not , so to me thats it,

I do think Ems is torn and she is wanting me to take over things like this, i am no monster and i will listen to all there problems, i have given and i have not given, but this person brings the kids into her problems all the time,

You may ask what of this womens husband, he is working overseas , send all he can but its never enough,

 

I am glad Ems tells me all the time when people approach her asking for cash, and i do know she is torn , she knows she is lying , but she thinks of her neice and nephews , we do send birthday gifts and xmas gifts every year ,

People like this never learn and will always pray on others to bail them out,

So boys and girls what would you do, be kind in your thoughts because once i was a NO NO NO no matter what but now i am a pussy cat, but not all of the time

[Dave Hounddriver]

It does not bother them to ask.  They have no feelings of shame to ask for money.  They expect to be turned down but there is always a chance you may say yes.

 

So why should it bother you that they ask.  Just say no and let it go.

 

They remind me of some of the guys in my youth who figured that getting laid (as opposed to getting money) is a numbers game.  If you ask 10 then chances are good that 1 will say yes.  As you rightly say:

People like this never learn and will always prey on others to bail them out,

[stevewool]

Thanks Dave , its how they say it with a smile too, but you are right in all you say

[stevewool]

They remind me of some of the guys in my youth who figured that getting laid (as opposed to getting money) is a numbers game. If you ask 10 then chances are good that 1 will say yes

 

 

Those was the days , a long long time ago i may add :thumbsup:

[chris49]

You said Ems is working previously. And Sis in Laws husband is an OFW? And it would appear Steve, that Sis in Law has out of control debts, that's why she asking? Maybe a contract worker on minimum salary. And you said in the other thread that you are doing ok with overseas trips now and then.

1. How does it involve you? Are you controlling Ems salary? So option No.1, Ems has the choice as to whether to cut from her salary an amount to send to her sister. Sure you might have to help Ems a little more, but that's your choice also.

2. Ems doesn't want to give? But she doesn't want to say no? Typical Filipina, they throw the hard decision back on us. Sit her down, I know she's educated, a nurse? And give her the hard line on Option No. 1.

3. I do consider also,the sister in Law has a remittance and she has some broad responsibilities also, so back to Option no 1.

4. As others will say. Just say no. Well you know what, we are not all like that and it is not so easy. Better in my case we spend all our money on projects and have a secret savings which they don't know about.

I go with Option No.1, that's me.

[stevewool]

and have a secret savings which they don't know about.

 

 

They do now :thumbsup:

[stevewool]

You said Ems is working previously. And Sis in Laws husband is an OFW? And it would appear Steve, that Sis in Law has out of control debts, that's why she asking? Maybe a contract worker on minimum salary. And you said in the other thread that you are doing ok with overseas trips now and then.

1. How does it involve you? Are you controlling Ems salary? So option No.1, Ems has the choice as to whether to cut from her salary an amount to send to her sister. Sure you might have to help Ems a little more, but that's your choice also.

2. Ems doesn't want to give? But she doesn't want to say no? Typical Filipina, they throw the hard decision back on us. Sit her down, I know she's educated, a nurse? And give her the hard line on Option No. 1.

3. I do consider also,the sister in Law has a remittance and she has some broad responsibilities also, so back to Option no 1.

4. As others will say. Just say no. Well you know what, we are not all like that and it is not so easy. Better in my case we spend all our money on projects and have a secret savings which they don't know about.

I go with Option No.1, that's me.

Being a married couple we share everything, yes Ems has her own account and i do too, we have a savings account that we both put in a set amount this is for our future ,

Ems works hard and has her little treats , she sends money to her father and like i have said she is torn, i know she would send more to everyone , she has been brainwashed into thinking she is the chosen one the one who did not marry till late in life or have children , so its down to her to help the family , what else should you do with your money, sort of thing,

Like i have said i dont mind helping when the time is needed but we are not here to work hard to help those who just think its there right to be able to ask while they just sit and watch the world go by ,

[chris49]

 

You said Ems is working previously. And Sis in Laws husband is an OFW? And it would appear Steve, that Sis in Law has out of control debts, that's why she asking? Maybe a contract worker on minimum salary. And you said in the other thread that you are doing ok with overseas trips now and then.

1. How does it involve you? Are you controlling Ems salary? So option No.1, Ems has the choice as to whether to cut from her salary an amount to send to her sister. Sure you might have to help Ems a little more, but that's your choice also.

2. Ems doesn't want to give? But she doesn't want to say no? Typical Filipina, they throw the hard decision back on us. Sit her down, I know she's educated, a nurse? And give her the hard line on Option No. 1.

3. I do consider also,the sister in Law has a remittance and she has some broad responsibilities also, so back to Option no 1.

4. As others will say. Just say no. Well you know what, we are not all like that and it is not so easy. Better in my case we spend all our money on projects and have a secret savings which they don't know about.

I go with Option No.1, that's me.

Being a married couple we share everything, yes Ems has her own account and i do too, we have a savings account that we both put in a set amount this is for our future ,

Ems works hard and has her little treats , she sends money to her father and like i have said she is torn, i know she would send more to everyone , she has been brainwashed into thinking she is the chosen one the one who did not marry till late in life or have children , so its down to her to help the family , what else should you do with your money, sort of thing,

Like i have said i dont mind helping when the time is needed but we are not here to work hard to help those who just think its there right to be able to ask while they just sit and watch the world go by ,

 

 

 

Your reply precludes any further answer because either jointly or individually you have decided not to give more assistance.

 

And you said  "we are not here to work hard etc..."

 

Sorry mate, you are controlling Ems to a point where she can't help her family more. Yet you ask here for advice?

 

My answer is Option No 1.  Since you are asking for advice, that's what I have to offer

[stevewool]

I dont think i am controlling Ems at all, but then again i am only telling you parts of my life, like i have said we both have accounts and we each have our own monies too,

We do talk about everything before we both decide what maybe the best road to travel on, but its never a no or a yes at first,

Whether its asking for advice or just talking out loud , it is always good to listen to others what they may add to this who may have traveled the road before you,

Again i thank you for taking you time to reply to this

[expatuk2014]

Coming from the UK like Steve I can understand his Situation. My wife joined me in the UK on August 2002.

she soon got a job and began to earn decent money, ( she actually ended up earning more than I was !! )

But we pooled our money together ( whats hers is hers and whats mine is hers  :lol: )

seriously though we sent money to her mom back in the Philippines as before we married she was the one who looked after her Mom

with help from her younger sister, which for me was no problem.

Then we started getting phone calls because her brother was taken ill and his family didnt want to know nor did his brothers

so we sent money again no problem !

Then it was money wanted by a nephew to go to College, and new clothes for others etc.

Thats when I heard my wife say " we are not rich and we are not a bank !! "

so from then on all we sent was money to her mother.

 

Then we actually retired to the Philippines it was almost every day she would have people asking for help for this and that and they all got the " NO !! "

 

Now then the thing that surprises me most about the families here is when somebody passes on or somebody is really ill

the older Brother passed away a while back, and it was distant relatives that would  visit and give money to help the family

his own family-sons-daughter-wife all suddenly pleaded poverty !!

So it was down to another brother in Dubai and my wife and her younger sister to cover the funeral expenses etc luckily he was well liked and we received a lot of money from his friends and work mates.

 

we have the same problem again as the mother is very ill, most of her Grandchildren( all have good jobs abroad-doctors-mining engineers and nurses  )  dont want to know and have not helped financially

so again its down to my wife-her brother in Dubai-and her younger sister. but we have received a lot of help from the wifes cousins and family in the US  !!

 

Families dont you just love em !!