Asking For Cash/help

[stevewool]

As for the hard option, I wonder how hard you guys really are in a real life situation? I know myself, I have to act really hard in front of Gina's family, most of the time. But I am not actually like that.

 

Its horrible having to say no and to mean it too , but there are times when you just have no choice, A little story here,

3 sisters get together lets build dads house and we all shall put in a third each, plans drawn up and costed too, 1.5 million peso,

Ok Ems are you all sure you can all do this , yes , my sisters and i have agreed 500,000 each, thats not enough Em Thats not enough to the sisters, dont worry Steve its fine you worry to much,

1  sister is a head nurse in Abu Dhabi  , other sister accountant in Manila, so do i worry Yes ,

And who has ended up paying for this build, YES US ,

But the cheeky sods was planning of running a business in the front of the house using 2 rooms, and they did not even tell Ems or me what they where doing,

Well when we did find out , the walls came tumbling down and Ems was not spoken too for over 6 months because of what i had done ,

You have to learn the hard way sometimes, and like many do say a big fat NO

Hay ho life goes on

[Gerald Glatt]

ome of the East Europeans, who have went to Sweden to begg, have better cars than I have h

 

What can you say..........it's a job.

[Jack Peterson]

You have to learn the hard way sometimes, and like many do say a big fat NO

 

 

 Steve my friend, you will excuse me I hope, for saying this but say it I must and I know others will be thinking it.

 

You have given us all the reasons to say No and yet, you are about to say yes again. Who's not learning here 

 

JP :tiphat:

[stevewool]

Jack i am sticking my ground on this one because i know the outcome if i say yes,

My poor ems will have to take this one all i can give is advice if she is asking for it, just like what many of you are giving me, i did try two more things last night to stop this , straight to the sister in law, saying stop, but she just ignored it, so its gone to her husband , Ems brother, so i am waiting on that,

If that upsets him or the rest of the family whos bothered i am not , like i have said they did not talk to Emma for months because I SAID NO the last time

I dont mind Ems helping out the people that she should,her dad and brother, and the usual stuff for the rest like emergencies , this is a on going battle of the fittest which i am going through and most probably many before and after me will too, 

Hey ho onwards and upwards they say

[stevewool]

Here is a thought, does it get worst or better once you have made the move from where you was living to the Phils, being so close does it make it harder to say no, or even asking face to face,

Some have said its hard to say NO, but with a smile and drink and looking into there eyes that must be tough,

[stevewool]

Steve my friend, you will excuse me I hope, for saying this but say it I must and I know others will be thinking it.

 

Jack, i am asking you and others just to listen and if there is any advice you can give i would take it all with thanks, many people here have a life time of help and advice , some times we try to talk to the wife or partner about problems but its good to listen to others who have gone through this before, and to listen to how they managed to sort things out,

Yes we are all different and the problems too, but there may be something i or others have not thought about and that little thing may help us understand before you say a big or a happy yes,

The east west mix is a great life but the culture ( we love all our family and support everyone) well yes they may love me, but its feeling like they all love my  support  too, just thinking that last bit out loud

[Jack Peterson]

Jack, i am asking you and others just to listen and if there is any advice you can give

Steve, many of us here are listening and hearing things that are not too good for your marriage or your contentment when you retire, Blood is thicker than water comes to mind.

 I have now 3 good friends that came around the same time as me, All 3 have now got failed relationships on their hands due to this sort of thing.

The Last 2 comments I made were not really mine but came from a lady I trust explicitly (my wife) who reads daily a lot of things and adds her view as a Filipino. My extended Family are now on the fringe because I made damned sure that only Emergencies (and your SIL's Emergencies seem to be self made and compounded by other things) will be dealt with, she is of the Opinion that you may well be being taken for a ride. Easy when you are in the UK you can turn the PC and Phones Off and not bother to answer the Landline.When you are here it is going to be the knocking at the door. Anyway, enough from me as I am not going to loose a Screen friendship over something really only you can sort out. :thumbsup:

 

Regards Jack 

[chris49]

Have to say Jack, indirectly back to you Steve, is having a wife who "handles" each situation is a big plus on our side, the OFW who is seen to be a soft touch.

I'm not addressing your case now Steve, I had my say. Would again footnote that Ems is working, most of our wives are not working full time.

Gina gets up around 5 AM, she has our daughter to get to day care by 7. Our one year old son will activate himself around that time. I will go out biking or wherever by 6, but I might do a turn of watching our son, 5-6 AM. Gina sweeps the surroundings, somewhere in there we both have coffee. She might start her laundry around the same time, getting back to it later. The school is 200 metres away but she uses the motorbike to save time.

Back from school, she has to feed her pigs. Her father helps out, cleaning the pen, but she's the main provider. Mother in law makes a token contribution, and Sis in Law comes over to help out, but definitely will stay for lunch. Gina then goes directly to the market most days, unless by agreement we are eating from the farm, the garden. Gina or Sis in law cooks the lunch, while Gina cleans the house, arranges the bed, probably nipping down in between to pick up our daughter. My contribution is on the level of zero, probably arriving home by lunch time, if I'm eating at home, or if by agreement eating along the way home. That will work out well on non market days and allows her to spend less.

Early lunch around 11. And soon after that Gina will resume her work. By that time to finish the load of washing and on from there. In short she works hard up to around 1 PM and if lucky gets a 2 hour nap 1-3 PM

She gets up and now will provide merienda followed by our dinner around 6. As now she just provided me with a full plate of fresh sushami, because meantime she has sent father in law down to the fisherman and if lucky we get something very cheap, like a full bucket of fish. Knowing her she will follow that up with a sinagang or maybe fried or grilled fish, solo for me.

Early evening she folds the clothes. The family does the minimum but usually they will wash the dishes and watch th kids if necessary. Father in law feed and cleans the pigs again, but Gina will be in attendance.

By 8 PM she settles the kids, and she herself will probably fall asleep by then.

She does this 7 days a week. But laundry is maybe 2 or 3 days.

So why do I mention all this? Because every now and then, not very often, there will be one of these difficult family conundrums.

So looking at everything she does, and weighing the family contributions, I cannot tell her no directly or automatically. Most of the time 80-90% I will go along with what she's asking, or if not we are going to discuss it. Repayment is not much of an option, but occasionally we will assign "work" in lieu of repayment.

It's not great having to pay out. But it's how I show my respect for her looking after me for 4 full years. Even on a bad day, I still get everything I want. The caveat is if I can't get the food I want at home, she gives me the freedom to go out here locally, or maybe just whip something up like scrambled eggs in an emergency. She allows me to drink beer but I don't much. Maybe 2 beers down at the local shop, no problem. More than 2 I will hear about it.

Steve. Nice topic too discuss really, just a shame there's no easy solution.

[stevewool]

Wow Chris that came from your heart well said mate

[stevewool]

 Anyway, enough from me as I am not going to loose a Screen friendship over something really only you can sort out. :thumbsup:

 

You are not going to get rid of me that easy Jack,

Thanks for you help