Did You Ever Have To Finally Decide?

[Coffeehound]

I'm starting to thing your multi national talent search is simply your unique expression of bipolar disorder my friend! Regards

I live in Mexico and have for the last 9 years. I am not on a "talent search" nor am I bipolar. My wife passed away after 5 years of marriage and only now am I coming to grips with how lonely I feel but I would rather be lonely than choose the wrong girl. Why do you make such remarks about a person you don't know?

El Negrito - I am truly sorry if you didn't take this as the friendly humor it was intended. We've talked about our mutual histories of losing a wife before, and there is no way I would ever intentionally throw salt in that kind of wound.

Regards

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[scott h]

Why do you make such remarks about a person you don't know?

 

With out body language, facial expressions and tone of voice sometimes it is very hard to express humor, especially dry or ironic humor through a key board. Rarely and I mean rarely is anything mean spirited posted by our members, and if someone starts they are not a member for long, JGF sees to that.

 

So if something strikes me a the wrong way, I take a breath and read it a couple of more times looking for a joke somewhere. Just MHO :cheersty:

[Jake]

 

 

I'm starting to thing your multi national talent search is simply your unique expression of bipolar disorder my friend! Regards

I live in Mexico and have for the last 9 years. I am not on a "talent search" nor am I bipolar. My wife passed away after 5 years of marriage and only now am I coming to grips with how lonely I feel but I would rather be lonely than choose the wrong girl. Why do you make such remarks about a person you don't know?

El Negrito - I am truly sorry if you didn't take this as the friendly humor it was intended. We've talked about our mutual histories of losing a wife before, and there is no way I would ever intentionally throw salt in that kind of wound.

Regards

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

Well.....I think a grope hug is in order here.  Thank you Scott for being a great moderator -- you deserve a pay raise from the Boss Man!

[El Negrito]

 

 

I'm starting to thing your multi national talent search is simply your unique expression of bipolar disorder my friend! Regards

I live in Mexico and have for the last 9 years. I am not on a "talent search" nor am I bipolar. My wife passed away after 5 years of marriage and only now am I coming to grips with how lonely I feel but I would rather be lonely than choose the wrong girl. Why do you make such remarks about a person you don't know?

El Negrito - I am truly sorry if you didn't take this as the friendly humor it was intended. We've talked about our mutual histories of losing a wife before, and there is no way I would ever intentionally throw salt in that kind of wound.

Regards

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

 

 

 

Why do you make such remarks about a person you don't know?

 

With out body language, facial expressions and tone of voice sometimes it is very hard to express humor, especially dry or ironic humor through a key board. Rarely and I mean rarely is anything mean spirited posted by our members, and if someone starts they are not a member for long, JGF sees to that.

 

So if something strikes me a the wrong way, I take a breath and read it a couple of more times looking for a joke somewhere. Just MHO :cheersty:

 

 

Yeah I was really tired and didn't realize the post was from you CH my friend. I also had a bad day and missed the dry humor in the post, not usual for me. Sorry all, it just hit me at the wrong time and place is all.

[stevewool]

it just hit me at the wrong time and place is all.

 

 

We all have been there,

[Coffeehound]

I'm starting to thing your multi national talent search is simply your unique expression of bipolar disorder my friend! Regards

I live in Mexico and have for the last 9 years. I am not on a "talent search" nor am I bipolar. My wife passed away after 5 years of marriage and only now am I coming to grips with how lonely I feel but I would rather be lonely than choose the wrong girl. Why do you make such remarks about a person you don't know?

El Negrito - I am truly sorry if you didn't take this as the friendly humor it was intended. We've talked about our mutual histories of losing a wife before, and there is no way I would ever intentionally throw salt in that kind of wound.

Regards

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Well.....I think a grope hug is in order here. Thank you Scott for being a great moderator -- you deserve a pay raise from the Boss Man!

Having once been a drunken sailor I can neither confirm or deny if there was a 'reach around' or any tongue action involved when El Negrito and I officially kissed and made up. Don't ask, don't tell as the younger generation says!

El Negrito - it's been more than 30 years since I lost my Maye and once in a while a tear will still hit me out of the blue. But I have to say that if it wasn't for my wife my life would have likely been miserable or even self terminated. We are social creatures by nature, and few of us were meant to be alone. That's why I openly encourage you to 'enjoy the hunt' - the other option of not being willing to take a chance simply sucks too much.

Not to beat a dead horse, but I hope you realize mood swings can be a sign of bipolar disorder... LMAO...

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[El Negrito]

 

it just hit me at the wrong time and place is all.

 

 

We all have been there,

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm starting to thing your multi national talent search is simply your unique expression of bipolar disorder my friend! Regards

I live in Mexico and have for the last 9 years. I am not on a "talent search" nor am I bipolar. My wife passed away after 5 years of marriage and only now am I coming to grips with how lonely I feel but I would rather be lonely than choose the wrong girl. Why do you make such remarks about a person you don't know?

El Negrito - I am truly sorry if you didn't take this as the friendly humor it was intended. We've talked about our mutual histories of losing a wife before, and there is no way I would ever intentionally throw salt in that kind of wound.

Regards

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Well.....I think a grope hug is in order here. Thank you Scott for being a great moderator -- you deserve a pay raise from the Boss Man!

Having once been a drunken sailor I can neither confirm or deny if there was a 'reach around' or any tongue action involved when El Negrito and I officially kissed and made up. Don't ask, don't tell as the younger generation says!

El Negrito - it's been more than 30 years since I lost my Maye and once in a while a tear will still hit me out of the blue. But I have to say that if it wasn't for my wife my life would have likely been miserable or even self terminated. We are social creatures by nature, and few of us were meant to be alone. That's why I openly encourage you to 'enjoy the hunt' - the other option of not being willing to take a chance simply sucks too much.

Not to beat a dead horse, but I hope you realize mood swings can be a sign of bipolar disorder... LMAO...

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

 

 

Thanks CH, I know you always mean well. Do you have Skype or something? I want to talk to you about a few things since we both lost our wives. I understand if that's not good for you, in that case maybe by PM.

[Jack Peterson]

Thanks CH, I know you always mean well. Do you have Skype or something? I want to talk to you about a few things since we both lost our wives. I understand if that's not good for you, in that case maybe by PM.

 

 

Whilst I have never lost a wife, I wonder if repeating things over and over about the past will give anyone enough thinking space for the Future, I say this because we all have to move on, I know that I could have had many conversations about my Divorce and it would change nothing of Tomorrow, Grief is felt by all in many Different ways and yes it is important to talk but when has the Past and Future been really a Good Positive in our thinking when combined in the same conversation?

If we are ready to move on then memories of a Loved one should be held as Memories. Said with tongue in cheek maybe but my Father said it all when My Mother passed on and he was left with 4 Children in Teens " There is no Future in the past."  Kids, we got to live for Today, Think for Tomorrow but do what she would have wanted and that is not Mope. 

I have no wish to upset anyone but we have to be realistic, If we are Ready to move on and it sounds like you are then I just don't see the point in remaining in the past.

 

JMHO 

 

JP :)

[El Negrito]

 

Thanks CH, I know you always mean well. Do you have Skype or something? I want to talk to you about a few things since we both lost our wives. I understand if that's not good for you, in that case maybe by PM.

 

 

Whilst I have never lost a wife, I wonder if repeating things over and over about the past will give anyone enough thinking space for the Future, I say this because we all have to move on, I know that I could have had many conversations about my Divorce and it would change nothing of Tomorrow, Grief is felt by all in many Different ways and yes it is important to talk but when has the Past and Future been really a Good Positive in our thinking when combined in the same conversation?

If we are ready to move on then memories of a Loved one should be held as Memories. Said with tongue in cheek maybe but my Father said it all when My Mother passed on and he was left with 4 Children in Teens " There is no Future in the past."  Kids, we got to live for Today, Think for Tomorrow but do what she would have wanted and that is not Mope. 

I have no wish to upset anyone but we have to be realistic, If we are Ready to move on and it sounds like you are then I just don't see the point in remaining in the past.

 

JMHO 

 

JP :)

 

 

I say this very respectfully JP, the passing of a spouse is MUCH MUCH worse than a divorce, I can speak from experience in having been through both. The passing of a spouse is much more painful and something you will never forget. With divorce there is at least the knowledge that the other party is OK, alive and well, but with the passing of a spouse things are so final and there is nothing you can do to make them OK again. You can be ready to move on but still affected by someones passing.

 

Like many experiences in life some things stick with you, death of a loved one, abuse, being in a war, and many other things. It is similar to many joys in life that stick with you, for example, the first time you held hands with with a girl, your first kiss, having a child etc.

 

It really does help to talk about it and specifically talking about it does help you to move on. The talking about it get's less frequent with time but it will always be there, especially with those that knew your spouse or have shared your experience. I do agree with you in once sense, it doesn't help to talk about it with a new love interest, unless they ask of course and even then tread lightly.

 

All that said JP I still understand the gist of your post and yes there is no future in the past and we must look ahead. Thoughts like that helped me move past me being physically ill at even the thought of being with another woman to wanting to possibly make a future with someone else now. Thank you for your insightful words and sharing your experience.

[Coffeehound]

Thanks CH, I know you always mean well. Do you have Skype or something? I want to talk to you about a few things since we both lost our wives. I understand if that's not good for you, in that case maybe by PM.

Whilst I have never lost a wife, I wonder if repeating things over and over about the past will give anyone enough thinking space for the Future, I say this because we all have to move on, I know that I could have had many conversations about my Divorce and it would change nothing of Tomorrow, Grief is felt by all in many Different ways and yes it is important to talk but when has the Past and Future been really a Good Positive in our thinking when combined in the same conversation?

If we are ready to move on then memories of a Loved one should be held as Memories. Said with tongue in cheek maybe but my Father said it all when My Mother passed on and he was left with 4 Children in Teens " There is no Future in the past." Kids, we got to live for Today, Think for Tomorrow but do what she would have wanted and that is not Mope.

I have no wish to upset anyone but we have to be realistic, If we are Ready to move on and it sounds like you are then I just don't see the point in remaining in the past.

JMHO

JP :)

I say this very respectfully JP, the passing of a spouse is MUCH MUCH worse than a divorce, I can speak from experience in having been through both. The passing of a spouse is much more painful and something you will never forget. With divorce there is at least the knowledge that the other party is OK, alive and well, but with the passing of a spouse things are so final and there is nothing you can do to make them OK again. You can be ready to move on but still affected by someones passing.

Like many experiences in life some things stick with you, death of a loved one, abuse, being in a war, and many other things. It is similar to many joys in life that stick with you, for example, the first time you held hands with with a girl, your first kiss, having a child etc.

It really does help to talk about it and specifically talking about it does help you to move on. The talking about it get's less frequent with time but it will always be there, especially with those that knew your spouse or have shared your experience. I do agree with you in once sense, it doesn't help to talk about it with a new love interest, unless they ask of course and even then tread lightly.

All that said JP I still understand the gist of your post and yes there is no future in the past and we must look ahead. Thoughts like that helped me move past me being physically ill at even the thought of being with another woman to wanting to possibly make a future with someone else now. Thank you for your insightful words and sharing your experience.

The real question here, one that you may likely not even be able to consciously sort out, is are you ready to move forward? I never put much thought into it, fate and instinct simply let me know when it was time.

Our responses to loss where much different though. I went down the rabbit hole so to speak. Lived in the moment, enjoyed dressing all GQ and driving a Lotus. Steady stream of misses tonight (and maybe as long as next Tuesday but don't push it). Went through hundreds of girls, many times not even really bothering to learn their name because I frankly didn't give a crap about them or myself.

My world instantly changed the moment I met my wife, and have not even thought of looking at another all these years. I was ready to move forward, and when you are you'll know it because your instinct will take over.

That's why I say enjoy the hunt. You don't have to be the full scale hedonistic pig I was - but dinner out, movie, visit to a park, comedy club etc goes so much better with company. As you know there is no perfect person, but that's OK because since love must by definition be unconditional it will work itself out.

Regards

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