The Older Older Man

[Maxheadspace]

When my younger brother was 42 he hooked up with a very cute 20 year old American girl, not even drinking age. Our mom was upset, but I thought it rather humorous. I warned him that after four or five years she's going to start looking for someone around her age. Sure enough, right at the four year mark she gave him the "need to be with people my own age" speech and dumped him. So I was a bit doubtful when first dating Filipinas, but came to realize there is quite a cultural difference. Nonetheless, I think the six year age difference between my wife and I is just about right. I cannot imagine a better wife for me. I always tell her she's stuck with me for life.

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[frosty (chris)]

 

For example, the topic Can an X bar girl make a good wife (Jan 2009, 18 pages, now closed) was my first deep thought about understanding desperate people forced to do desperate things. I guess that can be applied to the lonely expat as well.

Would like to read that. I suspect that ex bar girls married to foreigners are extremely rare, because neither the husband nor the wife will want to tell anyone that (a) the husband visited girlie bars or (b) the wife worked in one.

 

One of the better run expat bars I go to occasionally is owned by an ex bar girl, how do I know she told me. She is married to an older guy, they have 2 children together, seem happy, on a scale of 10, looks she would be 9, personality 11. She is a very hard working, very likable lady that has dragged herself up and is not one bit ashamed of herself or her past, as she told me one day, she did what she had to do.

[Thomas]

I suspect that ex bar girls married to foreigners are extremely rare

Don't you mean "ex bar girls STAY married to foreigners are extremely rare"   ?   :)   specialy if they settle in North America or Europe so they get more "fish" available.

[Methersgate]

 

I suspect that ex bar girls married to foreigners are extremely rare

Don't you mean "ex bar girls STAY married to foreigners are extremely rare"   ?   :)   specialy if they settle in North America or Europe so they get more "fish" available.

 

 

No, I don't!

What I mean is that very many ex bar girls are happily married to foreigners, but very few of them, or their husbands, will tell you so, because of what some people will think and perhaps say...

 

Until the rise of Internet dating, the easiest way for a Filipina to meet foreigners was to work in a bar that foreigners went to. Even now I think that the possibility of meeting a nice foreigner with a view to marriage is a factor in a girl's decision to work in a bar.

 

Bars are not all the same. There are karaoke lounges with hostesses where nothing much goes on at all - no bar fines, not much more than flirting as you might do with a barmaid in an English pub. There are other karoke lounges where a hand job is the order of the day. Same with bikini bars - you can easily find a virgin GRO, who is only there for the lady drinks and never agrees to an "early work release".  At the other extreme, there is - the other extreme.

 

Same with "Jappayukis" - I know the wife of a friend who did nothing more shocking in her time in Roppongi that to light a patron's cigarette, for six months - she says she had a lovely time. 

 

Edited October 6, 2015 by Methersgate

[chris49]

Same with "Jappayukis" - I know the wife of a friend who did nothing more shocking in her time in Roppongi that to light a patron's cigarette - she says she had a lovely time. 

 

I actually dated one and knew 2-3 more. Generally speaking they did more than light cigarettes, and me, I don't smoke. Since the girls have extensive training before going to Japan (Japanese entertainer visas are banned since 2008-09), they were quite good at what they did. Many of them maintain quite nice houses in the Philippines, the earnings were quite good in days gone by,

 

As for GRO's, waitresses and in general girls who work in bars, I would not put on any labels. One point against however is a girl wrking in that industry has to use a lot of beauty enhancement, make up and etc, and their looks might not hold up in cold daylight.

 

I agree 100% with the rest of your comment Meth.

 

Meeting girls in bars probably applies more to new arrivals. And maybe getting deeply into a relationship and even marrying the girl without looking further. Those of us who have been here a while could probably easily meet girls elsewhere.

[Methersgate]

I know a young lady who worked for four years in a bar in P Burgos Street, where, owing to her intelligence and command of several languages, she was the life and soul of the party - the most popular girl in the place.

 

Her routine was always the same - the bar, then home for 3 or 4 hours sleep, then University, then helping her mother with the vegetable stall, then 2 hours sleep then the bar again. Never "bar fined" and says she is still a virgin today - but today she works as an accountant in Makati City Hall.    

[BobP]

Well Jack, on that point I do agree.

But I am answering the question which is hidden somewhere in Steve's OP.

Fast aging old guy in the UK, his wife is now lonely. Is that something she is going to tolerate over the long term. My self I don't know, but the leaning of the question suggests she is already unhappy.

Now me at 65. And let's jump ahead to when I'm 85. Gina will be 45, the kids might have moved on by then.Actually I am not sure how it will play out. Who does know?

There are probably no case histories here on the forum. But there must be some anecdotal evidence somewhere?

Is that what you want Steve? Case histories?

I have about 3 where the guy has died leaving some considerable resources to the wife.Mostly property. I assume there is some kind of trade off there. She gives loving care and he leaves her some kind of legacy.

Chris,

Your age difference is exactly the same mine would be if I choose to divorce and go meet my wonderful "ladyfriend" in Phil.  I will be 62 in March 2016 and she turns 22 on Nov.8 of this year.  I have thought about many things in trying to wrestle with this decision.  My 2nd marriage has been ok.  I am the cuddler, toucher, tell her I love her and she is much more stoic.  I know she loves me and I love her, but our marriage is just kind of "there."  We have been married 7 years. I met this wonderful, beautiful, sexy filipina online on a "cam sight."  I know.  I see everyone's eyebrows go up and alarm bells go off!  These women are trash, sleezy and run like crazy from them.  I shouldn't say "I know" because I don't know what your opinion may be.  All I know is that when I saw this woman for the first time with her clothes on, she knocked my socks off!  Her smile lit up the world!  And, I have only grown more fond of her in the 6 or so months that I have been chatting with her online.

I have thought about the future and what it would hold for us.  I am getting older and she would most likely be my caretaker.  Is that selfish of me?  She is a grown woman and should be able to look into the future and foresee what will happen.  Right?  Not necessarily.  The other side of the coin is that we both "love" each other and want to be together.  I feel love for her and she does for me.  But, I certainly realize that love is more than seeing a beautiful woman online.

I am thinking very seriously about a separation or divorce, so that I can visit Phil.  I cannot get this woman out of my mind.

Sorry to get off subject and sorry I rambled on, but it felt good talking about it.

 

Chris, I would love to hear your comments concerning your relationship.  Do the two of you have any problems that could be  directly attributed to age?  Please offer any advice or comments that you wish.  I am all ears!

 

Hope I haven't put too many of you to sleep out there.  

 

This is a great forum and seems to be a great bunch of guys!  Glad I found you!

 

Thank you.

BobP

Smyrna, GA

:attention:

[Dave Hounddriver]

any problems that could be  directly attributed to age?

 

Don't even start to compare age gap problems with choice of partner problems. King Willem III and Queen Emma of Netherlands had a wonderful relationship despite an age gap of 41 years but if he had married a cam girl it would have been a different story and NOT related to age gap.  Think with the right head.

[BobP]

 

any problems that could be  directly attributed to age?

 

Don't even start to compare age gap problems with choice of partner problems. King Willem III and Queen Emma of Netherlands had a wonderful relationship despite an age gap of 41 years but if he had married a cam girl it would have been a different story and NOT related to age gap.  Think with the right head.

 

Thank you for your comment Dave.  I appreciate any comments/advice anyone may offer.  I just want to be clear what you are saying.  Are you saying that being with a cam girl automatically spells trouble?  I fully get the "think with the right head."  I think there are "good" cam girls out there just like there are "good" bar girls, etc.  Maybe I am totally misreading your comment.  

Thank you.

BobP

[Dave Hounddriver]

Are you saying that being with a cam girl automatically spells trouble?

 

Let me put it another way, because I don't want to insult your choice of partner.

 

If you are speeding down the road and you see a flashing red light and a guy with a whistle holding up a stop sign but you are in a crazy rush to get to the chapel where your hot girlfriend is waiting to marry you, would you stop and make a rational decision, based on what the red light and the guy with the stop sign is telling you?  Or would you rush headlong to the chapel?

 

The analogy means you may make it down that road just fine but all the warnings are there telling you to stop.  Up to you if you listen but the guy with the stop sign is going to yell at you if you fly by him without paying attention.