stevewool Posted August 12, 2015 Author Posted August 12, 2015 Just want to add this to all who have contributed to this thread, I think its all sorted , Brother in law has taken over and he has told Ems to forget all what his wife has said and he did not now, A BIG THANKYOU to all who have helped me through these last few days , :thumbsup: 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thomas Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Some have said its hard to say NO I have no problem saying No to bad behaving people.It's much harder to draw the line where to say Yes and No to REAL and very IMPORTANT needs as medical needs, but we can't help them all... :boohoo: So in general I try to make Help-to-self-help. WHEN/IF such functions, same amount of money can do more. i am asking you and others just to listen and if there is any advice you can give If you can stand the heat, you can REDUCE the hard pressure at your wife by doing as I have done with an ex and the gf I have now, who perhaps will become my wife:Tell her she can blame you :) tell her it's OK she say you don't let her say Yes. (But if I marry my gf, it will need to be adjusted some, deciding a policy when and to whom we say Yes, so she don't say I have said No to something, which I would have said Yes to to not be a j.ss.) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calasiaobound Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 I was recently asked for 5k from gfs parents. What upset me most about it is I recently paid major hospital bills for their daughter with absolutely no help from them, even though they claimed they would help pay,and or pay me back some of it. They also know the hospital bills left me in a pinch and things are so tight right now that even if I wanted to give it..there's no way I could've. I never have the guts to ask ppl for cash if I'm in need. I always work it out on my own. Dunno why its so easy for them to ask others. To me its kinda shameful. I see them wasting $$ on candy, alcohol, junkfood, load..kids internet cafe for fb and video games..yet they can't afford fish, clothes, or p250 for a cavity? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris49 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 (edited) I was recently asked for 5k from gfs parents. What upset me most about it is I recently paid major hospital bills for their daughter with absolutely no help from them, even though they claimed they would help pay,and or pay me back some of it. They also know the hospital bills left me in a pinch and things are so tight right now that even if I wanted to give it..there's no way I could've. I never have the guts to ask ppl for cash if I'm in need. I always work it out on my own. Dunno why its so easy for them to ask others. To me its kinda shameful. I see them wasting $$ on candy, alcohol, junkfood, load..kids internet cafe for fb and video games..yet they can't afford fish, clothes, or p250 for a cavity? You and Richie are 2 of the newer arrivals here, and both of you have been catching up quickly. The gift of cash is really a blanket across the board no, especially in your case. What did you put out? 100 k or near that for her surgery. I turn this back to your gf and ask her to handle this, and also see how she deals with it. The caveat, warning I would give, is that for a big amount like that, they are fishing to see how much you would give if you won't give 5k...they might be happy with 1000. I would not give that also because it puts them one up over you. It's a good test for your partner to see how she handles it. Edited August 13, 2015 by chris49 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calasiaobound Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 We're not giving any. The gf knows we can't afford it. As far as I know, the issue is done. But I get the sense my gf doesn't get why I was so bothered by them asking. I told her it offended me and tried to engage her but it didn't get very far... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris49 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 (edited) We're not giving any. The gf knows we can't afford it. As far as I know, the issue is done. But I get the sense my gf doesn't get why I was so bothered by them asking. I told her it offended me and tried to engage her but it didn't get very far... Cultural difference. It was enough she didn't push you further. Filipina will not further implicate their close relatives by condemning their actions. She doesn't want to admit they were wrong, so she's saving their face in front of you. So far it's working in your favor, but they will bring this back again with maybe a new reason. And gf will be placed in the same position. Here's a case where it would be 100% better to live further away, but as in my case it just doesn't work out. I reckon it takes 5 years to sort most of this out. In you case with the stuff that's happened to you so far, you are getting the accelerated course, 2-3 years. I am in my 10th year. Still trying to work out certain aspects of their behavior. Edited August 13, 2015 by chris49 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevewool Posted August 13, 2015 Author Posted August 13, 2015 Being married for 5 years and only seeing the family a few times all together , and another few more years before we make the move i recon with all the crap we are trying to sort from now till that date we should be fine , because by then the family wont be talking to me , YER RIGHT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thomas Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 I see them wasting $$ on candy, alcohol, junkfood, load..kids internet cafe for fb and video games.. That's GOOD for you, because it give you a good argument why they don't need your assistance regularly... :)(I find it ok they get some amusement, but I don't find it ok they spend any much at things, which make serious damage to their health, then they will need assistance to that too... :1 (103): 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calasiaobound Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Exactly. And I've said so before. In response to" mom can't come here cuz she don't have fare"..ha-ha..whilst inside I'm doing cartwheels over the "can't come here" part That's GOOD for you, because it give you a good argument why they don't need your assistance regularly 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve & Myrlita Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Exactly. And I've said so before. In response to" mom can't come here cuz she don't have fare"..ha-ha..whilst inside I'm doing cartwheels over the "can't come here" part Yeah!!!! Oh I mean too bad... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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